SQAAD

I Relapsed On Weed Addiction & Feeling Terrible Now

15 posts in this topic

I was off weed for about a year now. And i was doing pretty good. I was meditating consistently every day for 20-40 minutes, was working on my Life Purpose, lost weight, was eating and sleeping a lot better. But 2 days ago i was feeling very very very bad. Probably one of the darkest periods of my life because i was facing some hard truths that i have been avoiding all my life...Generally there was a lot of stress in my life from many many different factors that i couldn't cope with.

My main addiction has been with weed for most of my 20s. I began experimenting with drugs in when i was 20 years old. The last 3 years i had some relapses but i was mostly off weed. Because the pain was too much. I am doing better than 3 years ago but i still need help with this addiction.

The biggest trigger for me to use weed , is extreme emotional pain. When things get really really bad.

I now understand that i need to change my ways but i am afraid to change. I am scared to do certain things that need to be done in order for my life to dramatically improve. I believe i have a solid theoretical foundation, but i need a lot more action taking.

I am feeling bad now, anxious and have cravings to smoke weed again. In the past i had a serious weed addiction that wasted 6-7 years of my early 20s. Now i am approaching 30s and i don't want to repeat the same dysfunctional patterns that produces enormous misery in my life for no good reason.

I know that i can't control weed and i regret going back to it. I am a very attention to detail person and i get easily fraked out. I always worry about my health when i smoke weed. This makes my situation a LOT worse.

Today i even searched into the toilet bin to find some weed to smoke that i threw away the night before. (I know its disgusting, but this is where the disease took me). I have the habit to throw away chocolate or stuff i don't wanna use. It works as a barrier. But with weed it did not work which is scary.

This is how serious this addiction is for me, and that's why i feel even worse now.

Any advice is highly apprecated.

:(

Edited by SQAAD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 minutes ago, SQAAD said:

 

 

Edited by SQAAD

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

what is it exactly, the emotional pain that you run away from? why do you think it arises? you don't need help with addiction with your weed because if it's not weed, it becomes something else, maybe chocolate tomorrow, maybe video games the next day, maybe you become a workaholic,

you need to go straight to the source of understanding what is causing you to behave like that

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY9aw5cQRDQ&ab_channel=OSHOInternational


just be here, if you can do it this moment you can do it the next moment

this is the now, now is all that is real, the truth is now, not your concept or experience, just this

is there suffering in this ? work to be done young jedi. me

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Finding a way to reduce your probability of running into such large emotional pain again is probably one of the best things you could work on. 
 

Work to remove the trigger and you won’t feel such a strong need to use it again. It’s hard work to remove that specific trigger, but it can be done. If you’re at a loss for how to work on handling the emotional pain, feel free to send a PM, and I can give some advice. 


Everybody wanna be a mystic, but nobody wanna dissolve themselves to the point of a psych ward visit. 
https://youtu.be/5i5jGU9wn2M?si=-rXSAiT1MMZrdBtY

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We all fall off track, just get back up on that horse, dont beat yourself up, love yourself, throw away any weed you still have and remove dealer numbers or any darkweb passwords etc. 


Dont look at me! Look inside!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you seriously want to quit addictions, then do yourself a favor and purge your mind through a meditative practice. If you don't know any than vipassana is very good. Otherwise you'll just be fighting with your cravings all your life not getting anywhere. It's not healthy to live like that. There are ways to be free from these things. You just have to be serious about it and do the thing you need to do. 

?

Edited by Salvijus

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@BipolarGrowth

8 hours ago, BipolarGrowth said:

Finding a way to reduce your probability of running into such large emotional pain again is probably one of the best things you could work on. 
 

Work to remove the trigger and you won’t feel such a strong need to use it again. It’s hard work to remove that specific trigger, but it can be done. If you’re at a loss for how to work on handling the emotional pain, feel free to send a PM, and I can give some advice. 

Good advice. Thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awwww, sorry to hear that!  It's okay to relapse once in a while, it could happen to anyone.
Just try again the next day and see how it goes, don't beat yourself up for being human. <3

Here's some advice if you are feeling like smoking, this guy does this for emotional responses, but it can be used as a segue to retrain your mind.

Try this for one month five times a day, it takes only a minute or two to do, and do this when you feel cravings for things you don't want.

Gl!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

More self love

Compassion


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can't use like 2-3 times a week to "relax" and let it go the rest of the days right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
44 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

You can't use like 2-3 times a week to "relax" and let it go the rest of the days right?

That's me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I stopped using in the end of Christmas 2017, the year before I turned 21.

1. My mom had found out for like the 4th time and was rather fed up. I was given an ultimatum to redo some high school courses so I could apply to a decent university, and I knew I had to be sober for that.

2. I was in a spiritual discord that had started viewing drugs as causing energetic damage.

So it only took me being fed New Age beliefs from a cult and my mother almost disowning me and forcing me to do something future-oriented. I then tried weed a year later and had the worst bad trip of my life (ego death kicking me in the nuts for 4 hours straight). Never touched it again after that. Nowadays I just need to smell weed and I'll go into ego death, so until I transcend my fear of death, I'll stay far away from it.


Intrinsic joy is revealed in the marriage of meaning and being.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why do you think regret feels bad? In general. Is it beneficial to feel regret? 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now