SQAAD

Are Narcissists a Lost Cause?

72 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

I have been intrigued a lot by narcissists. I really despise them. They represent everything i hate about the human race. Egotism, self-centeredness, lack of empathy, stupidity, spiritual myopia & etc

From what i've understood so far, narcissitsts seem like a lost cause... Most psychologists say there is little that can be done to treat narcissism... Again i don't firmly believe this. Because i know that psychologists and psychiatrists have no clue yet about mental health. We are still in the dark ages as far as mental health goes.

Do you think that narcissists are a lost cause? They seem to be stuck at a really low dense state of Consciousness. A level of Consciousness that is hard to be understood from people like us who are into spirituality, caring for others , more open and free, etc.

Edited by SQAAD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Nah not a lost cause imo. Just had an unfortunate life which has pushed parts into adopting extreme, yet well meaning roles.

IFS can deal with it. Tho, I think it would require a managerial part to be open to the treatment modality for there to be a change, which, with a narcissistic psychic structure, may not be likely.

I've heard good things from the psychodynamic realm, too i.e. Otto Kernberg and Frank Yeomans. I find Kernberg's theory of NPD pretty interesting. He believes that Narcissistic structure is a defence structure that sit atop a BPD structure. So, once you deal with the NPD you have to deal with BPD. (Btw BPD = Borderline personality disorder, and NPD = Narcissistic PD)

Though, from what I understand, it can be fucking tough re the psychodynamic route.

And ye I agree re the dark ages of mental health. Mainstream stuff like CBT isn't going to do anything substantial for NPD sufferers. 

Edited by Ulax

"Faith begins as an experiment and ends in an experience." - William Ralph Inge

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate" - Carl Jung

"Father forgive them for they know not what they do" - Jesus Christ

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, SQAAD said:

I have been intrigued a lot by narcissists. I really despise them. They represent everything i hate about the human race. Egotism, self-centeredness, lack of empathy, stupidity, spiritual myopia & etc

From what i've understood so far, narcissitsts seem like a lost cause... Most psychologists say there is little that can be done to treat narcissism... Again i don't firmly believe this. Because i know that psychologists and psychiatrists have no clue yet about mental health. We are still in the dark ages as far as mental health goes.

Do you think that narcissists are a lost cause? They seem to be stuck at a really low dense state of Consciousness. A level of Consciousness that is hard to be understood from people like us who are into spirituality, caring for others , more open and free, etc.

I've done extensive study on narcissists, are they a lost cause? No, there is recent breakthrough therapy systems in place RIGHT NOW that have produced results. 

Sam Vaknim  is a narcissism researcher who was diagnosed with Narcissism Personality Disorder and is one of the foremost experts on it. He was able to overcome his issues while also coming up with a therapy to help Narcissists become normal.

Narcissists  have an underdeveloped ego. Because of this their ability to connect meaningful with anyone is hampered. Dr. Vaknim believes it is a kind of PTSD. He refers to it being a PTCT or a form of complex trauma. Narcissists are created and it happens in the formative years.

You should really lose your hatred for narcissism. Narcissists suffer, they are full of shame, guilt, and walk around with a feeling of emptiness within. Narcissists in some ways are closer to God realization hilariously. Because they see everyone as an extension of themselves, which is why they have poor boundaries. In fact Dr. Vaknim says Narcissism is a kind of religion as well. His theory is a little confusing for me, I might need to study it further to really get it down. 

But as a diagnosed Narcissist it is nice to be able to hear how they view reality. They view it completely different. Narcissists cannot help but be the way they are, but Dr. Vaknim believes he can SHOCK them back into the proper development they were supposed to go through.

According to him they are stuck in arrested development, and he claims his therapy method called "Cold Therapy" can shock them back into a proper psychological development. According to him, when it comes to ego development they are behind toddlers.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem with narcissists is that to stop being narcissistic they have to adopt a very brave, sincere and noble attitude, and it happens that they are narcissists due to lack of courage, sincerity and nobility. so it is a very difficult and unlikely revolution that would have to happen to radically change their way of being

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, Breakingthewall said:

Very interesting 

I had found a lesser known Narcissism psychologist researcher who said she had success as well. I just like Sam because he was diagnosed as one. Many of the terminologies used he coined. For example he coined the term "flying monkeys."


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm reading here

 https://samvak.tripod.com/

Absolutely interesting. 

I have lived closely with a true narcissist, my father, and for me it has been a great challenge to stop hating. It had poison inside, 24/7.  I feel sympathy nowadays, pity. I know what he suffered, his fear, his terrible insecurity. His life was very difficult, a lot of suffering, no one second of resting 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

IFS therapy has shown good results for helping narcissists 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

My mom. She had unleashed all her anger onto me as I was growing up but twisted as "love", I think this is partly why I have so many health issues. I don't recommend being close to a narcissist. When I first tried to break the chain in my 20s, she immediately wanted to adopt another kid so she can leech off of.

She is only slowly changing now after years since I stopped "feeding her", not feeding it helps I think, but it's a very slow thing and she's still very childlike and prone to it. Not counting on it I feel like it's the kind of thing that they internally has to want to change/evolve, they cannot be "forced" into it, and good therapy for it is hard to come by nor do they usually want to see a therapist.

So yeah.. hard for me to see much hope in it, I can find love for her better at a distance right now, but kudos for anyone who have the patience to figure it out, as outsiders. 

Edited by puporing

Truth is love. Truth is beauty. Every frame is a painting. ❣ Nothing but love.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Razard86

7 hours ago, Razard86 said:

You should really lose your hatred for narcissism. Narcissists suffer, they are full of shame, guilt, and walk around with a feeling of emptiness within. Narcissists in some ways are closer to God realization hilariously. Because they see everyone as an extension of themselves, which is why they have poor boundaries.

I don't believe that. They see everyone as extension of themselves? What??

Someone who has tons of empathy and compassion sees everyone as an extension of themselves. Narcissists lack empathy. They are the worst of the worst along with psychopaths. They have no moral qualms about hurting you or exploiting you. Its all about their own little petty ego. A very low level to be stuck in indeed.

And yes you are right. From what i understand all narcisissts have been hurt and traumatized by other people when they were kids. This has made them, inflict suffering on others, without any remorse. 

Edited by SQAAD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@puporing

4 hours ago, puporing said:

My mom. She had unleashed all her anger onto me as I was growing up but twisted as "love", I think this is partly why I have so many health issues. I don't recommend being close to a narcissist. When I first tried to break the chain in my 20s, she immediately wanted to adopt another kid so she can leech off of.

She is only slowly changing now after years since I stopped "feeding her", not feeding it helps I think, but it's a very slow thing and she's still very childlike and prone to it. Not counting on it I feel like it's the kind of thing that they internally has to want to change/evolve, they cannot be "forced" into it, and good therapy for it is hard to come by nor do they usually want to see a therapist.

So yeah.. hard for me to see much hope in it, I can find love for her better at a distance right now, but kudos for anyone who have the patience to figure it out, as outsiders. 

Damn, you must have had a really difficult time... Narcissists are really really toxic and will drain everything out of you eventually. I try to avoid them at all cost.

Marrying a narcissts or working for a narcissist is a recipe for disaster. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I feel bad for them, but no I don't think they can change - my ex was one and nothing could be done for him, he had a shell he used and underneath was just a crying little boy.  I felt for that child, but no amount of empathy or listening to his stories, feeding him, housing him, none of that changed him for the better.

They take your love and step on it repeatedly.
They drip bits of goodness in tiny amounts that makes you think things can change, but they always go back to the way they were.

My mom?  Borderline, also nearly impossible to change.

I blame my health issues on them both as well, as I only had 7 years away from both to work on myself - I see the old patterns coming up as I live with them.  They parentify adult children and treat them like... you need to fit a role or a niche or they'll abuse you without question emotionally, mentally - it is quite exhausting.  I sleep more and when I hear the tap tap tap sound of my crazy mother's walking stick from outside my door, I get a knot in my gut, "What is it this time?"  I wonder.

People like them have made me asexual.  I don't have interest in relationships in any way shape or form because I don't want those wounds picked at or recreated and drawn deeper.

They're better off sent off on an iceberg into the ocean, metaphorically speaking.  I keep my distance from my mum as much as possible, and the ex I got out of my life 6 years ago and never looked back.


⊱⊱⊰⊰

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem is that in order to create meaningful change, you usually need to admit  that you are not perfect, or that there are problems with yourself.

Which is by definition what a narcissist struggles with the most

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 05/06/2022 at 11:31 PM, SQAAD said:

@puporing

Damn, you must have had a really difficult time... Narcissists are really really toxic and will drain everything out of you eventually. I try to avoid them at all cost.

Marrying a narcissts or working for a narcissist is a recipe for disaster. 

Yes, my dad is also mostly a narcissist, so yeah. I basically had "no parents", they were not there for me on an emotional level. It's always about their problems. The best thing a narcissist can do is not to have kids, but they often do. 


Truth is love. Truth is beauty. Every frame is a painting. ❣ Nothing but love.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

The best thing a narcissist can do is off themselves and save consciousness from being repeatedly dragged down to their level.  No joke, they can't be helped, they need to be stuck in a prison system for life or some sort of equivalent.  When dishing out resources, they take most of them, then complain they aren't getting enough, they think they should be worshipped, they think you miss them when they're gone but in reality you're just thanking your lucky stars you never have to be around a person like that again.

A huge portion of spiritual people have NPD as well, this forum is good to use on what to look out for so you don't end up in their grasp, they're literally the devil's children, but not even functional ones, they're like the devil's retarded children that he cast out of hell because they can't even do anything right there.  There's no point to a narcissist at all.  They waste precious life on existing when there are billions of people in the world more deserving than them.  They're the biggest "fake victims" on the planet. 

Not only are they a lost cause, but if you added up the destruction they cause vs. using those resources to help other people you would see they aren't worth the help.  At all.  People like NPDs are the reason why the planet is so fucked up.  So yes they are lost causes, and the time spent even caring, should be spent on actual issues of grave importance, like... fixing the planet.

^  This is why they stalk you, abuse you.
They think they're super important but they're actually the lowest of the low. 

The good news is, they like to stick together, so if you can spot one, you can use it to spot others of its kind.  If you spot one, stay away from them and everything associated with them.  You won't win.  The biggest squealing pig gets the dinner, so to speak.  And very few pigs squeal as loud as a narc when caught red handed.

The best thing you can do is to do your research, so that they're starved from the sustenance they feed off of, and because they're literally broken in the brain, they'll eventually go extinct, just like the dinosaur.

Edited by Loba

⊱⊱⊰⊰

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 6/5/2022 at 6:49 PM, Breakingthewall said:

I'm reading here

 https://samvak.tripod.com/

Absolutely interesting. 

I have lived closely with a true narcissist, my father, and for me it has been a great challenge to stop hating. It had poison inside, 24/7.  I feel sympathy nowadays, pity. I know what he suffered, his fear, his terrible insecurity. His life was very difficult, a lot of suffering, no one second of resting 

Yes Narcissist suffer the most. They also have the strongest attachment to ego than anyone else. Its funny, how an underdeveloped ego has a stronger attachment than a normal one. But that is just how Narcissism works.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Razard86 Oh they don't suffer at all, they love what they do and have full control over themselves.  Only the covert ones suffer, but the ones who are big and into themselves, it's like a religion for them.  They LOVE it.  They're not hurting.  That's a misconception.  


⊱⊱⊰⊰

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What you guys fail to understand is they take your love, your concern, your worry and turn it into supply - this stuff feeds them... you literally have to set them loose in the wild like a badly leveled, ugly Pokemon you accidentally caught.


⊱⊱⊰⊰

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

On 6/6/2022 at 1:26 AM, SQAAD said:

@Razard86

I don't believe that. They see everyone as extension of themselves? What??

Someone who has tons of empathy and compassion sees everyone as an extension of themselves. Narcissists lack empathy. They are the worst of the worst along with psychopaths. They have no moral qualms about hurting you or exploiting you. Its all about their own little petty ego. A very low level to be stuck in indeed.

And yes you are right. From what i understand all narcisissts have been hurt and traumatized by other people when they were kids. This has made them, inflict suffering on others, without any remorse. 

Yes they see everyone as an extension of themselves which is why they have no boundaries. How do you not understand that? You see it is all how you look at it. You see everyone as an extension of yourself, but you also simultaneously see the person as separate and sovereign. A Narcissist sees NO SEPERATION. They literally BELIEVE YOU ARE REQUIRED TO SERVE THEM. Because you ARE THEM. If you listen to reports of narcissist psychological reports  they have feelings of an infinite void of nothingness. Sound familiar? They feel those they connect with are them, they don't feel like they have an identity, they feel an infinite void of nothingness.

Notice all those things I just said. What do they sound like?

Edited by Razard86

The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, Loba said:

@Razard86 Oh they don't suffer at all, they love what they do and have full control over themselves.  Only the covert ones suffer, but the ones who are big and into themselves, it's like a religion for them.  They LOVE it.  They're not hurting.  That's a misconception.  

You see what you want to see. Here is something you don't know, if you demonize a narcissist what does that make you? Sam Vaknim even said that. He said a clue that you are a narcissist is if you demonize them. I don't know if you realize, but narcissists turn others into them. They are parasitical. If you are not careful you will start to think like them. To demonize a narcissist is to become them.


The same strength, the same level of desire it takes to change your life, is the same strength, the same level of desire it takes to end your life. Notice you are headed towards one or the other. - Razard86

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now