Preety_India

I'm Preety /Babloo

158 posts in this topic

October 2019 

Joseph tells me that he is about to be evicted again probably because of his jail record. 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

November 2019. 

Joseph was evicted again and he began to live in a homeless shelter. They had launched a job program there called farestart, a cooking job. I encouraged Joseph to join it. I was happy for him. The program had a lot of benefits. They would provide free accommodation and free food for those who did well. Joseph could have saved up on his welfare earnings. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

December  2019. 

In November, I had began to feel like Joseph was acting aloof. I was quickly able to figure out why.. 

This was the first time I could see Joseph's narcissistic side. 

He was being a sadistic opportunistic narcissist. 

Joseph wanted to cut me out of his life. 

He had found a new job. He thought he could find someone better than me. 

He wanted to distance himself from me. 

I could sense it. 

This was also the first time I began to seek help on the forum regarding this relationship. 

We broke off during this period. 

This was my 6th attempt to break off with him. 

I thought I would never get back with him again. 

It was November last week and Joseph had gotten into a tense argument with a woman at the program. She had complained to the authorities about Joseph's abusive behavior and they decided to let him go. Joseph lost his job.

In this state of panic and frustration, he remembered the only one person who always stood by him. Me.

He began texting me again. And we got back again. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

January/February   2020

There was nothing eventful except for the news of a strange virus. 

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

March 13 2020

It was Friday the 13th. 

Joseph asked me to come to America and marry him.. 

I replied - a loud emphatic no 

Joseph was furious. 

He posted this on his Facebook a few moments later - 

Fuckkkkkkk

I could sense his anger. 

This was the 7th time we were breaking up. 

No way was I going to marry him after whatever happened in last  November. 

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

April / May    2020

Joseph wasn't talking to me since March. Than gradually he tried to warm up to me. 

We began talking again. 

We got back together. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

 

June / August 2020. 

 

Everything was relatively fine during this time. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

September 2020

So it was September 25,2020 

I was chatting with Joseph. 

And then..... 

I receive a vulgar lewd text message from a guy on Facebook. 

I told Joseph about it. I was extremely upset. Nervous. Feeling overwhelmed by the sexual harassment. 

Then Joseph confronted that guy.. 

I was sobbing. I had been sobbing quietly for almost 2 hours.. 

Then Joseph began to act weird. 

He started blaming me for the sexual harassment. 

I was completely taken by surprise and a bit upset. 

Then he suddenly texted me 

"we are done. It's over." 

I was extremely upset and I began to cry again. I could not understand what was going on. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

September last week 2020

For the next 5 days, I kept wondering what must have gone wrong between us. I hadn't had a clue. Why was Joseph acting so aloof and weird? 

Joseph and I had fought endless times. 

But it was never this way. This was out of left field. 

Whenever we fought, it was always a lot of back and forth bickering and spontaneous fighting. He would say a ton of mean things. Usually he would cuss me out with abusive stuff. I would say mean things to trigger him 

This time nothing like that happened

Joseph would normally try to win me back. He would be silent for a day or two and then make up with me. Usually he would start with some unrelated subject and try to get back with me. 

This time he did nothing. 

He said something like - I love you but this is not working. 

There was a certain kind of finality to his tone.

I was increasingly nervous. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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The personal messenger is open for you. Use that maybe??? 

You're either a mental case or you're on drugs 

 

I don't even want my journal followed. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

The personal messenger is open for you. Use that maybe??? 

You're either a mental case or you're on drugs 

 

I don't even want my journal followed. 

 

I'm sorry I'm just stupid sometimes lolxD

Deleted my comment have a nice day!

Also: I am not following your journal, no worries ;)

Edited by Michael Jackson

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One day all you people will drive me insane. 

 

 

The last thing a BPD wants to deal with is awkwardness and lack of respect. 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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17 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

One day all you people will drive me insane. 

 

 

The last thing a BPD wants to deal with is awkwardness and lack of respect. 

 

 

This makes me sad :(

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You're still following my journal though 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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My third boyfriend Joseph 

September last week 2020.. 

Joseph used to never be this cold towards me. Something was off. If we fought we really fought bad. 

He said to me - I love you but this is not working. 

But he used to say "I love you" only if he wanted to win me back. 

This time he didn't do anything to win me back. He wasn't trying to make up with me. 

I was a bit nervous and upset. Constantly waiting for something from him. Some closure. Nothing. No reasons given. 

Other than just that he loves me. 

Then one day I scrolled through his Facebook and saw that he had been interacting with some girl. 

I saw that these interactions went back as far as the early days of August. 

I confronted Joseph on this. 

What was all this about? 

Joseph told me that he had been cheating on me with this girl since the past few months. 

That broke my heart. I never expected that. 

I told Joseph that cheating was the last thing I could take. 

I told him that I was never going to take him back.. Joseph said "I still love you Babloo." 

And I said 'no Joseph no. I can't. "

It was over at last.. 

 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You're still following my journal though 

 

Lol this is what you meant?? Hahaha I didn't follow it:D actualized.org auto-follows everything that I leave a comment under

Edited by Michael Jackson

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This journal is complete. 

 

This is the last entry in my journal. 

 

With that said, I close this journal in peace. 

The next men I met were absolute gentleman and I have nothing bad to say about them. They treated me well and for some unlikely reasons things didn't work. But I absolutely cherish the relationships I had with them.

 

They were Marcel and Benton. Marcel treated me like a princess. It helped me get over the trauma somewhat. 

 

Benton treated me well and I was very happy with him as long as the relationship lasted. I am still trying to get over him and after meeting Benton I haven't felt like being attracted to any other guy ever since. I just lost attraction for men after him. He is the last guy I fell in love with(after meeting him I don't feel like liking any other guy anymore) and I am not looking to date men anymore. This was it. 

 

6k1nbl.gif

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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