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Preety_India

I don't want to be a girlfriend... What kind of relationship I should be looking for?

55 posts in this topic

@Preety_India Alright. I think you should firstly identify why you want this arrangment. It seems that you want all the benefits of the relationship without any responsibilities. That's very hard to find and I myself as a men don't understand why I would give exclusivity to a girl I have no future with? Why do you want to be exclusive? What do you get out of it if you are not planning future with potential partner?

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@Valach because I am only interested in the dynamic. I guess there are a lots of men who are uncertain about the future or don't wish to be committed either. 

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@Preety_India Yes, but have you question yourself why you want it in this way? Like what is your motivation? I agree that a lot of men don't want commitment, but by demanding exclusivity you kinda are asking for commitment.

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@Valach even the man wants exclusivity if he doesn't want me to cheat or have an open relationship. 

My motivation is simple - I don't want the burden. 

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24 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I don't want to be some guy's one night stand. Maybe desperate girls for your casual sex trap. Not me. I have maintained myself as a virgin despite a man's hardest efforts to bed me

So you want an exclusive casual relationship where you're not even having sex?

Now I'm just confused. At that point you're just friends. What even is the point?

26 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Anyways monogamous relationships are going out the window by the dozen. Women can choose whatever they want... And there will always be guys desperate enough to go for it. Because where else can men get sex except with women? 

Well, you're right. But you're right because women offer sex. That's the only reason they can choose whatever they want in the dating market. But it seems you're not offering that. So most guys are gonna be less willing to compromise on strange relationship setups, especially if they involve commitment.

I'm trying to find a way to write this that isn't going to trigger you, but I've decided to just be straight. Locking guys into sexless relationships and using them for intimacy is a very leechy dating tactic.

In this setup, a guy is getting very very little value from you so you're going to be limited to very desperate men and you'll probably have trouble getting them to stay with you. Especially if you're looking at men from sexually liberal countries like the Europe, the US or the UK.

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7 minutes ago, something_else said:

So you want an exclusive casual relationship where you're not even having sex?

Now I'm just confused. At that point you're just friends. What even is the point?

No I want sex. That's the reason I want the relationship. Back then I was a virgin because I had marriage goals in mind which I don't cling to anymore. 

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1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

No I want sex. That's the reason I want the relationship. Back then I was a virgin because I had marriage goals in mind which I don't cling to anymore. 

Oh, ok. Then just get yourself a FWB or two and stop caring about commitment at all for now. That's how you are gonna get the most masculine energy if that's what you really want.

It's not being used for sex if you enjoy it too.

Once you've had your fill then start going back looking for something committed. Or perhaps one of your FWB relationships turns into something more committed by itself. This is a much healthier approach

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Just now, something_else said:

Oh, ok. Then just get yourself a FWB or two and stop caring about commitment at all for now. That's how you are gonna get the most masculine energy if that's what you really want.

It's not being used for sex if you enjoy it too.

Once you've had your fill then start going back looking for something committed. Or perhaps one of your FWB relationships turns into something more committed by itself. This is a much healthier approach

Agreed here.

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14 minutes ago, something_else said:

Oh, ok. Then just get yourself a FWB or two and stop caring about commitment at all for now. That's how you are gonna get the most masculine energy if that's what you really want.

It's not being used for sex if you enjoy it too.

Once you've had your fill then start going back looking for something committed. Or perhaps one of your FWB relationships turns into something more committed by itself. This is a much healthier approach

Omg the word fwb makes me wanna puke so hard. Oh God. Everytime I ever saw someone say fwb, I saw something super shady about those folks. Isn't it like super dirty to have sex with someone who is actually supposed to be your friend? It never fits with me. Plus how do I know he won't be doing the same with other female friends. Sorry something about fwb looks seriously sketchy to me because I can't really say good things about a person who kinda looks at their own friend that way, if you catch my drift here. I'm not gonna do casual sex, ons or fwb... They all look like super dirty options. Maybe it's my mind but these scream out to me like "sex only" options, and I'm not into "sexxx only" kinda thing. So I want the bf to be like a bf and me to be like a gf but in an undefined tie up between the two of us, although this sounds somewhat pristine, beautiful and romantic to me unlike the dirty options you gave me. 

 

There is something romantic about not being completely committed yet being in love with a person who you keep meeting on and off (not like friends) but like lovers who wanna meet but not make it official, it keeps the mystery component going. 

 

Plus no obligations, so no stress or tension 

 

 

 

A guy who really loves me would probably want that. 

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Just now, Preety_India said:

There is something romantic about not being completely committed yet being in love with a person who you keep meeting on and off (not like friends) but like lovers who wanna meet but not make it official, it keeps the mystery component going. 

This is basically what a FWB is lol

Don't get hung up on the terminology. It's just a term meaning casual sex. The friend part is not really relevant.

And it's rarely just sex. Most of the time it's a person you have great chemistry with but neither of you are at a time in life when you feel like you want  a committed relationship. It's exactly what you want, but you're inventing a new description for it to avoid the negative stigmas you have in your mind towards FWB and casual sex.

It's a very feminine thing to do and culture pressures you to shame this part of yourself, so I don't blame you.

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46 minutes ago, something_else said:

This is basically what a FWB is lol

Don't get hung up on the terminology. It's just a term meaning casual sex. The friend part is not really relevant.

And it's rarely just sex. Most of the time it's a person you have great chemistry with but neither of you are at a time in life when you feel like you want  a committed relationship. It's exactly what you want, but you're inventing a new description for it to avoid the negative stigmas you have in your mind towards FWB and casual sex.

It's a very feminine thing to do and culture pressures you to shame this part of yourself, so I don't blame you.

I still don't want the term Fwb because it's with friends and I don't wanna do it with a friend. 

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@Preety_India

Not sure what your doubt is. It seems like you already know what you want. 

Just to illustrate better, it may be an opened relationship with a reasonably mature guy, who knows how to love you and how to f*CK as well. Having intimacy and agreeing with the intention of being each other priority (romantically).

I think more and more people are becoming opened to that, and it is from my perspective, the finest relationship modality.

Avoid dividing human beings into extreme categories like "alpha or beta". Open to the nuances and pick the guy who fits in what you desire from now on.

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Just to reinforce, I don't think you are expecting nothing from another word. Your criteria is maturing and for sure there'll be people who matches.

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