mw711

Classic Small Talk Problem

11 posts in this topic

Hi there, maybe just looking for words of encouragement, not sure. Tips are cools too.

I have had a small number of friends and low social activity for the past 5 years.

I am 20 and most of that time was spent smoking weed, listening to Leo and cracking the universe.

Time to move on, when you get the message hang up. 
 

So I’m with this girl, right? All great, casual, neither of us are really looking for anything but I’m debating where I should take it because I know I have ‘leverage,’ she’s attracted to me.

Nonethless, idk what to say when I have been alone for so long, mainly.

Tbh it doesn’t really bother me- pretty much anything interests me but I never feel like I’m the one engaging. It feels like they’re more uncomfortable with the silence than me.

I am not sure if due to my lack of experience with women if I have not just found someone who isn’t bothered by my silence or if I could just use some tips to not make it sound like an interview and be more loose.

I am looser than I was but still haven’t restored that small talk ability I had before I started this journey.

Much love

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Silence is the best part of being with a girl. Cherish it. If you show you're comfortable with it, she will be too, and that's when the connection with her can get really intimate. Don't fill the void with mindless garbage. Enjoy her presence.

17 minutes ago, mw711 said:

I am looser than I was but still haven’t restored that small talk ability I had before I started this journey.

That's because you can't do small talk anymore from the place you used to do it. That version of you was anxious and obsessed with your appearance in the social matrix, and this version of you is calm and detached from the social matrix (if I'm understanding correctly). Small talk now is not going to be random shit to fill the anxious silences, it's going to be spontaneous and playful banter that emerges from feeling joy in the Now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Raze Thank you, just need to keep admiring to myself where I’m at.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@SonataAllegro Love your take on this. I should lean into the silence. Not always, obviously, but I never looked at it that way. It could ended up being a really comfortable thing with women; silence.

Sounded better in my head lol.

Also, yes, definitely able to see a more grounded way now but still working on the action. Thus your description of not coming at it from the same place anymore. Working on that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Also struggling with the finite aspect of interpersonal Love. I always thought it somewhat rude to break down the things you want from a woman, or anyone for that matter- but I now realize it’s ruder not to have clear expectations, boundaries, etc.

I ought weigh what I’m willing to sacrifice and prioritize in a relationship. I also just need more experience in the sense that maybe some things aren’t my choice even.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Talk about yourself, your dreams, your past, your future, your feelings. Don't filter by significance. Talk about insignificant things like what you had for breakfast and how you felt about it.

Learn to let your mouth run without filtering or pre-meditation.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Leo Gura what to do if you are afraid of opening up to others. For example I often tell people very little about myself, my beliefs, goals, dreams, hobbies, etc., because I am afraid to come of as weird or to trigger them.

So instead I just try to either be very neutral about everything, which comes off as boring or just keep my mouth shut.


What can be more noble and epic than living according to your favourite songs?
Let's go. Let's set sail. One Piece EXISTS!!!

    — Brave Warrior Of The Sea

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Something Funny Do the very thing you fear. Over and over again until you stop fearing it.

Fear technology ;)


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What can be more noble and epic than living according to your favourite songs?
Let's go. Let's set sail. One Piece EXISTS!!!

    — Brave Warrior Of The Sea

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now