StarStruck

How to react to “recently I broke up with my bf”

10 posts in this topic

Approached this girl in the park and it was all fun and games but when I tried to close she said she just broke up with her bf. A month ago. After that she said she wasn’t in the market for dating. 

What should I have said at this point? The honest answer would be to tell her the truth: I’m interested in dating you. But I chose to say it was ok and we could take it slow and just have a coffee. Do you think my approach was ok or should I have been more open and direct about my desires? In general I have problems with this.

She also threw a shit test, one that I get a lot: “ do you approach girl often?”  In this instance I answered with “yes, everyday!” but I saw her shocked face and “quickly said “I thought she was interesting and that is why I talked to her. 

I got her phone number. I enjoyed the set and that is the most important. I’m just a little insecure about how direct one should be about one’s desires. This was a nice girl so I thought being too direct would scare her off. 

Edited by StarStruck

In Tate we trust

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Everyone likes an exclusive relationship. I guarantee that much. 

Nobody sank too low to accept a cheap deal. 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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Just now, Preety_India said:

Everyone likes an exclusive relationship. I guarantee that much. 

Nobody sank too low to accept a cheap deal. 

 

 

Not all women are the same. Some just want the cheap deal and don’t look for something serious. But this girl in the OP is not one of them I think. 


In Tate we trust

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If you think women want a cheap deal I really don't know what to say. 

Are you sure you've figured out women?

Women are no cake walk. 

And I'm seriously questioning your morals? 

What kind of a man wants a woman who wants a cheap deal.. 

You want a woman who goes around advertising herself as a pair of tits? 

Sure then. Give it a go. 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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Just ignore and lead for coffee.

"You're the only girl I'll ever approach ;)"


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

The honest answer would be to tell her the truth: I’m interested in dating you. But I chose to say it was ok and we could take it slow and just have a coffee.

Sounds like you did fine.

Yes, your truth was that you wanted to date her. And it sounds like your truth was also that you’re not interested in pressuring her into that.

Authenticity can be complex and multi-faceted. In fact, I’d say that’s the most real form of it.

6 hours ago, StarStruck said:

She also threw a shit test, one that I get a lot: “ do you approach girl often?”  In this instance I answered with “yes, everyday!” but I saw her shocked face and “quickly said “I thought she was interesting and that is why I talked to her. 

If you’re getting that response very frequently, to me that says your approach may be coming off a bit too gamey. It’s a common response but it’s not that common. 


 

 

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10 hours ago, StarStruck said:

I’m just a little insecure about how direct one should be about one’s desires.

Super direct.

However, I'm going to make a point that no one seems to have made yet: if you see a girl and she looks nice and that alone makes you interested in dating her, your standards are not healthy.

Is that all she has to do? Be pretty and respond okay to an interaction of a couple sentences?

That's having low standards / being too needy.

If she looks nice and the first interaction goes well, you should be interested in seeing her again to see how she does the second time. Also known as, going for coffee or whatever and seeing how it goes. You should not reach the point of being "fully convinced" that she's so great before you've *actually* gotten to know her.

If you internalize this, you will change the way women respond to you

Edited by flowboy

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Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

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12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Just ignore and lead for coffee.

"You're the only girl I'll ever approach ;)"

Good line :D

 

9 hours ago, aurum said:

If you’re getting that response very frequently, to me that says your approach may be coming off a bit too gamey. It’s a common response but it’s not that common. 

My game is semi-direct so it can come off as gamey. The thing is indirect game is much harder; when I do indirect game, a lot of girls are confused like "what is the purpose of you talking to me?", and direct game takes that question away but the downside is that it can come off as gamey.

5 hours ago, flowboy said:

Super direct.

Usually I'm direct.

Quote

However, I'm going to make a point that no one seems to have made yet: if you see a girl and she looks nice and that alone makes you interested in dating her, your standards are not healthy.

Is that all she has to do? Be pretty and respond okay to an interaction of a couple sentences?

I'm not proud of it but I'm really that shallow haha.

Quote

If she looks nice and the first interaction goes well, you should be interested in seeing her again to see how she does the second time. Also known as, going for coffee or whatever and seeing how it goes. You should not reach the point of being "fully convinced" that she's so great before you've *actually* gotten to know her.

If you internalize this, you will change the way women respond to you

That is what I'm trying to do. I'm doing a good job of not emotionally investing too much; just mirroring her emotional investment.

But in terms of "being bought", I think I'm just being curious but now that I think about it I could do some more qualifying.


In Tate we trust

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