Diary of a sexually repressed girl

[Preety_India]

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The elements of sexual surrender. 

Conquest and surrender. Captivity. 

Possession and intimacy 

 •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•

 

 •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•

 

 •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•

 

                       

 •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•

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 •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•

Edit here. 

 

•✿✿✿⊱????✳️?✳️????⊰✿✿✿•

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

•✿✿✿⊱✸⊰✿✿✿• •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•✸⊰⊰⊰⊰• ...

 

 

 

Edited March 15, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

I was feeling a bit insecure about uploading my own picture.

But uploaded my own picture once again. 

 

[Marcel]

8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

was feeling a bit insecure about uploading my own picture.

But uploaded my own picture once again. 

You look beautifully fantastic Schnuggle bun 

??

[Preety_India]

@Marcel am I poley hase too? 

[Marcel]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Marcel am I poley hase too? 

??? *Twirly bird Hase 

Poely and elegantly long dancing yes 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Marcel said:

??? *Twirly bird Hase 

Poely and elegantly long dancing yes 

Omg. I'm getting tingling all over. 

Dances like a crazy rabbit around a pole. 

 

@Marcel you make me crazy Mr Supercomputer. You are so intoxicating. 

 

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by Preety_India

[Marcel]

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Omg. I'm getting tingling all over.

digidigidig *makes it even more tingly 

 

4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Dances like a crazy rabbit around a pole. 

My sweet dancy Hase let’s loose the heely dance moves. Ms silly In element 

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, Marcel said:

digidigidig *makes it even more tingly 

 

My sweet dancy Hase let’s loose the heely dance moves. Ms silly In element 

You're making me exxxxstatic

[Preety_India]

 

Sexual intimacy is extremely important to me. It's opening new doors. 

I had some repression going on. 

Maybe these repressed fantasies are related to a state of security. 

Maybe the snake is a symbol of protection and security to me. 

Bhuragajar and Princess Jalveni. 

Nazranzet is the new name for the snake. 

... 

The snake has sex with Princess Jalveni. 

Now I'm thinking that these sexual fantasies which have always been repressed are an indicator of the fact that my mind is searching for security in some form.. 

 

 

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

•✿✿✿⊱✸⊰✿✿✿• •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•✸⊰⊰⊰⊰• ...

[Preety_India]

•✿✿✿⊱✸⊰✿✿✿• •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•✸⊰⊰⊰⊰• 

 

[Preety_India]

•✿✿✿⊱✸⊰✿✿✿• •⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰⊰••⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•

Part of the reason could be trauma. I was raised in a very repressed controlled environment. 

I think that sort of a closed upbringing can cause a lot of repression. 

And then when you become an adult that sort of repression expresses itself in sexual fantasies? 

An outlet for how the psyche was shaped? 

 

Edited March 16, 2022 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

There was a time in my life, especially when I had my first boyfriend and my first breakup that I had absolutely begun to despise men and developed a lot of biases around men. I went with this thought that men only hurt and every man would only hurt me. 

I think a lot of it had to do with my sexual repression due to cultural conditioning. I never really felt the sexual love of a man back then and any reference to sex used to make me not want the man. 

In the past few months, I underwent sexual healing, specifically opening up sexually and curing some of the sexual repression that went for so long without me realizing it. The cultural conditioning can be so brutal and deep, when I look back it's almost unimaginable. I would patriarchal sexual conditioning of women is probably the worst thing that can happen to a woman. The woman begins to absolutely detest men and anything regarding sex and almost thinks of sex like a liability rather than an enjoyable activity. This way she sees man only as some provider but fails to see a male for being a male, like she cannot relate to his horniness or his sensitivity as a male, his needs are almost forgotten. This culture is extremely detrimental to women because it hampers a man's need to satisfy a woman and it hampers a woman's positivity to a man, it leads to a lot of slut shaming, dare I say it, like shaming the woman for having sexual needs because it makes the patriarchy feel oppressed? 

So when I healed this side of me, I am not sure what changes are happening in me but now I look at men in a completely different way. 

I have begun to like men. I have begun to appreciate men.. I even find certain men (obviously the ones that attract me) very alluring and intoxicating. This change is on a ridiculous level.. 

I feel like I can actually fully love a man. I used to hate the idea of the penis. Now I absolutely love the idea of the penis. 

One of the reasons why this happened is that I experienced deep sexual love from a man and then everything changed. 

I think now I understand incels. I understand why they hate women. They never get laid and never get the sexual love of a woman causing them to fear/hate women. It's a form of internal alienation on a psychological level. But once these needs are met by a woman, then they won't hate women as much. 

For me this change happened. I received a man's love and that dramatically healed my inner Hate for men and all the biases I was holding on to for so long. 

 

Now I find men very attractive and intoxicating. Healing the inner incel...

 

[Preety_India]

Everytime I write this journal my heart rate increases why? 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Addressing the fear while writing this journal.... 

I still have fears of being slut shamed while writing this journal.. 

 

[Preety_India]

I always feel like I will be slut shamed if I write this journal. 

It's hard for me. Living in constant fear of being shamed. 

This is not good for a woman's mental health. 

 

[Preety_India]

I come from a Hyper strong masculine dominated patriarchal culture that demonizes women who open up sexually and there's an awful lot of shaming of women who talk about their sexual feelings. 

Now when I look back, it's the single greatest thing that has done extensive damage to my womanhood and mental health. 

 

 

[RickyFitts]

Sexual repression's such a tough one, because sexuality is simply a part of who we are - so when we repress our sexual energy, we're repressing ourselves, ultimately. 

I think the key thing is just accepting and integrating your own sexuality - it's a beautiful, intoxicating part of who you are, and repressing that aspect of yourself just isn't good for your well-being. I get it, though, it's something I've struggled with a lot in my own life - sexual repression goes hand-in-hand with emotional repression, it seems to me, I notice how aggressive my sexual expression tends to be when it's coming from an emotionally-repressed place. And, ugh, it's just not very pleasurable or loving, I fell madly in love with a woman recently and I couldn't imagine touching her with that sort of sexual aggression.

[Preety_India]

5 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Sexual repression's such a tough one, because sexuality is simply a part of who we are - so when we repress our sexual energy, we're repressing ourselves, ultimately. 

I think the key thing is just accepting and integrating your own sexuality - it's a beautiful, intoxicating part of who you are, and repressing that aspect of yourself just isn't good for your well-being. I get it, though, it's something I've struggled with a lot in my own life - sexual repression goes hand-in-hand with emotional repression, it seems to me, I notice how aggressive my sexual expression tends to be when it's coming from an emotionally-repressed place. And, ugh, it's just not very pleasurable or loving, I fell madly in love with a woman recently and I couldn't imagine touching her with that sort of sexual aggression.

Yea I experienced how beautiful sex can be very recently. 

Sex can have many flavors just like music..