Guy getting a gf? How?

[silene]

5 hours ago, mandyjw said:

My advice is stop worrying about the girlfriend so much and just master casual fun interactions with anyone. 

This is a great starting point. You need to start from where you're at now, rather than running before you can walk. The first thing is to learn how to have an enjoyable social life that fits you, build up a bank of happy experiences and memories as a foundation to build on. If you've got some long-term social anxiety issue then how about looking for a supportive friendship group of like-minded people - believe it or not there's loads of other people out there with similar issues looking for friends. There is specialist help available if you're willing to put in the effort. After all, what have you got to lose, what else are you going to do with the rest of your life, you don't want to go on like this otherwise you wouldn't be venting and asking for our help. 

And while lust may be based on externals like good looks etc, don't forget the old saying, love is blind.  Love is a gift of the gods not under our control. Remember those pictures about Cupid's arrow striking us unwary mortals down here? It's all mythology and symbolism, but based on something real. 

Edited November 14, 2021 by silene

[zazen]

Hope this helps.

 

''Hypergamy is overstated and used to explain everything to the point its almost reductionist. Whilst hypergamy certainly exists, there are many relationships in which the woman could clearly do better (marry richer or smarter or better looking) but hasn't and won't.

 

Women value the emotional attachment they have with their man. If she can easily discard you, that's not because of hypergamy, it's because you aren't very masculine and never made her feel like a woman under your masculinity so she sought to have that void filled elsewhere. Stated another way, a man smarter, better looking & richer than you could show interest in your woman. But if you've been having good sex, bonding with her, leading her and taking care of business, she's never gonna leave you. You're her world. She doesn't care about that dude.

 

Sure he's better than you in a bunch of ways, but why would she care? You make her feel like a woman. She has history with you. She's bonded with you. She knows fuck all about that guy. He could be a piece of shit. They have no history. She isn't unhappy enough to "try him out". She's happy she's with a committed guy as her looks fade and she has younger competition for those same guys.  A man only need reach a certain threshold of competence and emotional connection with a woman for her to be loyal to him and feel like she's his. Be passive and lazy as a man and sure she might cheat, but is that hypergamy, or just leaving a guy because he's a lazy loser bum?

 

Believing women are constantly optimising hypergamy to get the best potential man at any given moment means they are being hyper rational. It suggests they're hypervigilant opportunists, when really they're too emotional to keep breaking pair bonds like that. There is also the sunken cost effect of not wanting to lose out on what you've invested so much into, the shared history created with some one.  Really broken women don't trust men and don't pair bond easy. They in actual fact, hate men. So they want to use them. They're predatory, and money driven. They see men as wallets & never truly connect. These gold digging types do optimise their hypergamy.''

 

Practical point of advice, choose well and older. Women in their early 20's are still maturing and don't know what they want, they change and want to see what else is out there whilst they have youth on there side. Generally late 20's realisation sets in of ageing, someone is more set in their ways values and being and you know what your getting into, plus them not getting the same attention their younger selves used to get and that they need to settle, appreciate who their with, want a family before the biological clocks ticks out all improve odds of a longer relationship. Theres a reason younger marriages have the highest divorce rates.

Edited November 14, 2021 by zazen

[Bando]

@zazen Solid post, did you write the quote yourself or did you get from somewhere?  That quote hit the nail on the head

[zazen]

On 11/14/2021 at 10:23 PM, Bando said:

@zazen Solid post, did you write the quote yourself or did you get from somewhere?  That quote hit the nail on the head

https://twitter.com/TellYourSonThis/status/1385261351866675206

Heres the link.

  

Edited November 16, 2021 by zazen

[zazen]

Great video. 

 

 

Think of hypergamy/biology as hardware, and psychology as software.  Hypergamy is hardwired biologically, but it is layered with psychology. Although women's biology drives them to get the best they can get, their psychology and self esteem over lays this. Women are more emotional but they aren't devoid rationality completely either, they know they can't just leave a guy as they are ageing and expect to find another man that easily so they prioritise and appreciate their current partner. Also, people's self esteem can feel intimidated being with people too much higher than them so they seek around or over above their level but not so much. Top performers come with certain mindsets habits etc that women will feel too pressured to keep up with just in order to maintain that man, it will cause too much anxiety and insecurity. 

 

 

Edited November 15, 2021 by zazen

[Zeroguy]

Having friends, going out, online?! 

[Blackhawk]

It's like a fucking joke, because even if I find someone, then other obstacles shows up. Like time zone difference, my night shift work preventing me from seeing her enough, and stuff.

It's seriously like reality is actively stopping me from having a gf.

[Leo Gura]

@Blackhawk You have to stop feeding this horrid inner game, insecurity, and victim mentality.

Just stop it. It only produces misery in you and it isn't truthful either.

[SgtPepper]

Maybe you just need to something more with your time so you can build some self-love & self-esteem. I don't worry about stuff like that because I believe in myself.

A relationship is so much deeper than how you describe it as well. 

 

 

 

[silene]

@Blackhawk  "even if I find someone, then other obstacles shows up." 

Mate, this looks like a bit of progress here   You've moved on from "I'm not good enough" to looking for external problems. Are you beginning to see that maybe you are good enough?

Where I'm standing, it looks like your mind keeps throwing up excuses because of some deep seated anxiety and worry. A defence mechanism to protect you from rejection, embarrassment, or whatever it is you're afraid of. But loneliness is the price to pay. 

You don't need to change yourself much to get started, just choose a positive attitude and try looking further afield if you're not having much luck.  If you can't change yourself, change your environment instead. 

Edited November 17, 2021 by silene

[Shin]

13 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

It's like a fucking joke, because even if I find someone, then other obstacles shows up. Like time zone difference, my night shift work preventing me from seeing her enough, and stuff.

It's seriously like reality is actively stopping me from having a gf.

You're punching yourself in the face by thinking how you do.

You have already enough things to do, you don't need to make this more difficult than it already is.

[hyruga]

Tell you what. Create a female account and put a relatively attractive girl's photos...bingo...she will receive more than 50 likes per day. Then check out other guys' profile to improve yourself.

Edited November 16, 2021 by hyruga