Girl Rejected Me Because I Don't Drink

[Emrie]

We were talking and it was going well, she offered me her drink and I just said "Oh no, I don't drink". She asked why and I just said I don't like it. Then she told me she couldn't be with a man who doesn't drink because drinking is an important part of her life and tbh I didn't really listen past this point because I don't wanna hear excuses for drinking.

Coming out of this, I feel like I need some funny playful way to refuse drinks, could just lie and say I'm drunk enough already, and perhaps not disclose my soberness.

What're y'all's experiences with not drinking?

[Preety_India]

You can say that you like drinking but you're not in the mood for that day or moment. 

[SamC]

11 minutes ago, Emrie said:

We were talking and it was going well, she offered me her drink and I just said "Oh no, I don't drink". She asked why and I just said I don't like it. Then she told me she couldn't be with a man who doesn't drink because drinking is an important part of her life and tbh I didn't really listen past this point because I don't wanna hear excuses for drinking.

Coming out of this, I feel like I need some funny playful way to refuse drinks, could just lie and say I'm drunk enough already, and perhaps not disclose my soberness.

What're y'all's experiences with not drinking?

@Emrie Lol. Had the same happen to me. It was actually quite funny. She flaked on me but I know that If I had been making better moves ect the possibilty would have been there for me to sleep with her. She was attracted but logicialy said " I want a guy who drinks " and I was like, sure but you know it doesn't matter cuz you're attracted to me. Then later she went to the bathroom and I lost her.

Moral of the story: Don't let her use the bathroom ( XDXD) + more importantly, learn how to close. It doesn't matter, attraction is all relative. If you push the right buttons she will get attracted - generlly speaking, atleast if she hooks.

[Roy]

You dodged a mismatch. It's one thing to have the standard of saying you won't date someone who DOES drink or smoke, but it's not fair to have the opposite standard of EXPECTING someone to drink or smoke. That's a little fucked up.

[Snader]

In most alcohol included social situations there unfortunately isn't much room for expressing any anti-alcohol attitude. So better just crack some jokes or use some good sarcasm suitable for the situation. Just keep it cool and stay social.

People usually don't REALLY want to know your reasons. They will usually give a laugh and ignore the fact that you're not drinking, IF you can make fun of it and show them that you're enjoying your time.

Maybe something like ''I'm fucked up enough while sober'' with an honest smile on your face, or if you want to make it flirty; ''You don't want to see me drunk'' (with proper body language)...

 

 

 

 

[Leo Gura]

What you do in this situation is you talk to more girls.

A big part of dating/pickup is screening out girls who are not a good match for you. Just because she is hot doesn't mean it's a good match.

If a girl leaves you because you refuse her drink, that is not a girl you should be interested in sleeping with.

The lesson here for you is not about how to get such girls go stay. The lesson is to screen them out yourself.

YOU should be screening her, instead she screened you. This is your mistake. Learn to SCREEN girls.

[ZenSwift]

1 hour ago, Roy said:

it's not fair to have the opposite standard of EXPECTING someone to drink or smoke. That's a little fucked up.

SO many people operate like this. People are so ideological towards justifications of their vices. To the point where they'll exclude people that don't partake in their lifestyle.

[PurpleTree]

46 minutes ago, ZenSwift said:

SO many people operate like this. People are so ideological towards justifications of their vices. To the point where they'll exclude people that don't partake in their lifestyle.

and i think that's fair

if she parties a lot and drinks then she wants someone to drink with etc.

if someone is into sports or spirituality or veganism, they might want someone who's similar

[aurum]

2 hours ago, Emrie said:

Then she told me she couldn't be with a man who doesn't drink because drinking is an important part of her life

It’s possible that was just a token objection. But assuming she was serious, then she’s right to “reject” you. You’re clearly not compatible for a long term relationship.

If it was a token objection, then the key is to just make a joke of it. Don’t take it too serious, stay in your frame.

[PepperBlossoms]

I used to be like that in terms of thinking people were closed-minded for not wanting to drink but I don't even drink now.  Drinking can have quite a bit of problems on one's mental health.  I found that I would get depressed (it may not have necessarily been fully the alcohol and just more of my mental health I had not faced).  Drinking is cool for being free and wild and for being brave... but I would drink too much and then be the one throwing up or on the floor in the bathroom or the one everyone was handing water too...

It is cool to try and have a phase to see what it is like but if one doesn't want to do that, they shouldn't have to.

She may just really, really like drinking, which I was totally like - I wanted to go out every weekend to get drunk.  It was super fun at the time.

Now I look back and go, well it was fun. I was kinda stupid because of how drunk I would get.

I guess it is just another way to experience reality.  There will be A LOT OF PEOPLE who don't want to drink at all but they may not be at bars/clubs though.  Me in my current age would rather not spend every weekend at the bar/club and I also don't like the loud music but again, will depend on the person.

There is a whole cornucopia of people with all these different preferences, needs, wants, desires, etc.  It's okay to be yourself.

As an additional note - I think that I WAS THE CLOSED-MINDED ONE.  But yeah some don't even want to try it at all ever... but that is okay too and totally up to the individual.

There are lots of people who used to drink or had drinking problems and now celebrate their soberness.  Drinking addiction can be a cover-up for shame according to the book I am reading (as with other addictions too such as drug addiction, sex addiction, porn addiction, religious addiction, etc.)

Edited March 22, 2022 by PepperBlossoms

[Spence94]

4 hours ago, ZenSwift said:

SO many people operate like this. People are so ideological towards justifications of their vices. To the point where they'll exclude people that don't partake in their lifestyle.

It's tough being sober in an intoxicated environment. It's like going to an all you can eat steak house buffet and eating a salad. You can joke about it, but you won't be on the same wavelength as the rest of the table.

 

Edited March 23, 2022 by Spence94

[Spence94]

4 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

What you do in this situation is you talk to more girls.

A big part of dating/pickup is screening out girls who are not a good match for you. Just because she is hot doesn't mean it's a good match.

If a girl leaves you because you refuse her drink, that is not a girl you should be interested in sleeping with.

The lesson here for you is not about how to get such girls go stay. The lesson is to screen them out yourself.

YOU should be screening her, instead she screened you. This is your mistake. Learn to SCREEN girls.

?

[museumoftrees]

A good mindset to have is that she was going to reject you no matter what. Many times women aren’t in the psychological state to have a romantic relationship or sexual interaction but they’ll happily sit in a bar or go to a cafe with you. Maybe she just retrospectively chose that as a convenient pretext to reject you.

[Danioover9000]

@Emrie

8 hours ago, Emrie said:

We were talking and it was going well, she offered me her drink and I just said "Oh no, I don't drink". She asked why and I just said I don't like it. Then she told me she couldn't be with a man who doesn't drink because drinking is an important part of her life and tbh I didn't really listen past this point because I don't wanna hear excuses for drinking.

Coming out of this, I feel like I need some funny playful way to refuse drinks, could just lie and say I'm drunk enough already, and perhaps not disclose my soberness.

What're y'all's experiences with not drinking?

   What were your reasons for not drinking in general?

[RendHeaven]

she should be scrambling to not drink to be more like you

[puporing]

Not a bad thing she literally told you it's a dealbreaker so it won't work/saves you time. Not much point in trying to skirt around the issue or hide your preferences (and hers) until later. 

[Ulax]

Its cool. nothing to change imo

[flowboy]

If she says: I only date people who drink alcohol / smoke / inject cocaine,

I would just reply: Well, it was nice to meet you then.

And turn my body halfway away from her.

If she was serious about that, it's not a match and she'll walk away.

If she is still interested in you, now you conveyed non-neediness and she'll chase you.

Thereby you are holding the frame and she's falling into it.

13 hours ago, Preety_India said:

You can say that you like drinking but you're not in the mood for that day or moment. 

If you respond to a statement of standards like that with any form of explaining yourself, you're conveying low status and neediness. It's only downhill from there, because you're telegraphing that you're willing to bend to someone's standards in order to get love, attention and sex. High value people don't do that.

[Preety_India]

24 minutes ago, flowboy said:

If you respond to a statement of standards like that with any form of explaining yourself, you're conveying low status and neediness. It's only downhill from there, because you're telegraphing that you're willing to bend to someone's standards in order to get love, attention and sex. High value people don't do that.

What so wrong about bending? 

Organic people don't think too much about high value and low value. 

They value everyone equally. They don't divide humanity into high value and low value. They prefer unity of human race versus division. 

We are all equal spiritually. Nobody is high or low. 

Ever heard of terms like Elitism and Classism? 

Such thinking leads to creating of high class and low class in the mind and that's the most unspiritual ungodly act, let alone high value 

 

Organic people automatically eliminate Elitists like you. Good on them. 

That's bad karma they avoid 

 

 

Edited March 23, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@flowboy instead of framing it as high value or low value and to stop being played or treated like a doormat you can use terminology like boundaries. 

That's much better and acceptable than using low quality high quality low value high value which is kinda inherently condescending.