Shakazulu

Childhood Trauma/ Sexual Abuse

52 posts in this topic

On a pickup related note, are you field reporting?


Be-Do-Have

Made it out the inner hood

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@Ulax I’ve done some of it in the past. I should do more of it for sure. Today I’m finishing all the worksheets from the Living Legacy of Trauma booklet 

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@Shakazulu Nice one re reports.

And great re workbook!


Be-Do-Have

Made it out the inner hood

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@Raze How do you source videos that are so specific to certain problems people have on the forum? Do you have a common place journal which you save videos and search them up later on?

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On 8/17/2022 at 10:06 AM, Shakazulu said:

After five years of personal development and awakening, I realize how much me being sexually abused as a child is destroying my romantic relationships today. Me being sexually abused makes me needy in my romantic relationships now. Part of my neediness is because I went the first 21 years of my life with a string of terrible experiences with woman and attraction because I never acknowledged that I was sexually abused as a child. Its like having a virus on your computer without ever knowing it’s there. I was too young to process it. I don’t even know what to do anymore… I’ve worked with professional dating experts, I’ve worked with a healer, after highschool I didn’t go to college so I can focus on my life purpose/personal development, I cut off my toxic friends, I’ve taken 5meo several times, I’ve taken psychedelics, I’ve read over 100 books, I’ve received mentoring, i practice yoga, meditation , mantras etc. I’ve invested my money, I’ve invested my energy, I’ve invested my time and im still treated by woman like im nothing. 

Find someone like you  . 

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@Shakazulu Hope the workbook has been going well :).

If you found value in it and would like to explore the author's work in more detail, I'd recommend the following title:

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Fragmented-Selves-Trauma-Survivors/dp/B07RHQ9GFZ

(I'd check out the appendix relatively early into reading the above book, if you decide to do so. I think there's some real gold there.)


Be-Do-Have

Made it out the inner hood

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@Ulax thank you so much! I completed the audiobook and all the worksheets. 
here are the main notes I took from the book: 

Four traumatic symptoms that helped me survive was: 

Shame and worthlessness 

Numbing 

Self destructive behaviour 

Anxiety, panic attacks

when I’m triggered: 

- wanting to smoke weed  

- Hating myself 

- Hating others 

- Feeling rage 

- Feeling overwhelming shame

Traumatic Attachment Patterns: 

- worrying she doesn’t love me 

- fear of being abandoned 

- fear of being cheated on 

- worrying I’m not good enough 

- wanting to distance myself when I get too close 

- feeling unlovable 

- can’t bear being alone/ apart 

 

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@Shakazulu Sounds like valuable work to me!


Be-Do-Have

Made it out the inner hood

There is no failure, only feedback

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