patricknotstar

girlfriend going to miami with her friends

28 posts in this topic

Is this too far. I mean we are long distance but I trust her however this feels wrong even though she tells me there is nothing to worry about. Should I just end it or am I overthinking things, she is perfect in every way but this gets to me tbh

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The truth is you have zero control over what she may or may not do.

But you do have control over yourself and how you choose to feel about it. You have an opportunity here to show her that you trust her but not making her feel guilty, and show strength that you don't care if you're not there because you aren't insecure.


OCEAN MAN TAKE ME BY THE LAND LEAD ME TO THE LAND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcaPiiFZu2o&ab_channel=Ween-Topic

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42 minutes ago, Roy said:

The truth is you have zero control over what she may or may not do.

But you do have control over yourself and how you choose to feel about it. You have an opportunity here to show her that you trust her but not making her feel guilty, and show strength that you don't care if you're not there because you aren't insecure.

Who is Ocean man?

Also I agree you don't have control. If she cheats better to find out early versus later on. If she doesn't she will love the fact you trusted her. Either way you never have any control over someone, not completely at least but you do have partial control which is called influence. The more someone trusts you the more influence you have, and if that trust is combined with respect it will be almost like having a slave. 

So seek to grow in trust and influence while using that power for good.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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Posted (edited)

What's the strength of your relationship like? Is this communcatable with her? Conscious communication is key here

You could even bring this up to her... bb I know I trust you and ur faithful but I can't get this feeling out of my stomach about Miami... 

And she goes (kind and compassionately).. awwe bb I hear u dw. There's nothing bad going to happen etc. Etc. I'll even do X For you to keep you comfortable 

If she ain't do the latter trash that bitch!! (Jk but maybe not lol) 

Edited by Jacob Morres

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You're being way too insecure.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Posted (edited)

5 hours ago, patricknotstar said:

[...] I trust her [...] 

If it wasn't obvious to you already, I'm sorry to say, no, you do not. 

To say the words because "we should" have trust is completely pointless.

Not trusting isn't something to be ashamed of. It is just a fact, and recognizing thta fact is a cue to become deliberate about working on building trust. 

If you really did trust her, you would not have entertained this idea, but deeply know that it is not a problem. 

Ask yourself;

Do you have valid reasons not to trust her, i.e. she has proven herself not trustworthy?

Or, does this live in your insecurities?

Make this about you, not her, and see it as a personal growth opportunity.

Deliberately let her leave showing full confidence in her.

Showing that you don't trust breaks her trust in you. It would actually push her away, not attract her towards you, creating a stronger, trust based bond. 

Introspect and fully feel into what you feel in this process; as she's leaving, while she's gone and when she comes back. 

What thoughts and feelings are coming up for you throughout (before, during, after) that process?

What needs to change, in you, to be able to have trust, and to address building the trust that is missing, between the two of you.

Trust isn't about being navie, and choosing to be blind to whatever might be there, it goes both ways, and it's something that is built, it's not served on a silver platter.

Feeling psychological safety is  product of that process. Feeling safe, you in your mind, and her in hers

Trust exists between the two of you, and it needs to go both ways. 

Building this starts with you, so can you support that process actively/deliberately making this something that helps you grow as a person? 

Edited by Eph75

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2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You're being way too insecure.

You said you wouldn't let your GF go to vegas. Is Miami much different ? 


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1 hour ago, mmKay said:

You said you wouldn't let your GF go to vegas. Is Miami much different ? 

I wasn't being serious.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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The fact is you can't controll her actions. What you can controll is how you feel about this whole situation.

You need to come to a point where you are completely ok with her leaving you. Letting go is key.

If this situation doesn't escalate in you doing or saying things that will show her that you are being insecure and needy, another situation will pop up in the future and she will run away nevertheless. If she doesn't run away, than she has a lot of stuff to deal with herself. The most toxic relationships are the ones were both are feeling unworthy and constantly projecting these feelings onto each other.

 

 

 


"I should've been a statistic, but decided to go against all odds instead. What if?" - David Goggins.

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Posted (edited)

  1. Break up.
  2. Forget about her.
  3. Find someone else.
  4. Never do long distance again.
  5. Ever.
Edited by Gesundheit2

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You could also choose to see this as an incredible opportunity to develop your relationship and, in general, learn about how to connect with someone independently from physical contact. Love is so big, it can go all the way to Miami and back an infinite amount of time if you open your heart to it. 

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39 minutes ago, Aleister Crowleyy said:

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Leo makes 3 dating videos and now we get this.

A person is asking for advise regarding his personal issues on a personal development forum, how funny, ahaha 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Let me laugh at him for how stupid he and his issues are 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

After all I am much smarter than that, I have all my life figured out, what a looser, lol 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

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11 hours ago, patricknotstar said:

Is this too far. I mean we are long distance but I trust her however this feels wrong even though she tells me there is nothing to worry about. Should I just end it or am I overthinking things, she is perfect in every way but this gets to me tbh

Too far where?

She's just living her life. Do you want her to close off and not live her life anymore because she's in a relationship with you?

Besides that, you can't control what she does there. But it's up to you to be like "What is mine and what is meant to me, will never leave me. If something or someone leaves, it means we were not meant to be." Have that attitude. I get the attachment thing. But the quote above is so much more powerful and it give you a sense of peace. 

Best of luck.

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@patricknotstar I think you should listen to yourself to decide what is the right thing to do in this situation.

- Do you think that you not trusting her is just your own insecurity or is there a reason behind it? Try to get more clarity about that. As  @Eph75 said, you don't own your trust to anyone, trust has to be build and earned. Did she earn your trust? Maybe she did and you are just insecure because of your own issue or maybe she didn't


- Also try to get clear about what you are afraid of exactly. That she cheats on you? Lets say that she does, why are you afraid of that? How is ordinary breakup different from breakup because of cheating? If you think about it, the end result is the same, so what's the difference? Why would you rather breakup with her now vs after her cheating on you, just so that you can avoid dealing with that situation? I don't say that your fear is wrong but I think that it is an interesting question to contemplate.

Personally, I think that the best thing to do would be to let her go to Miami and then to get this worry and relationship out of your head for a while by focusing on yourself. I think the main issue here is that you are shifting the responsibility for your happiness in life onto her, on her life decisions, on whether she is faithful to your or not. Why would you want to do that? It's her life, she didn't sign any cotracts before birth, so she has a right to live it in any way she wants and so does everyone else, including you. If she wants to live a life of cheating, that's her choice, that's not for you to decide and it also says nothing about you or your worth.

So don't make your happiness depend on that. I am not sure if it's from Leo's life purpose course or somewhere else, but I remember that in some video he said that relationships can't be your top value in life because you shouldn't ground your on something so unstable and out of control. Instead you should ground it in your life purpose, personal development, spirituality, contribution and other higher consciousness values like that.

Ideally, I think that you want to achieve a state of mind where you are totally secure and are willing to accept whatever the universe throws at you. If she stays faithful to you then great, you have a got a great relationship. If she cheats on you then, well, it's not a big deal. You will just break up with her and find yourself a new girlfriend. Who really cares? What does it matter in the big picture? You will have a dozen more girlfriends and relationships. You won't care about what happens in Miami in 20 years. What you will probably care about in 20 year is what kind of person you decide to become and what you decide to do with your life in general. So it's better to focus on it.

Sorry, the post ended up being kind of messy and disorganised. I am still learning how to articulate my thoughts properly, but I hope that the main idea is clear: Take responsibility for your own happiness, don't be afraid, focus on something really big and meaningful, and then small things like relationships will tag along.

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Do NOT let her go, she will cheat on you or at least lose respect for you,

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Posted (edited)

Your mindset here should be "let her do what she wants, if she cheats then I know I can find another girl and it's no big deal"

Ask yourself, if you truthfully thought you could find another girl within a month of breaking up with this girl, would you feel insecure about her going away on this trip? Probably not. You'd feel like it was her loss, or that it just wasn't meant to be.

Edited by something_else

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I'm assuming you're worried about this because she has shown a little bit of 'slutty' behavior or behavior that would indicate she would fuck somebody else OP?  Is my assumption correct?

If it's not, then you're being too insecure.  

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11 hours ago, something_else said:

Your mindset here should be "let her do what she wants, if she cheats then I know I can find another girl and it's no big deal"

Ask yourself, if you truthfully thought you could find another girl within a month of breaking up with this girl, would you feel insecure about her going away on this trip? Probably not. You'd feel like it was her loss, or that it just wasn't meant to be.

idk if i could find someone as hot, thats the problem

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