Worst Negative Tendencies Of Mind

[Neer25]

 

I will start up my story with my 11th and 12th std. from where I started to push myself hard into depression or the negative ruminations .So, after completing my 10th std when I entered 11th, I came in with full power and confidence as I have scored very good marks in 10th. Actually , I was so much filled with confidence that I started to behave as if I am only the great person in class and compared myself with everyone having more capabilities.

After then , I decided to join into the group of people who always makes fun out of anything to be part of them and consider it a good source of entertainment which was my second mistake . As I was all alone because my best freinds have changed to other school after 10th std. I thought that it's better to join their group.

In starting , I felt good but I don't know how later on it pushed me in that thing which I never dreamt of.I found out that I was a mere source of entertainment for them as I realised that whatever words spoken by me due to frustration were considered a joke by them and I also realised that they always tried to pull me down by laughing at  everything I do. They were giving me no value as they were doing all things with their group neglecting me and taking me for granted. I was very depressed and day by day I felt myself alone and distracted me from my studies.I was having a lot of tension and always having a fear to go school or even hang with them because I thought that they will pull me down by laughing harming my confidence as I have cutted them out .

Day by day I got more depressed , lost focus, instilled a lot of fear in myself regarding their every taunt made by them upon me.Somehow, I completed my 12th by scoring good marks.

And now I am in college.But here also , due to past events I have gathered a lot of negative tendencies in mind that whenever I see people around me I doubt whether they would also pull me down that will give rise to my past sad memories and fears.I always think about any random person after analysing their behaviour and doubt due to my negative tendencies of mind that whether he would come against my success and would be destroying my values or come in between my success as I constantly overthink about every negative consequences considering myself as victim.

How to deal with this problem?

Edited January 4, 2017 by Neer25