70%/or higher communication comes from non verbal and what text chat reveals

[Razard86]

We all know how important non-verbal communication is....the smile, the smirk, the tone, the crossed arms, the look away, the wink. You could call these social or communication modifiers that communicate to you how to interpret what is verbally being stated. Then text chat enters the fray and outside of emoticons you don't have that. Additionally emoticons can be used deceptively whereas it takes more effort and emotional restraint to fake non-verbal communication no such barrier exists with text.

One interesting thing I have noticed about others (including myself) is we do a terrible job of trying to understand a person's perspective and are usually responding to the assumptions that we have about their position or perspective after the first few words. There are even times in your life you may be able to point to where you argued with someone or debated with someone who actually agreed with you. It's ironic that this issue exists and it causes a lot of confusion, even more once you communicate something the interpretation of what you said can be swung a myriad of ways.

I say all this to say, we all must practice more patience (I know I need too) or at least respond only when we believe we have a better grasp of what someone is saying. I vowed to myself to be more patient and seek to understand first BEFORE being understood.

There is a really good book that presents techniques in negotiation that use this as the aim it's called Never Split The Difference.  Its a book on Amazon written by a FBI Negotiator that presents the premise that seeking to understand someone actually gets them to open up and listen and agree with you. https://www.amazon.com/Never-Split-Difference-audiobook/dp/B01COR1GM2

 

With Text Chat you are basically arguing with yourself (I don't mean this in the absolute sense I mean this in the relative sense) because you don't have access to the non verbal communication signals available as emoticons can be used to be deceptive. This means you are left with words on a screen and your projection (internal beliefs about the topic and presenter) being the main stay of your experience. 

Without the nonverbals the interpretation of the message is entirely based on your own assumptions and so watching how others respond to what you write can give you a nice peek into their inner world, just as much as they get a glimpse at yours whenever you write something up.

Edited July 11, 2022 by Razard86

[A Fellow Lighter]

This post lacks the social or communication modifiers. But I think I understand 100% what you're saying, here, even without the 70% of the non verbal cues. I get the message 100%

But according to the message as communicated by your post, along with the title of your post... I can only understand 30% of the content of your post, meaning 70% of the 100% that I claim to understand is somewhat my projection, because it did not come from your non verbal cues or social modifiers.

So, now, having written what I've written above, do you think I'm agreeing with you or disagreeing with you on your “70%” stance? Do I understand fully, or do I only get 30% of the message and the rest of the 70% is merely my projection?

This is interesting. ?

Edited July 20, 2022 by A Fellow Lighter

[r0ckyreed]

That's why I always laugh when somebody gets offended online.  It is just words on a screen, and you never know the person's backstory, intentions, context, etc.  Why give meaning and why care so much about what someone, a stranger, who you will probably never meet, thinks of you?  If someone offends you with their words on here, that is on you to take responsibility for what you choose to do with your time.  Turn off the computer, cut the people out of your life by literally "unplugging" from your computer.  It is so much easier and satisfying than in the in-person life sometimes.  Much harder to cut people out in "real life."  If you can't do it online, then in-person life is gonna be harder.

Edited July 21, 2022 by r0ckyreed

[Razard86]

On 7/20/2022 at 11:20 AM, A Fellow Lighter said:

This post lacks the social or communication modifiers. But I think I understand 100% what you're saying, here, even without the 70% of the non verbal cues. I get the message 100%

But according to the message as communicated by your post, along with the title of your post... I can only understand 30% of the content of your post, meaning 70% of the 100% that I claim to understand is somewhat my projection, because it did not come from your non verbal cues or social modifiers.

So, now, having written what I've written above, do you think I'm agreeing with you or disagreeing with you on your “70%” stance? Do I understand fully, or do I only get 30% of the message and the rest of the 70% is merely my projection?

This is interesting. ?

I love the way you wrote that it sounds like an Artificial Intelligence trying to understand humans. So funny!!

[Razard86]

On 7/20/2022 at 10:32 PM, r0ckyreed said:

That's why I always laugh when somebody gets offended online.  It is just words on a screen, and you never know the person's backstory, intentions, context, etc.  Why give meaning and why care so much about what someone, a stranger, who you will probably never meet, thinks of you?  If someone offends you with their words on here, that is on you to take responsibility for what you choose to do with your time.  Turn off the computer, cut the people out of your life by literally "unplugging" from your computer.  It is so much easier and satisfying than in the in-person life sometimes.  Much harder to cut people out in "real life."  If you can't do it online, then in-person life is gonna be harder.

Completely agree, I love your perspective even if I don't always agree. You have a gift at expressing yourself at a high level...even without the social modifiers but of course....that is just my projection LOL.

[hoodrow trillson]

A tip that I was told when I was young and online, was to read things online and pretend the other person who typed it is smiling and saying it nicely.  

Really cuts through the bullshit projection and bias we all have that could cloud what we read and interpret online.  It's tough to do and getting into the habit but it can be done.  And if you're wrong about that assumption, it is the lesser of two evils at least.