ShardMare

Do most people enjoy living?

119 posts in this topic

3 hours ago, Thought Art said:

im disillusioned that my life can be amazing or that I could be a musician or artist

26 years old, only getting older. Feeling a sense of hopelessness today. I’m not wise. 

I don't know if this helps.. but I could only get my life together and start doing music at 28 and feel like making progress right now. And for others who did start young, many have to teach in order to keep working on their craft. Depends on what you want to do also... Here's an interview with a classical musician that may affect your beliefs around age: 

 

Edited by puporing

I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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I’ve got this strange ringing in my left ear  

God hates me

You don’t make money with music… I need to start earning money at this point in my life, pay off debt and build a savings. Music is over. I’ve got tinnitus and survival needs. I’ve got tones of fear, self doubt. 
 

im happy most days but I just took out a loan and I’m having self doubt it was wise to do.
 

and for this reason I may kill myself. I feel like I’m just trying to make my life enjoyable and have a positive impact but with money and this tinnitus, I’m balding, I’ve lost my beauty…. It may be time to restart from square one.

You don’t make money from music. I need to go back 10 years. Not get this ringing, etc. I’m too old. I need to be realistic. 
 

Living a slave job for the next 50 years and not having a way out isn’t something I’m gonna endure. I’m literally trapped in a prison.

I know Leo will say “it’s all Gods love and perfect” yeah well some perfection. 

Edited by Thought Art

 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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@Thought Art Injuries are also common with practicing musicians, I have to manage one too. But I know what you mean if hearing is not clear.. :(


I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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2 minutes ago, puporing said:

@Thought Art Injuries are also common with practicing musicians, I have to manage one too. But I know what you mean if hearing is not clear.. :(

Yeah it’s terrifying as fuck to have this sound 


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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1 minute ago, Thought Art said:

Yeah it’s terrifying as fuck to have this sound 

I'm sure you've thought of it, but I'm guessing no answer from the docs?


I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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7 minutes ago, puporing said:

I'm sure you've thought of it, but I'm guessing no answer from the docs?

There’s no cure

I don’t know what suicide is but it may be the best option for me at this point


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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Even Jung said "Life begins at 40.  Before then, it's just research."


"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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@Thought Art Maybe music could help you... something else to take some focus away from the ringing sound...

I'm sorry about your condition. :( Please research about it, are you open to alternative meds? I had something which western med could only deal with through surgery, but I sought out acupuncture and I'm pretty much healed, not saying that'll work for every case. Exhaust all options and think outside of western med if that doesn't help you. And then, if still nothing, you can still find ways to cope/manage it.


I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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29 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

I’ve got this strange ringing in my left ear  

Yo. Dude, have you checked out heavy metal toxicity?  It might be an answer.  It can apparently cause a bunch of random shit like tinnitus, depression, anxiety, dark circles under the eyes, cognitive and memory issues, sleep issues, muscle and joint aches, headaches, etc.. 

Might be something wise to look into. 

I just got my teeth x-rayed today to check for mercury amalgam as a step towards starting the process of chelation.  

 

 

Edited by Matt23

"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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Just now, Matt23 said:

Yo. Dude, have you checked out heavy metal toxicity?

That one too yeah.. so many possibilities.


I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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10 minutes ago, Matt23 said:

Even Jung said "Life begins at 40.  Before then, it's just research."

Once your 40 you might as well be dead. 
 

I felt lke 3 years ago everything was working out so well. Playing festivals, working with tones of artists, networking, developing fans… then my girlfriend who was my business partner cheated on me and it set me back in a massive way and took me like 2 years to heal. Now I’m healed, but very confused. 
 

Qigong has healed me in a big way. I need more money right now and I just got a new job. But took out a loan, plus have credit card debt and a student loan. Need to tackle these things. Was trying to invest in myself to start teaching qigong online but I may have been swindled I don’t know.

the problem with debt and money is that it represents huge chunks of time. 
 

I feel like I’ve lost everything. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be a musician or a business owner. 
 

i fucked up my life. I don’t know what to do. 
 

im confused about Gods love. Why? Why make me so stupid? Why give me so much talent and capability but then so much stupid and emotional challenges? why this tinnitus? Why my cheating fake of a girlfriend? 
 

i feel like I’m really musically talented and that that is my actual life purpose. But, God doesn’t care. God doesn’t care if I succeed or fail. The suffering it’s put me through… 

What can I do? I need to be realistic. 

Edited by Thought Art

 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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Yeah that really sucks, especially if you were already onto something there and got a taste of freedom. Not having enough money does limit you, esp in certain fields like the arts. I don't have all the answers I struggle with this as well. Maybe it's good to just ease off on the LP for awhile can be good to take a break. 


I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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26 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

im confused about Gods love. Why? Why make me so stupid? Why give me so much talent and capability but then so much stupid and emotional challenges? why this tinnitus? Why my cheating fake of a girlfriend? 

Hey maybe it's precisely because of all of your struggles that made you so talented, have you thought of that? You have something unique to offer that others who haven't experienced simply can't. I know personally if I hadn't struggled I prob never would've pursued something like music at an older age. But I also know how much of an impact some musicians had on me that I would want to dedicate a large chunk of my life to it as well. You're just on a bump, it sucks, sometimes it really really sucks. (I get courage from Charles Bukowski too he struggled his whole life pursuing his art in poetry and writing and being poor, not advocating for that, I do believe people should have some material abundance/security).

Or maybe you just need to save up for awhile, look for something that pays really good - like a trade, change it up and then come back to it. That's totally valid and not less valid.

Edited by puporing

I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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It feels like I could have been successful had I been more mature and stable. 
 

anyway, don’t wanna complain and play victim. Just feeling down… 

If this is Gods will it makes no sense to me.

soon I’ll be 30, even famous musicians rarely make money from their music anymore. 

Edited by Thought Art

 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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i'm a mix

like 10-20% yayy this is bliss and heaven

10-20% ehhh it's ok it's fine

10-20% not really feeling this

10-20% yikes this is hellish, get me out of here

an so on

 

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@Thought Art You are clearly growing and you seem level-headed to me.. and you can make yourself more stable in time, it's in the realm of possibilities let's just say. 


I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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3 minutes ago, PurpleTree said:

i'm a mix

like 10-20% yayy this is bliss and heaven

10-20% ehhh it's ok it's fine

10-20% not really feeling this

10-20% yikes this is hellish, get me out of here

an so on

 

Yeah I feel that. It’s up and down. 
 

I actually enjoy working as a accountant if I am honest. I like that I am paid well and it’s quiet and warm and peaceful. 
 

I feel mature and grounded in this part of my life. I want more money and stability. 
 

The problem is everything interests me: science, spirituality, music, relationships, sex, healing, god etc… 

I find putting myself out there deeply challenging. 
 

I love music for musics sake. It’s just this ringing in the ear and fear of hearing loss. Plus, all the suffering I just went through. 
 

I need to move into a new place where there are no neighbors and I can make sounds. I need money for gear and equipment, to pay for people to help me set up online stuff… it’s not impossible. 
 

Im working on setting up something called the Effortless Workweek but I’m going through doubts and ego backlash today. 
 

Come on God. Help me out please. Don’t do me like that.

Edited by Thought Art

 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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6 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

soon I’ll be 30, even famous musicians rarely make money from their music anymore. 

Yes it's like a very skewed pyramid, very few make all the money and the rest get bread crumbs. But maybe that is the reality check we need to feel. That this was never a sure thing financially, but something we do out of love for the craft.. And so I guess then you can evaluate how much time you want to be spending on something that's not earning but you do for love.


I am Lord of Heaven, Second Coming of Jesus Christ. ❣ Warning: nobody here has reached the true God.

         ┊ ┊⋆ ┊ . ♪ 星空のディスタンス ♫┆彡 what are you dreaming today?

                           天国が来る | 私は道であり、真実であり、命であり。

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Just now, Thought Art said:

Yeah I feel that. It’s up and down. 
 

I actually enjoy working as a accountant if I am honest. I like that I am paid well and it’s quiet and warm and peaceful. 
 

I feel mature and grounded in this part of my life. I want more money and stability. 
 

The problem is everything interests me: science, spirituality, music, relationships, sex, healing, god etc… 

I find putting myself out there deeply challenging. 

learned accounting and pretty much don't like it at all

i really just want to travel for a few months up to a year and then see what to do after that

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2 minutes ago, puporing said:

Yes it's like a very skewed pyramid, very few make all the money and the rest get bread crumbs. But maybe that is the reality check we need to feel. That this was never a sure thing financially, but something we do out of love for the craft.. And so I guess then you can evaluate how much time you want to be spending on something that's not earning but you do for love.

If you can’t make money from it, in reality with 8 hours of work and a commute. It’s a hobbie. 


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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