Leo Gura

What's Your Attachment Style?

138 posts in this topic

I couldn't tell for certain if I answered honestly and self-introspected enough and brought out all the memories that were perhaps murky or repressed on all the questions regarding my perceived childhood relationships with my mother who passed away and my father, though I can easily say that on the material/care front they both provided and focused on me a lot as a single male child and my father especially emotionally of being at least always there for me as a security and care guarantee when I was growing up even after my mother passed away when I was 7.

For the relationship front, I've never been actually in any concrete romantic relationships ever in my life just flirted and had sympathies, platonic romantic feelings, and sexual attractions on/off to more or fewer degrees depending on the context and the passing of time towards a few girls I knew in my life but never actually engaged and formed an actual romantic relationship with the opposite sex, so on those questions I had to answer regarding on how I would hypothetically feel towards, expect and want from my hypothetical future partner so the questions I choose to think about and honestly try to answer as much as possible of how I feel towards certain propositions that were posed as questions happening within a relationship are not perhaps a 100% accurate representation of my actual personality in a relationship since it lacks the actual past or lived experience component of it.

First Run: I got Anxious/Preoccupied but didn't get a graph representing the exact value and quantity of this relationship personality type on an X/Y axis after I did the test.

I might redo a second run trying to answer more concentrated, honestly, and attune with my actual feelings when I unearth and express some more of my stuff from my memories and feelings towards the degrees of attachment and expectations and demands from relationships from myself and other people in the near future after I fill up my journal with entries about my thoughts and feelings regarding some subjects and topic relevant to my current life.

One more Question: Does preoccupied in this test mean preoccupied with myself or in the potential would-be relationship?

 

Edited by Fleetinglife

''society is culpable in not providing free education for all and it must answer for the night which it produces. If the soul is left in darkness sins will be committed. The guilty one is not he who commits the sin, but he who causes the darkness.” ― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables'

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Dismissive/Avoidant - makes sense

 

Screenshot 2022-01-10 at 23.37.37.png


You are addicted to alcohol? Yhym... Try quitting coffee.

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   Has anyone here found any value in taking this test in terms of cognitive line, moral frame work, values, and psychological value like discovering more of your personality? I'm assuming besides the obvious like relationship development, have any of you found other benefits to this test?

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Disorganized

Could it be possible that parrnts do not love their son? Could it be possible that they do not love one of their sons? Could it be possible that parents have conflict of interests, a bias, prejudice, cognitive dissonance?

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18 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Bojan what does disorganized mean for you?

It means that I can be very attached to some people and fearful of them at other times or at the same time. I don't know. I just answered the quiz and that's what came out.

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Anxious /
Preoccupied

The anxious/preoccupied attachment style (referred to as ambivalent in children) is created in the first 18 months of life, in a dyad with the primary caregiver, usually the mother or the father.

The roots of this attachment style are based in perceived neglect: the parents did not necessarily neglect the child actively, but the child perceived that his or her needs were not met.

Growing up, people with this attachment style start to neglect their own needs and to put the needs of others first. They expect that, if they are nice and caring to someone, he or she will like them and take care of them in return. This turns into preoccupation with the needs of others and leads to lack of self-definition and sense of self.

Score Mother/CG1: Anxiety: 4.33 | Avoidance: 6.17

Score Father/CG2: Anxiety: 4.00 | Avoidance: 4.67

Score Partner: Anxiety: 3.67 | Avoidance: 2.67

 

 

Edited by Alex bAlex

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Anxious /

Preoccupied

The anxious/preoccupied attachment style (referred to as ambivalent in children) is created in the first 18 months of life, in a dyad with the primary caregiver, usually the mother or the father.

 

The roots of this attachment style are based in perceived neglect: the parents did not necessarily neglect the child actively, but the child perceived that his or her needs were not met.

 

Growing up, people with this attachment style start to neglect their own needs and to put the needs of others first. They expect that, if they are nice and caring to someone, he or she will like them and take care of them in return. This turns into preoccupation with the needs of others and leads to lack of self-definition and sense of self.

 

 

Score Mother/CG1: Anxiety: 2.67 | Avoidance: 4.33

 

Score Father/CG2: Anxiety: 6.33 | Avoidance: 6.67

 

Score Partner: Anxiety: 6.67 | Avoidance: 3.33

 

 

Common signs of your attachment style include:

Please keep in mind that, even if you have this attachment style, you don’t need to identify with all of the characteristics outlined below. Remember, everybody has a unique personality and life experience.

 

You lack a strong sense of self and tend to put others first. You take care of others and place more importance on them and their needs, instead of on yourself and your needs.

You have a hard time being alone; you crave relationships and intimacy.

You have a relatively low self-esteem and seek approval and reassurance from others – you need them to validate your own worth. Therefore, you often crave attention and try to impress people.

When it comes to relationships, you often exhibit clingy and needy behaviors. You seek attention and intimacy and can become too demanding. On the other hand, you are sensitive towards your partner’s needs and preoccupied with taking care of them, which might cause your partner to feel smothered or suffocated by you.

You fear that you will scare people away and that they will reject, criticize, or abandon you. You can get extremely upset when you receive disapproval (in any form). When your partner is unavailable and spends time away from your relationship, you can become jealous, frustrated, and resentful.

You overanalyze and worry excessively about relationships. At the same time, you easily ignore or misread signs of relational issues

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How is this post just me acting out my ego in the usual ways? Is this post just me venting and justifying my selfishness? Are the things you are posting in alignment with principles of higher consciousness and higher stages of ego development? Are you acting in a mature or immature way? Are you being selfish or selfless in your communication? Are you acting like a monkey or like a God-like being?

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@bejapuskas

On 1/12/2022 at 6:14 PM, Danioover9000 said:

   Has anyone here found any value in taking this test in terms of cognitive line, moral frame work, values, and psychological value like discovering more of your personality? I'm assuming besides the obvious like relationship development, have any of you found other benefits to this test?

 

On 1/13/2022 at 8:25 AM, bejapuskas said:

@spiritual memes google some possible solutions :) Its an underused tool

@Danioover9000 I find value after reflecting, not only after taking.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   I meant after taking the test and reflecting, and even while taking the test obviously.

   However, I have yet to find any value in the theory of attachment styles other than describing simple types of attachment styles to intimate partners based on one's relationship with the father and mother. Like how one is treated by the parents, is how one is informed of how to treat every other male or female figure out in the world is the gist I'm  getting.

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   My question to some who follow attachment style, what do you do to develop yourself towards secure attachment style?

   Is it personal development, and which theory?

   Is it spirituality, and which practice?

   For me, I've done enough spiritual practices and personal development years back, to be able to score a secure attachment style.

   

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Anxious/occupied

Screenshot_20220116_091116_com.android.chrome.jpg

 


Bearing with the conditioned in gentleness, fording the river with resolution, not neglecting what is distant, not regarding one's companions; thus one may manage to walk in the middle. H11L2

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Dismissive/avoidant. Makes sense.

Why does it almost always seem that question’s are weird in these type of tests??

 

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Secure.

I'd be surprised if the result were otherwise, considering both my routinely self-analysis and other peoples comments about my personality.

Edited by Espaim

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