Psychedelic to heal anxiety?

[BipolarGrowth]

I have a friend who found a lot of benefit using the various cacti psychedelics to overcome much of his anxiety which stems from Asperger’s. He seemed to swear by them. 

[Bandman]

@ZhenZhenZhen Great to hear, I forgot about AL-LAD. Along with healing my heart, I feel like I need to heal my mind... Is this also how you would describe your healing?.

@The_Searcher I'm sorry to hear you are suffering like that. If I were you I would also try psychedelics. You can accept it, but also change it. At least that is what I believe and hope for.

@BipolarGrowth That includes san Pedro right? 

@JonasVE12 Man your replies seem very profound and intricate, but also very confusing. Maybe that Is why I'm having this apathy because I'm not driven enough yet for life. But the anxiety itself is distracting me from my purpose, trying to make me believe I will never live up to my potential and lose my cognition because of it. I try to face my fear and it can work and lift me to a higher conscioussness, but sometimes it also is able to delude me into thinking there is a real threat and substance to the fear and the feeling of it.

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It seems that mushrooms, AL-LAD, MDMA and San Pedro are recommended here, and that concurs with what I have read elsewhere, that they are not too heavy for the mind when taken in moderate doses. 

LSD seems to be discouraged because it lasts so long and can surprise you just by being a hell trip. 

I think I will try an AL-LAD trip first because it seen as a gentle psychedelic. I don't know when I should plan it yet, probably this July or August.

[Bandman]

The intention to the trip will be to face and overcome my fear, and to contemplate why I'm making myself lose clarity and project fear in my baseline consciousness. Face the fear of going crazy and losing myself, face the fear of losing this precious privileged life to nothing other than my own mind. 

And also intent to deconstruct this relationship of apathy with fear like Jonas said. "I don't know if I'm really understanding your exact situation as well because what you replied wasn't really that specific. Sounds more like apathy in relationship to fear. And that's different from fear. But yeah, good luck!".

 

[JonasVE12]

3 hours ago, The_Searcher said:

@JonasVE12  Oh man awesome wisdom. There's no easy way to overcome fear, just let it be, right? 

I'm kind of in a same hole with panic attacks. It gets too quick out of hand and feels overwhelming. And all wisdom, practices like slow breathing gets town out the window. And I also get them in most inconvenient places like in classes, workplace, some social situations. Sucks when you feel like dying and I need to hold my own insanity and appear normal. Really challenging  to accept or even like your fear. Love is probably an answer to that, right?

And I have another question. I struggle to even know what exactly I'm fearing or where it comes from. How do I know where the root problem/ causation/ trauma is coming from? Or if it really helps to know? Like I know when I'm prone to fear but not why. Just seems like something is hidden from myself.

You're not mentioning what the trigger of the panic attacks/fear/anxiety is, but you mention that it occurs in social environments like class, workplace and social situations, so a big component of the fear is social in nature. If you don't have anxiety at home, then there you have your solution. The key is to expand your home to include the universe. What keeps the fear alive is your sense of separation between you and other people. You have to dissolve and become one with everyone around you. You're essentially inside a contracted bubble where you experience the external world as separate from you. Your fear is protecting you from feeling your own emotions that become triggered when you are exposed to people.

What would happen if you step outside your home, on the streets, in your workplace and just feel at ease within your own body because you feel other people as yourself? Feel, not think. You literally look at people and feel one with them. Imagine you would stand on the street and act like a crazy person and others people judgement wouldn't affect you emotionally? If you can get to a place of peace within yourself, a place of full acceptance and love, then all your interpersonal anxiety will dissolve. 

This expansion into oneness is what will get rid of fear for good. And it doesn't happen in an instant. It's not a magical realization in your mind that fixes all that. You need to make a strong commitment that you will get rid of fear in your life and that you won't stop until your fear is gone. If you truly want to become fearless, you have to devote yourself to it. 

Everyday, you have to step into your limitations, transmute a little bit of fear you hold in your body through exposing yourself to other people and then gradually, you will become more embodied within that sense of oneness. Fear is a type of tension. And so you don't have to analyze fear. You simply feel tension inside your body in relationship to certain experiences. That emotional intelligence is something you develop when you turn your awareness towards the intention of seeking out tension in your body in relationship to certain experiences. Walk around your city and notice tension in the environment. Maybe stare at a guy that looks aggressively and keep eye contact with him. Think about approaching a group of people and telling them a joke. Or singing super loudly in public transport. Think about stepping naked through your city. I bet you can feel that contraction, which is fear, inside your body when you do these things, right? And so that's how you become aware of your fears. Simply through intention and awareness. You should do this constantly. And write all of it down into your journal so that you slowly become aware of all the things you experience fear with. It can be the smallest things. For example you're walking in a public mall, how much contraction inside your body do you feel thinking about doing some expressive moments, or using your voice in a more expressive way, maybe dancing in front of a crowd where a street musician is playing some music... Write all of it down. Be creative.

After you became conscious of that, everyday, you transmute some of that fear that you've been becoming aware of. You keep stepping into that tension, starting low, and becoming vulnerable inside the tension and grounding it through your body. Not closing down your body and hiding. But opening and letting go. Loving. Accepting. The tension is the catalyst for this. Without stepping into tension, you are not able to transmute this fear. If you get that experience of transmuting low amounts of fear into courage, and then into acceptance and love, then you can transmute higher amounts of fear after some time. Until there is no fear left anymore. Until everything you've been writing down in your journal becomes easy. 

You don't need to analyze your fear, you don't need to know where it comes from, what past experiences caused it. If it interests you, then sure, but knowing that doesn't help at all in getting rid of fear. Getting rid of fear is a process of transmuting emotions and that's always through an embodied experience that's experiential. Through tension. Nothing else matters. 

Everyday you step into tension. And you just transmute the fear. No avoidance. And you the degree of tension should be just right for you. Not too high so your nervous system doesn't get overwhelmed. The degree of tension should be just so that you don't become reactive and chaotic. It should be so that you can transmute fear into courage and then all the way to acceptance and love without too much effort. 

I've personally had panic attacks as well. I peed my pants when I was 13, and I've developed anxiety disorder and OCD from that. I was obsessed with not peeing my pants for so many years. I knew all public toilets by heart. Whenever I would go into a social environment where I felt socially isolated so that when I had to go to the bathroom, I would be in the center of attention, I would have a panic attack. Because I was terrified of being the center of attention and terrified to excuse myself. And that's 1% of my fear. My life was dominated with fear. The biggest fear I had was social fear. 

Now, I can pee in my pants in front of 100 people who are judging me and laughing in my face. I don't care. I simply see myself in their eyes. I feel love. And now I can talk to anyone with no effort and no resistance. I could take off my clothes inside a meeting at work and feel completely peaceful. 

And that didn't happen overnight. I didn't wake up like this. It didn't happen because I read the next cool enlightenment quote and became liberated. 

It requires a lot of work. A lot of tension. And a lot of courage within that tension. And that's something you develop. After you've confronted all that tension, then you will automatically merge with other people and you just stop caring. You just let go. 

I always get carried away talking about fear. I hope this helps though, and if you want, you can PM me if you have more questions.

Fuck fear! (Hint: you should actually love it)

[The_Searcher]

On 5/18/2022 at 5:12 AM, JonasVE12 said:

You're not mentioning what the trigger of the panic attacks/fear/anxiety is.

Oh I do have a little list in my mind. Like Bad news, physical problems and diseases (I become too empathic towards that), doing things I don't want to but needs to be done (comes up at work as stupid as it sounds), car rides when I am not in control, too hot weather, confrontation, some things I cannot change and few others. These are the ones which I suspect where it came from. But I have no idea why I get panic attacks in classes, around collogues. Well I did concur some situations by exposure by trying to feel safe and exposure. But with these situations I still have problems with. And work and class situations specifically hits me with anxiety while being with friends or meeting new people just doesn't trigger me.

 

Well I still have many insecurities about social life, just not frequently to the panic attack point. Still needs work in that department. About tension I can relate quite a bit actually, I had so much tension in my muscles where it was hard to turn my head side to side. I was always aware of that part.

I will try the transmutation method you suggested, that's genius. I think I dabbled a bit in transmutation to the courage point, but not in a too serious way. I just tried menially masturbating my way out of my fears just by thinking where it was coming from.

Your story is awesome, I glad you overcame it. That's the point I would like to see myself in. And I have actually had small success where I photographed my friend's friend wedding, I meditated prior to that and just let go of fear. And thought to myself if I have a panic attack then do it, I'm surrounded by people who accept me the way I am. And I did not get any panic attacks, just healthy amount of anxiety.

@JonasVE12  Actually, I'm so thankful for your advice and story. It touched me deeply. Thank you, that you took time to give advice not only for me but also @Bandman .  Awesome !

[The_Searcher]

On 5/18/2022 at 3:01 AM, Bandman said:

@The_Searcher I'm sorry to hear you are suffering like that. If I were you I would also try psychedelics. You can accept it, but also change it. At least that is what I believe and hope for.

Well some do suffer more. It sucks bad still. Actually I'm interested in psychedelics as their shown to help to see and break old bad habits and other useful benefits. But I'm bit scared to do them. Few years ago I somehow developed sensitivity towards any psychoactive substance. Coffee makes me too awake, alcohol feels weird, weed became anxiety inducing. I suspect that this sensitivity is just anxiety overanalyzing how I feel on a substance. This might be a good another topic. Anyways because of that I started to titrate my way up gradually. That's why I feel a bit not ready for psychedelics at a time. Once I get used to weed again I would like to microdose for a month or so if all be good. That's my plan at least.