Understanding read (unread); message apps; its utility

[Bird Larry]

With work relationships, read receipts are important. I feel comfortable to have this, rather, because I need to know if they received an important message from me. 

But with other relationships ..

Why do people care if I opened it or not. I need time to answer the right text, is that a crime. Or do I have to text 100 messages to get them to understand my point. To hurry my speaking seems not premeditated, is that their argument. Or do they have time to write 100 texts, and the time to prepare to start speaking like Eminem.

And why do they care if I heard what they said. Should I nod every time I heard them so they know that I did.

Edited July 1, 2022 by Bird Larry

[Kshantivadin]

8 hours ago, Bird Larry said:

Why do people care if I opened it or not. I need time to answer the right text, is that a crime. Or do I have to text 100 messages to get them to understand my point. To hurry my speaking seems not premeditated, is that their argument. Or do they have time to write 100 texts, and the time to prepare to start speaking like Eminem.

Dear, just answer in your own pace. Never apologise or explain yourself.

[Bird Larry]

@Kshantivadin it's hard to do this when people are sensitive to this on the other side. Or am i trying to explain myself too much.

Edited July 1, 2022 by Bird Larry

[Bird Larry]

12 hours ago, Kshantivadin said:

Dear, just answer in your own pace. Never apologise or explain yourself.

It's that in my country the messaging apps we use does not have an option to close our read receipts. All message apps we use are open read receipts. 

 

You can imagine my pain when virtually 90% of the population here uses either instagram or kakaotalk, where read receipts aren't an option, but mandatory. 

 

Have you known? The main developer of the Chinese messaging app WeChat had disabled read receipts. It was all done for the intention to help people keep a distance and preserve privacy. That's ideal, but I am not living in China, am I. 

Edited July 1, 2022 by Bird Larry

[Bird Larry]

@Something Funny For example, in real life, when we try to talk to someone. Do you ask them "have you heard me? Nod, if you heard what I said." We never ask this question. If the other ignored us, heard us and ignored us, heard us and replied back, or ignored us and replied back, we really never constantly ask this question. It's rude to constantly ask "have you heard what I said? Please nod, if you heard what I just said." It's requiring the other person to nod all the time whether the other person heard or not. Requiring someone to nod everytime is disrespecting their freedom to hear or not hear what you have said, whether it is on purpose or not, whether it is a lie or out of honesty, it is not the speaker's business to require the other person to "nod" that they heard him. It is rather an insecurity of the speaker to want constant knowledge that the listener had received the message or not. Who are they to constantly require answers the recipient does not want to show. 

The read receipt is the same. It's requiring the other person to nod every time he hears it. Of course, to your boss, or to your work partner, you must do this. It's a requirement because stakes are high, speed is essential, and any misunderstanding of an operation can be a handful. But with others, we are not trying to work or get ourselves in high stakes. We are trying to relax. I can't relax with these stupid app we always use in my country! Why should I show and tell them I heard them or not! Idiots trying to control everything because they can't control anything

Edited July 1, 2022 by Bird Larry

[Bird Larry]

10 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Bird Larry I guess what I don't understand is why are you so focused on an issue that doesn't really exist. Seriously look inside instead of blaming the external world. You have worked yourself up to the point where you are envious of people living in a dictatorship because they use we chat there, lol.

Read statuses in apps never really bothered me that much. Actually they are quite useful imo. When you are talking to someone in real life 80% of communication happens without the use of language. You can look at a person and see if they are listening to you or not, if they are interested or not. You don't have to ask them about it.

Read statuses can be viewed in the same way. You are not asking them anything. Actually without this function people would sometimes have to send a second message asking "did you read what I wrote" in case it is something important.

Also, just so you know, in a professional environment "read" statuses are rarely used. Email, the most common business communication tool, doesn't have those (unless you intentionally set it up that way). Zoom, which is also probably the most popular business messenger, also doesn't have them.

 

@Something Funny when you talk to another person. Are you saying you know for sure they heard what you said. Never mind being attentive to you. So you know they have heard what you said just by body language alone, I emphasize?

And from what I've heard from you, you always want to take note of another person's body language, even if he or she does not want to show it.

 

Edited July 1, 2022 by Bird Larry

[Bird Larry]

44 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

@Bird Larry I guess what I don't understand is why are you so focused on an issue that doesn't really exist. Seriously look inside instead of blaming the external world. You have worked yourself up to the point where you are envious of people living in a dictatorship because they use we chat there, lol.

WhatsApp has an option for closing read receipts by option. This isn't just what the country of dictators are doing. I am not fond of dictatorship, but I'm fond of those Chinese developers taking into account of privacy and the comfort their Chinese customers may want to have be required. 

Now, do you want me to tell you I've actually read what you wrote before I replied?

Edited July 1, 2022 by Bird Larry

[Bird Larry]

3 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Bird Larry like I've said. You have created a problem in your head which doesn't really exist and dramatized it to heavens. Find something better to do with your life then worrying about that crap.

Well, thank you, that helped. You're obviously not that invested

Edited July 1, 2022 by Bird Larry

[Kshantivadin]

22 hours ago, Bird Larry said:

@Kshantivadin it's hard to do this when people are sensitive to this on the other side. Or am i trying to explain myself too much.

It's a process. You can make a "get back to you" template that you just paste if you don't have the capacity to reply immediately. But it shouldn't be expected of you to reply immediately. Contemplate to see if you have any residual people pleasing patterns lingering.

[Bird Larry]

1 hour ago, Kshantivadin said:

It's a process. You can make a "get back to you" template that you just paste if you don't have the capacity to reply immediately. But it shouldn't be expected of you to reply immediately. Contemplate to see if you have any residual people pleasing patterns lingering.

I see where you're getting at. I don't care if they expect me to reply immediately. But I don't believe for anyone when they say they "don't care" about read receipts. I need to use texts many times in my life, and many people have their insecurities breed on to their software. And I'm not ready to break relationships or offend anyone just because of my texting habits, more so I won't tolerate anyone being offended just because I read their messages ASAP but then replied a day later. 

I don't believe for a second when people say they don't see read receipts. They are often the people who are most sensitive. I think you're right when you say I have 'people pleasing' habits in me, but it's also the way I interact with people in real life. It's not that I want to "please" them. For example, when people speak to me, I nod my head to show them I understand them, I give them all my attention, no matter how foolish their questions may be. People appreciate that so they listen when I speak, they reciprocate when I do anything, and there forms a proper relationship. But if I allow people to abuse text messages to reflect their own insecurities on me, I won't text anybody, unless my country f*king has an app that allows closed read receipts. Maybe I won't care so much, but I don't believe anybody else who say they don't care. 

I tried using techniques where I read their messages without having "Seen" it, but some apps know these techs, so they retaliate. Usually open read receipts are reserved for parents, children, interactive facebook messengers, work relationships, not for anything else. 

I don't care if you're Asian or White or Black. People care whoever they are, even if I don't care, others care. I need to adapt to their stupidity, even if I don't want to.

Edited July 2, 2022 by Bird Larry

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

On 6/30/2022 at 2:29 PM, Bird Larry said:

Why do people care if I opened it or not.

One could ask you the same question. Why do you care if people care? Why are you so sensitive about people being sensitive? This topic seems to trigger something in you and instead of doing what everybody does, which is to project these emotions onto others, you should sit down and confront these feelings yourself. They're yours after all. Own them and stop trying to blame others for your emotions.

[Bird Larry]

@DefinitelyNotARobot 

Yes. I see the point.

 

Edited July 4, 2022 by Bird Larry