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Thought Art

Fear of opening my heart to a womans energy

23 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

@SonataAllegro It seems to be deeper than my intellectual process.

I never said "She's the one!!! :(

I said, my cognitive process and nervous system were triggered.

Edited by Thought Art

"I would rather be wrong, than live in the shadow of your song. Now my mind is open wide, and now I'm ready to Star(t)!" - Arcade Fire "Ready to Start"

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Posted (edited)

@JonasVE12 We can keep this going if you want but it's clear we have different mindsets on this, because we've come from different experiences. I know you say you've been there too, but if you're not there right now it's harder for you to see how your response may read to someone who has been there. But just a few thoughts on some of what you said...

First of all, my comment to you only took about 15-20 minutes of my day. So I don't think it said much about my priorities. I could have watched an episode of Seinfeld with that same time. So I didn't appreciate the fact you use that against me.

Second, a nurturing reply is not a bad thing. Sometimes people need that shit.

The experiences behind the pain haunt me everyday.

Giving a few practical hints or steps wouldn't hurt either, even if it's not a 10 step program or whatever.

I don't want to stay stuck. This is what you don't understand. I don't want this. At all. If you want to call working on other things to avoid this problem copying, then yes. I'm coping. But it's better to have something going in your life and struggle with this issue than having nothing going on in your life and still stay lonely.

And again, I can't approach women at this point. All I've ever had is negative experiences, to the point where the whole thing just seems pointless and I'm conditioned to expect nothing but negative experiences going forward. Unless I find good reason to act differently, I've accepted the fact I'll probably never meet someone. If you met me, you would immediately understand why.

I'm not an incel. I'm voluntarily celibate. I've quit, bro. A long time ago. Am I happy about it? No, not really. But I already know what it is. Doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying, but I'm definitely not going to try with the same vigor I would have, had I not experienced such suffering with women.

I have plenty of friends. I'm not a lonely person. I just don't have a significant other and probably won't for a long time, until I become the type of person that women want. I'm not that person now. I probably won't be that person for the near future! xD

I do appreciate the fact that you did actually give some practical steps in your second reply here. I'll give them a shot if I ever feel the desire or courage.

All love.

Edited by EternalForest

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On 5/24/2022 at 11:30 PM, Thought Art said:

I think I will need a coach before I start dating. So, I will need more income to afford a coach. So, right now my main focus is business, networking, achievement and developing more earnings. 

Then, I will begin dating again. There are so many potential mates out there I could fall deeply in love with and create a good life with. I have to be patient with myself and my fears and traumas and go about dating in a slow, intelligent way because it just hurts way to much. As soon as I have feelings for someone it feels like I am being stabbed in a the chest. Which, obviously means I can't love fully yet. 

A deep intimate relationship that is long term is one of my main goals in life. But, it much come from a solid foundation I am currently building.

Date. Get stabbed through the chest multiple times. Be honest about your attachments and learn to talk good to yourself. 

 

If you wanna get better and more conscious in dating it doesn't make sense to focus on getting money to pay for a coach. Do that and don't stop dating, but slowly develop the skill. You're a man. Rejections should feel painful. Evolutionary means you're not enough and you should hide any proofs that it happened. It's fine. Give yourself love and move on.

 

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