EntheogenTruthSeeker

Awakening is Pandora’s Box You Can’t Close - feeling pretty miserable rn

18 posts in this topic

Man. I understand why people suppress spirituality and don’t like psychedelics too much, because what would it mean for your entire life? Could you continue living a complacent toxic life thinking you’ve figured it all out and are happy? Nope! 
 

The shit I’ve been going through has been so intense backlash. My clairty and happiness has increased, but I’m so ducking sensitive to my family’s low conscious behavior. It’s rage red bullshit and I’d rather live in hotels and friends house than continue living there with my new awareness. I love myself too much to do that. 
 

just kinda want support right now. Cause I’m aware how lonley and intense this path can be seeing how all your problems are because of you. But I’m not developed or educated enough to withstand my home situation. 
 

I’m raw dogging life and trying to find the positive qualities of red so I can just fucking survive. 
 

I’m glad this is happening, as it’s pushing me out of house, but by no means is this pleasant or easy. Psychedelics are not cheating, at all. Lol. If anything it’s hard mode on guitar hero. 


Love Is The Answer: LSD Awakening

 

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On 2021-11-06 at 6:36 AM, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

The shit I’ve been going through has been so intense backlash. My clairty and happiness has increased, but I’m so ducking sensitive to my family’s low conscious behavior. It’s rage red bullshit and I’d rather live in hotels and friends house than continue living there with my new awareness. I love myself too much to do that. 
 

just kinda want support right now. Cause I’m aware how lonley and intense this path can be seeing how all your problems are because of you. But I’m not developed or educated enough to withstand my home situation. 

I really feel you on this one. I have been in the same situation. 
From what I gathered and intensely observed with studying my own mind and situations that occur with my family, especially my dad and his side of the family.

Is that, I created them in my own mind, because I had to have a reference point in life, showing me exactly what I am not. Showing me my direction to take when I’m ready and mature for it. To simply take action in my own life and don’t rely on others to tell me what I am or am not.

When I get invited to family gatherings, I am always the black sheep, and always the center of attention (with just being myself, which is radically different from everything they do, and how they are in life) without me even saying anything, they always latch on to me, questioning my every move, I feel that I am being controlled or manipulated by them. And funny thing is, I’m doing nothing other than just sit and observe, but I always suspected something, (which I later found out) Its my mind, I am creating them, unconsciously to wake myself up when I fall asleep. And they suck the living essence out of me. Pushing me to act in my own life and start to live the life where I truly Love myself enough not to be manipulated, gaslighted, defined and misunderstood.

Two years ago I completely took distance from everyone except my mom, and I grew a lot from that, but a part of my felt bad, because I was guilting myself and having bad thoughts about just ghosting my “family”. So with a better self confidence, I reached out and apologized for ghosting them.

What ended up happening is that they started inviting me to their gatherings, and I was back in the muck with them again, none of them had changed and few of them got worse, and maybe even jealous of what I changed in to without their presence.

And now I can with a good conscience just leave them, because they just are what they are, until they start to accept and develop themselves.

I have still not fully grasped it from a solipsistic point of view, but slowly I am starting to understand more and more.

Sorry to make this about “me”, wanted to share and to tell you that you are not alone with your situation.

Also taking Psychedelics ls very eye opening to our own lies and our own BS, but also for people we are associated with. 
And the life we adopted/created for ourselves unconsciously, but still for a good purpose ??✨??

God knows exactly what we need, we just have to be open and willing to let go, even family members that are unconsciously toxic for our journey.

Start slowly and gently see areas within your life that you can manage on your own, without the need of another, especially people that don’t understand your journey and your life situation.

Work on being able to live by your own, and start investing more and more in to yourself, emotionally, energetically and physically.

And things will come your way, and support you towards that which your soul longs for the most ??

Love yourself ✨

Edited by Vincent S

“Life is just a break from an Infinite Orgasm. Prolong your break for as long as you want. Ride that wave. But don’t forget where you're headed.”

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I become pro psychedelic guy if used in correct way and it can be ofcourse. Best growth tool hands down. 

Everything in moderation I guess. Balance. 

Miserable because ego reconstitute itself, it is tricky. Real beast. Just keep going never quit. 

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Sounds like it's time for your own place.


“Everything is honoured, but nothing matters.” — Eckhart Tolle.

"I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside." -- Rumi

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9 minutes ago, VeganAwake said:

Sounds like it's time for your own place.

It's always right here and now. Immovable incomprehenible Infinite Love. 

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38 minutes ago, Zeroguy said:

I become pro psychedelic guy if used in correct way and it can be ofcourse. Best growth tool hands down. 

Everything in moderation I guess. Balance. 

Miserable because ego reconstitute itself, it is tricky. Real beast. Just keep going never quit. 

How are you using psychidelics?

And what kinds are you doing?

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On 2021-11-06 at 9:44 AM, Nahm said:

Absolutely mindblowing, Thank you so much for sharing this precious gift :)

Edited by Vincent S

“Life is just a break from an Infinite Orgasm. Prolong your break for as long as you want. Ride that wave. But don’t forget where you're headed.”

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On 11/6/2021 at 1:36 AM, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

Lol. If anything it’s hard mode on guitar hero. 

Acknowledging and overcoming  your limitations is all part of the unfolding process to a higher state of consciousness. Rest assured nothing is going to to waste.

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Thank you everyone for the support and kindness. @BipolarGrowth and I have worked some things out, and I’m staying there for a while with new ground rules. Feeling great being taken out of the triggering stage red environment. It was beyond bad. 


Love Is The Answer: LSD Awakening

 

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@EntheogenTruthSeeker you'll need to be courageous enough to tackle being lonely. It sucks for a period of time, no one will be there for you, nor should you expect them to.

But the beauty of it is that you will learn what it means to truly make yourself happy, and get the zest of life through your pure Being.

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@Terell Kirby amen. I am raw dogging life out here without any illusions of comfort of family, friends, instititutions, etc. this is bare fucking survival and chaos out here in the smack dab on infinity. It’s mysterious and impermanent. Just have to go with the flow. 

all that being said, im going to a rehab facility for up to 40 days tomorrow. Seems like it’ll be good foundational work. I’ve only been to psych wards, so rehab will be a step up. 
 

My main suffering in life is from addiction. So, this should be taken seriously with professionals before trying to evolve too fast. 
 

My goal is to not need mushrooms or anything with such severe attachment and find other ways to relieve stress/PTSD/self hate. I’m working on it. 


Love Is The Answer: LSD Awakening

 

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3 hours ago, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

@Terell Kirby amen. I am raw dogging life out here without any illusions of comfort of family, friends, instititutions, etc. this is bare fucking survival and chaos out here in the smack dab on infinity. It’s mysterious and impermanent. Just have to go with the flow. 

all that being said, im going to a rehab facility for up to 40 days tomorrow. Seems like it’ll be good foundational work. I’ve only been to psych wards, so rehab will be a step up. 
 

My main suffering in life is from addiction. So, this should be taken seriously with professionals before trying to evolve too fast. 
 

My goal is to not need mushrooms or anything with such severe attachment and find other ways to relieve stress/PTSD/self hate. I’m working on it. 

Nice idea about going to rehab. I've thought about doing something like that as well. I think it lets you form new habits in a highly structured environment.

I'm planning on doing a meditation retreat, I think it has a similar effect in breaking bad habits, and laying foundation for form new habits

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@Raptorsin7 it really does. But getting back into society is very difficult. It takes months sometimes for me to get back to normal living after a 3 week psych ward. But that’s way more dysfunctional and traumatizing. 
 

try it out and report back results!:)


Love Is The Answer: LSD Awakening

 

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On 11/9/2021 at 3:59 AM, EntheogenTruthSeeker said:

all that being said, im going to a rehab facility for up to 40 days tomorrow. Seems like it’ll be good foundational work. I’ve only been to psych wards, so rehab will be a step up.

This can be kind of like a meditation retreat but for one's daily life routine. I've known seriously neurotic people who went to rehab or jail for an extended period and came out an entirely new person. One of them went in with an extreme skin picking condition and crack and heroin addiction (a naturally sweet guy whose neuroticism and addiction seemingly lead to him being sentenced for armed robbery) and then a couple weeks after coming back out, he was a personal trainer -- he passed away later on from a fentanyl overdose... relapse; first drug he'd taken in years... but that doesn't detract too much from the sentiment -- that he became otherwise non-neurotic, yet used to be very highly neurotic.

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