somegirl

Wasting my (early) 20s away.

80 posts in this topic

35 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

Wasting time is a very broad term though.

It's a relative notion, but still a very useful one.

Quote

Surely you must understand what I'm talking about. You wouldn't be where you are now, if you were wasting your time having regrets.

Of course you don't sit around wasting days, weeks, and months on end in regret. But having some regret about how you've wasted your time in the past is a great thing. More people should experience that.

The point of that regret is to hone your priorities and strengthen your motivation and commitment to a purposeful life.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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The only waste of time is in entertaining thoughts about yourself that feel like crap. I'm 33 and I've never felt better. I've found confidence like I never had in my early 20's and that's what matters most in attraction, whether it's friends or relationship partners. I see women in their 60's and older who are beautiful and living amazing lives, some even starting over with new careers and partners. I see people in their 70's and 80's who are so clear and transparent as a spirit that they just glow. There is nothing to fear in aging. It just keeps getting better and better. If you lose something in your life, or about your appearance, it's liberating to let it go. It feels amazing to feel amazing in your skin. All there is to be done is dropping the perspectives that already feel like crap to you that say anything different. 

Notice that when you feel depressed, you aren't attracted to anything? Nothing looks good to you. It's like grocery shopping when your nauseous, it's such a task to fill your cart with stuff. In the same way, you're not gonna me a match for that spark you're looking for unless you find it within yourself first. Pay attention to how you feel first and you will attract and be attracted. Make a list of stuff that makes you happy, or that would be fun. Maybe learn something new, bellydancing?, or learn to cook something new. Paint something, sing, dance, whatever pleases you. 

Edited by mandyjw

My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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For me, regret is closely linked with comparing my life to others, and I hate doing that. I always get depressed that way. So fuck that. It's better to find some positive sort of motivation.

Edited by Knowledge Hoarder

I write for a living.

https://www.fiverr.com/share/77kkqb

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Consider if it is really helpful for you to see yourself as a victim here.

To go into that mentality, nourishing thoughts about how all these factors (covid, your city, even your looks) are hindering you to live your life the way you want. Making you waste your life.

And if it is not helpful, where do these beliefs come from and would it be a good idea to continue with em?

 

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5 hours ago, Danioover9000 said:

   In fact, there's no such thing as wasted time at all.

I strongly agree with this. There is no such thing as wasted time. It's an illusion. Time is always teaching us something as we move along. The pandemic is also teaching us something. So subjectively speaking, no time is wasted. 

"Wasting time " is a notion that a very judgemental person would use. 

Edited by Preety_India

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I won't deny that younger women are more attractive physically and enrgetically, but i also meet a ton of older women who have really aged into their femininity beautifully with deeper wisdom that a young woman just doesn't have. its like a fine wine

It depends on how they age in my opinion, many older women i meet (30+) do have a sense of bitterness and disagreeability towards men, they've just been through too much bullshit with guys so maybe it's justified. 

But to me, the godesses are the older women who recognize the beauty in the dance of feminine and masculine without this chip on the shoulder and the ability to still drop into her feminine surrender and flow. 

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2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I strongly agree with this. There is no such thing as wasted time. It's an illusion. Time is always teaching us something as we move along. The pandemic is also teaching us something. So subjectively speaking, no time is wasted. 

I actually agree with what you're saying. I'd just add on top of it that even though your experiences are always teaching us something, we often resist acknowledging the misalignment that life is trying to show. Meanwhile we bullshit ourselves that we're resisting, and lie to ourselves that we're even playing this game to begin with. Survival's a bitch aint it! Meanwhile we could have just accepted the pain and dealt with the situation immediately. Thus, the 'wasted time'.

You've got to take responsibility for the choices you make whilst also understanding the fact that this moment right here is inevitable and cannot be any other way because reality is what it is. So time most certainly can be wasted and is simultaneously never wasted. What's an actualized forum discussion without a sweet paradox? :P

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

"Wasting time " is a notion that a very judgemental person would use. 

This, on the other hand, is nothing more than your projection. (An ironic one, I might add)

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4 minutes ago, The Blind Sage said:

This, on the other hand, is nothing more than your projection. (An ironic one, I might add)

This is very subjective actually. You have to see the context here. For example in my teen years I engaged in a lot of art work. My mother wanted me to become a doctor.. For her art was bogus. But for me art meant a lot. 

And she would often say "oh you're wasting your time," it hurt because I was doing what I was passionate about. But in her eyes it's a waste of time. 

I would call that pretty judgemental. 

So imo, the notion that someone is wasting time is generally used by judgemental people. I won't call it a projection. I will call it a perception I gained from my experiences. 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You have to see the context here.

Agreed. What you said in the context of this discussion implied it was a generalised claim that anyone who has a notion of wasting time is judgemental-not something that happened to you on a personal level.

But you've cleared that up-

12 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

My mother wanted me to become a doctor.. For her art was bogus. But for me art meant a lot. 

And she would often say "oh you're wasting your time," it hurt because I was doing what I was passionate about. But in her eyes it's a waste of time. 

Yes, I can relate to this. I'm of Indian ethnicity as well. I remember wanting to learn pottery making as a young child but mum basically implied I was a sissy in front of a friend lmfao. She wanted me to do something that wasn't a 'waste of time' you could say. Not at all her fault tho-she was just acting out her programming.

24 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

So imo, the notion that someone is wasting time is generally used by judgemental people. I won't call it a projection. I will call it a perception I gained from my experiences. 

I don't completely agree but this tangent isn't very relevant, so fair enough.

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17 hours ago, universe said:

To go into that mentality, nourishing thoughts about how all these factors (covid, your city, even your looks) are hindering you to live your life the way you want. Making you waste your life.

True... It's not helping me, I just don't feel good holding these beliefs.

Though, I don't actually have problem with looks, I am more than happy about everything. I am just frustrated that guys are just... not interested *enough*. As if more more is wanted. And I'm here wondering what else can I even do. I think I am in more or less good position all things considered. When is the time if not now, when everything is good? When I turn 60? This is what I meant by the original post.

Some people are insecure, or they are in worse situation in some other sense and they manage to get into good relationships.

And it's not like guys don't pay attention to me, they do, but noone is actually escalating it into something concrete.

Edited by somegirl

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23 hours ago, roopepa said:

What comes to the pandemic times, you can still date you know? There's Tinder. Check outside your hometown. People are still going on dates and building relationships. You just gotta readjust to the present situation.

I used Tinder before. It seems to me that only guys who are looking for fun are there. I didn't have a positive experience with it. And i have given a chance to quite a few guys.

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23 hours ago, roopepa said:

There is a hundred thousand "truths" and "facts" and "studies" and "statistics" and "arguments" and whatever ideas & beliefs you could internalize and believe, that makes you feel like shit about yourself and life. I recommend you not to swallow them.

Your wellbeing is most important. Don't let anyone tell you that the best time is at your 20s. Don't let anyone set such anxiety and pressure on you. Fuck Jordan Peterson and his nonsense. You are you and you can do and be and think whatever you want.

Thanks, that's good point. One can adopt any kind of beliefs they want though... Need to say, beliefs are deep rooted. They cannot chance just like that. 

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I started coding since I am 11 years old. Now after a short time working in a company I recognized nobody is as good as I am. Even not the people with 10-30 years of work experience. And now the want you to work 10 years to be recognized even though you have the skills at the beginning. It is the same with most jobs. Only the "work experience" in companies count, not how good you are and how good you can solve tasks and lead. And the salary is not that high. At most 120k euro.

So I gave up coding and start to become an investor and multi-venture business man. This with 32 years. So that was a waste of time. I should have done it at the beginning. I think one can waste time in multiple ways. The best thing is isolation and then strategizing imo.

For what I have seen is that on any dating apps there are low-quality selections of partners and many fakers etc. . I personally don't need pickup and I still think it is for loosers. The best approach imo. is to just attract a partner by becoming the person that matches it.

For me it sounds like a perspective of lack. Maybe just try to recognize that and let it go. Moreover, for me it seems like you put too much weight on having a partner. One could radically focus on a completely different thing, so that the partner issue becomes less important. Later on one could come back to search for a partner.

 

Edited by IAmReallyImportant

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24 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I used Tinder before. It seems to me that only guys who are looking for fun are there. I didn't have a positive experience with it. And i have given a chance to quite a few guys.

LOL not true at all. If you go for the hot guys there they will probably be like that. Go for a normal looking guy with cute pictures of him. You tried that? 

General rule of thumb when it comes to this: If a guy is really attractive (either personality or looks or both) then do not have high expectations regarding commitment from him. Of course it can happen but usually it wont so just assume that. If you want commitment go for a decent guy so maybe a 6-6.5/10 attractiveness instead of a 8+.

If you re a nice girl such guys will be happy to commit to you given you have some chemistry and compatibility.

Edited by Karmadhi

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47 minutes ago, somegirl said:

True... It's not helping me, I just don't feel good holding these beliefs.

Though, I don't actually have problem with looks, I am more than happy about everything. I am just frustrated that guys are just... not interested *enough*

It helps to interact with a lot of people. I used to think the exact same but when i started to interact with more girls i noticed a few of them showing interest in me (not big percentage but still). Dating is a number's game for both genders even if the dynamics are different.

I am sure you can still interact with new people even with COVID.

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44 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

If you go for the hot guys there they will probably be like that. Go for a normal looking guy with cute pictures of him. You tried that? 

How do you know who I went for? I went for guys *I* find attractive. That's all. And my type of guy is not gym-macho type of guy either. I can't with them. 
And so called "nice" guys I just don't feel passion for, which is sad. Because everything else might be good on a paper, but because I don't find them attractive, or I can't see myself sleeping with them, I can't get into a relationship because someone is nice. It wouldn't be fair to them. There's so many more factors that need to align for a relationship to work - being a nice person is not enough unfortunately.

 

45 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

General rule of thumb when it comes to this: If a guy is really attractive (either personality or looks or both) then do not have high expectations regarding commitment from him. Of course it can happen but usually it wont so just assume that. If you want commitment go for a decent guy so maybe a 6-6.5/10 attractiveness instead of a 8+.

How do you know? loll

 

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26 minutes ago, somegirl said:

How do you know? loll

This is just how it generally works. The more options guys have the more they want to capitalise on them and have sex with many of them.

But this is just a tendency and a over generalisation.

So it is possible to find "hot guys" who will commit, but it requires effort to find them.

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2 hours ago, somegirl said:

How do you know who I went for? I went for guys *I* find attractive. That's all. And my type of guy is not gym-macho type of guy either. I can't with them. 
And so called "nice" guys I just don't feel passion for, which is sad. Because everything else might be good on a paper, but because I don't find them attractive, or I can't see myself sleeping with them, I can't get into a relationship because someone is nice. It wouldn't be fair to them. There's so many more factors that need to align for a relationship to work - being a nice person is not enough unfortunately.

I said normal looking guy, not a nice guy. If you only swipe on hot guys on Tinder you will probably have to deal with players that got a shit lot of options and will not want to commit.

"Nice guy" is not related at all to what i said. An normal/decent looking guy can be a cool interesting confident person that you can have great chemistry with and get attracted to. You will never know this unless you give it a try.

If you go for the hottest people on online dating expect to be flaked on a lot and not get commitment. This really applies for both genders.

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

How do you know? loll

Read the response Federico gave you, it summs it up perfectly.

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10 hours ago, somegirl said:

It seems to me that only guys who are looking for fun are there.

Why would anyone ever look for not-fun? 🤭 jk. Try Hinge? It's for more serious folk.

10 hours ago, somegirl said:

beliefs are deep rooted.

Is this a deep rooted belief or a just thought now?

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23 hours ago, somegirl said:

And I'm here wondering what else can I even do.

Perfect. So you take things into your own hands.

What have you done so far?

Don't wait for anyone outside to bring love into your life. It can only come from within. If you ask yourself "why is no one falling in love with me",  You can also ask "why am I not falling in love with anyone".

Tune into love frequency to find others with the same energy.

❤️

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