Classic Small Talk Problem

[mw711]

Hi there, maybe just looking for words of encouragement, not sure. Tips are cools too.

I have had a small number of friends and low social activity for the past 5 years.

I am 20 and most of that time was spent smoking weed, listening to Leo and cracking the universe.

Time to move on, when you get the message hang up. 
 

So I’m with this girl, right? All great, casual, neither of us are really looking for anything but I’m debating where I should take it because I know I have ‘leverage,’ she’s attracted to me.

Nonethless, idk what to say when I have been alone for so long, mainly.

Tbh it doesn’t really bother me- pretty much anything interests me but I never feel like I’m the one engaging. It feels like they’re more uncomfortable with the silence than me.

I am not sure if due to my lack of experience with women if I have not just found someone who isn’t bothered by my silence or if I could just use some tips to not make it sound like an interview and be more loose.

I am looser than I was but still haven’t restored that small talk ability I had before I started this journey.

Much love

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKAvQYCKhhM

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhR3VSMHo2w

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxOih6GwSXI

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OYXS7lCWgsg

 

Watch the free “start conversations with women” and “how to talk to anyone” videos here https://davidtianphd.com/masterclass-content/

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85jQpsxhMCc

 

Edited May 23 by Raze

[SonataAllegro]

Silence is the best part of being with a girl. Cherish it. If you show you're comfortable with it, she will be too, and that's when the connection with her can get really intimate. Don't fill the void with mindless garbage. Enjoy her presence.

17 minutes ago, mw711 said:

I am looser than I was but still haven’t restored that small talk ability I had before I started this journey.

That's because you can't do small talk anymore from the place you used to do it. That version of you was anxious and obsessed with your appearance in the social matrix, and this version of you is calm and detached from the social matrix (if I'm understanding correctly). Small talk now is not going to be random shit to fill the anxious silences, it's going to be spontaneous and playful banter that emerges from feeling joy in the Now.

[mw711]

@Raze Thank you, just need to keep admiring to myself where I’m at.

[mw711]

@SonataAllegro Love your take on this. I should lean into the silence. Not always, obviously, but I never looked at it that way. It could ended up being a really comfortable thing with women; silence.

Sounded better in my head lol.

Also, yes, definitely able to see a more grounded way now but still working on the action. Thus your description of not coming at it from the same place anymore. Working on that.

[mw711]

Also struggling with the finite aspect of interpersonal Love. I always thought it somewhat rude to break down the things you want from a woman, or anyone for that matter- but I now realize it’s ruder not to have clear expectations, boundaries, etc.

I ought weigh what I’m willing to sacrifice and prioritize in a relationship. I also just need more experience in the sense that maybe some things aren’t my choice even.

 

[Leo Gura]

Talk about yourself, your dreams, your past, your future, your feelings. Don't filter by significance. Talk about insignificant things like what you had for breakfast and how you felt about it.

Learn to let your mouth run without filtering or pre-meditation.

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura what to do if you are afraid of opening up to others. For example I often tell people very little about myself, my beliefs, goals, dreams, hobbies, etc., because I am afraid to come of as weird or to trigger them.

So instead I just try to either be very neutral about everything, which comes off as boring or just keep my mouth shut.

[Leo Gura]

@Something Funny Do the very thing you fear. Over and over again until you stop fearing it.

Fear technology

[Something Funny]

@Leo Gura 

[Hello from Russia]

Gossip is the ultimate social fuel