axiom

6g shroom trip. I felt like I was gone for a million years.

43 posts in this topic

I thought it would be interesting to hear some feedback from people here. This trip was actually 8 months ago. I wrote it all down the following day, as soon as I was able to function again. The after-effects are still with me in the sense that I see God in things sometimes now when completely sober. When this happens, I experience anxiety due to the sheer enormity of it all... but it's an amazing feeling at the same time. Hard to explain.

Anyway, here goes:

__________

I finally got the guts together to take a high dose of mushrooms. My goal was healing intense trauma from the past, overcoming depression etc. I lay down on my bed with an eyemask and headphones listening to the ICL psilocybin playlist. My original plan was to eat 2.75g (dry weight), and work my way up to a higher dose if it seemed to be unfolding positively. I set my intentions out - healing, love, asked to be helped etc. I specifically asked to be reconnected with my soul.

About 40 minutes in, the euphoria was taking hold. Everything was feeling great, so I ate another .75g.

I found myself in a sort of forest clearing. Weird little goblin creatures / elves with pale green skin - some with eyes on stalks - were playing peekaboo with me, as they were hiding amongst the trees, vines and bushes. Very playful. They were all welcoming me and giving me the thumbs-up. It felt like they knew me, and I knew them from somewhere too. The euphoria kept building.

I'm not sure whether these creatures led me there - I think they did - but the words "the kingdom of heaven" came to my mind fairly quickly. Words utterly defy description of this place... but it dawned on me that I was a soul... that everyone was a soul. This wasn't merely an idea but a directly experienced reality. I saw millions of other souls and what might have been angels, all reaching out their arms to welcome me. The euphoria kept building and I couldn't stop laughing. The laugh started relatively slow, but it grew and it kept growing. The "joke" being unveiled to me was so profound, so ridiculously enormous in its implications that I could barely handle it. It was as if God himself / itself was laughing through me. I was being shown - with absolutely no room for doubt - that God and heaven were 100% real. I felt like I might die of astonishment. 

I opened my eyes, and with what was left of my human faculties (almost nothing) I somehow managed to fumble with the shroom jar. I picked a few out and started eating them like candy. I was excited by the experience so far and I wanted to prolong it. I don't know how many I ate exactly, but some of them had pretty big caps. I think I must have been approaching around 6g by then.

I closed my eyes again and right away I was back in "heaven". I saw some religious iconography and remember thinking it was unbelievable how the actual kingdom of heaven has such similar iconography to that depicted in religious paintings, in churches etc. Our earthly depictions of heaven make a pretty decent job of it. Again, this was a profound joke. It was suddenly so obvious where ecclesiastical imagery comes from - sacred geometry like stained glass.

I was being swept along, hanging out with all the other souls and angels. I felt that I was part of them and they were part of me. Everything seemed to be in a higher resolution and in more dimensions than our typical three. The immensity of the power and love of the place was almost impossible to handle. At some point I felt like I had seen the very face of God, and it was looking directly at me. I was writhing around. I felt so unbelievably insignificant and humbled, but I also knew with profound conviction that I was more loved and more understood than I could ever have imagined. I realised that as souls, all of us are children, and we are loved as unconditionally as any parent loves their child.

My partner had come in to check on me at this point, and was holding my hand. She was worried I'd been laughing too loud and was disturbing the neighbours. I loudly proclaimed "I don't care about the neighbours", and "you don't understand, I've seen the face of God... it's almost too much to take...you're just a soul... we're all just souls..." I was so overwhelmed that I was in tears.

At some point I had fallen on the floor and she was trying to get me to drink a glass of water. I only know this because “I” (my soul?) was actually standing up. Or it seemed that way. An out-of-body experience. I clearly saw my body lying on the floor and I saw her leaning over me, trying to help me. I exclaimed "Oh my God... you won't believe what I'm seeing..." or at least, that's what I thought I said. But all that actually came out of mouth was a long groan. She confirmed this all later.

As the trip began to wear off, I intermittently found myself standing up leaning on the chest of drawers in the bedroom with my head resting on my arms. My whole body felt like it was made of jelly, and I kept repositioning my head over and over. How I got there in the first place I have absolutely no idea. My body must have got up from the bed and walked over there without any conscious input. After the trip ended I wondered if I’d imagined that part of it, but my partner confirmed that I had indeed been standing there, leaning on the chest, and moving my legs back and forth restlessly for two hours.

During that time, in my experience, I was remembering that I was a human being. I had completely forgotten that I had ever been a human being for what seemed like millions of years. I remember muttering to myself “I’m... I'm a human being...” over and over as I stumbled around, shaking, feeling intense shock at the revelation. I tried to remember how a human body actually worked - arms and legs in particular seemed like very strange appendages. I felt my soul trying to reinhabit my body. This almost-impossible process seemed to take another few thousand years as the room - and time itself - warped and shifted accompanied by waves of nausea.

Even with my eyes open I could still see countless angels and souls reaching out to me. They were trying to comfort me perhaps. It seemed they knew I was going back into my human form, so it was as if they were saying goodbye. I felt sad to leave.

As my mind reassembled itself I started to panic that I had fucked myself permanently. I felt incredibly sick at this point. "Reality" kept almost coming into focus, but then slipping away again. It seemed like there were several instances of different realities, all equally real, and it could be pot luck which one I ended up in. In one such reality, I had taken an overdose and was lying in a hospital bed. I suddenly realised that I had been so traumatised by my break up ten years ago that I had tried to kill myself (this never happened), and my impression of life ever since had been completely concocted to cope with it all. This meant that the partner I thought I had today was simply a figment of my imagination, which made me sad. “That’s a shame” I thought to myself. “She was really nice.”

I was stuck in this superposition-like state for an agonisingly long time. There were brief flashes of full awareness, but they would soon disappear again like a cruel joke. Reality kept shifting from one, to another, to another. I couldn't hold on to my thoughts for long... only enough to consider that I might be stuck in this nightmare forever, and maybe I had destroyed my mind. My partner was lying down next to me at this point holding my hand. I kept asking who was holding my hand every few minutes - as far as I was concerned it might have been anyone from one of the other realities.

It was a very bumpy ride to say the least, but the moments where this reality dropped into sharp focus ultimately became longer and more reassuringly crystallised. Eventually I regained full sanity. To say I was relieved would be an understatement. I had never been more grateful to simply be alive, and to be human.

Edited by axiom
Fixed a spelling error.

All paths lead to a deeper unreality.

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Yeah, mushrooms are very twisty. Not ideal for this work.

At high doses mushrooms turn into nondual madness.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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For me LSD is clearer. But LSD can also be loopy.

5-MeO-DMT & 5-MeO-MALT are the peak of clarity and directness.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura i haven't tried shrooms but i feel very positive about lsd. And i also like the loopiness and feel like it can show how Reality is a strangeloop made of strangeloops made of strangeloops of strangeloops.

Or would you say that the loopiness can get in the way?

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22 minutes ago, axiom said:

 

Wow, what an intense trip experience, thanks for sharing! Yeah high doses of shrooms can get really wild. Good that youre back grounded in this reality. I had one LSD trip, where I experienced really similiar things, I wasnt responsive for my friends anymore for maybe half an hour. In this time I felt also that I was warping between different realities. It felt like I was in another parrallel universe every few seconds. In retrospect I think I could see the different potentialities in which reality could advance forward, depending on my intention. I also had the fear, that now I fucked up and I lost my reality. I was unbelievably grateful, when I was back grounded in my normal reality and could be with my friends again. Since then im much more careful with high doses of shrooms or LSD.

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6 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Leo Gura i haven't tried shrooms but i feel very positive about lsd. And i also like the loopiness and feel like it can show how Reality is a strangeloop made of strangeloops made of strangeloops of strangeloops.

Or would you say that the loopiness can get in the way?

I think it really depends on the person, I had my most difficult trips on LSD. I would always recommend a small dose of shrooms for a beginner, cause in my experience they feel more natural and have something internally positive in them. A 4 hour trip is also much better to handle, than an 12 hour experience of LSD. But whatever you take, better start with a low dose, no need to rush.

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33 minutes ago, axiom said:

As my mind reassembled itself I started to panic that I had fucked myself permanently.

Classic. xD

35 minutes ago, axiom said:

I had never been more grateful to simply be alive, and to be human.

???

Amazing trip report!

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34 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, mushrooms are very twisty. Not ideal for this work.

At high doses mushrooms turn into nondual madness.

And yet, I'm not sure. I think they revealed something to me that other psychedelics might not. Amidst all that madness were some truly profound revelations. Even if the souls I met there are essentially me, I actually miss them. I miss the place. I feel it deep down and sometimes it can make me quite emotional. 

I believe it's possible that I directly witnessed the creation of souls in the mind of God...  forms, duality itself, at the moment of inception.

Whatever it was, it was more "real" than real.

Edited by axiom

All paths lead to a deeper unreality.

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18 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

5-MeO-DMT & 5-MeO-MALT are the peak of clarity and directness.

The depths of our minds is both amazing and scary at the same time. Does the clarity, which 5-MeO gives, take away a bit of the scariness? It seems like the twistedness of mushrooms only add to the existential madness, though it is manageable when you know what you're doing. Or is 5-MeO so direct and clear that it scares the shit out of you, no matter how prepared you are? Or, perhaps, amazement and being scared is simply a duality, which we make up?

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36 minutes ago, Judy2 said:

@Leo Gura 

Or would you say that the loopiness can get in the way?

It certainly can.

The highest consciousness is not loopy, it is all too bald and direct. It's too direct for a loop to even form.

If you pull on a strange loop deep enough it will turn into a point or singularity.

15 minutes ago, EmptyVase said:

Or is 5-MeO so direct and clear that it scares the shit out of you, no matter how prepared you are?

Yes, this.

But mushrooms still have a different fear that comes with them, which is madness. You won't get that so much on the 5-MeOs.

There is a sinister quality to some psychedelics and a benevolent quality to others. 5-MeO is more benevolent. But the intesity of the consciousness alone will terrify most people. But it's not like a sinister terror.

Sinister terror is what you'd want to avoid. Salvia comes to mind here.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@axiom

Nice & thanks for sharing, interesting read! 

The nausea is from the flesh of the shroom and skews the whole trip. Never eat mushrooms, always make tea. It extracts the active ingredient and removes the nausea from the experience (very big difference). Never take more after the initial dose, it’s trying to hard / based on ‘getting’ (ego). Relax & trust the universe will reveal perfectly, as it is perfection. Surrender to Good-Timeness. 

(2.75 + .75) Never take 3-4g. Either less than 3 or more than 4. 3-4 is the mental limbo zone, the deconstruction of the ‘finite mind’ (thought attachment) & the current momentum of resistance(s), vs clearing through or breaking through that deconstruction completely. Go prior to 3 for a great time and or insights, and more than 4 (maybe more than 4.5, or a solid 5) for breakthroughs. 

The nausea and the limbo zone factors (imo) combined skews the experience a bit. Think in terms of thought & perception mixing (hallucinations). This leads to interpretations like your partner being a figment of you imagination, vs ‘that’s’-God-mf’ing-Rejoice. (And of course, not two, the Beauty of ‘it All’). 

For good measure… with a proper foundation of daily morning meditation, expression journaling (dream journaling also a big plus in the trip prep regard), and acute understanding of emotions, there’s no (finite if you will) hallucinations, fear, anxiety, general mind fuckery, etc, cause there’s not the presence of the thought activity of there being a finite self (illusory), just the One & only Psychonaut that Is. ? That limbo zone is thought loopy, and the so called finite mind can’t let go because it’s really only thoughts, about ‘losing my mind’, which is just fear (use emo scale). 

(Tea: chop into tiny pieces, boiled a large mug’s worth of water, then simmer the pieces in it for 15 mins, covered, then filter through a metal mesh strainer a few times. Use a metal or more ideally wooden spoon to ‘squish’ the active ingredient completely out of the flesh. Add a tea bag, and if you like, some honey.)

Maybe take it a bit slower in terms of incrementally increasing vs eatin a few more like it’s popcorn. 9_9 Also, slower makes it easier and safer to trip alone which is superior ime. 

Just some tips. Thanks again for sharing. Keep on keepin on. ?? 


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@axiom woahh..thanks for the report!! Do you think it has healed your trauma?

psilocybin is actually the number one for trauma healing which is researched. Why they choosed this, there must be something on this substance other like LSD dont have. But could be also practical reasons (shorter duration)

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15 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It certainly can.

The highest consciousness is not loopy, it is all too bald and direct. It's too direct for a loop to even form.

...5-MeO is more benevolent. But the intensity of the consciousness alone will terrify most people.

The intensity of the 6g experience was truly terrifying, but not in a sinister way - more in the sense that it's just terrifying to feel the sheer infinite power of God's love and compassion. This can be "felt" probably irrespective of whether you reach the stage of recognising God as yourself. I imagine that particular (final?) revelation might be enough to destroy some people... as in, it could be too much to take on board.

I think I would like to take the step, but I'm not completely sure. In any case the decision has been made for me to some extent, as it's very difficult to find any of the relevant 5MEOs where I live.

Edited by axiom

All paths lead to a deeper unreality.

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43 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@axiom woahh..thanks for the report!! Do you think it has healed your trauma?

psilocybin is actually the number one for trauma healing which is researched. Why they choosed this, there must be something on this substance other like LSD dont have. But could be also practical reasons (shorter duration)

For a good while after the trip I felt completely healed... it definitely did something at a very deep level. Essentially I realised that all of the pain and trauma in my life stemmed from a lack of love. A lack of feeling loved in particular, and probably a lack of giving love.

Once God showers you with infinite love, such that it's filling your entire being, such that it burns you up completely in its intensity... such that you can be left in zero doubt that you are LOVED, this destroys the very root of all the pain.

Knowing via revelation that someone or something (God) cares deeply about you no matter how much you fuck up / have fucked up in life, helps you to characterise the past very differently. It also leads to making very different decisions in life.

In a nutshell, you're able to recognise that all of the misery and apparent evil or wrong-doing in the world stems from a lack of knowing love on some level. This makes you want to give others the same gift of unbridled compassion, forgiveness and love, whatever the circumstances may be, and to the best of your ability as a human.

Love is liberation, and it has become clear to me that this idea goes deeper than anyone can imagine.

Edited by axiom

All paths lead to a deeper unreality.

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28 minutes ago, Nahm said:

@axiom

(2.75 + .75) Never take 3-4g. Either less than 3 or more than 4. 3-4 is the mental limbo zone, the deconstruction of the ‘finite mind’ (thought attachment) & the current momentum of resistance(s), vs clearing through or breaking through that deconstruction completely. Go prior to 3 for a great time and or insights, and more than 4 (maybe more than 4.5, or a solid 5) for breakthroughs. 

(Tea: chop into tiny pieces, boiled a large mug’s worth of water, then simmer the pieces in it for 15 mins, covered, then filter through a metal mesh strainer a few times. Use a metal or more ideally wooden spoon to ‘squish’ the active ingredient completely out of the flesh. Add a tea bag, and if you like, some honey.)

Maybe take it a bit slower in terms of incrementally increasing vs eatin a few more like it’s popcorn. 9_9 Also, slower makes it easier and safer to trip alone which is superior ime. 

Just some tips. Thanks again for sharing. Keep on keepin on. ?? 

Thank you very much for the tips, sincerely appreciated. I've been sceptical in the past regarding tea eliminating the nausea, but I've heard it enough now that I'll definitely make tea next time... if I ever get the guts to go so deep again.

For clarity, it was a 6g trip though: 2.75 + .75 + probably 2.5 or so later (when I was irresponsibly munching them like candy). I think my spacing-out of dosages probably didn't help with the loopiness or the sense of madness. But I certainly had a complete breakthrough at some point - in that I lost all memory of being human for a long while and just became mind or experience itself. I sometimes wonder if I was literally there for a million years... but when you're extruded across dimensions of unfathomable scale I guess the notion of "time" becomes irrelevant.

 

Edited by axiom

All paths lead to a deeper unreality.

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@axiom my girlfriend made lemon tek. It reduced nausea a bit I think. However She vomited after 1, 5 hours taking it. 

True preventing nausea is maybe possible with alcohol Extraktion or boofing

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3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

For me LSD is clearer. But LSD can also be loopy.

5-MeO-DMT & 5-MeO-MALT are the peak of clarity and directness.

what about DPT? 

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2 hours ago, axiom said:

The intensity of the 6g experience was truly terrifying, but not in a sinister way - more in the sense that it's just terrifying to feel the sheer infinite power of God's love and compassion.

Yes, that's how 5-MeO is.

God's Love will annihilate you and you will realize what death is.

Quote

This can be "felt" probably irrespective of whether you reach the stage of recognising God as yourself.

Yes, it's easier to feel God as other, as something above you, than it is to realize God is yourself.

Your first glimpses of God will probably be of God as other, not as self.

It's crucial to go further and realize God is identical to yourself.

3 hours ago, Nahm said:

@axiom

Never eat mushrooms, always make tea. It extracts the active ingredient and removes the nausea from the experience (very big difference).

Taking this to its logical extreme, you can avoid the mushroom altogether and plug 4-AcO-DMT. Similar to mushrooms but more potent. Easier to transport and store. No side-effects. Crazy mindfuckery beyond human imagination. Plugged 4-AcO-DMT hits like a psychedelic sledgehammer to the head.

No mushrooms were harmed in the making of this trip report ;)


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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