Grateful Dead

Thoughts

36 posts in this topic

I keep underestimating myself whenever I face a challenge.

Feels great to finally be done with Covid. My mind is working normally again and I was able to study a lot today. Also great run today and can't wait to pump some iron tomorrow.

I really want to keep journaling this time, it's great to clear my head. Maybe it helps if I feel like I'm sharing it with others.

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I shouldn't have had the 3rd espresso yesterday... really love caffeine but it disturbs my sleep too much. I underestimated the effects after two weeks without it. Yesterday I was super productive, but today I didn't get anything done... is it even worth it then? I want to do coffee only on special occasion now like when I don't want to sleep early anyway.

It felt great to help a friend out today.

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Did 5-MeO yesterday and realized my limitless nature pretty quickly this time, also there was very little fear to begin with so I see some progress being made here. Every time I do 5-MeO, I have no idea how Leo could do it 30 days straight. I can't imagine how hard he had to push himself.

 

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What's interesting is that my meditations are much better when I'm angry or in a really bad mood. When I'm in a good mood my thoughts get philosophical and have this sparkling energy and therefore I get easily distracted by them. And when I'm in a bad mood I don't want to think at all, I just want to focus on my breath because it feels a lot better.

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The world is collapsing, the system will fail, we all see it. Catastrophic events in nature are increasing and there is nothing we can do about it, nor can we help that most people are stupid. It may sound negative, but I see it as an opportunity to live more freely. Nothing matters anyway and when you see that there is no security in life, why not do some bold things that you normally wouldn't do?

Great run today, felt weightless/boundless at times, maybe it was a reactivation or just the magic of the forest. My skin felt so smooth this time after the ice cold shower.

A friend asked me today if I would like to start a podcast with him. I might do it, we always have super interesting conversations.

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My grandmother is 86 and said it's never been this hot here. It doesn't bother me personally, but I don't have to work outside either.

I have to be careful not to neglect work that I don't find so interesting for other work that is more interesting. The faster the unpleasant work is done, the better I can focus. Still, it's good to do something on the side so it's not such a drag all day.

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Took a few puffs before beach volleyball today and had the best flow of the year. That was so much fun, the perfect balance to studying all day in front of the computer. Super grateful right now :)

My skin was very smooth again after the cold shower. This is new, maybe something has changed because I was sweating so much during Covid.

Not sure if it's too late for a few bites of dark chocolate, but I'm craving it right now, so maybe my body needs some?

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Sometimes I wish I would just work the way I used to in a regular blue-collar job like everyone else here. You do your thing, go home and that's it. Working towards my life purpose is a constant challenge and I always have to see how I can make ends meet. I know that it will be worth it in the end when I have my own business, but until then I have to fight every day to make it happen. In a way, it even satisfies me to give up all those things in order to achieve my goals.

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Interesting dream tonight. First I was caught for driving under the influence of drugs by a cop I know. Then I went on a killing spree because the cops were threatening some women and afterwards we had a wild orgy lol.

Woke up super fresh and clear headed this morining.

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It was very revealing to see what Leo is pointing to in the conversation between Spira and Kastrup.

All the spiritual books and content that I have consumed are actually a hindrance to awakening now. That's what Leo means by whipping the slate clean. It's almost like I thought if I just emulate other so-called enlightened masters and think how they think I'll be enlightened like them one day LOL.

Now I feel sick like I have all this spiritual garbage in my head. I can understand that it was useful to get me here, but now it's like I poisoned myself, ugh.

When I listen to this lecture from this perspective, I see how hopelessly deluded these people are, as am I.

It's going to take a lot of work to clean up this mess, but at least now I know that I am sitting on a pile of shit. Thanks for the love @Leo Gura

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This morning I was so grateful to have Leo as a teacher/role model that I almost cried. I'm starting to realize more and more how lucky I am.

5-MeO yesterday was very different from the other times I've done it. Like it almost didn't affect me and I felt like I could do more and more, but I know I had to be careful and stopped when I felt like this could be dangerous. Then in the evening I had a reactivation where all the energy in my body moved to the top of my head and I felt super high for hours, it was amazing. I now feel ready to go deeper with this substance.

I'm looking forward to getting a lot of work done today.

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I think a good measure of how conscious you are is how joyful you are in this moment. When I reached the highest state, I sang along to one of my favorite songs and surrendered completely to it. Then in the blink of an eye I was gone and all that was left was total freedom and perfect peace. I think it was a conscious decision to come back here, but a part of me is still there, always.

Grateful Dead - Cassidy

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This is so far beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of

I can't believe I get to experience all of this

There are no words to describe how beautiful life is...

How and why do I deserve all this?

Absolute Perfection

Pure Love

Edited by acidgoofy

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Two nights ago I had one of my most beautiful dreams.  It was after a deep awakening and it showed me how incredibly far Leo is in his spiritual development.  I know that he will lead me into the deepest ocean of infinity.  Thanks for taking us along the ride @Leo Gura

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