Vivaldo

Is wrong to be in a one sided relationship?

23 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Is it right fantasizing about crushes? And thinking and obsessing about them? 

Every time I fall into this trap, it doesn't not work out well.? 

 

Edited by Vivaldo

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What you doing is banging your head againts the wall distracting yourself from working to be attractive, to attract that type of girl you desire which is not an easy task, so you get your fix from engaging in emotional phantasy that gives you some low level satisfaction and in the end you feel more unworthy ...

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It’s not wrong, but it’s better for you if you are present and don’t let the mind wander and generate suffering.

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A crush is not a big deal. What is toxic is how attached you are to your crush. To the point that you see them getting married to someone else and it breaks your heart. 

Unnecessary emotional pain that could have been prevented. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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Posted (edited)

@NoSelfSelf man you stole my words from my mouth! 

Edited by Vivaldo

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@Preety_India I don't wanna get attached but it just happens... Is it human nature? Don't all of us do that? Probably a fault of God

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15 minutes ago, Vivaldo said:

@Preety_India I don't wanna get attached but it just happens... Is it human nature? Don't all of us do that? Probably a fault of God

Human nature is to engage in drinking, partying and eating junk food. 

Controlling the side of human nature that can get toxic is in your hands. 

You can't control it completely so having an ordinary crush is okay but if you went off the deep end, it will be problematic for nobody but you. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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@Preety_India yeah it's really hard u know when someone you feel heavily invested into doesn't return the same. I mean 50% of the love songs are about one sided. I feel like tho I can relate with the songs better now as a positive impact ??

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Posted (edited)

@Preety_India  crush culture  makes me wanna spill my guts out. ? I know what you doing trying to get me to purse ya....  

Lol ?

 

Edited by Vivaldo

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Posted (edited)

It's more about energy & belief behind it. Using "fantasizing" it' already suggests dating success is merely a phantasy to you, just a pipe dream.

Better to "Visualize" deeply your success, fantasizing is for losers. 

Edited by Striving for more

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Honestly, I would try to get this under control.  I used to get crushes like that and they would last a long time where the person would keep entering into my awareness, and sometimes I would think that there was a spiritual connection because it would usually start out with some sort of revelation into myself.
Over time, I found that these crushes would take me away from my path - that the people were never who I envisioned them to be anyways - most of them were much worse - and so I was just creating a caricature of the person in my mind, really...

It will waste your time, and set you off the path because it is chasing, it is craving, it is desire.
Plus, most people don't like being crushed on that way; I don't like it.  I've had people crush on me and have the wrong image of me because they spent more time thinking about than talking to me, and if I see that, I split, I take off, because I know that no good can come from viewing people from the lens of too much thinking about them.  It's not reality and never will be.  It's escapism.

When these situations would happen, I found that it was because my life was out of control and I felt scared for my health and felt that I couldn't manage on my own, while simultaneously thinking someone out there knew better than me, and they never did.  I was always the one who knew what was best for me and no one else.

My suggestion, every time you focus that love onto someone else, bring it back to yourself and love yourself and all that you are.

Crushes are a trap.  It is better to view people with a neutrality to start with, and then if they align with you, you can see it clearer than if you have a crush and are projecting an image onto them. 
 


⊱⊱⊰⊰

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On 3-3-2022 at 9:04 AM, Vivaldo said:

Is it right fantasizing about crushes? And thinking and obsessing about them? 

Every time I fall into this trap, it doesn't not work out well.? 

 

I enjoy fantasizing about my crush, I don't see the problem

What doesn't work out?

Personally I enjoy the intensity of the crush.

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@Chrisd then you find out that they don't like you. That hurts. Also that they give attention to others.

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Right, it's the neediness that hurts. I like you therefore you should like me.

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Hi. As you fantasize them you are building this image which later you'll experience it's not true. Do you want to feel like crap facing reality? No.

Only if you never meet them and do nothing with them you can keep fantasizing about them because it will cause nothing and it will be only a thought/feeling pattern which you can use as a distraction from the awful world we live in and then yeah it will be a great tool. 

 

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2 hours ago, egoeimai said:

Hi. As you fantasize them you are building this image which later you'll experience it's not true. Do you want to feel like crap facing reality? No.

Only if you never meet them and do nothing with them you can keep fantasizing about them because it will cause nothing and it will be only a thought/feeling pattern which you can use as a distraction from the awful world we live in and then yeah it will be a great tool. 

 

No image is true...

As long as you distinguish between fantasy and reality (meeting the other person as they are, not as what you imagine them to be) you're OK. 

What awful world are you talking about

 

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@Chrisd @Chrisd of course I imagine them to like and be in a relationship wimme. What is the point if I only crush on them if I don't wanna take it forward?

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