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at_anchor

Feelings of resentment

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I've noticed that this holds me back in life a lot. People close to me have been hurting me for years now, and I didn't even think that it is such a big problem that I cannot tolerate. I thought I can suffer through this. But the truth is that it is not possible. There is a wonderful quote I found: 

Quote

We got used to being dependant on those we believe are helping us. That dependance we often start to consider as love.

So now I could work on my independence, but there is this resentment in me and hurt I can't let go of. They would get away with all the damage they caused me and everything they took from me. Well, I am angry. 

PS: Please don't recommend a book on emotional mastery or something. I will read that somewhere in the future when I get older, etc.

Right now, I'm just afraid of letting them go, because I feel damaged by them and because they are turning everything they did to me as rationalized self-defense or they are completely denying they harmed me so much. 

Honestly, I am not sure even a million follars would fix this. But  it would help me go on with my life for sure.

 

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@at_anchor You want to forgive them to be free of the pain, but are you willing to let go of resentment and stop being a victim? Until you understand that being a victim is giving away your power to let go of the pain, you will never let them go.

I would just say  try to just understand them. Why do they do what they do? Don't try to figure it out, but really just understand them. Don't judge them for what they did,  just try to understand almost like you're observing an animals, without judgment you just see what they did to you is a reflection of how they feel and if it at some point you begin to develop compassion for them when you realize the pain they go through, you might find forgiving them through compassion the way to set yourself free

Never forget what happened but don't bind yourself to it - Be honest with your seeking to beat them, to one up, to get revenge, to win, to hurt them back, to destroy them - you are being driven by this seeking and it may feel really good but it won't set you free

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6 hours ago, at_anchor said:

I'm just afraid of letting them go, because I feel damaged by them and because they are turning everything they did to me as rationalized self-defense or they are completely denying they harmed me so much. 

Oh god, there is nothing more painful than that. Yet, it’s a catch 22 because staying in the pain is painful (not letting go) and letting them go is painful. But grief is a lot more healing than resentment, stuckness, and thus anger, rage, I’ll tell you that. 
 

You are suffering because you became aware of what is causing you pain and are not creating change. So when you become aware of what’s causing you pain, and do not create change, then all you are is aware of pain. If you’re not going  to make change it would have been better to stay unaware. 

Feeling angry is the appropriate feeling to feel when you are focused on pain because anger comes from feeling powerless. So from thoughts like, “I can’t” or “they shouldn’t have” or “I am damaged” are all self-defeating, dependent thoughts that make you feel powerless and thus angry and resentful. Put your focus/guide your consciousness toward thoughts of Choice. So, 
 

“I became aware so now I have choice.”

”Because I now have choice I have freedom.” 

“I can always use my freedom if I really want to.” 

“I am not dependent on these people anymore.” 

“These people hurt me because they were hurt. But because I am conscious of my hurt, I will not hurt. And that includes myself.” 

“It’s self-abusive to stay with people who hurt me, I want to love myself and when I love myself I will show these people what love really is.” 
 

It’s okay to feel resentment right now because it’s healing to purge out the emotion and not suppress it and let it fester. But over time these new better feeling thoughts will give you more better feeling thoughts. And your resentment (after and only after total and complete healing) will turn into forgiveness, naturally. You do not and  should not force forgiveness because forced or gaslite forgiveness is not authentic forgiveness. Authentic forgiveness comes from thankfulness, which is naturally come as a byproduct of your healing. But that’s way down the road for you right now. Which is okay and valid. 

Edited by Gianna

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On 22.1.2022. at 3:33 PM, catcat69123 said:

forgiving them through compassion the way to set yourself free

But all my life bad people (or animals) have been bullying me to say the least, and they won't stop. I could think of forgivness but that won't change their actions or end the harm they caused and are causing to me and other people.

On 22.1.2022. at 3:33 PM, catcat69123 said:

Be honest with your seeking to beat them, to one up, to get revenge, to win, to hurt them back, to destroy them

No, they are seeking to do this to me and other people. I can easily forgive. That is not a problem for me at all! 

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@at_anchor You can't change the behaviour of people or animals, you just try to understand them as they are. Judging them like this is not understanding - you just still believe they are doing something bad/evil/inherently wrong so you cannot escape your attachment to it, you can't forgive people even if you wanted to

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8 hours ago, catcat69123 said:

You can't change the behaviour of people or animals, you just try to understand them as they are.

You most certainly can change human behaviour. It's easier than changing animal behaviour. 

8 hours ago, catcat69123 said:

Judging them like this is not understanding - you just still believe they are doing something bad/evil/inherently wrong so you cannot escape your attachment to it, you can't forgive people even if you wanted to

Yes, I think they are doing something bad/evil, but not inherently bad or evil. You know how they say, Time heals all wounds. In a 2-3 hundred years, Infinity will make all the damage, summering, corruption and "evil" they caused disappear. But until then, I don't know what to do. 

8 hours ago, catcat69123 said:

Judging them like this is not understanding

Well, I might have judged them in a very negative way, but I judged you in a very positive way. There are many people in this world that I understand, they are one of them. But I feel resentment towards them and love towards other people such as yourself.

It is not like they don't want to make me judge them. It's actually the thing they want the most, is for me to feel resentment and powerlessness. See? You certainly can control peoples behaviour, especially if you want to make then unhappy and miserable. There are a billion ways to go about doing that! And they're Stage BLUE masters at pressing these buttons and exploiting everything to gain more for themselves at the expense of otgers. I don't see empathy in them, they were never put down enough by life to do more than just understand another person. They must have the experience of it and not want it to happen to somebody else.

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Resentment isn’t a feeling it’s a concept, the corresponding feeling is discord because you are unconditional and don’t resent anyone. But you’re free to anyways and I know it’s part of the process but it can be helpful to be reminded of who you really are. Also in that vein, if you were them (which you are) you’d say & do exactly what they’ve said & done (cause you did). Compassion is extraordinarily clarifying & empowering. Get yo self someathat.

(Ime) express that when you hold that anger you inevitably end up experiencing discouragement… and so on.

Also if when you think of them you feel any powerlessness, when you orient attention back inward, on what you want that indeed is coming to you, you feel alignment, which is inherently meta-empowerment. 

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” 
- Mark Twain

“Anger is a gift.” 
Zach De La Rocha

If you’ve been thinking about fitness or exercise, now’s the time. That stuff is like high octane gasoline. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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Would this video help you at all? It's about processing ur emotions by visualizing, as long as you have a willing intent I think it might help express something out of you

edit: I was thinking if  you visualized yourself being very compassionate towards them what emotions would come, I would imagine a lot of resistance and like yeah lets not do this kinds of things

Edited by catcat69123

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Hmm.. I mostly believe in sitting with your feelings for awhile, just let them be, they didn't come from nowhere. Give it some time and let it work through you. Express it through something like writing. Grieve. You're in the middle of trying to understand what happened to you and how to move forward. Talk to your inner self that was wounded, it needs your attention/love as it has been neglected for so long. Right now what you need is self-love. And trust that it will move through you in time. Just keep an awareness that your feelings will evolve.


"We're all born naked and the rest is drag." - RuPaul ❣ Nothing but love.

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those kinds of situations are a key to liberation. living with that resentment is very unpleasant, so you look for a way to make it go away, but you can't, since everything was really so unfair, things should have happened differently, you have been scammed! that certainty of how they should have behaved, of how unfair everything was, is more painful than the damage itself. It seems impossible to get rid of it. what are you going to be? a lamb that allows itself to be used? the only way to rise above all that and completely lose its poison is to realize that things are exactly as they are, and cannot and should not be otherwise. You're not going to get to this with logic or with anything they tell you here. it is an awakening to the perfection of reality and to seeing the ego for what it is: it should be imaginary. This does not mean that you should allow the abuse, just that you see it as one more manifestation of reality, like the flu. So deepening understanding and emptying your mind with meditation are the paths that will lead you to free yourself from that pain

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