Medhansh

How to deal with bullies and assholes at college?

145 posts in this topic

3 minutes ago, something_else said:

Dude you don't need help, you're killing it :D This is a fucking great example of how to deal with bullies

 

Haha, thanks bro. It's you guys who gave me the guidance and confidence to do all this. I have a feeling I still have a long way to go with this guy, so I will constantly keep updating this thread with my daily reports. So grab your popcorn ;)

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16 minutes ago, Medhansh said:

I have explained them in detail here- 

No, these ailments are not known to anyone in my college. 

I see a lot of myself in you, I had a lot of memory problems early on. Couple of things.

1. You sound like a late bloomer. The average man's body doesn't really come into its own until between the ages of 25 to 30 years old. Many of the problems I had when I was young regarding things like memory, ailments, even physical appearance were gone by 30. It takes us Men a lot longer to physically mature compared to our female counterparts. 

2. Your stomach thing may be an allergy of some sorts. It too might go away by the time you hit 30. Its crazy how our bodies work.

3. Your walk or gait as you refer to it, is probably what draws attention to the bullies. Bullies are like a hammer that looks for the nail. Since you were the nail sticking out they chose to hammer on you. I really do empathize with your situation. But truthfully in retrospect I am thankful for every bully I ever had. They forged within me a deep confidence that I would probably lack if it weren't for them. Think of your bullies as weights you need to pick up to get stronger. Being able to stand up for yourself teaches you to also have the strength to do it for others. Also makes you more empathetic to the plight of others as well. 


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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@Medhansh you are doing great, don't worry. 

As far as your fears are concerned:

1) Don't be afraid of getting beat up. Even if you get technically beat up you can handle it in a cool way making yourself look better then him. 

If it comes to that, and you know that you will probably loose a fight, then don't fight him.

You can say something like: ago on, hit me if what I am saying makes you feel so bad cause you know it's true.

And if he really hits you try to look as if it didn't hurt at all and tease him with: is that it? You hit like a girl, looser. 

You can also say something like: you can beat me up but you will still be a pussy who gets too triggered by what I am saying cause it is true.

You should create a frame where he needs something from you, he needs to show you how strong he is, he needs to scare you, he needs to perform. And you are the one who judges.

If there are people watching that's even better.

2) Car stuff sounds like bullshit to me. No way he will decide to go that far and run you over or something with a car. It has a chance of seriously ruining his life and I doubt he is committed enough to put it on the line just to get back at you.

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Posted (edited)

On 6/30/2022 at 10:14 AM, Medhansh said:

When I entered the class, S was sitting alone. I entered with a couple of friends. When he saw me, he immediately asked me what had happened to me yesterday. I said nothing had happened.

(...)

He was shocked and said, "Are you taking a pill these days?"

This means that what you're doing is working, so keep it up. Like I said now he's testing the waters and wondering if it was just a one-time fluke. You have to stand firm and let him know that things are never going back to the way they used to be.

1 hour ago, Medhansh said:

And with my luck, today S and R grouped up and tested me in one of the hardest ways they have in the past 3 days. 

This sucks because it's making things harder for you. But on a positive note it's kind of a good sign. It means S is no longer confident enough to bully you on his own, he needs his friend to help him now. If he pulls in another friend or two and has a whole posse with him, that's when things can get dangerous and you can easily get beaten up by a whole group. When men (or teenage boys) get in a group of 3+ they can start to develop a wolfpack type mentality and do things that they'd never do alone.

It sounds like luckily you have lots of friends since you walk home with 7+ people. Try forming your own posse to resist him. Let your trusted friends know what's going on and that you need some help and backup, especially on days when you're feeling your weakest. They don't have to be ready to physically fight, but just tell them what's worked for you so far and ask if they can challenge S + R in the same ways.

- Try putting your phone on vibrate for classes you share with S. That way you'll feel if it rings, but no one around you will hear. Do you often get important calls during class that can't wait for 1-2 hours to call them back, or can you live without your volume on for a few weeks until this situation is sorted out and he stops calling you?

- It sounds like S has real problems with more than just you, if he's getting scolded multiple days in a row. My college + university professors wouldn't tolerate that kind of shit and I bet he's close to getting thrown out already. You might be able to do nothing and let him self-destruct on his own. Or you can give him little pushes, but be sure not to get yourself in trouble with the teacher in the process. Especially in large classes where the teacher doesn't know you by name, you might get lumped in as also being a troublemaker. If he gets both of you thrown out of class, he still wins and you can be sure he'll be grinning as you both walk out of the class.

- If the class is full, just pretend that it's too noisy and you can't hear him. Keep your best poker face and don't let him know he's getting to you. If you don't look at him, then his signs, gestures, and lip movements are ineffective. He can't exactly get up and confront you about ignoring him during the class without causing a huge disruption.
Even if he knows you can hear him talking about you and making insults, it starts to get a bit awkward and not fun if the person you're insulting doesn't acknowledge you for 5+ minutes. Then he seems kinda petty.

- If your mutual friends are really friends, then point out how S is being a complete asshole and make them choose between him or you. It sounds like they're already leaning toward you and just need a push. If he also makes fun of them sometimes, point that out and it should be an easy choice for them. Tell them you're going to stick together and stop all of his bullying. Many of them are probably in the same situation as you and just waiting for a leader.

- Banter is always going to mutually hurt you in the process. But if you really want to commit to it, then start looking for weaknesses. Obviously something about the daddy comments upset him, even more than talking about his mom. If you're on this forum then chances are you have an above-average knowledge of psychology. You can play amateur psychologist and diagnose him with all the typical problems people have, and it will probably be true. Say he's picking on you because he doesn't get enough attention from daddy at home, daddy is never around at home, daddy beats him, daddy gives him money but no love, he wishes you were his daddy so you could hug him and pet his hair because his real daddy is an abusive alcoholic (that one will hit too close to home and start a real fight so be careful how much you push).

"It's clear you don't have the brains for college but you have the family money, why don't you just go right into the family business and skip school entirely?"

Tell him R must be his daddy because he can't challenge you on his own. (You can create a wedge between S and R like this, even R will start to believe you and think S is a bit pathetic.)

For your 2 fears:

- Another area where having friends around can help. You can help prevent it from getting physical by surrounding yourself with a posse of real friends (not mutual friends who will stand by and do nothing if a real fight starts.) This is a big advantage that most bully victims don't have.

- You can't do much about the car situation. Try to walk on sidewalks or as close to the edge of the road as possible, or take paths that are too small for cars, and hope he's not stupid enough to try something. If he hits you and you're right up against a building, he's probably going to damage a lot of other property in the process and definitely go to jail.

- If you can get all the friends that heard the threats about him doing something with his car to all come with you to college security or the police, and get them to give written reports. S seems like the kind of guy that if the police even came to question him about it, he would be extremely scared and never talk about it or try something again. If you want to try your luck, you could try sending him an email or a text from an unknown number claiming to be the police and asking him to come to the police station to discuss threats they've received -- Be aware this is very risky for 2 reasons: 1. He might not believe you 2. Impersonating a police officer is a crime unto itself. But maybe you can word it in a clever way where it's implied but not explicit.

You're going to have good days and bad days. Try not to get hung up if you have a bad day where things seem like they're sliding backwards a bit. Overall the trajectory seems like it's heading in a positive direction. Just try not to get yourself killed. 

If you can get yourself into even 1 or 2 beginner boxing classes, it'll teach you the absolute basics of how to fight, and maybe remove some of the mystery or unknown about it and make you more confident, even if you never have to use it. At the very least watch a few "boxing beginner basics" videos on Youtube and actually stand up and follow along with the actions.

Edited by Yarco

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@Medhansh

   Below is what actually works, as I've had to deal with some of my bullies in the past and had to get physical with a few psychotic ones. Yeah, not so easy, but it's like with pissing: hold it in, or release it. The sooner you piss, the better. The sooner you put that spoiled rich bitch on the proper hierarchy, the better. Even if there are consequences to getting a bit lunatic, getting in touch with your inner demon or stage red shadow, it's sometimes necessary to bare your fangs and enforce boundaries. Time to seriously consider your fitness and martial arts training. Of course, shouldn't be the go to, but to build confidence knowing you can handle yourself physically. Sorry to hear you're going through this, at college non the less, hope you instill some fear into that jackass.

On 6/28/2022 at 8:32 PM, Yarco said:

The best way to deal with bullies is to prevent it before it starts. Make yourself look unattractive as a victim, so they're likely to go for someone weaker instead.

Unfortunately I don't know much on how to actively do this, it just comes naturally to me. In school there was a new kid who was a legit bully, and at first was scared of me and my friends because he thought we were the bullies of the school, only to find out we were actually nerds xD.

I think a lot of the stuff that would apply to how to look/act when walking through bad neighborhoods would also apply to avoiding bullies in other settings. Mostly, have resting bitch face, and walk with a purpose and like you belong there.

Even wild animals know to hide their weakness. If they are sick and injured, they'll do everything they can to hide it. If you're a deer and a tiger can sense that you have a lame leg, you're fucked and they will always single you out of the pack.

...... So far that's mostly advice for preventing future bullying. In your current situation it's too late to make these changes, once the bully has his sights set on you.

You have to break the cycle.

You've taken abuse enough times that he thinks he will always be able to get away with it now. You need to shock and scare him out of bullying you with something big.

I've never been to prison, but I like to study the sociology of prison because it's like a more extreme version of everyday life. If someone insults or pushes you when you're new to prison (new people will almost always be tested), you have to fight or you'll get labelled as a bitch and picked on for the rest of your days there. Even if you lose, being willing to stand up for your honor will get you respect.

Next time you get picked on is your chance to stand up for yourself and break the cycle. The more you can make yourself look like an absolutely unhinged lunatic, the better. Pretend that you're trying to scare away a bear. Make yourself as big and loud as possible. He might realize you've grown a backbone and it's not worth it to pick on you any more.


EG. 
- If he's sitting behind you and poking you, quickly turn around and flip his desk over onto the floor and shout something at the top of your lungs like "IM TIRED OF TAKING YOUR ABUSE. STOP TOUCHING ME. ARE YOU GOING TO STOP OR ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A PROBLEM?" (ideally your teacher isn't in the class yet. but even if they are and you risk getting kicked out for one lesson to do this, it'd be even more badass and might be worth it.)

- If he reverses his car to within an inch of you, try not to flinch. Start punching/kicking his car or try to kick his tail light out.

- If he starts talking about your parents, the go-to should be a joke about having sex with his mom. You have to think pretty quick on your feet to make it not lame. Like when he was asking about his father's day gift, you could say that you left it at his house when you were done fucking his mom last night. If you always default to fucking his mom, then you only have to fill in the other half of the insult with details.

WARNING: Standing up for yourself in any way could result in getting your ass kicked. 75% of bullies are cowards and when you confront them (especially in an unhinged way) they'll back down and find a new victim. But 25% will go all-in and beat you up. But even getting beat up would likely help you long-term. If you get even 1 weak punch on him every time he beats you up, it might take a few times, but eventually you become more trouble than you're worth.

Complaints can be effective but they only work within school walls. If you complain to your teacher you're safe in class, but maybe not even in the halls. Definitely not out in the street afterward.

If you want a better way to tattle, you could try raising your hand and telling on him in front of the whole class. But the way you do it, is like giving the teacher an ultimatum. "X is bullying me. Can you tell him to stop, or else I'm going to have to deal with it myself":

1. This might publicly shame him into stopping. Although your bully sounds pretty shameless. Also if any kids laugh at you when you say this, it actually gives your bully more power and encourages him more.
2. The teacher might actually stop it, at least for a few days and then you repeat it again.
3. If he doesn't stop and the teacher can't get him to stop, then you resort to flipping over tables and yelling at him at the top of your lungs. Both the teacher and the bully have been put on notice and given warning that you were going to follow through and take actions if the bullying didn't stop. The teacher is more likely to sympathize and take your side and not punish you for the outburst this way. If it becomes a physical fight, the bully will probably get suspended and you'll only get a warning.

When you go beast mode, it's important not to turn around and sit back down too fast. Look him in the eyes when you shout at him and keep looking at him after without breaking your gaze. He will probably just stare at you for a bit (either shocked/dumbfounded, or just trying to look tough and unimpressed). If he's silent and doesn't react for more than a few seconds, keep the intimidation up. Keep yelling "WELL ARE YOU GOING TO STOP OR WHAT?", if you can hit stuff while you talk even better. If you can get him to verbally agree to stop then you've basically earned his respect and you're golden.

ALTERNATIVE PASSIVE APPROACH:

Do nothing and take it. If you're too afraid to do any of the stuff above, you can just keep taking the abuse, as long as it doesn't get so bad that you don't want to put up with it any more. You're only in the same classes as him for a set amount of time and eventually all of this will end.

If you are completely avoidant then you minimize the risk of getting beat up, but also give up the chances of things getting better. I've taken the "grin and bear it" approach when I knew there was an end date.

   

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6 hours ago, Razard86 said:

2. Your stomach thing may be an allergy of some sorts. It too might go away by the time you hit 30. 

I certainly hope so.

6 hours ago, Razard86 said:

3. Your walk or gait as you refer to it, is probably what draws attention to the bullies. Bullies are like a hammer that looks for the nail. Since you were the nail sticking out they chose to hammer on you.

Yes, that's exactly what's happening.

6 hours ago, Razard86 said:

I really do empathize with your situation. But truthfully in retrospect I am thankful for every bully I ever had. They forged within me a deep confidence that I would probably lack if it weren't for them. Think of your bullies as weights you need to pick up to get stronger. Being able to stand up for yourself teaches you to also have the strength to do it for others. Also makes you more empathetic to the plight of others as well. 

In a way this is true, I am being forced to get my hands dirty, and say and do things I've never done before. All this while battling my own issues. I am learning how to enforce boundaries and a bit of frame control.

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6 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@Medhansh you are doing great, don't worry. 

As far as your fears are concerned:

1) Don't be afraid of getting beat up. Even if you get technically beat up you can handle it in a cool way making yourself look better then him. 

If it comes to that, and you know that you will probably loose a fight, then don't fight him.

You can say something like: ago on, hit me if what I am saying makes you feel so bad cause you know it's true.

And if he really hits you try to look as if it didn't hurt at all and tease him with: is that it? You hit like a girl, looser. 

You can also say something like: you can beat me up but you will still be a pussy who gets too triggered by what I am saying cause it is true.

You should create a frame where he needs something from you, he needs to show you how strong he is, he needs to scare you, he needs to perform. And you are the one who judges.

If there are people watching that's even better.

Great advice! I can handle this whole situation without getting physical, simply by frame control. Thanks.

6 hours ago, Something Funny said:

2) Car stuff sounds like bullshit to me. No way he will decide to go that far and run you over or something with a car. It has a chance of seriously ruining his life and I doubt he is committed enough to put it on the line just to get back at you.

I am hoping the same. But you never know with boys my age. They are typically energy-charged immature people. Dangerous combo. Add money/freedom/trauma to that, and you get a bomb. 

I too think that he won't go as far as hitting me to injure me. But I will leave with a big group from my college(6-8 people), to be on the safer side. 

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Posted (edited)

6 hours ago, Yarco said:

You have to stand firm and let him know that things are never going back to the way they used to be.

Surely

Quote

This sucks because it's making things harder for you. But on a positive note it's kind of a good sign. It means S is no longer confident enough to bully you on his own, he needs his friend to help him now. If he pulls in another friend or two and has a whole posse with him, that's when things can get dangerous and you can easily get beaten up by a whole group. When men (or teenage boys) get in a group of 3+ they can start to develop a wolfpack type mentality and do things that they'd never do alone.

No other person from my class would help S and R to beat me up. All of them are known to me, atleast upto some degree. The only way S and R could convince someone to join them would be by lying to someone about me, like- he said this about you, etc.

Otherwise, neither our common friends nor our other classmates will help me or S/R in a physical fight. The most someone will do is try to stop the fight. 

Quote

- Try putting your phone on vibrate for classes you share with S. That way you'll feel if it rings, but no one around you will hear. Do you often get important calls during class that can't wait for 1-2 hours to call them back, or can you live without your volume on for a few weeks until this situation is sorted out and he stops calling you?

Yes, I think I can put my phone on silent for a few days. Although I thought of blocking S's number yesterday. I think that's a much better solution than putting my phone on silent. 

Quote

- It sounds like S has real problems with more than just you, if he's getting scolded multiple days in a row. My college + university professors wouldn't tolerate that kind of shit and I bet he's close to getting thrown out already. You might be able to do nothing and let him self-destruct on his own. Or you can give him little pushes, but be sure not to get yourself in trouble with the teacher in the process. Especially in large classes where the teacher doesn't know you by name, you might get lumped in as also being a troublemaker. If he gets both of you thrown out of class, he still wins and you can be sure he'll be grinning as you both walk out of the class.

Yes, he's constantly getting into minor troubles. He's one of the bad guys in the class, who doesn't study or do any work. But our college is very tolerant and he won't get thrown out for his current activities. He would have to do something really extreme to get thrown out.

Quote

- If the class is full, just pretend that it's too noisy and you can't hear him. Keep your best poker face and don't let him know he's getting to you. If you don't look at him, then his signs, gestures, and lip movements are ineffective. He can't exactly get up and confront you about ignoring him during the class without causing a huge disruption.
Even if he knows you can hear him talking about you and making insults, it starts to get a bit awkward and not fun if the person you're insulting doesn't acknowledge you for 5+ minutes. Then he seems kinda petty.

Yes, good idea. 

Quote

- Banter is always going to mutually hurt you in the process. But if you really want to commit to it, then start looking for weaknesses. Obviously something about the daddy comments upset him, even more than talking about his mom. If you're on this forum then chances are you have an above-average knowledge of psychology. You can play amateur psychologist and diagnose him with all the typical problems people have, and it will probably be true. Say he's picking on you because he doesn't get enough attention from daddy at home, daddy is never around at home, daddy beats him, daddy gives him money but no love, he wishes you were his daddy so you could hug him and pet his hair because his real daddy is an abusive alcoholic (that one will hit too close to home and start a real fight so be careful how much you push).

"It's clear you don't have the brains for college but you have the family money, why don't you just go right into the family business and skip school entirely?"

Tell him R must be his daddy because he can't challenge you on his own. (You can create a wedge between S and R like this, even R will start to believe you and think S is a bit pathetic.)

Yes, whenever I said that dad statement S seemed very pissed. He looked at me with anger, and I thought he was about to get physical. That's why I avoid mom-dad insults, and try to insult him without getting too vulgar. 

Quote

- You can't do much about the car situation. Try to walk on sidewalks or as close to the edge of the road as possible, or take paths that are too small for cars, and hope he's not stupid enough to try something. If he hits you and you're right up against a building, he's probably going to damage a lot of other property in the process and definitely go to jail.

Will do.

Quote

You're going to have good days and bad days. Try not to get hung up if you have a bad day where things seem like they're sliding backwards a bit. Overall the trajectory seems like it's heading in a positive direction.

Yes, looks like it's slowly working.

Quote

Just try not to get yourself killed. 

Hahaha, surely 😂

Quote

If you can get yourself into even 1 or 2 beginner boxing classes, it'll teach you the absolute basics of how to fight, and maybe remove some of the mystery or unknown about it and make you more confident, even if you never have to use it. At the very least watch a few "boxing beginner basics" videos on Youtube and actually stand up and follow along with the actions.

Great advice. I don't need much strength to learn basic fighting and self-defence. I can learn the basic stuff from youtube. 

I will do it. Thanks bro.

Edited by Medhansh

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Posted (edited)

Reports -

Saturday- Both R and S absent, nothing happened.

Sunday- College off.

Monday- S absent, R present. R interacted with me very less, once for helping him with a project and another time for some miscellaneous reason. I helped him with the project, because he was respectful while talking to me. Bare minimum interaction.

Today's report-

Today S was absent. R was present. There was only one interaction-

1. Our first class was computer lab. R, along with another guy, came late to the class so they both got marked absent. R and that guy sat behind my row and they came near my seat. R started the same stuff once again. His friend was laughing and helping him. 

I gave them a few good comebacks, but today my frame wasn't very strong, and my comebacks weren't nearly as good as before. And R was very quick and strong with his insults today. He was on fire. I simply couldn't match his level and speed today.

Although I did insult him a few times, the general frame of the interaction turned out to be R insulting me.

I can think of the following reasons-

1. I was completely off-guard today.

2. I lost all the momentum that I had built in 3 days during tackling R and S last week. The momentum had put me in a certain state, from which it was very easy to tackle R and S. Today my state was completely off because it had been a break of 3 days. 

3. Some situational obstacles- R had no work to do. He didn't even switch on his computer. I had to write a code very quickly to show our teacher that I had done something in the entire class. R took advantage of this and repeatedly kept calling our teacher to my desk. It was very difficult to insult him back while copying that code.

 

I am a bit down after today's interaction. My state is already off, and R got his license back today to insult me again. I don't know how I will be able to handle both R and S tomorrow. 

I need my state back, but it takes time to build such good state. God, I wish I could go back into that state with an on/off switch.

Edited by Medhansh

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I feel low and depressed after these incidents. Right now I will save some self-defence videos, which I will watch tomorrow before college.

One thing is sure, I will not go down without a fight. I will not give up without giving these guys a ton of harsh responses and comebacks, even if I get roasted a shit ton and ultimately lose the frame battle. Doesn't matter: if I am going down, there will be damage on both sides. Losing the frame is infinitely better than not responding at all. It will develop atleast some resistance in these guys from bullying me.

Right now I will block these 2 guys from my phone. Enough is enough. They are not going to give me any nectar that I can't get from somewhere else. Atleast I will have one less problem to worry about- their phone call stunts.

I will learn basic self-defence over the next few days through youtube, just enough to-

  1. Protect myself.
  2. Give a reasonably good fight before losing. 

I knew this was gonna be tough shit. But actually going through it is really, really hard on me.

Help me god. In any aspect of my life. I need it.

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Posted (edited)

One skill I desperately need is- generating clever insults and comebacks instantly on the spot, without involving the other person's parents.

I really need to get this skill down.

If I get this one thing right, most of the battle is won right there.

Edited by Medhansh

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@Medhansh I am writing this after you shared this thread on my post on how to overcome fear of confrontation.

I see that I also have the same problem as you do. I also lack verbal fighting skills. 
I am kind of fat and muscular and dark and serious faced,so I don’t get as many bullies now as I used to get when I was young and less fat.

But one insight from my past bullying situations is the bully thrives on your attention and reaction. Just don’t react. Don’t talk to him. Deny his existence to yourself and the world. Deny him his own existence by ignoring him. Either he will become your friend or he will run in the opposite direction ashamed. He is bullying you because he is lonely and wants to pass his time and get attention. Deny him your attention.

My problem is more like facing college officials, calling someone on the phone, going to the market alone,etc. 
 


"Becoming 'awake' involves seeing our own confusion more clearly"-Rumi

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1 hour ago, Anirban657 said:

But one insight from my past bullying situations is the bully thrives on your attention and reaction. Just don’t react. Don’t talk to him. Deny his existence to yourself and the world. Deny him his own existence by ignoring him. Either he will become your friend or he will run in the opposite direction ashamed. He is bullying you because he is lonely and wants to pass his time and get attention. Deny him your attention.

The "don't react" advice works sometimes but it isn't fullproof. Especially if you are already the target of bullying, not reacting can inspire a bully to continue pushing your limits by doing worse and worse things until eventually you have no choice but to react or you simply break.

There really is only one fullproof option which is standing up to them and letting them know you aren't going to take their shit.

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On 6/28/2022 at 8:05 PM, Medhansh said:

So you guys tell me. What's the best course of action here? 

Bullying a serious problem in India.

Little teasing is fine and friendly.

But if you feel like the bully is going over the top, then first report to your top management of the college with as many evidences as possible.

You can intimate them that you will notify the police if proper action isn't taken. Once you notify the police it's usually game over for him.

But since it is a serious step, make sure you have a strong ground for it. Also present any evidences and eye witness if possible. 

Your HOD won't be of much use in this case it seems. Some people are stricter, but not everyone need to be. 

I suggest approaching the principal of the college and convey the matter to him and convince him of the due importance of the subject. Also inform them of your medical condition. 

If they don't take action you may have to approach the police. This was my mechanism for dealing with bullies and I never had to use them since my college already took this issue quite seriously. 

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Guys I see many suggesting insults, reactive, unreactive, comebacks and even being "non-bullyable" etc as mechanisms to deal with this

I afraid none of those are going to work. I have been bullied by guys who were 2 inch shorter than me. It all about power and influence of the bully that gives his a feeling that he can get away with whatever abuse of power he does.

The best line of action is to not do anything dumb and stupid & Inform higher authorities. 

Build a solid case. Maybe warn him one last time to stop this for good. 

Else proceed systematically and calculatedly. Have your parents complaint to the authorities. Don't do so in a half hearted matter. This is a serious issue. 

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33 minutes ago, Bobby_2021 said:

The best line of action is to not do anything dumb and stupid & Inform higher authorities. 

Build a solid case. Maybe warn him one last time to stop this for good. 

Else proceed systematically and calculatedly. Have your parents complaint to the authorities. Don't do so in a half hearted matter. This is a serious issue. 

If reporting bullies to authorities was so effective there wouldn't be a school shooting problem in the US.

Nor would there be bullying problems at all. Almost everyone who gets bullied reports it to staff, yet bullying is still extremely widespread.

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Posted (edited)

8 hours ago, Medhansh said:

One skill I desperately need is- generating clever insults and comebacks instantly on the spot, without involving the other person's parents.

turn it up a tune or two. break free . Think as offensive as possible. is he short? do he has a belly? feign masculine attitudes? does he have droopy cheeks? Does his mother dress in an exaggerated way? Does his father seem bitter? There is no limit, let go, it is the most liberating. if they hit you, you've got it. it's war! They want to steal your energy, do not allow it. Give it a nickname, micropenis for example. every time he talks to you, tell him: sorry micropenis, I didn't listen to you well. hello micropenis, how was the day. Starting today, that's his name.  Or anything. Do it like you were jocking, but as offensive as you can. Yesterday i saw your mother more fat as usual. Well, looking your father it's normal she eat to forget. And don't wait that they insult you. Start. Your objetive is that they want to hit you. If they do, you win. As Gandhi, passive resistance. And never show that they can touch you, never show fear, like poker. They are not dangerous at all, so nothing is going to happen. No limits! But always like is was nice, like jocking. When you start you can't stop. It works, no one is immune. think and hit where it hurts.  

as musashi says (a samurai from the middle age who won 60 duels to the death, and wrote a book called the 5 rings), in combat, if you focus on what the opponent can do to you, you will probably lose. Focus on what you can do to him. Visualize his weak points, the action to follow, the result. if you visualize the cut, you will probably cut 

You are in combat. Enjoy it

 

 

Edited by Breakingthewall

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On 7/1/2022 at 7:47 PM, Medhansh said:

I certainly hope so.

Yes, that's exactly what's happening.

In a way this is true, I am being forced to get my hands dirty, and say and do things I've never done before. All this while battling my own issues. I am learning how to enforce boundaries and a bit of frame control.

I love this response! I really wish I was there with you, I use to embrace a sadistic desire to bully bullies. So if I was there I would probably be getting in his face and telling him to back off and really pissing him off. But I'm not there for a reason I guess, its your fight to fight. But I really hope you can get past this. This is probably a hurdle you need to overcome to really come into your own as a person. 

I'll send my best well wishing thoughts to you.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

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7 hours ago, something_else said:

The "don't react" advice works sometimes but it isn't fullproof. Especially if you are already the target of bullying, not reacting can inspire a bully to continue pushing your limits by doing worse and worse things until eventually you have no choice but to react or you simply break.

There really is only one fullproof option which is standing up to them and letting them know you aren't going to take their shit.

@something_else I agree to some level with your perspective.


"Becoming 'awake' involves seeing our own confusion more clearly"-Rumi

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