I Don't Think Sex Can be Transcended by Having Lots of it

[SQAAD]

I think Leo is wrong about his speculations regarding sex. He mentioned in his last video that he was eating a lot of junk food like pizza. And how he hasn't eaten pizza for years. But still he eats food. He just eats different food. So the analogy doesn't apply well to sex in my opinion.

From my observations and experiences the more you have sex the more you wanna have sex. Not the opposite. The more you smoke crack cocaine , the more you wanna smoke crack cocaine etc. The more money you earn, the more money you wanna earn. It just doesn't end.

Maybe you could get bored having sex with the same person as like eating the same food everyday BUT you would never get tired of having sex with different people everynight. You could do that for eternity, without getting bored or tired of it. Like a drug addict who nevers gets tired of taking drugs.

Leo says he doesn't want to be 60 years old and horny. But i don't think that the right strategy to do that is by having lots and lots of sex neccesarily. I understand that it helps to have some experiences fullfilled but after a point its just a hole you can never fill.  Millions of people have had sex 1000s of times. And they are in their 60s still wanting it desperately............   

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It seems these days in Los Angeles, it's OK to do or be anything you want sexually... And if you're lucky enough to find your true sexual identity, you will be happy and fulfilled the rest of your life.

Well, in this world of *Samsara it just doesn't work that way.

The Buddha more than anything else was a man, who went from childhood to manhood, got married, and at the age of 29 had his first child. He went through all the stages men go through sexually, but at the age of 35 ended his sexual desire forever in *Nirvana.

The big question today is... Does the desire for sex always lead to suffering? The answer is, Yes! But the reason may surprise you.

The Buddha in everything he said about sex implies... The activity of sex will never ultimately satisfy the desire for sex.

Now this is a real bummer if you think about it. You can have sex a 1000 times, and want it a 1001. You can be 90 years old... Blind and cripple... Still want to have sex, and not be physically able to. You will never get rid of your sexual desire by having sex. In fact, it seems the more sex you have, the more sex you want.

I think sex is a lot like hunger... And to be honest with you, I'm so tired of being hungry. I have been hungry every day of my life. I'm hungry in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening. Think of all the time and money I could save if I gave up eating!

So what if tomorrow, I get up real early and eat as much as I desire, and anything I want. Whatever looks good, I'm going to eat it and keep eating it, until I am so full and satisfied, I will never want to eat again.

Well, if I were to do that what would happen? I would wake up the next morning and still be hungry and sex works the very same way!

You might be saying to yourself, "Well Kusala is a monk, and monks don't have sex, so maybe if I choose celibacy I won't have to suffer."

I wish life were so easy!

The people who choose a celibate lifestyle ('desire' not to have) suffer in a different way from people that choose to have sex ('desire' to have). But all people (monks too) suffer when it comes to sex, if they have desire.

The only way to have sex and not suffer, is to have no desire to have sex. It sounds like a 'Zen Koan' doesn't it? To end our suffering we need to end our desire, our craving, our thirst.

When a Buddhist does end his/her desire in Nirvana, would there be any reason to have sex simply for pleasure???

The problem with sex according to Buddhism... Is not the activity of sex, but the desire for sex. The sexual desire of a human being will never be ultimately satisfied through sexual activity.

 

Edited November 13, 2021 by SQAAD

[torgeir]

Drug addicts do get tired of taking drugs though. Any addiction causes you to want more and more. The clue is realizing that it doesn't make you happy.

[SQAAD]

@torgeir

14 minutes ago, torgeir said:

Drug addicts do get tired of taking drugs though. Any addiction causes you to want more and more. The clue is realizing that it doesn't make you happy.

Yes it is true that people get tired of the bs that goes on with addiction. But trust me , if drug addicts had all the resources in the world, they would probably never quit, not in a million years. If they had all the money in the world, they would die with a needle in their arms or a bong of meth in their mouth.

Everything that is pleasurable leads to you wanting it more and more. This is why the solution is to let go of it eventually. Doing the pleasurable activity over and over again only helps in the sense that it produces tons of suffering which motivates you even more to wanna let it go.

 

 

Edited November 13, 2021 by SQAAD

[Lyubov]

I think it may be quite dynamic and different for everyone. I think you start craving a deeper intimate sex you can usually only get with a long term partner. I think at a certain point, if you are wise, you realize chasing a new partner is limiting you greatly in this domain  of gaining deep intimacy and love so you sort of get wise. Your emotional body tends to follow you the more beliefs you untangle and the more power you gain while self actualizing. Sometimes you have to untangle these beliefs through lived experience. "I've had seven girlfriends in the past two years and a few hookups as well, maybe I'm avoiding something?" It isn't immediate but it takes time. I think part of the process might be engaging in a decent amount of sex so you see each time and with every new partner that it isn't a means to an end for long lasting peace and stability in one's life. Look at all the wise men who are deeply developed. Most of them come around eventually to being married with a conscious partner themselves. I think a lot of them have to date and have a good bit of sex beforehand before they are mature enough to see that. Not all of them but sometimes you have to burn your hand a bit so you really know what not to touch. Some people fall way too deep into this though and never learn. 

[SamC]

I think this approach of burning through karma needs to be accompanied with awarness. Awarness alone is curative - so fulfill your karmic desires - but do it CONSCIOUSLY.

[SQAAD]

@Knowledge Hoarder

22 minutes ago, Knowledge Hoarder said:

You can't let that desire go though. That's the thing. You can do that for a while, but the desire for sex is just gonna keep resurfacing in your mind again and again and again. And the reason is that, in this imagined reality, men and women have certain biological sexual drives. Men ones are especially strong.

So on one hand, you can say that sex won't make you happy, which is true. But on the other hand, you won't be able to get rid of that need, ever. So the solution is to get some in a healthy way, while at the same time not be addicted to it, I guess.

You can certainly let go of the need for sex. And you will just accomplish the same thing as you would have by having sex. You will still have the desire lol. Either you fullfill the desire or not, still the thirst never gets satiated permanently. But it loses its strength over time if you let go. Maybe after a point, it can be completely transcended, but i don't know. Because there are also hormones involved. Sex is not a desire like desire for ice-cream or pizza. You can certainly never want to eat pizza again.

So the solution is not only to have sex. You could also not have sex if you were serious about it. I have experimented with celibacy. My longest streak was 4-5 months. After few weeks i was having sex in my dreams. And my sexual desire was the lowest it had ever been. There were days where i would not think about sex.  The only reason i stopped is because of some prostate fear and concerns. I began feeling weird sensations in my prostate. Felt very dissapointed afterwards. Because i had the goal to do it for 1 year.  

I bet someone who is celibate for years, has less desire for sex than someone who has sex every week.

Edited November 13, 2021 by SQAAD

[something_else]

It's a balance. If you have no sex, you'll crave sex for your entire life and feel like you've missed out by not having it. Transcending sex by having no sex is a terrible strategy

You want to have enough exciting and polarising sex to satisfy your desire for sexual variety, as well as enough deep and intimate sex to satisfy your desire for connective sex. Without that, you can't really transcend because you'll always be wondering about what you missed out on

Sex is different from drugs in that sex is essentially a base need of humanity, whereas drugs are not unless you get hooked

[Nos7algiK]

Leo's largest shadow is with sexuality, relationships, and the dynamics of men/women. I would not take his advice here to heart and you should try to accomplish what you believe is possible. I believe it's fully possible to transcend sex, but what that actually means is most likely relative.

Though if you do wish to get rid of something in your life there is a quote by Alan Watts in which I'll paraphrase: "Don't tell the devil you are going to get rid of him or else he will find all the ways to trick you having him back in your life." Meaning we can't force a habit out of our life by saying "I shouldn't do this" as a mantra, but rather attempting to have no thoughts towards it bad or good. Also, allow it to happen when it happens without thought as well. Don't set up goals, but if one continues this no thought towards it eventually they will stop thinking about it at all. The thoughts will stop so much that one couldn't even say "Wow I really got over X" because that would be thinking of it and the devil will just come back, metaphorically speaking.