Describing Feelings

[Marcel]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Please continue journaling everyday, my sweet crispy creme cute knuffigen donut. Lub lub. 

 

 

 

I will my spicy curry chilly cake sauce ?

[RickyFitts]

3 hours ago, Marcel said:

@RickyFitts

I swear the universe is listening to me hehe

The video was posted 12 hours ago.

Unbelievable 

 

Amazing, isn't it?  

[Marcel]

7 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Amazing, isn't it?  

What’s even more amazing is. I’ve done a couple of meditations from Rupert Spira in the last couple of days, which have been incredibly helpful. 
 

And then He of all people drops the exact video I need, after writing my journal entry the same evening. Well I saw it in the morning, but still that’s a pretty funny turn of events.

Quite amazing how the stars align sometimes.

[Marcel]

So today I did lots and lots of meditation.

This is something that tends to happens. I do something very extensively for a while and then stop.

This time I want it to be different. Daily Meditation. Maybe not as long as today, but regularly. At the moment my routine is still a bit all over the place, but I’m  getting there.

I work out consistently. My anxiety levels drop and I’m slowly losing the last bit of weight I had amassed. Yay ?

I just need to stay consistent, like I have been doing with my workouts. No more backsliding. No more getting lost in the past. No more ruminating and getting lost in my thoughts. No more idle anxiety.

Im on a good track, now I just need to stay on track. 2022 will be amazing. I want it to be. I have a lot of things to fit forward to.

Kuss ?  @Preety_India

I finally feel capable of living live again. I still have some hick ups here and there, but I’m sure everything will be good. 

 

[RickyFitts]

1 hour ago, Marcel said:

Quite amazing how the stars align sometimes.

Blows your mind, doesn't it?  

[Marcel]

It’s 2 am almost 1:50 am to be exact.

I can’t sleep. I’ve been quite active today, but I just can’t find any sleep.

In a way I have more clarity about my life then ever before, at the same time I feel as confused as ever.

I don’t know how I can exist in society. It seems impossible to me. I feel like an outcast, but liberated. I feeL freed in thought, but trapped in humanity and it’s silly games pretending to not be god and somehow trying to fit in this system, while simultaneously transcending it and trying to master every day life and somehow being myself in an environment that doesn’t encourage being yourself, but pretending it does, deluding itself into oblivion and beyond.

Im getting a headache reading my own words lol 

I sometimes wonder why things just can’t be simple and easy, well I guess achieving anything wouldn’t be rewarding then.

Nuances are breaking my mind. Reality is so infinitely complex, enough simple components can make any system immensely complicated.

Its a miracle to me that I’m alive. I’m glad I’m still on this emotional rollercoaster. It’s a ride.

Truly 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

1 hour ago, Marcel said:

It’s 2 am almost 1:50 am to be exact.

I can’t sleep. I’ve been quite active today, but I just can’t find any sleep.

In a way I have more clarity about my life then ever before, at the same time I feel as confused as ever.

I don’t know how I can exist in society. It seems impossible to me. I feel like an outcast, but liberated. I feeL freed in thought, but trapped in humanity and it’s silly games pretending to not be god and somehow trying to fit in this system, while simultaneously transcending it and trying to master every day life and somehow being myself in an environment that doesn’t encourage being yourself, but pretending it does, deluding itself into oblivion and beyond.

Im getting a headache reading my own words lol 

I sometimes wonder why things just can’t be simple and easy, well I guess achieving anything wouldn’t be rewarding then.

Nuances are breaking my mind. Reality is so infinitely complex, enough simple components can make any system immensely complicated.

Its a miracle to me that I’m alive. I’m glad I’m still on this emotional rollercoaster. It’s a ride.

Truly 

 

 

 

I want to hug you. 

Btw Rupert Spiral is my favorite 

You couldn't get anymore syncoinistic.

 

 

Edited January 11, 2022 by Preety_India

[Marcel]

5 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I want to hug you. 

Btw Rupert Spiral is my favorite 

You couldn't get anymore syncoinistic.

 

 

We we’re coined for each other hehe 

So coinsonistic ?

*Hugs you closely my cozy cuddle pillow ?

[Marcel]

I just realised why I tend to feel insecure in conversations.

There are 4 types of conversations that were predominant in my life ( before meeting my wonderful girlfriend ) 

*Conversations with my mom, that always ended in her telling me she wants to die 

*Conversations with my dad, that usually ended in a big fight, because we never talk and if we do it becomes an explosion, so my dad just decided to stop talking to me entirely instead of fixing this issue basically 

*Conversations with my grandma, she just listens, doesn’t really so much to anything 

*Conversations with “friends”, very very surface level and gamer like, if at all 

 

So overwhelmingly dissatisfying and depressing generally. I think I need to go into so much more detail and really dig everything up. But for now I feel good with just having mentioned it. 

I never really had a space to open up before, or used one, because i just didn’t think it would help and kinda drowned in my own misery hehe 

So it still feels a bit difficult to talk about emotions and feelings. But I guess it’s normal.

I tend to feel overwhelmed quickly 

 

[Preety_India]

9 minutes ago, Marcel said:

I never really had a space to open up before, or used one, because i just didn’t think it would help and kinda drowned in my own misery hehe 

So it still feels a bit difficult to talk about emotions and feelings. But I guess it’s normal.

I tend to feel overwhelmed quickly 

Maybe.. I might help you to open up. 

[Marcel]

24 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Maybe.. I might help you to open up. 

You do hun bun  
You’re my beautiful blessing

Without you all of this wouldn’t even be possible I feel

*Gives endless kiss and does Preety Pooja in eternal gratitude ? ❤️‍?

Edited January 11, 2022 by Marcel

[Marcel]

I went through a lot of emotional turmoil today.

A lot of suppressed emotions came up, that I have a hard time putting into words. I didn’t mediate today yet. I will do so right after this post. I feel more relaxed slowly. My body has less tension. I feel lighter over all 

Watching Rupert Spira has been a goldmine for me in the last two days. I absolutely love love his meditations and the metaphors he uses ( Mary and Jane , Screen and the landscape ) 

The concept of the seperate self is very enlightening. It can only do two things, seek and recoil ( he used a different word, but I can’t think of it now ). We share one limited being. In all Reality there is no separation and everything is connected. We all have awareness in common. 

So simple and so overlooked.

Fascinating stuff. I’ve been kinda only watching Leo’s content for a whole while and hearing things like „infinite consciousness, truth, beauty“ etc. Out of a different perspective, with different words, phrases and metaphors makes it so much more understandable and interesting.

I think I have lost in myself in spiritual teachings for a while. Constantly engaging in thinking rather then experiencing. Instead of embracing confusion or paradoxes I thought I needed to get rid of them. 

Go deep enough into any feeling  and you while find Happyness. The baseline feeling of everything. Hard to see and appreciate in the moment and in situations that suggest the utter complete opposite.

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

6 hours ago, Marcel said:

I went through a lot of emotional turmoil today.

A lot of suppressed emotions came up, that I have a hard time putting into words. I didn’t mediate today yet. I will do so right after this post. I feel more relaxed slowly. My body has less tension. I feel lighter over all 

I can feel you. This must have been difficult for you. I hope you start a regular meditation practice hun. I'm glad you are feeling relaxed. Kuss. 

 

[Preety_India]

@Marcel

 my bond with you only gets stronger everyday . 

 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

Sorry for yesterday. I know I acted bad. Sorry for doing this.. 

Sorry for getting mad at you. 

 

 

Edited January 13, 2022 by Preety_India

[Marcel]

3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

@Marcel

 my bond with you only gets stronger everyday . 

 

 

 

 

That’s the cutest gif ever ?

 

[Marcel]

2 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Sorry for yesterday. I know I acted bad. Sorry for doing this.. 

Sorry for getting mad at you. 

 

 

Kuss ?

It’s okay hun bun. Happens.

I love you my sweet lioness ?

[Marcel]

So today started off very sleepy

I woke up texted my girlfriend and immediately fell asleep again.

Im sorry ? @Preety_India

My sleep is so all over the place. There are days I can’t fall asleep for the life of me and there are days like today in which I slept a good amount, about 8 hours and I still feel sleepy or at least my eyes still feel like their burning and when I close them i Fall asleep and wake up even more sleepy 1-2 hours later.

I need to somehow get more consistent sleep. *Puts on to do list 

 

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Marcel said:

So today started off very sleepy

I woke up texted my girlfriend and immediately fell asleep again.

Im sorry ? @Preety_India

My sleep is so all over the place. There are days I can’t fall asleep for the life of me and there are days like today in which I slept a good amount, about 8 hours and I still feel sleepy or at least my eyes still feel like their burning and when I close them i Fall asleep and wake up even more sleepy 1-2 hours later.

I need to somehow get more consistent sleep. *Puts on to do list 

 

Yesss yesss yesss you need good sleep. Cuddles you. Putting you to sleep. Kuss. 

[RickyFitts]

8 hours ago, Marcel said:

My sleep is so all over the place. There are days I can’t fall asleep for the life of me and there are days like today in which I slept a good amount, about 8 hours and I still feel sleepy or at least my eyes still feel like their burning and when I close them i Fall asleep and wake up even more sleepy 1-2 hours later.

I can really relate to this, my sleep pattern's been all over the place up until quite recently (and I wouldn't rule out it becoming erratic again, either). It's something that can happen if you're experiencing a lot of emotional upheaval, that can create a lot of disturbance in your nervous system which often has a knock-on effect on your sleep - I think you've just got to roll with the punches as much as anything, and trust that it's just a phase that'll pass eventually.