How do i fill my cup with love , leo?

[Ramzi08]

Hello everyone ,

#

I'm in a period of my life where I'm so needy & seeking for love so desperately .

i heard Leo say once  that i could fill my cup with love through spiritual work and passion.  But i wish I had more details on how to become less needy . So , can anyone help me , please ?

## 

I met a girl 5 months ago with whom I got really attached. we study in the same faculty. we talked a lot and she told me that she loved me a lot.
except that in recent weeks, she has become a little distant with me, she engages less actively in our discussions than before. she even told me that she can no longer say "I love you" and that it is a big word for a simple friend like me, whereas she said it to me many times before.
I cried for 2 days because I got really attached to her and she was my closest friend.
I asked her what was the reason for this change in behavior, she responded by telling me that she wanted to talk with others more than with me and that she didn't really want to talk with me anymore, while promising me that 'she was going to make an effort in the future.
what should I do ? should I end my relationship with her or be aloof and cold while still being friends with this girl?
I am in pain and I feel very lonely.

 

 

[Leo Gura]

No girl loves you unless she is sleeping with you. Except maybe your mother or sister.

You got major friendzoned. Were you expecting it to get romantic? If so, it failed because you were too needy and soft with her. For a girl to sleep with you she needs to feel like you challenge and dominate her.

To be less needy you have to be socializing and flirting with lots of girls on a regular basis so you don't hinge your hopes on any one of them. Then from that situation you can pull a girlfriend. And as you get with more girls you will become less needy.

You just need to be around a lot more girls. You're stuck in deep scarcity which makes you extremely needy and repulsive to women. The thing women hate most is neediness and creepiness.

You need to change your lifestyle such that more women flow through your life on a regular basis.

[Ramzi08]

I don't want to sleep with her at all. I see her as a friend, there is no seduction between us and I am okay with this situation. but I don't understand why she is fed up with our friendship.

Edited November 17, 2021 by Ramzi08

[Average Investor]

@Ramzi08 Relationships will usually dissolve over a need not being met by one party. If you notice in every relationship you have, there is some sort of thing each party is giving to each other. Over time this can change depending on what the person needs. If there is no new need that could be met, or one party is not giving enough, then it can end. I would not take it too personally though. It sounds like you have maybe only been friends for 5 months. That is really not that long of a time to build a solid foundation for a friendship. 

I would suggest working on finding more friends, so you are not as reliant on having one friend. You can also work on identifying the needs that you have and the friends that you have are. Then working on consciously filling and expressing those with them. 

[StarStruck]

1 hour ago, Ramzi08 said:

I don't want to sleep with her at all. I see her as a friend, there is no seduction between us and I am okay with this situation. but I don't understand why she is fed up with our friendship.

 If I have to guess: you are boring. Girls need to be emotionally stimulated in a good way or a bad way. She needs to feel alive with you. 

Edited November 17, 2021 by StarStruck

[Johnny Brake]

2 hours ago, Ramzi08 said:

I don't want to sleep with her at all. I see her as a friend, there is no seduction between us and I am okay with this situation. but I don't understand why she is fed up with our friendship.

Real word just entered the chat. TBH, I don't think that you are boring, I think you had an honest interest in friendship while she did not. 

[Gesundheit2]

Therapy and/or shadow work.

Edited November 17, 2021 by Gesundheit2

[ZenRising]

3 hours ago, Ramzi08 said:

... I'm so needy & seeking for love so desperately .... I am in pain and I feel very lonely.

 

 

In my own journey, I've found there is a direct relationship between how much I love myself and how needy I am for the love of others.... I don't think there's a silver bullet - it takes time and work and more time and more work, but real transformation is indeed possible... before I could really start to grow and change, I had to face up to and own the fact that, on a deep level, I hated myself... it sounds severe, I know, but I had to face the truth before I could move forward... I wish you (self) love and healing my friend...

[mememe]

@Ramzi08 people have different binding strategies/behaviors. i noticed that a lot. not everyone build intense longterm friendships.

did she not explain what was the reason for disinterest in talking with you? maybe she is occupied with new friends she will eventually skip for other friends. usually longterm friendships never stay really intense, if there is no basic trust you can always build upon without hesitation, its difficult - the only thing that sounds weird is that she told you she doesn’t want the friendship anymore. sounds like only a part of a story, not all of it. did she give any explanations?

maybe it was just a bit too intense and you need to get more casual. you need to know for yourself if its toxic or not.

Edited November 17, 2021 by mememe

[Thunder Kiss]

From a girls point of view, it’s usually hard to have a close friendship with a male, to hang out alone with especially one who acts needy.  Its fine if it’s say just going to hang out and get food, or in the company of other friends. but if the guy wants to be really close then i would probably end up backing off incase I gave him the wrong idea or incase i lead him on in any way.  I think it’s hard to have a intimate and platonic friendship with the opposite sex without someone catching feelings. I could only feel really comfortable if the guy was gay or very feminine. 

[Ramzi08]

3 hours ago, StarStruck said:

 If I have to guess: you are boring. Girls need to be emotionally stimulated in a good way or a bad way. She needs to feel alive with you. 

well, not to toot my own horn but i think that i'm a funny guy with an intresting personality. 

[Ramzi08]

1 hour ago, mememe said:

@Ramzi08 people have different binding strategies/behaviors. i noticed that a lot. not everyone build intense longterm friendships.

did she not explain what was the reason for disinterest in talking with you? maybe she is occupied with new friends she will eventually skip for other friends. usually longterm friendships never stay really intense, if there is no basic trust you can always build upon without hesitation, its difficult - the only thing that sounds weird is that she told you she doesn’t want the friendship anymore. sounds like only a part of a story, not all of it. did she give any explanations?

maybe it was just a bit too intense and you need to get more casual. you need to know for yourself if its toxic or not.

she told me that she lost interest because we probably talked too much together . 

she didn't tell me that she wanted to end our relationship but she just told me that she didn't guarantee that our relationship will go back to the way it was before.

and she also met a new friend with whom she talks a lot these last days but he is younger than her so there is no seduction between them either

 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Ramzi08

[mememe]

30 minutes ago, Ramzi08 said:

she told me that she lost interest because we probably talked too much together . 

she didn't tell me that she wanted to end our relationship but she just told me that she didn't guarantee that our relationship will go back to the way it was before.

and she also met a new friend with whom she talks a lot these last days but he is younger than her so there is no seduction between them either

 

sounds like she might be interested in new experiences and a bit addicted towards meeting new people intensely. 

seems a bit like a one on one communication personality to me. it might be difficult for her to divert her attention. aaand i‘m not sure if these types of communications are not also are having some seductive elements. in a tantric sense i‘d say it can sparcle and crackle in different ways between people - it seems like classic tantric philosophy includes all kinds of gender and age regardless and is much less sexualized than gender paradigms want us make believe.

so it sounds to me, even though you say its just friendship it might at least hurt in the same gender hirarchy department, or not?

maybe you need to meet in groups more often, could resolve the issue.

Edited November 17, 2021 by mememe

[Ramzi08]

1 hour ago, mememe said:

sounds like she might be interested in new experiences and a bit addicted towards meeting new people intensely. 

seems a bit like a one on one communication personality to me. it might be difficult for her to divert her attention. 

You're absolutely right.  I noticed the exact same thing.  She enjoys meeting new people and giving them attention in the early days of friendship.

she told me that she spoke to me less and less because our relationship was losing the excitement of the beginning. and so she seeks that excitement with new people. The problem is that i still feel the excitement of talking to her and I'm still attached to her. 

Edited November 17, 2021 by Ramzi08

[Leo Gura]

Well, friends often just grow apart or drop away due to higher priorities elsewhere.

Sustaining a deep friendship usually requires constant maintainence work.

[mememe]

On 18.11.2021 at 0:20 AM, Ramzi08 said:

You're absolutely right.  I noticed the exact same thing.  She enjoys meeting new people and giving them attention in the early days of friendship.

she told me that she spoke to me less and less because our relationship was losing the excitement of the beginning. and so she seeks that excitement with new people. The problem is that i still feel the excitement of talking to her and I'm still attached to her. 

its pretty much the same with most relationships - you have all these phases which either make you connect or disconnect - ofc there is the biggest paradox, if you really want to keep a relationship without effort, won’t work. it’s this part where emotional anorexia does not work, either you split, or go casual maintainence, or put in extra effort to keep the spark alive. in general „no effort“ strategies are superficial - even the guys who say they don’t put in effort, put their effort into either their looks or other areas of attractive general interest within their own personality. so if you want to maintain friendship or (sexual) attraction within any relationship you could also put in effort to keep it alive. but what is much more important is how do you both connect? if its superficial connection, no effort can hold it together while if it is deep connection a lot of shit can happen while you still are friends/in love.

i‘m not denying that in the beginning phase (even for friendships) some pua techniques might be helpful and these emotional withdrawal games trigger especially people who‘s closest relationships are somewhat difficult family members. but if people want to overcome toxic relationship conditioning, emotional scarcity is just not the complete show.

Edited November 19, 2021 by mememe

[gettoefl]

On 17/11/2021 at 11:26 PM, Leo Gura said:

Well, friends often just grow apart or drop away due to higher priorities elsewhere.

Sustaining a deep friendship usually requires constant maintainence work.

yes friendships are much harder than relationships, everyone needs to sleep and noone fights during sleep (except this one pyscho ex tbh lol)

[Ramzi08]

4 hours ago, mememe said:

so if you want to maintain friendship or (sexual) attraction within any relationship you could also put in effort to keep it alive. but what is much more important is how do you both connect? 

 

@ZenRising  that's exactly the problem, you really helped me understand the situation better. I am ready to make an effort, unlike her who seems happy with her new friendship .
should I therefore speak to her about the necessity of making an effort? and above all, how to convince her to do it? because she seems okay with this new situation where we talk less frequently.

[mememe]

@Ramzi08 maybe it could work if you would invite her to sth extraordinary, so you both can have an interesting experience. it doesn’t have to be expensive, on the contrary an exceptional experience can be simple and nice, an experience she just never had access to, sth you both would have fun to do. i don’t know if asking her to put effort would be the right direction, sounds too much of a contract. and also if you want to regain excitement for spending time with you, a bit of the magic of everything smooth and easy going, more flow less scarcity mindset might be fun. just show her you are still an interesting person, then she might overthink. but also try to accept that you also need other sources of mutual understanding to not be dependent on her resources (because it seems to be part of her personality she can’t change, maybe at the moment). so maybe invite her to do sth fun and then tell her that for you the friendship is important. you could also tell her, that you maybe need to leave the other person more space but you can also reinvent and therefore it doesn’t have to get boring. def you need also to let her go a bit so she does not feel pressured. so accepting the wish for more freedom, but drawing her attention with still interesting and fun time together. and then after a while you can also talk about emotional contract stuff, she seems to not assign to.

if you do this there might be still a chance she only is able to have superficial short time friendships or you both did not connect that intensely and she might go for other adventures.

Edited November 19, 2021 by mememe

[Ramzi08]

@mememe it seems like a good strategy.
like you said, she seems to have a one on one communication personality. she therefore does not voluntarily and maliciously neglect our friendship.
I wonder if this friendship is really worth it and if she will really change in the future.