Husseinisdoingfine

Why do people bully?

41 posts in this topic

same mechanism people don't recognize their food choice cause suffering and pain

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5 minutes ago, Windappreciator said:

same mechanism people don't recognize their food choice cause suffering and pain

To be honest, if you suffer by being bullied it is your choice as you could also let it go. And every action one does creates suffering and pain at the and as well as happiness and joy.

The world is too complex too anticipate every causal effect and even weight them on each other. That is why one can only rely on ones own guidance system.

Edited by IAmReallyImportant

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33 minutes ago, trenton said:

@Preety_India I'm sorry this sort of thing happened to you.

This is the kind of bullying that people need to talk about most to prevent this abuse of power.  This kind of bullying requires a collective effort to strip away the authority of these people while putting policies in place that strengthen checks and balances.  This is the kind of bully you can't really stand up to on your own because they hold all of the cards.

I remember my father had an abusive boss at one of the restaurants he worked at.  It took nearly every worker in the restaurant to finally get her thrown out.  It takes so much effort to overcome those in power.  It would be like if the president raped somebody, but the political party in power refused to impeach him.  This is when bullying becomes a common problem in political leadership all over the world.  Ultimately, this is why dictators are overthrown and you end up with the Syrian civil war over violent oppression.  Alternatively, you get the American civil war over slavery and racism.  This reminds of human traffickers who get sexual pleasure from beating little girls and raping them in modern slavery.

My definition of bullying seems to be very broad.

Yea. But that needs major social change 

Bullying whether big or small causes a lot of damage. 

It seems that you need a very robust system to create peace. 

 

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2 minutes ago, IAmReallyImportant said:

To be honest, if you suffer by being bullied it is your choice as you could also let it go. And every action one does creates suffering and pain at the and as well as happiness and joy.

The world is too complex too anticipate every causal effect and even weight them on each other. That is why one can only rely on ones own guidance system.

what are you even saying

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45 minutes ago, trenton said:

@Preety_India I'm sorry this sort of thing happened to you.

This is the kind of bullying that people need to talk about most to prevent this abuse of power.  This kind of bullying requires a collective effort to strip away the authority of these people while putting policies in place that strengthen checks and balances.  This is the kind of bully you can't really stand up to on your own because they hold all of the cards.

I remember my father had an abusive boss at one of the restaurants he worked at.  It took nearly every worker in the restaurant to finally get her thrown out.  It takes so much effort to overcome those in power.  It would be like if the president raped somebody, but the political party in power refused to impeach him.  This is when bullying becomes a common problem in political leadership all over the world.  Ultimately, this is why dictators are overthrown and you end up with the Syrian civil war over violent oppression.  Alternatively, you get the American civil war over slavery and racism.  This reminds of human traffickers who get sexual pleasure from beating little girls and raping them in modern slavery.

My definition of bullying seems to be very broad.

Some things are beyond our control. 

That's why I think God is important. 

People might think of it as a joke. 

But God has created miracles. God has rescued people from dangerous things and dangerous times.. 

Forces of God are bigger than forces of humanity. 

Whenever we feel weak we should turn to God. 

Nobody can destroy that which God is trying to protect. 

I don't know whether to call it devil or evil. I prefer to call it the "enemy of peace/good."

But whatever it is God gets us through that is my belief. 

Because even good people in majority cannot defeat it. We don't have strength to defeat the enemy of peace. Seems like it can easily outdo. You'll need godly forces to beat down something like this.. That's just my belief. 

 

 

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1 hour ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I want serious answers, not lofty things such as ‘’because they’re insecure’’.

It really does just boil down to insecurity. Bullying is a way for a person to avoid the pain of their own negative emotions and insecurities through projecting them onto other people. You dislike in others what you dislike in yourself, so bullies will usually pick on someone who displays some sort of flaw or negative quality that would make the bully themselves insecure if they had it. They then bully the victim as a way to push their own pain and misery around that insecurity onto the victim to avoid facing it themselves. This creates a sense of separation between the bully and their misery which makes them feel better about themselves.

This is why bullies feed off of the pain and reactions they bring onto other people. If you stay calm and grounded in the face of a bully and don't react to it, the bully hasn't succeeded in projecting their pain onto you, and then they get bored and will usually stop.

1 hour ago, Yarco said:

Putting people down makes me feel better about myself. I feed off the pain and sadness I inflict like an energetic vampire, it's hard to explain. When I feel bad, it makes me feel happy again to make other people feel bad. Like I'm shifting my own misery off onto them.

It's exactly like this, its projection. Its a way of avoiding one's own negative emotions and insecurities by pushing them onto another person.

2 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Don’t bullies recognise that they are causing suffering and long lasting (mental) damage for their victims?

Bullies don't realize this because bullying is an unconscious emotional avoidance technique. A bully's main objective is to dump their emotional pain onto another person so that they themselves don't have to feel it. Because of that, it doesn't serve them to have empathy for the other person, because then they wouldn't be able to hurt them, and they would remain stuck in their own pain, which is what they're trying to avoid. The mind will cut off empathy and make the person unconscious of what they are really doing to allow for the projection and emotional avoidance to happen.

This can only really happen if the person already feels a deep sense of disconnection from others at their core, which comes from shame and other childhood wounds.


"We are born of Love, Love is our mother" - Rumi

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9 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Why do only young people do this?

what gives you the idea only young people do this? underdeveloped egos and group egos do this, intentionally unintentionally. if older people do it it’s just often not called bullying, but politics or difficult/strong character. in work they even then call it business politics (a weird idea from the past that red behavior can be part of a political dialogue) which is basically showing how  in politics people get confronted with all spiral behavior regarding confrontation. the weirdest form of bullying is grown ups bullying children or youths, we then don’t call it bullying anymore but usually personality disorder.

Edited by mememe

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It's just insensitivity. As a child I was bullying myself. The bully is so insensitive, that he/she just can't imagine that the other is suffering. And the bully doesn't know that suffering of others can be imagined. This makes him/her so unaware of his/her this behavior. 

Also there is some kind of interest in seeing someone/something suffer. So many people watch gore-content or violent movies, because there is something in undeveloped egos, that makes them feel alive. 

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For me, it was about wanting to fit in. And I have to admit, that perhaps I enjoyed it, making fun of somebody who everybody thought poorly of. It just seemed to me (I was 8 years old) like it was the right thing to do as well. Now I have learnt, but I do not know how much I was thinking about psychological damage and things like that.

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Without victims there'd be no bullies. Two sides same coin. Everyone helping each other work out their karma. 

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On 1/15/2022 at 3:43 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Don’t bullies recognise that they are causing suffering and long lasting (mental) damage for their victims? 

I'd say no. At least not totally.  Sure, they may delight in it.  But even that delight i bet they have absolutely no idea why they feel it.  Let alone doing bullying itself at all.

I think it's like many reactions and emotions and behaviors (most) that people do daily without really knowing why, and the awareness isn't strong enough to stop, pause, observe, and think "Hey... what is going on here?  What am i doing? And why am i doing it?"  If they did so sufficiently, i bet most people would feel bad and even awful about what they realized they were doing (unless of course they are sociopathic or psychopathic). 

On 1/15/2022 at 3:43 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I want serious answers, not lofty things such as ‘’because they’re insecure’’.

I don't know why you consider that "lofty".  It's a perfectly sound and pretty real and common, maybe the most common, answer for why bullying happens.  I don't know why you disregard it.  .  And they may even realize they are bullying because they are insecure or scared, but the insecurity is so deep and strong that they do it anyways, regretting it all the way (though, i doubt how common this last possibility is).  

I think people vastly underestimate how good the mind can be at hiding our own behaviors and motivations from us.  I think this is a key reason why bullying happens: causing people to not even realize what they are doing ans why (not on a superficial, intellectual level... though, maybe this too in some cases.  Like i bet there's some people out there who don't even realize or consider themselves to be bullying others, they just are sooo use to it, have rationalized it so deeply, and everyone around them does it and accepts it as just the way you treat people, and just never questioned it that it's just normal and right behavior to them ).


"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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Because bullying is pleasurable. It's again survival. 

Most of the times it happens when your own life is fucked up and you wanna destroy others' life by making fun of them. I used to love bullying. Then I realised this activity is in the opposite direction of growth. Bullying becomes stagnant, you can't get enough of it. Basically if you aren't living a good life and are egotistical and have a lot of time, you tend to bully.

Edited by Vivaldo

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Maybe there are finer distinctions we can make (or that exist) within this bullying topic.  Maybe this can help in communication since, bullying may meam things to some and not others.

Like, for example, something between harsh social hazing and disinclusion by a group towards one person or other types of people vs. Another end of a possible spectrum of teasing or subtle put downs and belittling.


"Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down"   --   Marry Poppins

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They are hurt, have insecurities, want something but don't know how to get it, don't know how to deal with a situation, lack love, have a personality disorder, etc., etc.

I got bullied and have been emotionally repressed a certain number of times in my life. After a while I felt the need to bully too but very rarely did it, I was able to control myself in 99% of cases because I was conscious of the pain that it would cause to others. However, most bullies lack the awareness to understand that and therefore bully.

Edited by Raphael

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On 1/15/2022 at 6:43 PM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

This is one of the most puzzling and bizarre expressions of human behaviour I have ever witnessed. Why? For what? Don’t bullies recognise that they are causing suffering and long lasting (mental) damage for their victims? Why do only young people do this? I want serious answers, not lofty things such as ‘’because they’re insecure’’.

It’s not because they’re insecure, it’s because they experience the emotion of insecurity, suppress the guidance, hold the same self referential belief(s), and try to compensate instead. 

 


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"Courageous, untroubled, mocking and violent-that is what Wisdom wants us to be. Wisdom is a woman, and loves only a warrior."

Bullies might not have that first or second word down well, and their sense of humour may be poor 


Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough.

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On 15/1/2022 at 11:20 PM, IAmReallyImportant said:

To be honest, if you suffer by being bullied it is your choice as you could also let it go.

It is a matter of luck. Unless you experience a more loving and humane group (not to say that there is no love for the bullies) you wont mature/wise up and you'll be trapped in the same miserable dynamic... until you pick a gun xd.

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4 hours ago, Human Mint said:

It is a matter of luck. Unless you experience a more loving and humane group (not to say that there is no love for the bullies) you wont mature/wise up and you'll be trapped in the same miserable dynamic... until you pick a gun xd.

That is true for many things. If you don't experience getting helpful knowledge, it would be much harder to master the subject. But this doesn't mean that you aren't fully responsible for your emotions and experiences.

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On 16/01/2022 at 1:04 AM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Power doesn’t corrupt as much as it reveals internal corruption.

@Husseinisdoingfine Okay, and what does the concept of corruption imply? The concept has this visualisation: Pure, uncontaminated and clean ----> immoral, contaminated, 

There's no such a thing as a standard for what the "uncontaminated" or "natural "human being looks like. People, animals, things, all are what they are. Humans are gradually evolved, layers are smoshed on top of each other, so there's no such clean unadulterated state exists for you to strongly believe in the concept of corruption.

I could take you down though on other levels though, you don't need to reference that tricky level. You can just look at human behaviour and psychology generally then to understand how bullying happens

Edited by lmfao

Hark ye yet again — the little lower layer. All visible objects, man, are but as pasteboard masks. But in each event — in the living act, the undoubted deed — there, some unknown but still reasoning thing puts forth the mouldings of its features from behind the unreasoning mask. If man will strike, strike through the mask! How can the prisoner reach outside except by thrusting through the wall? To me, the white whale is that wall, shoved near to me. Sometimes I think there's naught beyond. But 'tis enough.

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@Preety_India

On 1/15/2022 at 11:58 PM, Preety_India said:

Because they enjoy abusing others. 

If you have dealt with abusers in your life or family then you'll know that such people engage in emotional sadism which means deriving pleasure out of other's suffering. 

Bullies are extremely insensitive people. They could care less if you suffer, in fact they want you to suffer because that's their excitement, seeing someone suffer is their ultimate stimulation, they will start drama for no reason. 

You can't make them stop. Just like you can't make a rapist stop. 

The best thing to do with a bully is to complain to an authority or collect people to support you during a bad situation. 

If it's an online bully best is to ignore. 

If you don't have any support system and it's an offline bully, then learn martial arts, carry a pepper spray or a weapon like a pocket knife or learn self defense. 

Bullies can cause emotional pain and distress or direct physical harm. With no protection, the only option is to confront a bully and use self defense techniques. 

Or avoid them as much as possible. There is literally nothing else that stops a bully. 

 

   I agree with Prerty on this. Some bullies are so selfish and evil that the only way of snapping them out of their bullying habit, if there's any possibility at all for them to rehabilitate themselves, is for another to show them their own reflection. A few even do have the dark triad personality traits, are too different in cognition, morality, and state, that reflecting back that state and action is the only way to help them, if they ever want it.

   In fact, growing up I was an easy target for bullying, because I changed schools, and a few times when I arrived in a new country, I have to quickly adjust to the new schooling system and sub cultures. It's always a Russian roulette of whether I would be lucky enough not to attract the severe bullies and get only the milder ones, but sometimes I bump into psychopathic sadists. One time, it got so bad, that the only saving grace at that moment was to physically defend myself and show them that I'm not just easy prey, but I am as dangerous as you, and if you keep this up, I can get more dangerous than you ever will be. Sometimes it's unavoidable to reflect stage red values back at them. In fact, this was probably why I developed some insecurities around some people later in life, and an interest in martial arts and fitness, is to defend myself better. In that moment, in that school, I went from easy target, to most students avoiding and respecting me, and my space.

   And the above is simple, crude level of bullying. There are far more sophisticated and manipulative ways of bullying, that it's like an art form, and some aren't even recognized as bullying. I guess it's the nature of power dynamics, social gaming and living as a creature with sentience needing to explore and enforce it's boundaries around it.

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