Thought Art

What Now if I've screwed away my chance at being successful?

34 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

So, perhaps I realize today that since I am already 26, I am broke and will spend the next two years working two jobs unrelated to my passions or interests... That my life is pretty well over. Well, my life in terms of music or art. I can still enjoy it as a hobby... But, without being able to make it a career I just have to let it go I guess.

So, what now? I've been contemplating it. Besides blaming and cursing God for the rest of my life for creating my dumb ass. I think I can only do the following.

1. Focus on my financial health by studying books, saving, paying off debt and getting a healthy savings

2. Focus on my mental health

3. Build healthier relationships by dating, reading books and taking courses

4. Practice deeper and deeper states of surrender and acceptance

5. Focus on tripping on weekends for deeper spiritual insights.

6. Focus on over all health by eating well, sleeping well, and relaxing in when I am not at work

7. Embracing a boring, mediocre life realizing my dreams were crushed by my own stupidity and Gods love for just letting people suffer

8. Focus on reading as much as I can in my free time

9. Maybe go back to school and become a CPA so I can make six figures

10. Maybe create an online Qigong followering (but I don't find Qigong as creative as music)

Basically, the only thing to do is make peace with how shit reality is. Then, maybe it wont be so shit. Maybe from that shit I can create a happier life can I ever thought possible? I just, I wish I could in a band like Arcadefire and experience the rush of that sound and that success. But, I feel like I fucked it all up. 

So, I am going to focus on security, relationships and deeper relaxation and states of health and surrender. I guess, it's like a living suicide. Work on my unconditional happiness. The path of surrender (while still making constructive life decisions) is the only thing that makes sense. Life does not give a fuck about me. So, I just gotta do what I can with what I have.

Edited by Thought Art

"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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I'd personally prioritise number 2


"Faith begins as an experiment and ends in an experience." - William Ralph Inge

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate" - Carl Jung

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do" - Jesus Christ

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@Ulax My mental health is fine. I am just going through grief of realizing my shit my life is now that I can't actualize my life purpose. 


"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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@Thought Art Oh, I assumed from its inclusion in your post it wasn't in a good place, generally


"Faith begins as an experiment and ends in an experience." - William Ralph Inge

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate" - Carl Jung

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do" - Jesus Christ

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Posted (edited)

@Ulax No, lately I've been pretty fine. I haven't felt depressed, or really that stressed at all that past month and a half. But, now that I am looking at my life and it's really dawning on me that... God has nothing planned for me. It doesn't care if I live or die, if I succeed for fail. It gave me freedom and a short life span and an aging process. You can't go back. This is it. You didn't invest well in your youth? Too bad.

I just, existentially wanted to be an artist. Thats what I like most about reality. So, the thing I find most fascinating feels like it's been ripped from my hands.

Edited by Thought Art

"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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49 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

@Ulax No, lately I've been pretty fine. I haven't felt depressed, or really that stressed at all that past month and a half. But, now that I am looking at my life and it's really dawning on me that... God has nothing planned for me. It doesn't care if I live or die, if I succeed for fail. It gave me freedom and a short life span and an aging process. You can't go back. This is it. You didn't invest well in your youth? Too bad.

I just, existentially wanted to be an artist. Thats what I like most about reality. So, the thing I find most fascinating feels like it's been ripped from my hands.

You are 26....you have plenty of time. Your 20's the time period you can make mistakes you are talking like you are 35 or 40!! Make music post it on youtube, ask people on the forums who like your music to comment or post likes. Do it for the love of the music and be amazed and what might happen.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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45 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

So, perhaps I realize today that since I am already 26 ( ... ) That my life is pretty well over.

Ummmm WHAT lol

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will spend the next two years working two jobs unrelated to my passions or interests

Did you sign a contract? How are you already locked into 2 jobs for the next 2 years?

46 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

Well, my life in terms of music or art. I can still enjoy it as a hobby... But, without being able to make it a career I just have to let it go I guess.

I'm 35 and I'm planning to make a synthwave album with no previous music experience, learn 3D modelling, and earn money from both within the next few years. Plus create a standup comedy routine, grow my own food, and run a podcast... plus my main income source (writing) on top of that.

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Besides blaming and cursing God for the rest of my life for creating my dumb ass.

7. Embracing a boring, mediocre life realizing my dreams were crushed by my own stupidity and Gods love for just letting people suffer

Jesus, hyperbole much? You still have more than half your life ahead of you. I would give up anything to get 9 years of my life back and be 26 again.

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9. Maybe go back to school and become a CPA so I can make six figures

Do you have a degree in accounting already? Of all the things you could choose, why would you choose boring-ass accounting.

A junior accountant only makes $50k. The average CPA in many states like Pennsylvania and Florida are less than $80k. Those where the average wage is $100k+ are places like New York where you're also paying out the ass in rent.

To make 6 figures you need to be an above-average CPA. Do you think you're passionate about bookkeeping to be an above-average CPA for the rest of your life?

Making a career out of music or art is several times easier and faster than passing the CPA final exam.

 

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10. Maybe create an online Qigong followering (but I don't find Qigong as creative as music)

Maybe accounting maybe qigong and both seem like equally valid options to you? If your life purpose is music, why are you settling or considering accepting anything else?

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I wish I could in a band like Arcadefire

A band with more former members than current members... only 1 of them has been there since inception... I have a feeling it's not all as glamorous and romantic as you imagine.

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1 hour ago, Thought Art said:

experience the rush of that sound and that success.

You can start calling around to coffee shops and bars and start getting that feeling on a small scale right now. It's not a sold-out arena, but you gotta start somewhere. Maybe they'll even pay you or give you a free meal for it.

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1 minute ago, Razard86 said:

You are 26....you have plenty of time. Your 20's the time period you can make mistakes you are talking like you are 35 or 40!! Make music post it on youtube, ask people on the forums who like your music to comment or post likes. Do it for the love of the music and be amazed and what might happen.

Thank you. This is true. 

Right now, I am focusing on falling in love with accounting. Money is the real thing I am missing. Once I have money, I can do all the things... courses, coaching, therapy, substances, dating, buy music equipment and travel to gigs... So, I am slaving myself for 2 years to become completely debt free and save 15k. I may do music on weekends. But, likely I'll be preparing for my two jobs.

I guess, I am just going through a greiving process. The TInnitus... the money. Eh.


"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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Posted (edited)

@Yarco You make a lot of good points. How will you manage doing all those things? That is impressive. 

I have a diploma in accounting and payroll I got during Covid. I am interviewing for a job that pays 45k and then wednesday one that pays 50-60k. So, I will do okay. But, I am getting a second job to KILL MY DEBT. I am waging war on my debt because it's 9% over healthy levels accounting to the personal finance books I've been devouring the last 3 days. Plus, I decided I want rid myself of all my debt so my net income is mine. 

1 year working two jobs I can kill my high interest debt, the second year it to kill the student loan. The second year I am still contemplating.. 1 year two jobs for sure. 2 Years is a long time.. Then, I will be 28 years old and debt free, 15k saved. I am setting that as my birth date. 

And the Arcadefire Graph... The early members were quitting the band and stuff because before 2005 they weren't making any money. Organizing people and having them see your vision is hard. Of course Win Butler has been there the longest he is the visionary for the group. The rest, are the talent! lol They played lots of shows for like 4 or 5 years before their sound matured enough to be able to play large shows. That charge doesn't even have all the 'member's because they usually tour with a massive band and back up musicians, Haitian drummers etc.  They seem to be a healthy family of people. Husband, wife and brother and friends. They've been around for more than 15 years and played at a high level with a massive group of people. Thats basically unheard of... edit: Sarah Neufield still plays live with them in 2022...

I really suck at managing people though. I have to work on that. Not sure if my band it dead or whats going on after this last festival didn't work out. 

I get annoyed because I know that if I was younger with the knowledge I have now... I could start again without tinnitus and ensure I didn't get it. I could keep my network healthier, I could invest more in developing a healthy character etc.

I just wish I had the life purpose course in highschool. 

Edited by Thought Art

"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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I took accounting because I thought it was the best general skillset for everything else. Understanding money and business would allow me to build everything else.... this marketing course... though likely may not bring financial return has taught me a lot about online marketing, sales funnels and good or bad financial decisions.


"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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You don't have to justify that right now you need more money, it doesn't even have to be your "life purpose" right now. Nothing wrong with just getting the practical side of things handled so you're not in constant anxiety about it before you pursue the more spiritual sides.. 


Truth is love. Truth is beauty. Every frame is a painting. ❣ Nothing but love.

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@puporing Yeah, good point. I’m going through interviews right now. Had one this morning I think I did ‘okay’ don’t know if I’ll get the job or not. Going to study and focus for the interview tomorrow. 


"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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@universe My initial statement from the life purpose course was "To ignite the spirit of humanity to self actualize via music"


"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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Posted (edited)

You're way over-intellectualizing it.

Get clear on what you want, stop the mental masturbation, and go kick ass in music or whatever you like.

Edited by UnbornTao

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Posted (edited)

20 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

You're way over-intellectualizing it.

Get clear on what you want, stop the mental masturbation, and go kick ass in music or whatever you like.

Pretty much this dude. You actually have a lot of good stuff here. Simply the fact that you are here, thinking long-term, seeing the benefits of investing in your financial, physical, and mental health early on... this is good stuff. 26 is still super young. If you're genuinely worried about having wasted time, what not to do would be to stall out in some sort of depressive state and continue to waste the time that you do have. Don't let these games the ego plays get the better of you. Rewatch Leo's how to be decisive video and start from there. You have a lot of quality time and energy ahead of you, and you're already starting to focus on the right things. Just begin the work necessary to move onto where you wanna be and don't stall out in some sort of depression. You can do this.

Edited by thepixelmonk

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You’re being dramatic bro. Go take a piece of mushrooms, remember god is always there for you, it’s you who left god. Give EVERYTHING to your work, nothing held back, if you already perceive your life as over what have you got to lose? Fucking send it as an artist till the bitter fucking end. I’d bet my whole bank (like 200$ Rn) that you make it. Love ya bro

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16 hours ago, Thought Art said:

@universe My initial statement from the life purpose course was "To ignite the spirit of humanity to self actualize via music"

That seems a little broad for me. And as such it could be an overwhelming task. When you narrow it down, like which part of humanity can you reach best and what is it you want them to actualize first, the task can become easier. 

There are many areas we can achieve Growth in order to self-actualize, is there an area you want to focus on?

When you have a narrower picture of your LP you will experience small wins down the road. Which will help you keep track and achieve your bigger vision.

 

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Posted (edited)

@universe Thank you, I will revisit my Me sheet. I did the course a few years ago now. I'm due for a review.

I think my training in Qigong is related to my music now. I think I may be more clear on what I want them to actualize now. It may take some time to hone it down. 

Edited by Thought Art

"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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@Thought Art When I was injured at age 25 and couldn't make music any more, I pretty much thought my musical life was over. I was dramatizing that shit way too much :D . When I started again at age 27 I had the feeling I was to old to make it, but that was not the case. 

Sort out your finances, find a job that pais the bills, and chip away at your art. Great things can happen!

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