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Fernanda

Can you have sex multiple times if you are not attracted to the person?

32 posts in this topic

I had an experience that I can't make sense of.
I'm going to share something personal, I'm really confused. You will understand my question in the end.
I met this guy on the Internet and we had sex multiple times and we used to chat everyday. I really liked him, although I sensed he was emotionally distant. But we talked for hours.

After the third date (the third time we had sex) he said we should be friends because he wasn't attracted to me enough to keep dating, etc. He emphasized we lacked chemistry. I said ok, let's be friends, etc. In that same day he said he had regreted what he said because he was strangely turned on after we talked. We had sex again and again, better and better. Last time he even said it had been great. Somedays later he started telling about how I did not accept we should just be friends, because he didn’t feel what I felt. And he regreted having had sex with me again, because he knew since the first date we lacked chemistry, etc. He even told me that he had fucked another girl the other day and there was chemistry. He said he liked to talk to me and that was all, he didn't like me as a woman.
Strangely enough, he said he had fucked this girl on saturday and called me and fucked me on sunday and monday again.
This all seems weird to me, mainly because I tried to back off so many times and it was him who came after me to go out again.
Now there is a dissonance in my mind, I feel disrespected, confused. I am not in love with him, but our conversations lasted for hours, and I just thought that to be pretty rare.

I did say some things to him in the end, that the kind of comparison he was making and talking about regret was so childsh.

I guess my biggest question is in the title of the thread.
Sorry, English is not my first language.
I would be very glad if you have any insight.

Love❤

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I bet he's an asshole and stupid at the same time. Narcissistic personality red flag. I've talked to such stupid guys before. I'm glad I wasn't sexually evolved with them. Block him for good. If you need to talk just hit me up.

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Sounds like the kind of guy you should prob not keep talking to

His attitude can be explained by him getting horny and thinking with his dick, he knows you'll fuck him so when he gets horny he messages you. When he's no longer horny he loses interest until he's horny again

But generally it sounds like he has absolutely no respect for you at all and you should move on

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23 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

I bet he's an asshole and stupid at the same time. Narcissistic personality red flag. I've talked to such stupid guys before. I'm glad I wasn't sexually evolved with them. Block him for good. If you need to talk just hit me up.

That's what I sense too. He even told me I am crazy, but I never went after him or anything. I never insisted on any situation. I stop talking and I don't want to see him again. What he tells me is that he is being honest and I don’t like honesty, but to me it sounds everything but honesty. Anyways, it is not a good position to be in. I'm moving on. Thank you, it means a lot to have someone to interact with about this issue.

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25 minutes ago, something_else said:

Sounds like the kind of guy you should prob not keep talking to

His attitude can be explained by him getting horny and thinking with his dick, he knows you'll fuck him so when he gets horny he messages you. When he's no longer horny he loses interest until he's horny again

But generally it sounds like he has absolutely no respect for you at all and you should move on

Yes, he said he regreted acting on his impulses, because he is not attracted to me. I still have to learn to deal with this level of disrespect, maybe I am still naive in a way. 

Thank you very much for responding. 

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This guy sounds like a fuckboy... ¬¬

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@Fernanda

Sounds like a guy who plays "hard  to get" mixed with some other manipulation strategies.

Like, "I'll fuck her, but tell her there's no chemistry, so she starts to doubt herself and chases me even more".

I could be wrong, but it sounds like he's just trying to keep you on your toes. Having sex (making you attached) but telling you he's not really into you (make you work harder/chase).

Or maybe he's just really weird and does this for other reasons, anyway it sounds like a guy you should avoid.

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4 minutes ago, Asayake said:

This guy sounds like a fuckboy... ¬¬

Exactly, but behind the screen and behind words he sold me another image of himself as being a very serious and honest man. My mind can't process that very well.

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9 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

@Fernanda

Sounds like a guy who plays "hard  to get" mixed with some other manipulation strategies.

Like, "I'll fuck her, but tell her there's no chemistry, so she starts to doubt herself and chases me even more".

I could be wrong, but it sounds like he's just trying to keep you on your toes. Having sex (making you attached) but telling you he's not really into you (make you work harder/chase).

Or maybe he's just really weird and does this for other reasons, anyway it sounds like a guy you should avoid.

Yes, he is very articulate. He plays mind games. This really generates a cognitive dissonance, since we talked for hours and now I see it was all bullshit. Anyways, I am trying to understand so I won't keep any negativity about the situation, just move on.

Thank you for responding.

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I’m sorry you’re going through that. Its rough. He shouldn't have told you you’re crazy. You aren’t.

People have sex without being attracted like that all the time.
 


Why do I love you?  I don't need a reason.

https://lingabhairavi.org/

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4 minutes ago, Benton said:

I’m sorry you’re going through that. Its rough. He shouldn't have told you you’re crazy. You aren’t.

People have sex without being attracted like that all the time.
 

Thank you. I see. For my part I can't have sex multiple times with someone I am not sexually attracted to. If I don’t feel attraction I can't even kiss to begin with. But I get that people are different. 

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10 minutes ago, Fernanda said:

Exactly, but behind the screen and behind words he sold me another image of himself as being a very serious and honest man. My mind can't process that very well.

I get that. He did try to create an attachment in you to him so that he could rely on you for sex to fulfill himself. It's not a very nice game he is playing so you should definitely cut ties with him and try to let go of thoughts of him and move on. That's just my opinion of course, you do as you wish. With that being said, to answer your thread title he was definitely attracted to you or otherwise he wouldn't have approached you at all. It's just for him attraction is all about sex because he is emotionally underdeveloped right now and will be until he himself decides to grow as a person. And he's most likely turning to the other girl for sex as well, using the same excuse with her when he finds yet another girl. For him sex and love is drug and he will suffer for it in the end and be forced to change his ways. Let go of thoughts, connect to your breath & inner body. There's no reason to spend your precious time alive on thinking too much about him. There are good things here & now for you to be with. With time you'll find a better guy. There's plenty of fish in the sea :) 

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3 minutes ago, Asayake said:

I get that. He did try to create an attachment in you to him so that he could rely on you for sex to fulfill himself. It's not a very nice game he is playing so you should definitely cut ties with him and try to let go of thoughts of him and move on. That's just my opinion of course, you do as you wish. With that being said, to answer your thread title he was definitely attracted to you or otherwise he wouldn't have approached you at all. It's just for him attraction is all about sex because he is emotionally underdeveloped right now and will be until he himself decides to grow as a person. And he's most likely turning to the other girl for sex as well, using the same excuse with her when he finds yet another girl. For him sex and love is drug and he will suffer for it in the end and be forced to change his ways. Let go of thoughts, connect to your breath & inner body. There's no reason to spend your precious time alive on thinking too much about him. There are good things here & now for you to be with. With time you'll find a better guy. There's plenty of fish in the sea :) 

You have put into words what my intuition was trying to tell me. I couldn’t be more greatful. I don't talk to him since then. The fact that I am emotionally available and he is not can't make me weak, after all. I will just give some time and keep fishing, for sure. Thank you?

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6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Fernanda 

Just sharing my experience. I came across a few Brazilian guys. They were full of themselves, very narcissistic and cheated on their girlfriends and played mind games. I'm sorry it can be rough. 

 

 

Yes, it's a stage red/blue society. The good thing is to learn. I have to learn to love the truth of my experience, even if it feels ugly and nasty. Thank you?

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Sending you love. Nobody can really hurt you if you don't let them and you have all the power in your hands, you already let him go and a bunch of other assholes I bet. Girl's life! What can you do? Haha 

Take care x ❤️

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29 minutes ago, egoeimai said:

Sending you love. Nobody can really hurt you if you don't let them and you have all the power in your hands, you already let him go and a bunch of other assholes I bet. Girl's life! What can you do? Haha 

Take care x ❤️

That's it! :) The best is yet to come. Thank you. You take care too❤

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Posted (edited)

7 hours ago, Fernanda said:

Thank you. I see. For my part I can't have sex multiple times with someone I am not sexually attracted to. If I don’t feel attraction I can't even kiss to begin with. But I get that people are different. 

Oh. Well he was definitely sexually attracted to you. I thought you meant emotional.

If he says otherwise, thats a lack of integrity. Understandable.

 You’ll find way cooler people than this guy. Everyone meets someone like him at some point. People aren’t so straight edged

Edited by Benton

Why do I love you?  I don't need a reason.

https://lingabhairavi.org/

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It sounds like he is going through things and confused about what he wants (or just doesn't want what you do). In either case it seems like you are a casualty of all this and what would be best for you is to cut him off and find someone more in line with you ^_^


OCEAN MAN TAKE ME BY THE LAND LEAD ME TO THE LAND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcaPiiFZu2o&ab_channel=Ween-Topic

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Don't sleep with a guy on the first date, if he's really into you he will wait. 


RIP Roe V Wade 1973-2022 :)

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55 minutes ago, Benton said:

Oh. Well he was definitely sexually attracted to you. I thought you meant emotional.

If he says otherwise, thats a lack of integrity. Understandable.

 You’ll find way cooler people than this guy. Everyone meets someone like him at some point. People aren’t so straight edged

Yes. I understood he was not emotionally available, but what got me puzzled was the lack of integrity. Thank you @Benton

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