Husseinisdoingfine

Why do people bully?

41 posts in this topic

This is one of the most puzzling and bizarre expressions of human behaviour I have ever witnessed. Why? For what? Don’t bullies recognise that they are causing suffering and long lasting (mental) damage for their victims? Why do only young people do this? I want serious answers, not lofty things such as ‘’because they’re insecure’’.

Edited by Husseinisdoingfine

أشهد أن لا إله إلا ليو وأشهد أن ليو رسول الله

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Because they enjoy abusing others. 

If you have dealt with abusers in your life or family then you'll know that such people engage in emotional sadism which means deriving pleasure out of other's suffering. 

Bullies are extremely insensitive people. They could care less if you suffer, in fact they want you to suffer because that's their excitement, seeing someone suffer is their ultimate stimulation, they will start drama for no reason. 

You can't make them stop. Just like you can't make a rapist stop. 

The best thing to do with a bully is to complain to an authority or collect people to support you during a bad situation. 

If it's an online bully best is to ignore. 

If you don't have any support system and it's an offline bully, then learn martial arts, carry a pepper spray or a weapon like a pocket knife or learn self defense. 

Bullies can cause emotional pain and distress or direct physical harm. With no protection, the only option is to confront a bully and use self defense techniques. 

Or avoid them as much as possible. There is literally nothing else that stops a bully. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,bpd autism, anger issues

Friends and Private conversations only on Snapchat/Skype.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
5 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Why do only young people do this?

Wrong. Bullying happens in all social circles at all ages. It just becomes more covert and complex. There are many factors at play: power dynamics, group dynamics, personality dynamics etc.

I haven't thought very deeply about it, but I would describe bullying as a cyclical pattern of social predatory-prey dynamics (asymmetrical social dominance) coupled with a dehumanization aspect. The more boundaries you place between yourself and others, the less likely you are to empathize and the more likely you are to dehumanize. 

It's correct that young people are more likely to dehumanize given their contracted perspective and emotional development. However, the problem is that all social interactions have natural dominance asymmetries and that dehumanization can happen unconsciously/unintentionally (e.g. implicit bias) and as a result of emergent relational phenomena (e.g. group dynamics with no single perpetrator):

Normal fluctuations in social behavior will in some circumstances come close to or be difficult to distinguish from bullying (it's a spectrum), which gets even more blurred by various complexities of communication (different interpretations, intentions, taste in humor, non-verbal cues etc.) and by the fact that it's often not just one person that bullies. It's often many people, because there the escalation is not connected to just one person, which creates collective plausible deniability.

There is sometimes not a clear dichotomy of victim-perpetrator, at least from a long-term perspective. There can be shifting asymmetries of social dominance depending on context (e.g. the person gets bullied by x person in x friend group, but then then this person bullies x person in y friend group). Bullying is therefore not as simple as "something evil, insecure people do to good, innocent people." Group dynamics and circular relationships can complicate things.


To balance beauty and complexity so perfectly is a divine mystery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Husseinisdoingfine I can give a few reasons.  Firstly, bullying can be a survival strategy.  For example, if parents can't afford school lunches, then children start going into debt.  Therefore, bullies start attacking you for your lunch or your lunch money.  I was bullied on multiple occasions by children who did not have lunches.  In this way bullying could be framed as a systemic issue related to student lunch debt.

If you don't mean a school bully, then it can be harassment from your family.  This happened to me because of my father's sexist favoritism toward me.  This made my sisters jealous so they started being mean and condescending toward me. When somebody is jealous of you, they are prone to hatred toward you, therefore they harass or bully you.

29 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Because they enjoy abusing others. 

I agree with pretty India on this point.  I was bullied in school because I was dealing with ignorant children.  These children are impulsive and don't think about the long term consequences of their actions.  When children stole from me constantly in elementary school, I started developing paranoia.  I would constantly check everything to make sure nothing was stolen or could be stolen.  I would keep my belongings under my feet and so on.

Friendship is key to preventing bullying.  This way you have people you can trust who can watch your back.  This is done in prisons when a new inmate wants to make sure they are not beaten and raped.  You become a target when you have no friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, Carl-Richard said:

Wrong. Bullying happens in all social circles at all ages. It just becomes more covert and complex. There are many factors at play: power dynamics, group dynamics, personality dynamics etc. I haven't thought very deeply about it, but I would describe bullying as a cyclical pattern of social predatory-prey dynamics (asymmetrical social dominance) coupled with a dehumanization aspect. The more boundaries you place between yourself and others, the less likely you are to empathize and the more likely you are to dehumanize. 

It's correct that young people are more likely to dehumanize given their contracted perspective and emotional development. However, the problem is that all social interactions have natural dominance asymmetries, and dehumanization can happen unconsciously/unintentionally (e.g. implicit bias) and as a result of an emergent relational phenomena (e.g. group dynamics with no single perpetrator). It's often not just one person that bullies. It's often many people, because there the escalation is not connected to just one person, which creates collective plausible deniability. There is also often not a clear dichotomy of victim-perpetrator. Bullying can be a circular relationship. Bullying is therefore not as simple as "something evil, insecure people do to good people."

You are so wrong on this. Very wrong. There is clear victim and perpetrator in a bully victim dynamics. You're using a very covert way to do victim shaming and blaming. No. It's not the victim's fault if the bully is misinterpreting them and using that as an excuse. Stop justifying and enabling bullying behavior 

 

It is not a circular relationship. Learn to research it in depth before you bring your own biased explanations to the table. 

Bullying is a serious behavior shown by the perpetrator against the victim and to use the victim's behavior as a way to justify the bully is similar to use a rape victim 's behavior to justify rape or rapist. 

You are engaging in covert victim blaming and shaming and you are too stubborn. 

Obviously you are not going to change. You have zero clue on bullying because obviously you have never been bullied. 

I'm TIRED of your BS. Just going straight at you 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,bpd autism, anger issues

Friends and Private conversations only on Snapchat/Skype.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Preety_India You caught an unfinished comment. You may want to re-read.


To balance beauty and complexity so perfectly is a divine mystery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Carl-Richard said:

@Preety_India You caught an unfinished comment. You may want to re-read.

I still do not agree with you at all because people like you tend to have theories and theories on something that someone is actually experiencing. 

It's like if someone is actually suffering from cancer and I, who has had never suffered from cancer starts lecturing them on what cancer means when they are the ones who can know it better. 

You have a dogma problem. You think that only you are right and everyone else is wrong. 

Do you  empathize with someone else's perspective ever? Or only you are right all the time. 

Now you will play victim because I called you out on your super dogmatic stance. Enough of this philosophical nonsense. 

You don't know shit about bullying. Period. 

Yes I came at you angrily. But understand why people get emotional when you try to lecture others on something they have experienced and find zero empathy or understanding in your lecture. 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,bpd autism, anger issues

Friends and Private conversations only on Snapchat/Skype.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

fear, looking for love, 


"Every spark of friendship and love will die without a home...Hear the soldier grown 'We'll go it alone!'" Intervention -Arcade Fire 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Putting people down makes me feel better about myself. I feed off the pain and sadness I inflict like an energetic vampire, it's hard to explain. When I feel bad, it makes me feel happy again to make other people feel bad. Like I'm shifting my own misery off onto them.

When you are suffering yourself, you'll do anything to end or reduce the suffering. Even if it means making other people suffer to accomplish it. It's a coping mechanism.

Usually when I bully people, it's for things I don't like about myself. I'm projecting my hatred of myself onto them. It's less painful to attack your weaknesses in someone else, than to keep attacking yourself. My mind is constantly filled with negative self-talk, and it's a temporary relief to offload that onto someone else sometimes.

Edited by Yarco

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Preety_India

38 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

The best thing to do with a bully is to complain to an authority or collect people to support you during a bad situation. 

I have a scenario for you and this really happened to me.  I was bullied by the assistant principal and other teachers at school.  At first she asked me do I know what month or is.  I interpreted the question literally and said October.  She interpreted this as me being smart, so she gave me detention Monday.  The answer she wanted me to give was "bullying awareness month.". It was the worst month ever.

 I told my parents and family, but nobody supported me.  They assumed that I had a smart tone when In fact I interpreted the question and never would have guessed bullying awareness.  I went back to school Monday and was sent to the office without a referral.  The assistant principal did not remember a reason to give me detention and neither did the other teachers involved.  So I was then given detention for no reason.

I stood outside on the playground until everybody else went in.  Another teacher told me to wait out there, but the teachers never came back.  I therefore stood outside on my own until lunch was over.  Finally I went in on my own because I needed to go to class.

What should a child do In this kind of situation?

The real question we should asking is "how do we stop people from abusing power and authority?". This is the worst kind of bullying and the hardest to confront.  This abuse of status is the one people should be talking about or else we will have the president of the United States abusing executive privilege or big corporations using false defamation lawsuits to avoid accountability for their crimes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Having power over another is an ego trip. Power corrupts. That, any lack of perceptive and empathy.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, trenton said:

@Preety_India

I have a scenario for you and this really happened to me.  I was bullied by the assistant principal and other teachers at school.  At first she asked me do I know what month or is.  I interpreted the question literally and said October.  She interpreted this as me being smart, so she gave me detention Monday.  The answer she wanted me to give was "bullying awareness month.". It was the worst month ever.

 I told my parents and family, but nobody supported me.  They assumed that I had a smart tone when In fact I interpreted the question and never would have guessed bullying awareness.  I went back to school Monday and was sent to the office without a referral.  The assistant principal did not remember a reason to give me detention and neither did the other teachers involved.  So I was then given detention for no reason.

I stood outside on the playground until everybody else went in.  Another teacher told me to wait out there, but the teachers never came back.  I therefore stood outside on my own until lunch was over.  Finally I went in on my own because I needed to go to class.

What should a child do In this kind of situation?

The real question we should asking is "how do we stop people from abusing power and authority?". This is the worst kind of bullying and the hardest to confront.  This abuse of status is the one people should be talking about or else we will have the president of the United States abusing executive privilege or big corporations using false defamation lawsuits to avoid accountability for their crimes.

Bullying by a person in authority is the hardest to deal with. I have dealt with this sort of bullying at my university where I was being reprimanded only because I wasn't ready to be a sex kitten to the professor (I mean you get the idea). 

I was also massively bullied and threatened that I will lose my job because I denied the sexual advances of my boss. 

I did not know what to do since he was the only authority. 

It is situation where I ultimately left the place out of frustration. 


INFJ-T,ptsd,bpd autism, anger issues

Friends and Private conversations only on Snapchat/Skype.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
4 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I still do not agree with you at all because people like you tend to have theories and theories on something that someone is actually experiencing. 

Most of the points I made came to mind because I thought of something I've experienced personally.


To balance beauty and complexity so perfectly is a divine mystery.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

They were likely mistreated one way or another and have not fully awakened to the pattern. 


"We're all born naked and the rest is drag." - RuPaul

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

This is one of the most puzzling and bizarre expressions of human behaviour I have ever witnessed. Why? For what? Don’t bullies recognise that they are causing suffering and long lasting (mental) damage for their victims? Why do only young people do this? I want serious answers, not lofty things such as ‘’because they’re insecure’’.

Bullying is another form of emotional surpression and bypassing. It makes you fulfilled for the moment but in reality you avoid an emotion or effect.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Carl-Richard said:

Most of the points I made came to mind because I thought of something I've experienced personally.

You wouldn't say all that if you experienced it personally. There was absolutely no affect or emotion in your reply. I was the one who was emotionally charged. Shows who is really impacted. 

I am not going to continue arguing with you because it's pointless. I end it here. 

I have other empathetic users who clearly understand what bullying means much better than you do. 

Truth always triumphs. No matter what. Your perspective is just a perspective not the truth. 

Finally only perspective out of many can be true. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,bpd autism, anger issues

Friends and Private conversations only on Snapchat/Skype.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Having power over another is an ego trip. Power corrupts. That, any lack of perceptive and empathy.

If you have power over other people why would one need to prove it for oneself?

The most power comes from subtile manipulation and doing good for other people so they help you.

Edited by IAmReallyImportant

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Power corrupts.

Power doesn’t corrupt as much as it reveals internal corruption.


أشهد أن لا إله إلا ليو وأشهد أن ليو رسول الله

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
26 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Bullying by a person in authority is the hardest to deal with. I have dealt with this sort of bullying at my university where I was being reprimanded only because I wasn't ready to be a sex kitten to the professor (I mean you get the idea). 

I was also massively bullied and threatened that I will lose my job because I denied the sexual advances of my boss. 

I did not know what to do since he was the only authority. 

It is situation where I ultimately left the place out of frustration. 

@Preety_India I'm sorry this sort of thing happened to you.

This is the kind of bullying that people need to talk about most to prevent this abuse of power.  This kind of bullying requires a collective effort to strip away the authority of these people while putting policies in place that strengthen checks and balances.  This is the kind of bully you can't really stand up to on your own because they hold all of the cards.

I remember my father had an abusive boss at one of the restaurants he worked at.  It took nearly every worker in the restaurant to finally get her thrown out.  It takes so much effort to overcome those in power.  It would be like if the president raped somebody, but the political party in power refused to impeach him.  This is when bullying becomes a common problem in political leadership all over the world.  Ultimately, this is why dictators are overthrown and you end up with the Syrian civil war over violent oppression.  Alternatively, you get the American civil war over slavery and racism.  This reminds of human traffickers who get sexual pleasure from beating little girls and raping them in modern slavery.

My definition of bullying seems to be very broad.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bullying is like sugar - it makes you feel good temporarely, but overall it is unproductive and waste of focus. Also if you use it to gain some power via supression of other people, this power is very fragile and you could gain the same amount by using other techniques, which are more effective.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now