The Usage Of Unused Energy And Tackle My Inner Demons

[JKG]

slow down

[Mango1998]

@quantum I am already

[Mango1998]

Further Steps

 

Well, one of my aims for this year was to improve my English and I took the first step to do so. Yesterday I visited a so-called "English Conversation c1" course and I liked it very well. Everyone there was double of age or even older than that. But that was good, I was more relaxed and the atmosphere  was easier. And I think they liked me, too. One of them asked me, if I will join them also next week. That was very nice.

Because it was only a conversation course, we talked a lot and I realized the differences between them. Also, I got a picture of their way of thinking and it amazed me. I like analyzing people, that´s a kind of a hobby of mine. But that´s not the topic.

I will go now for 12 weeks to that course and discuss different topics with very different people and I looking forward to next week.  My teacher is an original Briton and speaks perfect German, so you would not have thought her being British   that was funny

 

 

[Mango1998]

Summary of this week

 

This week was really boring and stressful. I had a lot of homework to do, was the whole day tired and wanted to do many things but couldn´t do the most things.

I wanted to meditate, go for jogging, watch Leo´s videos, write on regularly base, learn for my A-Levels and and and

Well, That didn´t go so well, so I have to think of a new plan and also make a list of how important which aim is, maybe that would work out better. We´ll see Yesterday our chemistry teacher told us, what we should know for the pre-exams and I kind of panicked. Later I just accepted the fear and everything was good again. I was calm and focused and able to think logically   I got that advice from my friend and did not believe her until I experienced that. Thanks It really works. Acceptance is the first step forward to better change and success

Today I will just do my homework and get my sleep, so I can get up tomorrow at the normal time and change some things (habits actually) and watch Leo´s video from last week. 

[Dragallur]

28 minutes ago, Mango1998 said:

Yesterday I visited a so-called "English Conversation c1" course and I liked it very well.

C1? Thats very nice!

[Mango1998]

@Dragallur  Yeah First I was also a little scared and asked me: What if my English is not good enough? But at the end, I understood almost everything and talked normally to the other people

[Mango1998]

What I thought life is about

When I lived in my origin country, my life purpose was to have enough to eat, do good at school, so my teachers wouldn´t complain to my mom and follow the rules of my family. I ended up going to the mosque in the early morning, after that hurrying to school, and at school doing whatever my teachers wanted me to do. Sometimes I also had to take messages or go and buy groceries for them. Well, I didn´t question anything. I just did what I was told to do and that´s it. After school and went back home and did what my family wanted me to do. And again I have to take messages and bring it to other people or do some household work. We had a lot of guests, so I made them tea, cooked eggs and gave them other food. At the late evening, I got time to do my homework and then go to sleep. That´s it. That was my whole day. Looking bach, I realize, why I did that stuff. Appreciation. Just to let my ego feel good. Right now I´m feeling disgust. I gave up my free-time to get recognition. How cheap is that? While other kids were playing games or rebelling, I was following the strict rules without questioning them. And I thought I am clever.

When we moved to Europe, of course my purpose changed. I had so many possibilities and opportunities. I just had to work hard to get them and I did. I wanted to become a doctor, so I worked hard at school and used my every free minute to work hard for school. My life wasn´t that different. I had to help at the house, more than normal because I was one of the few who could speak the language. That´s why I had the job to go with everyone to the doctor and explain then the matter. One time they also send someone to our house, to tell the elder people, that this is not the job of a ten years old kid. Well, it didn´t really worked for a long time. But whatever. My life changed, I got to the high school, we moved to another city, had a more nice flat and finally, I got my own space, where I could work for myself. And my grades also improved, so I finally could go to a grammar school. That´s where I started questioning things and also realized that I never wanted to become a doctor. That was a hit. I was confused, didn´t know what to do with my life or what´s my aim for my life. Well, it was very materialistic, but I didn´t know how to fulfill my dreams of a big house, a nice car and so on. So I started doing research on different jobs and started with some typical professions like becoming a pilot and all that bullshit. That can be a hobby but not a lifelong job. So the ideas started and went through different jobs and it ended up doing something with people. That´s very casual, so I  wanted to become a psychologist, so I could help people in a mental way. I would become still a doctor as my parents wanted me to do but I could also follow my own aim. Again, it didn´t work out because my grades are not good enough to do so and I lost my interest in that.

 

Actually, my profession was right in front of me but I couldn´t see it because I was distracted by things like money, appreciation and all that stuff. I don´t know exactly what I´m going to do after the university but who cares man? If I´m happy, what else do I need? Maybe I won´t be the richest people or have a red Porsche or a big nice house with servants and all that. Maybe I will have money trouble. Maybe my life won´t go as I wish or I dream it right now. Maybe my life will be a whole tornado full of good and bad adventures.Maybe my parents will hate me and I will have no longer contact with them. But I will be for sure happy. Tha´s my purpose right know. Of course it can change and of course, it will be hard to follow it. The right time will show me the right direction.

Right now I only know one thing: I know that I know nothing

[Mango1998]

The world is going crazy

 

I had some bad experiences this week (maybe the weren´t bad at all and I only sensed them as "bad") and I´m going to write about it. Right now I´m asking myself "what the hell bad does mean?" It´s only a word made out of the alphabetic. And most people connect with that their whole life. That sucks. Well, I hope I don´t think the same way. Back to the topic. My father came home on a Monday, which is quite unusual because he only comes at weekends. First, I thought he came by because of food but I already had a bad feeling. I kind of get a hurt in my belly, as I did something wrong. I just hate this feeling because mostly I did nothing wrong. There is this fear which causes this hurt and it´s a really uncomfortable feeling and I´m not really used to that because I´m mostly the good girl that follows the rules and all that bullshit. I hate rules that are stupid. They are only made by parents to control their children and not to give them safety or something. They need that power because there is no other place they can have this feeling of being superior and holding the roop in their hands. That´s just ill and crazy. Kids need their freedom so they can explore the world, be able to act autonomic and just of being free and with that having a happy feeling. Parents don´t understand that. I mean they hated it, too, being controlled by their parents and when they become parents, they do exactly the same or are even worse. Whatever. My father came home and gave me a lecture how to act when I drive for a weekend to another city. I have to tell him when I go, where I go and with whom I go. And my punishment is, that he took my keys away for two weeks. Wow. Actually, I don´t care even a bit about that. It doesn´t matter at all to me. I have a bus ticket and I can walk or whatever. I secretly laughed because he thinks that he is doing something bad to me and I will suffer. But I don´t. It´s just funny. At the end of our talk, he said that he is feeling bad but he has to do so. I thought: "Well, then you are probably feeling more sadness that I do and if you´re feeling bad, then why are you doing that. It will not matter to me." I didn´t say that to him. I´m still not brave enough to talk honestly to him. And I don´t lie it. I still feel that necklace around my neck and he is holding the end of it. It drives me crazy. I want to become independent and happy and I can´t achieve it when I live with my parents. So, I decided to study far far away, so I don´t have to visit then very often and they can´t do it either.  I feel bad about my siblings but I have to take this step.

Ok, next "bad" experience. My grand-grand father is full of cliche's and stereotype and it makes me mad. He thinks, he knows everything about someone only after a few meetings and he judges then the person. He judges me and the Jewish people and everyone around him. We get see him only on holidays or on weekends and because we have to get up during the week very early, we want to sleep on the weekends. And it´s not that long. Normally till 10 a.m. or something. He sees that, dislikes that and thinks that everyone in my home country is like that. He never was there and has never seen anyone of them except my family and I have to confess, we are not role models. Well, we are young and we need our sleep and by the way, what is wrong with sleeping longer on weekends. The average teenagers sleep into the noon. Besides that, he can have a have a noon nap because he has nothing to do. But we can´t do that. We can´t just sleep during our classes. Well, today I just collapsed and I´m feeling a little bad about that but he had to know. He has no right to judge people without seeing them all. And most of his pictures are wrong. The most persons are not like that. And only because he is old doesn´t mean he is wise. Maybe he has much knowledge but that doesn´t mean that a person is right. At the end, he took all my criticism wrong and I decided to buy him books about the Jewish people and how the suffered and also our culture, so he knows a little about it and thinks before he speaks that untrue words. I also realize people do it every day. I myself do it every fucking day. We see something and we start judging the person and it gets even worse. Because we start thinking about the education the person got and also start judging that and their family, mostly the parents. And if the person has other origins, we start thinking about all the person living in that country bad. It really sucks badly. Why do we do that? To make our ego feel better. That´s just kinky and ugly to think so. We think too much. Why are we addicted to thinking? Why can´t we just stop thinking like ill people and concentrate on our business? Why can´t we be just happy creates which live and let live? Why why why? That´s the question I started asking me. But I got no answer. I don´t even know if there is any answer to my questions? Is the ego the only one making us do that whole bad things? Is there some other bad power in us, like the witches in "Macbeth" who let the person do bad things because they make him believe that this is his destiny? Are there such creatures also in our path, in our body, in our mind? Questions after questions....

[Mango1998]

What I did this week

This week was a really good week for me. We didn´t have too long school, so I could also do other stuff for me. Now trying to remember what I did on the first three days, I have to confess, I don´t know That´s really insane. I can only think of Thursday to today. Well, Thursday I started planning my learning plan, I actually wanted to do in January. Whatever. And it will be a tough month but I hope, I can handle that. With that schedule, I also hope to develop a learning habit, so I don´t get stressed about the exams coming earlier than hoped Time just flows. Yesterday and today were full of chemistry and in about 10 minutes I will start learning for history. I had a nap in the afternoon, so I can stay up longer and learn for my school. Early morning hours and late night are the only hours, it is still in that house and I can concentrate on learning. Also, I spent today much time with my siblings. We colored today together, I made them food twice and we cleaned their room together. During the whole week I used the bus drives as free time and did my reading. Right now I´m reading a great book called "The way of the peaceful warrior". It´s a novel but with many truths in it about life, happiness, meditation.... I´m already looking forward to Monday when I can again enjoy this amazing book In the past I finished books very fast but I know I try to enjoy every word and be aware of what I´m reading   And it´s way much better. I notice more details and I´m also more open to monologs (that I hated in the past).  It´a new beginning for me. I want to enjoy every moment of my life, be aware and be in every moment in a very happy mood. Now I just have to find time for meditation that are longer than 10 minutes

 

[Mango1998]

Feeling Uneasy

My grandpa came unexpectedly to visit us for a week. He is a very nice person and he loves me and all that but he is so much of work. That sounds really egoistic.... He can not do much on his own, that´s understandable because he is quite old. And that doesn´t even bother me much. The point is: his need of attention. Especially from me. If he would write to someone, I have to check that, he thinks he is doing everything wrong, so I feel like I have to tell him that he is doing fine. For example, I was doing my homework and he came into my room and stand there and told me to check his message although he already had sent it to the person. And I couldn´t just ignore him and continue on my homework because I kind of felt rude and I don´t like it when people watch every step I do. So I read that message and then did my homework.

The next point, that bothers me is that he gets some kind of a pain in his neck when he feels uneasy or has to do so. And when I spend time with him I get this pain, too. Because I´m somehow nervous and really very stressed. I have this feeling of having the responsibility to take care of him. I feel a weight on my shoulders that is quite heavy.

Also he eats really unhealthy and he needs every single day meat on his plate and I can´t understand him and also when I try to explain him, how unhealthy he is eating he wouldn´t listen or even try to understand. His main argument is: My wife, my sister and my daughter were used to eat salad and they all died before me. I never touched salad and I´m still alive." Well, that´s bullshit. He was just lucky. Whatever.

The conclusion is: I don´t have time for my studies, nor have I free time, I feel uncomfortable, selfish and a not very nice person. I think I will just tell him that he should not disturb me during my studies and I will close my door. Maybe it will help. Or I will go to the room of my sister which is farther away from the living-room, so I can happily continue my homework and learning stuff. I really don´t have time for distractions.

[Mango1998]

Quotes

The last two weeks I was reading about three books at the same time and I finished one this Friday. It´s an amazing novel with many truths and I enjoyed every page of it. It´s called "Way of the peaceful warrior" by Dan Millman. During the reading I marked some quotes I liked mostly. So here are they:

Quote

I had become everything. I was Counsciouness, recognizing itself; I was the pure light that physicists equate with all matter, and poets define as love. I was one, and I was all, outshining all the worlds.

 

Quote

When you sit, sit; when you stand, stand; whatever you do, don´t wobble. Once yu make your choice, do it with all your spirit. Don´t be like he preacher who thought about praying while making love with his life, and thought about making love to his wife while praying

 

Quote

I´s better to make a mistake with the full force of your being than to timidly avoid mistakes with a trembling spirit. Responsiboility means recognizing both pleasure and price, action and consequence, then making a choice.

 

Quote

Death is not sad; the sad thing is that most people don´t really live at all

Quote

What you enjoyed as a child can be your. Jesus of Nazareth, one Great Warrior, once said that you must become like a little child to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

 

Quote

There are no well-defined edges of reality, Dan. The earth isn´t solid. It is made of molecules and atoms, tiny universes filled with space. It is a place of mystery, light, magic, if you only open your eyes.

 

Quote

For every strength there is a weakness- for every weakness, a strength.

Quote

Love is not something to be understood; it can only be lived.

Quote

Better to live until you die

Quote

Embody what you teach, and teach only what you have embodied.

Quote

Consider your fleeting years, Danny. One day you´ll discover that death is not what you might imagine; but then, neither is life. Either may be wondrous, filled with change; or, if you do not awaken, both may turn out to be a considerable disappointment.

 

Quote

Wake up! If you knew for certain that you had a terminal illness- if you had little time left to live- you would waste precious little of it! Well, I´m telling you, Dan- you do have a terminal illness: It´s called birth. You don´t have more than a few years left. No one does! So be happy now, without reason- or you never will be at all.

 

Quote

It was like pouring God into God, if you know what I mean.

Quote

Enlightment is not an entertainment, Dan; it is a Realization. And when you wake up, everything changes and nothing changes. If a blind man realizes that he can see, has the world changed?

 

Quote

Better never begin; onc begun, better finish.

That´s all I marked but I'm sure there are more amazing quotes in that book. The whole book is just so inspiring, motivating and making one think deeper of everything. When I read that book, I wanted to just start meditating and doing more sports again, like I did in my holidays. I hope to continue soon. Right now my days are filled with learning and more learning I don´t like it...

[Mango1998]

My inspirations for my future that I got this week

First of all, I want to meditate more, so I can finally feel what all this great had already experienced. It sounds so great. It´s mostly paradox, but it sounds fascinating. To be honest, I don´t have any idea what people experience and realize during meditation or even through enlightment.  I really hope, to understand that.

Second I want to work on my eating habits. My aim is to become a raw vegan. it sounds really hard but I want that. It´s not just a challenge for me, but due to my researches, I found out that it´s really good for my body and it will heal my body even more than just with eating vegan. Also, I want to eat more organic, regional and seasonal. I have a weakness for mangos and I know that they only grow normally in summer around June and July. But I would buy them also in winter and that´s really not healthy. First of all, they are not really healthy because they are not grown under normal conditions and it really isn´t good for our environment. Maybe I can have one day my own garden with all the fruits and vegetables like FullyRawKristina. She is kind of inspiring me.

The last third is to do more sports and maybe one day take part in a marathon. I really enjoy running or jogging. When I jog, I don´t have any thoughts or very less and it´s like switching off my mind. The last days I was ill and it was really cold, so I didn´t do any sports at all.

And one last thing: I want fair trade products in every part of my life. It´s really hard to find fair trade products. Especially if you want them to look good or electronic stuff is really hard to find. I struggled with finding a fair trade MP§-Player And most of the stuff is really expensive Whatever,then i will just save for it

[Mango1998]

Running for Escape and Thoughts

Today I went running. It was great and made me feel good. The reasons for going to run weren´t that nice. We had a fight home and I went randomly into it. It was a huge failure. Being between two sides and not to know who is right and who is wrong at the morning, it´s really bad. So to do something good for my body and not to deal with the problem I just went on a run. The air was fresh and cold and it calmed my nerves. I run about 4 kilometers, listened to music but weren´t actually listening to it. I was somewhere but not here. After coming back, I regret that I didn´t run longer. Home is now again full of problems. Home is no more a home. Home feels confining. I want to go far away from "home". What am I doing here? That are not my problems but I´m stressed more than the others. Why do I feel the responsibility for everything happening here? It´s not my fault. I have nothing to do with that. And I don´t have the power to change the situation, I'm not God. Sure, I want to be God. But there will be still people who will act against peace. Who don´t even know peace. Who wants to destroy peace. Who are unhappy. I can´t change them. I will only become unhappy. I don´t want to be unhappy. I am supposed to be happy. I want happiness.

[Wednesday]

If it helps, perhaps the best thing you can do to difuse the tensions with your family is aim to be the best version of yourself. Only then are you in a position to help them. Like you said, I think attempting to change them directly will only lead to your own unhappiness; so take the lead and set the example for them to follow.

I'm also a fan of running. It feels great to run in the countryside if there's any near you. 
 

[Mango1998]

@Wednesday I already tried. The thing is just, that our perspective of a good version is so different. As an example, I like changing the world in a positive way and think of what my actions are creating and they don´t even care about that. And if I would tell them that, they wouldn´t listen or find some dumb arguments against that. So, I gave up my hope. I will just let them do what they want to do and I will try to find my own happiness.

Yeah, we have a huge park in the near. I enjoy running there. Street-Running is nothing for me

[Gabriel Antonio]

10 hours ago, Mango1998 said:

What am I doing here? That are not my problems

i feel the same way.
mom here is super worried. and i repeat "this worry doesn't belong to me"

On 2/1/2017 at 5:47 PM, Mango1998 said:

I had some bad experiences this week (maybe the weren´t bad at all and I only sensed them as "bad") and I´m going to write about it. Right now I´m asking myself "what the hell bad does mean?" It´s only a word made out of the alphabetic. And most people connect with that their whole life. That sucks. Well, I hope I don´t think the same way. Back to the topic. My father came home on a Monday, which is quite unusual because he only comes at weekends. First, I thought he came by because of food but I already had a bad feeling. I kind of get a hurt in my belly, as I did something wrong. I just hate this feeling because mostly I did nothing wrong. There is this fear which causes this hurt and it´s a really uncomfortable feeling and I´m not really used to that because I´m mostly the good girl that follows the rules and all that bullshit. I hate rules that are stupid. They are only made by parents to control their children and not to give them safety or something. They need that power because there is no other place they can have this feeling of being superior and holding the roop in their hands. That´s just ill and crazy. Kids need their freedom so they can explore the world, be able to act autonomic and just of being free and with that having a happy feeling. Parents don´t understand that. I mean they hated it, too, being controlled by their parents and when they become parents, they do exactly the same or are even worse. Whatever. My father came home and gave me a lecture how to act when I drive for a weekend to another city. I have to tell him when I go, where I go and with whom I go. And my punishment is, that he took my keys away for two weeks. Wow. Actually, I don´t care even a bit about that. It doesn´t matter at all to me. I have a bus ticket and I can walk or whatever. I secretly laughed because he thinks that he is doing something bad to me and I will suffer. But I don´t. It´s just funny. At the end of our talk, he said that he is feeling bad but he has to do so. I thought: "Well, then you are probably feeling more sadness that I do and if you´re feeling bad, then why are you doing that. It will not matter to me." I didn´t say that to him. I´m still not brave enough to talk honestly to him. And I don´t lie it. I still feel that necklace around my neck and he is holding the end of it. It drives me crazy. I want to become independent and happy and I can´t achieve it when I live with my parents. So, I decided to study far far away, so I don´t have to visit then very often and they can´t do it either.  I feel bad about my siblings but I have to take this step.

Ok, next "bad" experience. My grand-grand father is full of cliche's and stereotype and it makes me mad. He thinks, he knows everything about someone only after a few meetings and he judges then the person. He judges me and the Jewish people and everyone around him. We get see him only on holidays or on weekends and because we have to get up during the week very early, we want to sleep on the weekends. And it´s not that long. Normally till 10 a.m. or something. He sees that, dislikes that and thinks that everyone in my home country is like that. He never was there and has never seen anyone of them except my family and I have to confess, we are not role models. Well, we are young and we need our sleep and by the way, what is wrong with sleeping longer on weekends. The average teenagers sleep into the noon. Besides that, he can have a have a noon nap because he has nothing to do. But we can´t do that. We can´t just sleep during our classes. Well, today I just collapsed and I´m feeling a little bad about that but he had to know. He has no right to judge people without seeing them all. And most of his pictures are wrong. The most persons are not like that. And only because he is old doesn´t mean he is wise. Maybe he has much knowledge but that doesn´t mean that a person is right. At the end, he took all my criticism wrong and I decided to buy him books about the Jewish people and how the suffered and also our culture, so he knows a little about it and thinks before he speaks that untrue words. I also realize people do it every day. I myself do it every fucking day. We see something and we start judging the person and it gets even worse. Because we start thinking about the education the person got and also start judging that and their family, mostly the parents. And if the person has other origins, we start thinking about all the person living in that country bad. It really sucks badly. Why do we do that? To make our ego feel better. That´s just kinky and ugly to think so. We think too much. Why are we addicted to thinking? Why can´t we just stop thinking like ill people and concentrate on our business? Why can´t we be just happy creates which live and let live? Why why why? That´s the question I started asking me. But I got no answer. I don´t even know if there is any answer to my questions? Is the ego the only one making us do that whole bad things? Is there some other bad power in us, like the witches in "Macbeth" who let the person do bad things because they make him believe that this is his destiny? Are there such creatures also in our path, in our body, in our mind? Questions after questions....

dude, this is a long-ass paragraph. it's hard to read. just start pressing "enter" randomly. it will make your writing smoother

On 2/11/2017 at 7:52 PM, Mango1998 said:

When I jog, I don´t have any thoughts or very less and it´s like switching off my mind.

i have a breathing exercise that i like to use when jogging:

inhaling, confidence

exhaling, doubt

[Mango1998]

@Gabriel Antonio

20 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

dude, this is a long-ass paragraph

My computer isn´t good with too many "enters"

20 hours ago, Gabriel Antonio said:

i have a breathing exercise that i like to use when jogging:

inhaling, confidence

exhaling, doubt

 

that´s a good exercise, i will try it tomorrow thx

[Mango1998]

Back

The week is almost over and I hadn´t time to learn much. I´m almost done with summing up the knowledge I need for the pre-exams. For two of three subjects after all. For the last subject, I don´t have a real idea what exactly to learn, but whatever. Visiting the classes and listening to the teacher should be enough. And to be honest, I´m not really motivated to do much for that subject (English) because whatever I do, it won´t get better than a B Minus (in the eyes of my teacher), so I finally gave up. I will do, what I did 1.5 years ago and be happy and concentrate on the other subjects. Almost two years ago I chose English as my advanced course not because I was very good in that but because I like the language. That wasn´t really clever and I regretted that choice very soon But hey, my teacher may not be the best and nicest teacher but there are cool people in the course and it´s fun:D 

Well, the other subjects are pretty hard and there is much to learn but there I am ready to do my best, so hopefully I will get a good grade. I got good grades for my oral participation and this is damn pushing me to do my best and really learn hard for the two subjects. It´s by the way history and chemistry. History is my thing, my determination and also my future. I just love history and I'm interested in every subject we talk about in the class.  Chemistry is not really my thing and I don´t know if I like it very much but it´s still better than other subjects. So I´m "learning" almost for two weeks for that and hoping, that that is enough. And my closest friends are there and they are really good, so they can explain to me  

I will be the happiest person (I think) when I finally get my result card and leave the school. Of course, I will miss school, classes and the teachers but it´s time for changes. A new place, new people, new life, new home, new classes, new teachers, new school (university) and new aims I still can´t believe that this school was the longest I honored to stay really long Normally I had to change school after 0ne or two years and here I stayed  literally 6.5 years and the time just flew by. Everything seems the same but when I look back, everything is different. My friends has changed, my classes, my hobbies and of course I (thankfully in a positive way ). I like that.

 

[Mango1998]

Amazing Experience

I like being spontaneous, so I drove yesterday with my sister and her friend to a hill or a small mountain to watch dreams I wanted to do hat for a long time but however there was the moment missing to do that and yesterday was a perfect time (my intuition told me) and so we drove there. On the half way, we saw that the sky was very cloudy and there was not even one star   but we still drove there. We parked the car on a side way and wanted to use the walking road through the forest but it was too dark, so we walked to the main "entrance" to use the stairs because there was light. When we got there, we saw some drunk guy, listening to music and having fun. We didn´t give them a though and started using the stairs because they were on the side road. But after some time we noticed that thy were tracking us, so we started running the stairs and they were fast. After about I don´t know many stairs we were exhausted and we used the side way and ran there. The view was just amazing and the adrenalin let it seem even better. It was just too beautiful to describe. We really enjoyed it although we were scared as hell. We didn´t hear any music at all or any voices, that was terrible. I suggested that they have gone to the top and we should go back to the stairs and back home but when we got to the stairs, all of them were standing there, making no noise at all and we ran back. I felt terrible because I was the oldest one and I didn´t even know if they wanted to do something bad to us or not. So we used the dark way to the forest back and were really happy to get into the car.

The amazing part is: I never did something like that and I never had so much adrenalin in my blood. It was a very important experience for me because next time I will do it better. We had really luck because the friend of my sister knew all paths back and we didn´t proceed. Luck in bad luck And now i can only laugh about it

[Mango1998]

Phobia

Today we talked in the English course about phobias and I became aware of some So here we go:

• I´m afraid of death
• I don´t want to become old (maybe that belongs also to death)
• animals: mostly the insects and pets
• people: talking to too many people (that I know) and being with too many people in one room
• deep water: bad experience in the childhood
• time: being late or too early, planning things and can´t follow them because of different circumstances
• losing people because of death or less contact
• hurt anyone emotionally

That´s all I noticed and it´s a long list to work on