I don't want a hookup, I want a relationship (did I lose my chance?)

[somegirl]

Okay I really need help with this one.

I met up with a guy who I spoke with briefly via social media some time ago. He was staying in my city for 2 days.

Long story short, he is super hot guy who I liked for quite some time and I had a desire to sleep with him, we were both kinda drunk, so we did.

However, I want long-term commitment, and I'm honestly not sure about his intentions with me.

I was asking him some questions to figure out how serious he is and what type of person he  is. I even asked him if he is a fuckboy lol. But he told me he is not the type of guy who fucks someone and then "moves on" to another person and that he is very selective. He also told me he had a girlfriend 3 years ago who broke up with him.

When I went back home after our hookup, he sent me message first but it was mostly flirting and stuff related to sex and how amazing it was. He invited me to come to his city too. When I asked him what we would do there, he said "Whatever your soul wants" lol.

I noticed he hasn't asked much about me and what I do/like.

So I don't know.

What do you think his intentions are? How do I let him know I am looking for a serious thing? And have I messed up my chances to be with him in a serious commited relationship by sleeping so early? Be super honest.

Edited July 4 by somegirl

[something_else]

I never really got why girls think sleeping with a guy early on means he will never commit to you 

Aside from that he does sound kinda gamey which could be a warning sign. But honestly I don’t really think there’s enough info here to tell much about him

Just keep talking to him if you like him and see where it goes, what’s the worst that can happen

[Cleopatra]

I don’t know about messing up your chances by sleeping with him but one thing I know about men from my experience is if they do have intentions for serious relationship with you, you’ll know and not need to wonder or ask strangers on the internet.

If the sex was good for you then count as a good experience you had and move on, if he wants to seriously pursue you he will, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that sleeping with him will make him want to be serious with you if he already isn’t looking for that.

Edited July 5 by Cleopatra

[somegirl]

13 minutes ago, something_else said:

I never really got why girls think sleeping with a guy early on means he will never commit to you 

I don't know, society... *sighs*

13 minutes ago, something_else said:

Aside from that he does sound kinda gamey which could be a warning sign.

Why do you think so?

 

[somegirl]

14 minutes ago, Cleopatra said:

I don’t know about messing up your chances by sleeping with him but one thing I know about men from my experience is if they do have intentions for serious relationship with you, you’ll know and not need to wonder or ask strangers on the internet.

Yeah, that's true, I know. 

He did tell me when he was about to leave my city "not to forget about him" and invited me to come to his city too. Though I don't know what he had in his mind when he said that.

Like, did he mean "come to have sex" or "come to spend time together and show you around town".

I for sure won't come to his town if it's only for sex. 

19 minutes ago, Cleopatra said:

but don’t make the mistake of thinking that sleeping with him will make him want to be serious with you if he already isn’t looking for that.

I know. I didn't sleep with him with that intention. I slept cause I wanted to, felt passion and desire to. 

[Federico del pueblo]

@somegirl you already had a hook up, so it's too late to not want a hook up. Even if you now get in a relationship with him you'll still have had a hook up 😁

Ok, enough of the smart shitting

55 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I met up with a guy who I spoke with briefly via social media some time ago. He was staying in my city for 2 days.

Long story short, he is super hot guy who I liked for quite some time and I had a desire to sleep with him, we were both kinda drunk, so we did.

Ok, a hot guy from social media who apparently lives in NOT your city.

You had sex and can meet again some day.

I don't know, but it doesn't seem to me like a long-term relationship would typically result from this, but it could.

We don't know if he says the truth or what it really means. It could also mean that he usually fucks girls more than just once until they get sick of him not wanting commitment and than he moves on.

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

I was asking him some questions to figure out how serious he is and what type of person he  is. I even asked him if he is a fuckboy lol. But he told me he is not the type of guy who fucks someone and then "moves on" to another person and that he is very selective.

Hilarious. You asked him this BEFORE fucking him?!

Be glad that he didn't get turned off from that. In game guys learn how to bypass all these questions. They are considered shit tests.

But just as a side note. If a girl asked me how serious I am and all this stuff on the first date, even if I was looking for a relationship, I would get turned off. It's just so desperate and needy and makes it all so stifled. Just get to know the guy. If you really don't ever want to have sex outside of a relationship then don't have sex until you're together.

I think it's been mentioned here on the forum many times. The most desired men (usually) don't commit or give promises about commitment on a first or second date. They get to know you, they screen you, they want to first see what you're all about and how the sex with you is. They can't promise you anything.

1 hour ago, somegirl said:

When I went back home after our hookup, he sent me message first but it was mostly flirting and stuff related to sex and how amazing it was. He invited me to come to his city too. When I asked him what we would do there, he said "Whatever your soul wants" lol.

I noticed he hasn't asked much about me and what I do/like.

Yeah it's hard to say. To me it looks like a 80% likelihood he's just looking for casual things, 20% likelihood he might want to commit.

I don't think having had sex with him ruined your chances for a relationship, but that's if we assume he's open for a relationship at all.

[no_name]

The reason why you don’t sleep with a guy early on is for you, not for him to think less/more of you, it’s for you to remain detached and not cloud your judgment of him. Why do you like him? Just because he is “hot”? What do you know about him? 

[Barbella]

4 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

But just as a side note. If a girl asked me how serious I am and all this stuff on the first date, even if I was looking for a relationship, I would get turned off. It's just so desperate and needy and makes it all so stifled. Just get to know the guy. If you really don't ever want to have sex outside of a relationship then don't have sex until you're together.

I think it's been mentioned here on the forum many times. The most desired men (usually) don't commit or give promises about commitment on a first or second date. They get to know you, they screen you, they want to first see what you're all about and how the sex with you is. They can't promise you anything.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a girl asking what the guy’s intentions are. If a girl wants to be in a long-term relationship and goes on a date with a guy, I think it’s natural to ask whether he’s into hook up or relationships, especially if he gives off a fuckboy vibe. Why would she waste her time otherwise?

I don’t like this. If I’m looking to date a guy, I don’t want to be some kind of experiment where he rates whether I’m relationship worthy or not.

 

@somegirl I don’t think you’ve wasted your chance by sleeping with him, I think that long-term relationships can happen from a hookup. 

But I agree with @Cleopatra. If he has intentions to date you, you would know. 

Does he text you frequently? Does he ask you how your day was? If he seems that he’s not interested in you as a person and only talks about sex stuff then it’s a red flag. He probably doesn’t want anything serious.

[Leo Gura]

6 hours ago, somegirl said:

However, I want long-term commitment

You and every girl who's ever slept with an attractive guy.

[actually]

8 hours ago, somegirl said:

And have I messed up my chances to be with him in a serious commited relationship by sleeping so early? Be super honest.

Perhaps yes. Personally I dont really care much if the girls fucks within a couple days but Id like to do a little work for it. Makes her more valuable in my head I guess. 

Alot of my male friends think the same about this. They dont wife a girl that sleeps the first day. Maybe a bit shallow but it is the truth.

not saying this guy is thinking the same 

[somegirl]

8 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

don't know, but it doesn't seem to me like a long-term relationship would typically result from this, but it could.

Because he lives in another city? 😂 Or you think that because of something else?

8 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Hilarious. You asked him this BEFORE fucking him?!

Be glad that he didn't get turned off from that. In game guys learn how to bypass all these questions. They are considered shit tests.

But just as a side note. If a girl asked me how serious I am and all this stuff on the first date, even if I was looking for a relationship, I would get turned off. It's just so desperate and needy and makes it all so stifled. Just get to know the guy. If you really don't ever want to have sex outside of a relationship then don't have sex until you're together.

I didn't write what exact questions I asked.

I actually wasn't direct, but I was asking some thought-through questions that would show me how he thinks. And I don't regret doing that, I seriously don't know what his intentions were (still don't know). 

8 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

I think it's been mentioned here on the forum many times. The most desired men (usually) don't commit or give promises about commitment on a first or second date. They get to know you, they screen you, they want to first see what you're all about and how the sex with you is. They can't promise you anything.

Didn't know. 

Welp. 

8 hours ago, Federico del pueblo said:

don't think having had sex with him ruined your chances for a relationship, but that's if we assume he's open for a relationship at all.

I see.

I'm not sure if he is open for a relationship. He wasn't in one serious relationship for a long time. 

[somegirl]

3 hours ago, Barbella said:

don’t think there’s anything wrong with a girl asking what the guy’s intentions are. If a girl wants to be in a long-term relationship and goes on a date with a guy, I think it’s natural to ask whether he’s into hook up or relationships, especially if he gives off a fuckboy vibe. Why would she waste her time otherwise?

I don't have courage to be that open and ask a guy if he's serious about me or not, so early on. I didn't ask him directly what his intentions are.

I was asking him "around the bush" to see how he thinks like. This was important for me to know.

But he was also smart enough not to reveal to me too much. Because each time I asked him something that would show me if he likes me "that way" or not, he would not be super clear about what he meant.

3 hours ago, Barbella said:

Does he text you frequently? Does he ask you how your day was? If he seems that he’s not interested in you as a person and only talks about sex stuff then it’s a red flag. He probably doesn’t want anything serious.

He texted me after each interaction we had during those 2 days. 

But now I will see if he will text me to check up on me.

And you're right. 

[somegirl]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You and every girl who's ever slept with an attractive guy.

Hmm, is there something wrong with it? 😂

[Yeah Yeah]

@somegirl Hahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahha

[Yeah Yeah]

@somegirl You are deluded - To carelessly have sex, yet deep down you expect a long term relationship? Childish games for bored fools. 

Edited July 5 by Yeah Yeah

[Barbella]

25 minutes ago, Yeah Yeah said:

@somegirl You are deluded - To carelessly have sex, yet deep down you expect a long term relationship? Childish games for bored fools. 

That’s just your POV. 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

@Yeah Yeah you are the fool here lol you dont even see it...

@somegirl you are basically afraid of rejection best way is to let him know directly like btw at this time of life im looking for something more serious so i wanna see where this goes let me know what you think about this?..

Now that he had sex ,you will know 100% if hes into you like that or not if he has any hesitation then hes not and its okay it just shows if you are meant to be or not,no wasting time...

[Snader]

He probably just needs time to even consider the possibility of serious relationship. He might want to get to know you better first. 

If he gets the vibes that you're ready to commit to him even before you really know him, he might not consider you very high quality woman. Try not to be too pushy about your agenda, or you might scare him away.

 

 

[StarStruck]

You can't have your cookie and eat it too hunny. Considering you dropped it like it is hot, you are probably not the first one chasing him. It all depends on the emotional connection you created with him.

Edited July 5 by StarStruck

[petar8p]

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

I don't have courage to be that open and ask a guy if he's serious about me or not, so early on. I didn't ask him directly what his intentions are.

Meaning you don't value yourself enough to step up and not get hurt and attached for your own good. 

 

From the man's point of view, everything that is described would be done with no strong intention for long-term relationship, but you do have to ask for it directly and not hope that you know what's on his mind. That never works in relationships as well. He is obviously a man with abundant sex life and knows what role he needs to play to fulfill what you expect from him.

 

However it's also important to know that not all relationships, perhaps most, don't get planned from the start but they happen along the way of casual dating as at some point you just become "hooked." 

 

What's wrong in your mind with casual sex? Are there any fears?

 

 

 

Edited July 5 by petar8p