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Meliodas

Self actualization changed me

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I started all this work 4 years ago , and I am also very young  , just 19.5 years old .when I was 16 I was sucked  in stage orange and seeking achievement was my number 1 thing , i did very well in  school as well , but in 2019 covid hit, and in these 3 years of isolation I personally grew alot , in some sense i became like a hermit . I still studied for tests etc. when i needed to and still passed them with straight A's(mostly) but most of my time was spent reading ,consuming content , meditating . In 2019-2022 I have read more than 120 books and i really started to take  consciousness work seriously .

Here is how I improved during these 3 years.

1) before doing this self development journey , i was a achiever , i was the best in everything in i did (although since i was 16 , most of those things seem pretty small and petty now) , got medals in academics and national olympiads of science. During this stage of my life I was a scientist atheist type of guy . 

change: after 3 years , now i realize the futility of science and  it's problems and a big change which occurred during these years is that my strong desire for material possessions just blew out of the window , but I still realize the importance of survival and the need for necessary infrastructure for my LP and will not get stuck in wage slavery.

2)I have been meditating for 3 years now , and have had various kensho  , small glimpses of something outside body or mind and that really motivates me to further increase and strengthen my practice . I am open to idea of psychedelics , but will not do them before i move out and have built a solid spiritual foundation

3) I became extremely open minded

4) the biggest change which took place was in 2021 , that year i realized that i dont know anything , and i dont mean it like in a flimsy way ,in fact this thought made me have one sleepless night where it was as if there was no ground beneath me and it felt really scary. i realized i have various belief systems, ideologies , confirmation biases but no truth and direct experience .This really transformed me experientially , from that day i have not given into any of my addictions(video games , TV) which i had prior to this realization and it was not that I tried to get rid of them , but i just never gave into them again.

5) Studied various sources of knowledge , including most religions like buddhism , sikhism , jainism , hinduism , christianity , islam , judaism and also things like advaita vedanta , non duality , the vedas , the upanishads and about various methods to achieve enlightenment . i watched 1000's of hours of videos online about enlightenment, self actualization , personal development etc.  but i still understood that i didn't know experientially if any of that is  true , but understood that it would contribute to me becoming more conceptually aware in the direction where i  am headed.

6) Studied Science , recognized its beauty , but also its flaws

7)In end of 2021 , i also realized one more important thing and that was how to be non judgmental , and i am not quite 100% successful in that , earlier i used to sort of convert people to what i believed in , but after i realized that i did not know and what i thought my knowledge was , was really nothing but a mere perspective . I tried to step to others shoes and started to see that their beliefs ideologies are really sensible for them to have considering how they grew . I also realized how fortunate I was , i had the best education and no traumas or anything, even my body was mostly healthy.

8)My main goal of life is awakening , although i still have alot of petty desires like having a girlfriend and a intimate relationship but since i am 19 , i have alot of time to burn them off , the awakening is my  GOAL for life.

The only regret that I have (sort of ) is that I find no real 3d person with whom i can really talk to about this stuff , most of my friends are chasing material well being and/or playing video games , drugs , parties etc. My parents think i have become a nut case O.o:P and they are probably in stage blue and think i am sinning of sorts by not believing lol. But i realize that maybe awakening would make this issue better (maybe worse! who knows).the other regret i have is that i never entered into relationships etc. but that is that

I would really like to thank Leo and a million other teachers 

I still have only touched the tip of the iceberg , there is whole iceberg left still , hope you guys enjoy reading my progress and please give me some suggestions and tips on how to grow . 

Lastly , i really think covid fucked me up:D

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How are the rest 6 deadly sins, are they self actualizing as well?

Edited by MarkKol

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@Meliodas oh wow! that was really inspiring mate. i had a similar journey and ik how hard it is to go back and being with stage orange and blue folks when u kw most of their ideologies are full of BS


my mini-blog!

https://wp.me/PcmO4b-T 

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