somegirl

Wasting my (early) 20s away.

80 posts in this topic

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

There are so many aspects in society from the beauty industry, the media, friends, and family that try to reinforce this idea that a woman's life is limited and if she doesn't settle down when she's young that she's basically hopeless. And a lot of it is rooted in misogynistic narratives that thinks that we all turn into Prince Phillip once we hit 30. 

That depends quite a bit on your tbh. It is true that girls mature earlier than guys but does not mean when you reach 30 your looks will plummit. 

A large part of that is how you take care of yourself on your 20s, if you do not drink a lot, do not smoke, eat well, exercise and do some basic skin care then it will go a long way.

There are girls that look great even at 35 and some that do not. Concrete proof are celebreties which take insane care of their appearances and it really shows in how good they look given their age. I mean fuck, Kim kardashian is 40 and i doubt many of the guys here would not find her hot :P 

The same goes to guys tbh, self-care goes a long way when it comes to looking good as you age.

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Now, you have a bunch of guys who don't want to get into a relationship because they're interested in fucking around or you have older guys being creepy and trying to manipulate you.

Basically this lol.
 

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

There isn't going to be a magical age where you get these beautiful romantic experiences. You're always going to have to filter through guys and find ones that actually like you and will treat you right. But the good part about there not being a magical age is that there is no set time when these experiences can happen. It can happen in your late 20s, 30s, 40s etc. It doesn't have to be now and it certainly doesn't have to be as long as waiting til your 50s and 60s. And I think limiting ourselves in this way time wise not only makes us neurotically impatient to where we can't enjoy the now but it also undermines all of the life we have left to live in the future. Basically, it robs us of both the present and the future.

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

So yeah, I recommend looking into some of the limitting beliefs you may have and find ways to be gentle with yourself.

 

I think I have limiting beliefs. This certainly might be one. This is why I react the way I do. There's probably something there.
 

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I know telling a person to be patient in the face of wanting to experience relationships so bad doesn't help much (I'm currently dealing with that now) but something that I had a friend say to me has really helped me regarding this. And that is that it's okay that you aren't experiencing everything right at this moment because that just means you have something to look forward to.

I mean, I had relationships, they were just not fullfilling as I needed them to be. But yeah.

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I also think that a lot of people fall into this trap of trying to fit a whole lifetime just in their 20s because of the way society tends to fetishize youth and it really doesn't help anyone. This video honestly has helped me so much regarding roadblocks I have encountered with relationships, travel, and work as well and I think it would be worth looking into especially in the part between 3-9:30 

Thanks for the video, this is exactly what I'm dealing with rn.

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1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Some of the ways that I've tried to cope with this is building healthy relationships, keeping track of the ways that I have grown as a person, and trying to build life experiences in the form of long term goals and projects since I can't exactly go out and seek out those experiences. Also, giving yourself space to mourn and grieve this is crucial because it's perfectly natural and understandable that all of this sucks and it feels like you really missed out on these often times really pivotal times of your life.

1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I feel like saying oMg You'RE sO yoUNg, yOu hAvE sO muCH liFE aheAD OF yoU means well but ultimately, especially when the pandemic is concerned, doesn't really alleviate the pain or validate where you are in this process. Sometimes you just need to sit with those emotions, let them run their course, and see the validtity and the sanity of feeling this way. And while coping is important to keep yourself going, you don't want to shove all of your emotions down and not validate them or process them because that will manifest in not so pleasant ways later on. 

Good point. I've been letting myself feel frustrated I think, I just don't want to dwell on it. Because I feel like I'm doing that. 
It's good to hear, that one can relate. I mean, sure, millenials have also spent their last 2 years in isolation most of the time, but they have already went through those pivotal years of their life and experienced them normally. And we did also to some extent (I lived life normally up until 20 years old) but not all the way.

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29 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Concrete proof are celebreties which take insane care of their appearances

You mean hundreds of thousands in plastic surgery and photoshop.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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16 minutes ago, somegirl said:

spent their last 2 years in isolation

You can accomplish your best and deepest work in isolation. This is no excuse. Isolation should make you more productive, not less.

It's important that you learn to take advantage of downturns and crises to multiply your growth, not use it as an excuse for being inactive.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Just now, Leo Gura said:

You mean hundreds of thousands in plastic surgery and photoshop.

Do you think that Hollywood celebrities have more Orange than Green, even though most of them are liberals or progressives?

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@Leo Gura Not just that man. Diet, skin care, exercising and being healthy overall (no binge drinking, smoking, heavy stress, lack of sleep etc) will slow down aging to some extent. I used celebreties as an extreme example.

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5 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

Do you think that Hollywood celebrities have more Orange than Green, even though most of them are liberals or progressives?

They will tend to have an ideological veneer of Green but the nuts and bolts of their lifestyle is very much Orange. The whole worshiping of celebrity is an Orange thing.

4 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

@Leo Gura Not just that man. Diet, skin care, exercising and being healthy overall (no binge drinking, smoking, heavy stress, lack of sleep etc) will slow down aging to some extent. I used celebreties as an extreme example.

Celebrities are a terrible example because all of them have exceptional genetics. Which is what allowed them to become celebrities in the first place. And then they add plastic surgery on top of that.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Karmadhi It's literally a part of their jobs to go through all of that for better and for worse. The average person who has a job and additional responsibilities with a regular salary isn't going to have the time or the money to be working out 2+ hours a day with a personal trainer and nutritionist and spending  money on botox. Sure you can do a lot by adopting a healthy lifestyle and using sunscreen, but things like genetics and a regular life still have to be taken into account. 

4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You can accomplish your best and deepest work in isolation. This is no excuse. Isolation should make you more productive, not less.

I'd be careful with should statements. Things like isolation and just this pandemic in general affects people differently depending on a variety of factors. It isn't unrealistic for a lot of people to feel like they missed out on a lot of aspects of life even if they did make a lot of progress else where. Or in a lot of cases, not having a well rounded life can cause a person to be more neurotic and as a result less productive. That's especially the case if one hasn't found that thing to pour their efforts into to produce their best work and are still in the exploratory phase in a career, passion, relationships etc. like most young people are. 


Head empty, no thoughts, just vibes ^_^

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

They will tend to have an ideological veneer of Green but the nuts and bolts of their lifestyle is very much Orange. The whole worshiping of celebrity is an Orange thing.

Ah, so most of them are not really solid green or above. Not even those celebrities like Emma Watson who are political activists.

7 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Celebrities are a terrible example because all of them have exceptional genetics. Which is what allowed them to become celebrities in the first place. And then they add plastic surgery on top of that.

Actually, a lot celebrities don't age so well. Some female celebrities still look young and hot in their middle age years like Jlo, Halle Berry, Liz Hurley, Lucy Liu, etc. Some male celebrities like Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, Idris Elba, Chuando Tan and what have you look very good for their age. Yet, there are tons of other celebrities like Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, and Keith Richards who look terrible.

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11 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Celebrities are a terrible example because all of them have exceptional genetics. Which is what allowed them to become celebrities in the first place. And then they add plastic surgery on top of that.

Ok, bad example. Still a person that smokes, drinks, does not work out, eats badly and is always stressed/overworked/lack of sleep will look worse than if he did not do those things. You cannot deny that. How much worse will depend on genetics, yes. 

9 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

It's literally a part of their jobs to go through all of that for better and for worse. The average person who has a job and additional responsibilities with a regular salary isn't going to have the time or the money to be working out 2+ hours a day with a personal trainer and nutritionist and spending  money on botox. Sure you can do a lot by adopting a healthy lifestyle and using sunscreen, but things like genetics and a regular life still have to be taken into account. 

Of course genetics should be taken into account. But with that logic why bother doing anything, anything in life has some genetic component to it which will make it easier for some and harder for others.

Choosing not to smoke, not to drink a lot, not to eat badly, to exercise even 2-3 times per week (gym or running), to apply some basic skin care and anti aging products. These things honestly are not that hard to do, not doing them is an excuse imo.

Fuck i am a guy with really really good youthful genetics (not saying it to brag or anything but im 23 and look like 19) and i still do most of these things just for own health and future vision (not smoking, drinking little, exercising, healthy eating, trying not to stress a lot, sleeping well etc).

No excuses!

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I did travel a ton the last 2 years. More than I ever have. I also met more people the past 2 years than I ever have in my entire life. I feel like in no way the pandemic is limiting me in exploring life. Quite the opposite. 

Maybe in your country it is more strict but I think in general it is more about how you feel and what you focus on. 

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12 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I'd be careful with should statements. Things like isolation and just this pandemic in general affects people differently depending on a variety of factors. It isn't unrealistic for a lot of people to feel like they missed out on a lot of aspects of life even if they did make a lot of progress else where. Or in a lot of cases, not having a well rounded life can cause a person to be more neurotic and as a result less productive. That's especially the case if one hasn't found that thing to pour their efforts into to produce their best work and are still in the exploratory phase in a career, passion, relationships etc. like most young people are. 

The thing is that, at least in my humble opinion, most people before COVID had very active lifestyles which is great and all but did not allow a lot for introspection, meditation, self-inquiry, etc, all the things which are good to develop for your own happinness/fulfillment. We are constantly running, chasing the next achievement, speding a lot of time with friends/family etc to the point where we forget to spend time with ourselves and to look inward. This is the biggest benefit of isolation imo, it is the chance to develop these aspects of yourself which due to modern society and survival chasing are really overlooked and underdeveloped. 

Of course this is temporary, after 1-2 years max you go back to normal life but i cannot say that this time was wasted. Just watching Leo's videos and thinking about them all by yourself already grows you quite a bit.

Also ofc you can do the old fashioned thing and work a lot during your isolation to grow your business, or learn new practical skills to handle survival better like programming, langauge etc.

 

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@soos_mite_ah I think it's understandable that you're feeling this conflict of societal pressures, your desires, and the isolation situation. 

There's multiple ways you could take this as an opportunity for growth. One like others have said, working on yourself, life purpose, meditation, reading, doing things/socializing within the limits that we have, etc.

The other angle if you are open to it as it can be more challenging to your current values, is to work on questioning the things that are making you feel anxious about the 'time-wasted'. Are those things really something I feel or from other people? What are some counter examples? What might be the deep rooted source of my insecurities? Gaining clarity on them can help you move forward with more wisdom.


"We're all born naked and the rest is drag." - RuPaul

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14 minutes ago, puporing said:

There's multiple ways you could take this as an opportunity for growth. One like others have said, working on yourself, life purpose, meditation, reading, doing things/socializing within the limits that we have, etc.

The other angle if you are open to it as it can be more challenging to your current values, is to work on questioning the things that are making you feel anxious about the 'time-wasted'. Are those things really something I feel or from other people? What are some counter examples? What might be the deep rooted source of my insecurities? Gaining clarity on them can help you move forward with more wisdom.

I do think it's good to try to make the most of this time and utilize it as an opportunity for growth. And I think in the long run that this will benefit society as a whole. I think collectively that the whole Great Resignation is a perfect example of this because the lockdowns helped people reflect and realize that their jobs aren't fulfilling and aren't treating them right. 

However, while we can use these difficult circumstances to grow, I think it's also important to acknowledge the pain and the loss we have gone through. I feel that sometimes people try to look at terrible situations and turn it on the bright side as a way of coping which is fine but also it isn't the right move for everyone as it can lead to things like toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing. 

For me  when it comes to feeling like I have "wasted time" (this is for me personally, it may or may not resonate with everyone) I think about how I had to move back in with my parents and how that has greatly limited my independence and put me back in a very unhealthy situation and likely stunted my growth as a result. I think about how I didn't get the opportunity to travel like I hoped to in my early 20s. I think about a lot of the missed social opportunities ranging from meeting new people and having social gatherings. I think about the lack of peace of mind I got for the last 2 years and how I couldn't make decisions or plans ahead of time because everything was so volatile. And finally, I think of the ways that this pandemic has forced me to grow up before my time and how I didn't get the opportunity to have fun and be a carefree young person. Of course I can do all of these things and more in the years to come so there is no time that has been wasted so to say so that is pretty reassuring but when it comes to a global crisis that has been dragging on with little end in sight, it does take a toll on you. It isn't the same as deciding for yourself to go into hermit mode and work on yourself. 

29 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Leo's videos and thinking about them all by yourself already grows you quite a bit.

I do agree that you can grow quite a bit from contemplating and reflecting internally. At the same time, experiencing life externally and not being stuck in your house for 2 years is also a huge factor in growth especially when it comes to learning how to move and interact in the world as an adult when you are in your formative years. 

35 minutes ago, JonasVE12 said:

I did travel a ton the last 2 years. More than I ever have. I also met more people the past 2 years than I ever have in my entire life. I feel like in no way the pandemic is limiting me in exploring life. Quite the opposite. 

 Dude.... travelling during a pandemic isn't a flex. 

37 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Of course genetics should be taken into account. But with that logic why bother doing anything, anything in life has some genetic component to it which will make it easier for some and harder for others.

Choosing not to smoke, not to drink a lot, not to eat badly, to exercise even 2-3 times per week (gym or running), to apply some basic skin care and anti aging products. These things honestly are not that hard to do, not doing them is an excuse imo.

I feel that what I'm trying to say is being strawmanned. Yes you can take care of yourself and not age like a moldy tuna sandwich left out in the rain but it's still important to have realistic standards and not pit yourself beside celebrities who have a whole team making sure they look a certain way. Aging is normal, there isn't anything wrong with it, and it isn't something to be feared. 

40 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Fuck i am a guy with really really good youthful genetics (not saying it to brag or anything but im 23 and look like 19) and i still do most of these things just for own health and future vision (not smoking, drinking little, exercising, healthy eating, trying not to stress a lot, sleeping well etc).

Honestly, maybe this is my shit ability to be able to tell people's ages but a lot of people look the same between 18 to 30 ish. Looks wise, the difference between a person at 23 and the same person at 19 is miniscule unless something really drastic happens. Let's look at what you'll look like in another 20+ years and then we'll talk lol. 


Head empty, no thoughts, just vibes ^_^

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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11 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Honestly, maybe this is my shit ability to be able to tell people's ages but a lot of people look the same between 18 to 30 ish. Looks wise, the difference between a person at 23 and the same person at 19 is miniscule unless something really drastic happens. Let's look at what you'll look like in another 20+ years and then we'll talk lol. 

I have looked really young compared to my peers my whole life tbh. Same with my dad and brother. You can definetly tell when people assume you re 4-5 years younger than actually are and they re super suprised when you tell them your age. A guy a few months ago thought i was 17 or something. Believe it or not a lot of people tried to make me feel bad for looking like a kid (way too young) but i never gave a shit. If it had that confidence regarding other things, oh how life would be nicer.

 

14 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I do agree that you can grow quite a bit from contemplating and reflecting internally. At the same time, experiencing life externally and not being stuck in your house for 2 years is also a huge factor in growth especially when it comes to learning how to move and interact in the world as an adult when you are in your formative years.

You definetly need life experience, that is really important. However keep in mind you already do that for basically all your life. If you live lets say until 80, 78 years will be as you say. 2 years out of your whole life are nothing in the grand scheme of things, look at it as a pause from a long run. A pause in a long run could be considered good, almost necessary.

12 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

feel that what I'm trying to say is being strawmanned. Yes you can take care of yourself and not age like a moldy tuna sandwich left out in the rain but it's still important to have realistic standards and not pit yourself beside celebrities who have a whole team making sure they look a certain way. Aging is normal, there isn't anything wrong with it, and it isn't something to be feared.

Yes that is why i said 35. Celebreties can look great even at 45, for normal people i am lowering it to 35. Without self care would be around 30, with self care you give yourself 5 extra years to 35. Realistic imo.

 

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23 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Dude.... travelling during a pandemic isn't a flex. 

It was a lot of fun though. Should give it a try.

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36 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I think it's also important to acknowledge the pain and the loss we have gone through. I feel that sometimes people try to look at terrible situations and turn it on the bright side as a way of coping which is fine but also it isn't the right move for everyone as it can lead to things like toxic positivity and spiritual bypassing. 

Yeah I totally agree. It's important to acknowledge the pain and loss that we experienced. Sorry that so much was not going the way you wished it did at your age. Becoming independent and moving away from home can be a major turning point for one's growth. It doesn't make it less of a deal just because everyone had to deal with it one way or another. Every life is precious. ^_^ I really hope things will get better soon too. I too have lost and missed opportunities to connect with others during this time. I think this forum has been one of my ways to reach out and connect with everything happening.


"We're all born naked and the rest is drag." - RuPaul

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Lmao. How bout try some, wasting your early 30s away ? U good, bro

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1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

You can accomplish your best and deepest work in isolation. This is no excuse. Isolation should make you more productive, not less.

It's important that you learn to take advantage of downturns and crises to multiply your growth, not use it as an excuse for being inactive.

Can confirm. Spend the last two years in isolation, never felt lonely.

Only better, since I can do enlightened work much more effectively.

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