Marcel

Describing Feelings

241 posts in this topic

5 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

This is a hell of a post :x I can definitely tell that you're famililar with the teachings of Rupert Spira, too xD 

Yes I’ve heard of him from time to time, but only a couple a days I ago “randomly”stumbled on one of his videos or I think a meditation and in the following days I’ve just kinda been hanging on every word and watched a dozen videos a a day lol 

 


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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To expand on my chess analogy:

Your own mind is a chessboard, everyone you meet has their own internal chessboard with infinite positions related to their own environment which is another chessboard and all of them interact with, change and influence each other, until we’ve beaten the game individually and collectively. 

Thinking about this I think a rubics cube may be an even better analogy. A rubics cube that’s made of an infinity of smaller rubics cubes and every one of them is connected to each other, with the goal to solve the cube.

Well actually not really, because The  Cube, doesn’t really care if it is solved or not, it happily stays and or changes to any position it is molded into. 

In the Absolute sense it doesn’t really matter how The Cube stands. In the relative sense it does. If your “colours” are all messed up it becomes difficult to see the bigger picture and in the absence of that a lot about The Cube and your part in it gets lost. 


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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8 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Oh God yeah, it certainly seems that way. But it makes life easier in the long run :) 

 

 

It’s definitely worth the sometimes painstaking effort hehe ?

9 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Although fuck, I probably shouldn't speak too soon! ?

I hope the selffulfilling prophecy ghost ? hasn’t visited you by now hehe 

9 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Fantastic quote, love it :x And yeah, I'd say you're making good progress, there may yet be setbacks along the way but that's all right, it's not a linear progression :) 

That’s something I need to keep in my mind more often. Linear process isn’t really a thing yeah hehe ?

Maybe it’ll turn exponential some time ?

 


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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7 hours ago, Marcel said:

Yes I’ve heard of him from time to time, but only a couple a days I ago “randomly”stumbled on one of his videos or I think a meditation and in the following days I’ve just kinda been hanging on every word and watched a dozen videos a a day lol 

Reminds me of a quote, not sure who said it: 'When the student is ready, the teacher will appear' :) 

4 hours ago, Marcel said:

It’s definitely worth the sometimes painstaking effort hehe ?

 Painstaking is right ? Definitely worth it though, yeah :) 

5 hours ago, Marcel said:

I hope the selffulfilling prophecy ghost ? hasn’t visited you by now hehe 

Not yet, touch wood! ? Did have quite an intense dream last night, but annoyingly I can't remember a bloody thing about it now ?

5 hours ago, Marcel said:

That’s something I need to keep in my mind more often. Linear process isn’t really a thing yeah hehe ?

Maybe it’ll turn exponential some time ?

Maybe, Marcel, maybe...


'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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4 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Reminds me of a quote, not sure who said it: 'When the student is ready, the teacher will appear' :) 

It does really happen that way, you look for something, you find it, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Glad the universe works efficiently like that, although id like to cut out the doubt and feeling of uncertainty that comes with this miraculous process hehe 

4 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Not yet, touch wood! ? Did have quite an intense dream last night, but annoyingly I can't remember a bloody thing about it now ?

Oh im familiar with those. The intense dreams, that just seemingly disappear when you wake up. 

It’s like going on a bad holiday and losing all memory of it. I demand a refund universe, gimme my peaceful sleep ?


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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4 hours ago, Marcel said:

It does really happen that way, you look for something, you find it, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. 

xDxD

Definitely happened to me I guess. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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Quote

It does really happen that way, you look for something, you find it, sometimes in the most unexpected ways. Glad the universe works efficiently like that, although id like to cut out the doubt and feeling of uncertainty that comes with this miraculous process hehe 

You and me both! ??? I'd like someone to give me a torch so I can find my way around a bit easier, but the universe insists on making me blindly grope around in the dark for some reason. The prick.

7 hours ago, Marcel said:

Oh im familiar with those. The intense dreams, that just seemingly disappear when you wake up. 

Man seriously, what is that about?! ? I mean maybe I should be glad that I can't remember these dreams sometimes, but in reality it bugs me ?

7 hours ago, Marcel said:

It’s like going on a bad holiday and losing all memory of it. I demand a refund universe, gimme my peaceful sleep ?

Good luck with getting a refund ???

Edited by RickyFitts

'When you look outside yourself for something to make you feel complete, you never get to know the fullness of your essential nature.' - Amoda Maa Jeevan

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@Marcel

 

   61n9er.gif

 

 

61n7y7.gif

*looks at you adoringly. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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5 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

You and me both! ??? I'd like someone to give me a torch so I can find my way around a bit easier, but the universe insists on making me blindly grope around in the dark for some reason. The prick.

I bet the universe is a troll. Just happily trolling away all of us all the time. Must be having the eternity of its life lol 

5 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Man seriously, what is that about?! ? I mean maybe I should be glad that I can't remember these dreams sometimes, but in reality it bugs me ?

It’s like being jump scared in the dark and then not knowing what hit you and being torn between wanting to know and revisiting that place at day or rather forgetting about it hehe 

5 hours ago, RickyFitts said:

Good luck with getting a refund ???

I’ll talk to the universe’s manager. Hope I can get a hold of anyone. They sure must be busy I imagine.


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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7 hours ago, Preety_India said:

xDxD

Definitely happened to me I guess. 

You called me and I emerged ❤️ 
Good morning my gorgeous wiggly wife ?


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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So my mom broke my mind again this morning. I honestly can’t even put into words how her behaviour affects me. Desperately talking about how she doesn’t want an only child and that she can’t live this way. That she doesn’t want to live anymore. Sometimes standing around and stumbling unintelligible things Uhhhhh 

And she pulls me into this over and over again. Desperately  Telling me I should help her. It absolutely crushes my self esteem and confidence. I can’t even do anything.


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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Being around her feels like psychological warfare. I find it so hard to express myself, because I feel totally suppressed by her.

Its all about her wanting a second child. Nothing else matters. I don’t matter. She’d rather die then have an only child, her words. Just being around her in the morning and I feel wrecked, even for the entire day sometimes.
 

I think it’s impossible to describe how stuff like this can effect someones well being if you haven’t experienced it. At least I’ve slowly been able to stop being caught in the “saviour trap”. I still fall into it more often then I should. When she asks for my help she truly sounds desperate, it’s heartbreaking to watch.  I’ve spent all my time wanting to help her, in the end I wasn’t able to do anything or rather absolutely nothing changed in the last 2 years. 

Im somewhat disappointed in myself. I tend to do things to their extremes. I’m a bit of an all or nothing kind of guy I suppose. I staked my mental health for hers and didn’t realise or was just ignorant that I’m playing a losing game. 

I mean she has been in stationary treatment 16 times. Why did I think I could do a better job?

Everyone told me I should stop, that I’m ruining myself and I didn’t listen. Maybe im finally coming to peace with this whole ordeal myself slowly. I’ve often observed that I need to make experiences myself, well at least the lesson hits deeper i guess. 

Time to focus on something new. I’ve been so caught up in wanting to help her that I entirely neglected myself. 
 


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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@Marcel  I don't want you to make the same mistakes I made. I did pretty dumb things when it came to my own mom. I completely devoted my life to her needs and Disregarded mine. This is where empathy goes wrong. 

I know how you feel. But let my life be an example. Today I suffer emotionally deep down for all the massive stupidity I committed in the name of empathy. Empathy is necessary yet not paying attention to the self is the greatest lack of compassion to self. I would never want anyone to do what I did and how I suffered. Please come out of that empathy bubble, it does nothing good to the Self. 

These entries that I wrote will help you deal with the situation. 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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@Marcel also I feel a huge relief after sharing my dream with you. 

Thank you for understanding what I was going through. It means a lot to me my sweetheart. 

I love you. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Marcel also I feel a huge relief after sharing my dream with you. 

Thank you for understanding what I was going through. It means a lot to me my sweetheart. 

I love you. 

 

Thank you for sharing with me. 
This must have been difficult for you 

I love you hun ❤️


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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2 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Thank you for sharing with me. 
This must have been difficult for you 

I love you hun ❤️

Yea it was difficult my sweetheart. But you eased it by understanding my pain. Thank you so much for your support hun. I am so grateful that you understood me. 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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@Marcel I'm so grateful that you did not get angry at me. I was so scared and hesitant to share with you. 

Frankly this is a very new experience for me where a guy doesn't get angry at me. It's an unusual feeling but a great feeling. 

Because my past boyfriends, they would angry and abusive with me. That's what I was always used to. They were angry abusive assholes who would find an opportunity to abuse me. Because of that I had a lot of relationship trauma. 

But with you I feel very happy because you don't get angry at me. You let me be myself and you make me comfortable while opening up. You don't come at me angrily when I'm trying to say something so I feel very relaxed sharing anything with you. 

I have never felt this way before. In all of my past relationships I felt terrified and afraid all the time, always afraid that they would get angry at me even over little things. 

With you I feel like a baby on a cloud. 

I can't explain how beautiful i feel with you. 

I love you. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

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12 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Frankly this is a very new experience for me where a guy doesn't get angry at me. It's an unusual feeling but a great feeling. 

Hun I will always be understanding with you. Get used to this great feeling. I hope it doesn’t feel unusual soon ❤️

15 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You let me be myself and you make me comfortable while opening up.

Watching you grow and be yourself is the most beautiful thing ever hun I’m glad I can make you feel comfortable.

16 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

With you I feel like a baby on a cloud. 

I can't explain how beautiful i feel with you. 

I love you. 

I love you so much darling 

*Joins you on the cloud and brings mango ice cream with me for us to eat 


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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8 minutes ago, Marcel said:

Hun I will always be understanding with you. Get used to this great feeling. I hope it doesn’t feel unusual soon ❤️

Watching you grow and be yourself is the most beautiful thing ever hun I’m glad I can make you feel comfortable.

I love you so much darling 

*Joins you on the cloud and brings mango ice cream with me for us to eat 

I'm crying right now. I felt so frightened and traumatized for so long. But you made me feel so comfortable opening up.. I can't thank you enough.. You must be an angel God sent me.. I love you. 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

Cleared out ignore list today. 

..

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1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

I'm crying right now. I felt so frightened and traumatized for so long. But you made me feel so comfortable opening up.. I can't thank you enough.. You must be an angel God sent me.. I love you. 

*Hugs you tightly and comforts you 

I love you so much hun ❤️

 


I love you infinitely. I will find you forever in every life time because you and me are one. You and me eternally breathing life and bluming 

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