How To Deal With A Huge Amount Of Repressed Emotions ?

[nick96]

10 hours ago, ajasatya said:

don't rush. it's about loving yourself. it's impossible to release repressed emotions fast and comfortably. jeez, it's actually impossible to do it comfortably, slowly or fast.

The fact is that I repressed really A LOT . The foundation of my entire sense of self was built on a giant trauma that occured in the first two years of my life. I really had to wake up because at the beginning of this year I was full ( my body could not contain it any more ) !

And it is possible to release/transmute past pain fast. When I had my first big opening at a Vipassana retreat I had very strong vibrations going though my whole body and I felt like emotions were dissolving internally . Also the two times I did Holotropic breathwork something similar happened but with less intensity.

I did a mistake by saying I want to do it comfortably : of course emotional labour is challenging and painful . What I really meant is that I am willing to face the pain in greater amounts all together rather than in smaller quantities but separately. I am willing to face any emotional pain no matter how strong it is.

During the last time I did Holotropic breathwork all the pain came up together and I felt this huge fear of losing control over everything. The sensation was that of becoming smaller and smaller. But I resisted it : the fear was too much .The facilitators told me after that I was going into ego death . 

To give you an idea of the depth of the repression , during the last month I temporarily lost sensibility of my left hand and arm for all the emotion that was stored in the hand and in the wrist. 

What I need are techniques to face more pain together.

And, yes , in the end it is all about loving myself and opening to receiving love from others. 

@Azrael

I did EMDR both alone and with therapists around 15 times and it increases and speeds up the process but not that much . Are you sure a small dose of psilocybin wouldn't be effective ?

@Nahm the emotion I suppressed the most is deep grief . Some anger too but a lot less. 

[nick96]

@Truth Seekah

I like the video bioenergetics catharsis.

You know what, I never EXPRESSED myself for 20 years. The only thing I could do was trying to prove myself since my mother did not love me but used me to fill her own deficiencies . 

[Azrael]

2 hours ago, nick96 said:

I did EMDR both alone and with therapists around 15 times and it increases and speeds up the process but not that much . Are you sure a small dose of psilocybin wouldn't be effective ?

Now, shrooms can be highly effective in your situation. But I am not a doctor and I don't now who you are and how much you can stand. If I just were to say: "Yeah, go ahead, shoot your brain out with shrooms" and you do that and commit suicide because all of the repressed emotions are coming up, I cannot stay by that statement. (Btw, that's possible. You can lose total control if the dose is high enough and if you then get into a wrong stream of thoughts, you might kill yourself. That's not just a saying.)

For someone who is emotionally at a normal base level (normal non-integrated egoic consciousness), I think it's quite safe if you do the research and start slow to try psychedelics. Of course there are always exceptions.

But if you have serious emotional problems, you better talk to a doctor about that or do it with a doctor. I had serious emotional problems (due to shadow work / spiritual purification) and I did psychedelics either way, but that's because I researched them myself intensely, started slow, and I know who I am and how much I can take.

But I can't make that call for you. So, go research. And if you do, start slow.

[nick96]

@Azrael @Azrael

What books do you recommend for my research ?

I read "Decomposing The Shadow: Lessons From The Psilocybin Mushroom" by james jesso.

Do you think shrooms would be the best psychedelic to begin studying about and trying out ? 

 

[Azrael]

5 hours ago, nick96 said:

What books do you recommend for my research ?

I'd suggest reading some scientific articles and studies about the topic. Maybe talk to some people who were in the situation you are in and how they did it. Shrooms are a start if you start slow. But go research, it's all out there.

[Dino D]

On 8/9/2017 at 3:58 PM, nick96 said:

@Azrael @Azrael

What books do you recommend for my research ?

I read "Decomposing The Shadow: Lessons From The Psilocybin Mushroom" by james jesso.

Do you think shrooms would be the best psychedelic to begin studying about and trying out ? 

 

hej dude, how are you today?

[nick96]

 

On 12/5/2017 at 1:58 PM, Dino D said:

hej dude, how are you today?

Hey, thank you for asking.

I am in a very hard time. I have done a lot of progress in the last months but I have still a lot of work to do. 

I do every day some exercises for releasing emotions and have done breathwork other several times . I also practice yoga and other things. I can’t stop feeling the subtle energy moving in the body and painful sensations arising and pushing to come out.  I also can’t go back to being identified with thought, except for brief periods. I am in the middle of huge change . It is always more clear to me how much I have been suffering and how much I have been denying it. 

I have cried a lot and I still cry daily. I also have some anger outbursts sometimes. 

On the positive side, I feel better in my body : there is always less tension and I am more flexible. 

I attend every month workshops to integrate what is happening.

For brief moments I opened up to very strong new sensations in the heart and I see where all of this process is leading me to.  I am sure my entire self concept is built over this repression, over the denial of love. in fact I lived 21 years completely without knowing that love exists. A lot of memories come up almost every day . I am reprocessing my entire life. 

I also have had a few other mystical experiences.

My mind often goes crazy and , despite all the work , I still have self-sabotaging thoughts. My core beliefs about life are shifting too. 

I also find it very hard to share what is happening to me with others and find comprehensive people. The hardest thing is that I have nobody near me that understands me fully.

I ground myself by doing some simple jobs. I now work in a restaurant and go for a walk often.

I am also planning to go do some honest conversations with people I used to know before doing this work and tell the truth about my emotions and other facts about my life , but maybe I want to reach more stability before doing that. 

I masturbate to porn sometimes and I think I want to stop.

When I reach more stability I am also planning to go live in some spiritual community.

[Dino D]

On 11. 12. 2017. at 8:47 PM, nick96 said:

 

Hey, thank you for asking.

I am in a very hard time. I have done a lot of progress in the last months but I have still a lot of work to do. 

I do every day some exercises for releasing emotions and have done breathwork other several times . I also practice yoga and other things. I can’t stop feeling the subtle energy moving in the body and painful sensations arising and pushing to come out.  I also can’t go back to being identified with thought, except for brief periods. I am in the middle of huge change . It is always more clear to me how much I have been suffering and how much I have been denying it. 

I have cried a lot and I still cry daily. I also have some anger outbursts sometimes. 

On the positive side, I feel better in my body : there is always less tension and I am more flexible. 

I attend every month workshops to integrate what is happening.

For brief moments I opened up to very strong new sensations in the heart and I see where all of this process is leading me to.  I am sure my entire self concept is built over this repression, over the denial of love. in fact I lived 21 years completely without knowing that love exists. A lot of memories come up almost every day . I am reprocessing my entire life. 

I also have had a few other mystical experiences.

My mind often goes crazy and , despite all the work , I still have self-sabotaging thoughts. My core beliefs about life are shifting too. 

I also find it very hard to share what is happening to me with others and find comprehensive people. The hardest thing is that I have nobody near me that understands me fully.

I ground myself by doing some simple jobs. I now work in a restaurant and go for a walk often.

I am also planning to go do some honest conversations with people I used to know before doing this work and tell the truth about my emotions and other facts about my life , but maybe I want to reach more stability before doing that. 

I masturbate to porn sometimes and I think I want to stop.

When I reach more stability I am also planning to go live in some spiritual community.

Hey, thats why I asked, it seeams that you suffer more then usual and that you have more trauma than it is common. However I see a lot of those similarities by me... Not that intese but still, and I cant relase anything... It happen two times last year, was great, but my repression is hardcore evan I dont have as much to repress like you did (I guess)... There are no meditations, worshop or spiritual comunities near me, for that I can only leave my country or evan my part of the world (Balkan), but why leave family, friends, girfriend and others... Still 4 you maybe its the right thing to do.

I don't know how to help you, but still some advice: Whatever is happening to you now, thats not it  dont belive it to much, it will pass... Maybe you also know what you want and what you should do, but you denie it and want to escape (do more meditations, join communitys and stuff). Maybe you just have to accept what you want and do that... evan if its false, like mastrubating to porn, maybe you just need stupid stuff like a ,,woman" or sex or do things/jobs that you trully want... maybe this is also a tottaly wrong advice and you should like a real master abide from all of that, but you can think about that and decide 4 your self...

Hmm can you tell me anything specific on how to relase emotions? I often wake up at nights, there is something borthering me, scarring me, anxiety, also i feel the energy/tension in my body... I try to relase it or to see what it is, but nothig... what do you advice 4 that?

In this moment I deeply think of you and wish you freedom and happines, thats all I can.. Good luck

[nick96]

@Dino D what worked for me for emotional release Is :

• holotropic breathwork 
• rebirhting breathwork 
• yoga 
• Osho Dinamic meditation
• bioenergetics 
• trauma release exercise (TRE)
• radical honesty
• meditation
• EMDR
• other body centered therapies / workshops 

i see you live in Bosnia from your profile. There are holotropic breathwork workshops in Croatia and Slovenia . The first time I did it, It was in Slovenia. You can see here : http://www.holotropic-association.eu/events/breathwork-workshops 

 

but if I went back I would probably choose a more gradual approach, breathwork is very powerful but potentially very destabilizing . 

[nick96]

if someone knows some other method or has any useful advice , please share