Engramn's Journal

[Thought Art]

I would like to change my name to Engramn. This will be my journal,

Engramn does Thought Art.

(Engramn my artist name) 

Edited January 16, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

Engram:

a hypothetical change in neural tissue postulated in order to account for persistence of memory : MEMORY TRACE

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/engram

Edited January 16, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

Qigong, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, Nylon string guitars and Song writing.

I've been focused on creating inner clarity, unity, foundations, self love, balance and health. Song writing has been delayed but I will return soon.

Edited January 16, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

I've been healing a broken heart, grounding myself, feeling and working through fear and limiting beliefs.

[Thought Art]

 

[Thought Art]

I’d like to write more, record more and play more shows. But, I don’t know how long it will take for me to have the time to do that again. I feel like I have a lot I am working on.

sometimes I feel confident but at the same time, I’m Getting older and there’s no denying master takes thousands of hours of practice. I’m not sure if I will make my dreams a reality. Plus, I feel often encumbered by fears.

[Thought Art]

Mastery and success are deeply important to me. 
 

I am 26, I feel like I was often very close to success in my life but there have been many internal and external obstacles. 
 

I need to face truth more often and let that be my rock solid power. I don’t know what life has in store for me. I’m trying to make something beautiful. 
 

Music is my passion, God gave me that. God gave me tinnitus. 
 

1. I shouldn’t be identified as a skilful person in any area of life until I’ve received a lot of feedback and put hundreds of thousands of hours into a thing.

 

2. my personal finances are not ideal and need to be dealt with. I’ve been pushing to hard to build something and I’m concerned I’ve over stretched myself. It’s doable, I just upgraded from my personal finance spread sheet to using Mint to track it. I’m investing in education mostly. But am I trying to do to much to fast? 
 

Maybe it’s my fear of aging. I have to build powerful life systems, skills, mastery, higher self esteem and balance, forethought, integrity, mastery, adeptness 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

There is only one thing to really do. I’m stuck in this reality as it is. I’m nothing special and it’s incredibly complex, difficult, painful and confusing. There’s no knowing if I am on the right track or self deceived as I am always rationalizing to a certain extent my own opinions and decisions. 
 

I simply need to be disciplined, realistic , intentional, willing to face the truth of whatever weaknesses I have etc

So many weaknesses… everyday I get older and closer to being useless… 

but, also more useful as long as I am developing skills.

maybe music is simply a pipe dream. It’s things like this that make me questions God… why have all this beautiful stuff but make me have to work a wage slave job or have me make all my decisions since I’ve was young that could have been more strategic?

Feeling a bit sad today. That’s okay, full feel.

[Thought Art]

Engramn is the name of my music, but I like the idea of building a fictional character out of it. 
 

I like the idea of writing poetry and music through this character.

Engramn is an artistic project. I’ve played shows and festivals under this name. I felt there was real potential there. Sadly, I hit a really hard wall when my girlfriend and business partner was cheating on me and I lost my footing with spiritual foolishness, anger, trying to heal/ hide from the pain.

This lead me to Qigong which I think has really been a life saver for me. 
 

The biggest reason this project is on hold is I’m focusing on grounding and building solid life skills and systems for living. 
 

I went back to school for 8 months and got a higher paying job and I’m about to be certified in Qigong ideally by the end of this week. 
 

I am starting an online business called the Effortless workweek to teach Qigong, breathwork and relaxation skills to office employees. The goal is to use this to break free from wage slavery.

Then, maybe by the time I’m 30 I can work on my dream music project.

Edited January 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

My initial idea for this project was to create relaxing folk pop music that is inspiring and interesting. But, I didn't want to create just another folk singer. I wanted Engramn to feel like it was it's own universe.

 

[Thought Art]

Engramn -" All is well, all is forgiven. This moment is perfect. Forever."

 

Engramn - "Dance around the Fire light symphony, where everybody loves you that you see. They put their loving arounds around you 'Believe me I've been through it too'"

 

The Album art is actually a Qigong standing posture. I did not know this at the time of it's creation. It's based on the cover page of this book: 

It's a posture for protecting your heart energy.

I also felt like it was Jesus taken down from the cross. Or, the opposite of crucifiction.

Edited January 18, 2022 by Thought Art

[Thought Art]

This song has always inspired me. 

I don't wanna work in a building downtown
No, I don't wanna work in a building downtown
I don't know what I'm gonna do
Cause the planes keep crashing always two by two
I don't wanna work in a building downtown
No, I don't wanna see when the planes hit the ground

I don't wanna work in a building downtown
I don't wanna work in a building downtown
Parking their cars in the underground
Their voices when they scream, they make no sound
I wanna see the cities rust
And the trouble makers riding on the back of the bus

Dear God, I'm a good Christian man
In your glory, I know you understand
That you gotta work hard and you gotta get paid
My girl's thirteen, but she don't act her age
She can sing like a bird in a cage
Oh Lord, if you could see her when she's up on that stage

You know that I'm a God fearing man
You know that I'm a God fearing man
But I just gotta know if it's part of your plan
To seat my daughters there by your right hand
I know that you'll do what is right, Lord
For they are the lanterns, and you are the light

Now I'm overcome
By the light of day
My lips are near, but my heart is far away
Tell me what to say
I'll be your mouthpiece!

Into the light of a bridge that burns
As I drive from the city with the money that I earned
Into the black of a starless sky
I'm staring into nothing, and I'm asking you why
Lord, will you make her a star?
So the world can see who you really are

Little girl, you're old enough to understand
That you'll always be a stranger in a strange, strange land
The men are gonna come while you're fast asleep
So you better just stay close and hold on to me
If my little mocking bird don't sing
Then daddy won't buy her no diamond ring

Dear God, would you send me a child?
Oh God, would you send me a child?
Cause I wanna put it up on the TV screen
So the world can see what your true word means
Lord, would you just send me a sign?
Cause I just gotta know if I'm wasting my time

Now I'm overcome
By the light of day
My lips are near, but my heart is far away
Now the war is won
How come nothing tastes good?

You're such a sensitive child
Oh, you're such a sensitive child
I know you're tired, but it's alright
I just need you to sing for me tonight
You're gonna have your day in the sun
You know God loves the sensitive ones

Oh, my little bird in a cage
Oh, my little bird in a cage
I need you to get up for me, up on that stage
And show the men that you're old for your age
Now ain't the time for fear
But if you don't take it, it'll disappear

Oh, my little mockingbird, sing
Oh, my little mockingbird, sing
I need you to get up on that stage for me, honey
And show the men it's not about the money

Wanna hold a mirror up to the world
So that they can see themselves inside my little girl

Do you know where I was at your age?
Any idea where I was at your age?
I was working downtown for the minimum wage
And I'm not gonna let you just throw it all away
I'm through being cute, I'm through being nice
Oh, tell me, Lord, am I the Antichrist?

 

[Thought Art]

My first Albums artwork and poster! It was such a fun yet scary and stressful time pushing myself to complete my first creative vision.

[Thought Art]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CeLRrBAI60

 

 

[Thought Art]

 

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[Thought Art]

"It's just a reflection of a reflection of a reflection of a reflection, ahhh, will I see you on the other side?"

[Thought Art]

“I was staging life as a battle ground…”

 

[Thought Art]

I want to practice again, perform again, hang out with artists again. 
 

im bitter, I’m hungry for material success, a blocked artist

debt, I’ll need to tackle it 

I want an Op1