Ingit

Always Checking for my gf dms

50 posts in this topic

18 hours ago, mememe said:

@Ingit imagine you would get so obsessed about reassurance that one day you will accuse her of doing stuff happening in your mind alone - but she would not forgive you for the accusation. (this is a total trap you creating to mess it up). 

really sit down and imagine that until the point where you start distrusting yourself for betraying her with distrust.

ocd self fulfilling prophecy

also imagine what would happen if she betrays you? she would do it anyways, but if she would, you would be in rage, because you already knew it. maybe this would be also a self-fulfilling prophecy, even. or it would be for yourself to feel better, just in case. there would be a special feeling to it, you already started to create, even if you just randomly split you already created that feeling.

 

obsession is not logical but creates karma (if you like that concept or not) - maybe therefore you need to create a bit more logical behavior, you can make a rule together, asking her that you are texting or calling each other at a certain hour, not making it relevant who calls? and if she doesn’t, you just do? without questioning who calls more often. 

tell her that you are insecure, too. not in a needy way, just that you need a fix time every day. train yourself not checking for some days, inbetween those dates. or even switch your phone off for extended timeframes for some days, set a time for when you receive messages and if you are down that you didn’t receive any message, you could ask her in the evening on your fixed date about her day, how she feels - maybe she had a stressful day. or you just write her directly when you checked after several hours, that you miss her, knowing that she probably is happy to read that. if you are not able to build healthy communication where you also encourage her, it won’t work out anyways. 

if this sounds like not worth a try, you already prepare for a drama or tragedy.

by the way, might be that there is another issue under the surface you should work on to feel peaceful and trusting in any personal relationship. you could try to figure out where you got that from (family, culture, movies, beliefs, or really personality?maybe a mix) envision how you would like to be instead.

 

You are very right... ?

 

15 hours ago, something_else said:

I had a tendency to do this when I was heavy into online dating

It was because at any given time, I'd likely only be talking to one girl, maybe two. And it felt like a lot of work to move onto the next girl if for whatever reason it didn't work out or she ghosted me.

So I was heavily invested in one girl I'd never met, only snapchatted, and barely knew. Which is bad.

Ideally you should feel like it's not a huge deal if for whatever reason this doesn't work out because you know you can attract another girl, especially since you've never met in person

????


?IngitScooby ?

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10 minutes ago, Ingit said:

MayBe you are right... But i am afraid of meeting Girls above my Level lol I feel inside they have much higher value than me ?

It's time for you to bite the bullet and accept that even if you get with one girl, it will not solve the deep underlying scarcity and fundamental weakness within you.

You must commit to a path of permanently resolving your scarcity, weakness, and lack of self-worth. In other words, this is a wake up call for you to evolve into a powerful man.

Do not ignore, distract, or delay this challenge any longer. This is not about the girl(s). This is about your very core as a man, or lack thereof. And this issue will not auto-correct without serious intentful effort from you.

If you put this off, you will lose you gf anyway and be in a world of hurt.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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9 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's time for you to bite the bullet and accept that even if you get with one girl, it will not solve the deep underlying scarcity and fundamental weakness within you.

You must commit to a path of permanently resolving your scarcity, weakness, and lack of self-worth. In other words, this is a wake up call for you to evolve into a powerful man.

Do not ignore, distract, or delay this challenge any longer. This is not about the girl(s). This is about your very core as a man, or lack thereof. And this issue will not auto-correct without serious intentful effort from you.

If you put this off, you will lose you gf anyway and be in a world of hurt.

I needed to hear this.

I admit this is one of my biggest struggles when it comes to relationships.

You can't control what someone wants to do with other people. 

As long as you area a great high quality guy you shouldn't need to worry to much about cheating. and if it does happen, what does that even mean?


 "Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

                            ◭"89"

                  

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15 minutes ago, Thought Art said:

As long as you area a great high quality guy you shouldn't need to worry to much about cheating. and if it does happen, what does that even mean?

The idea that a girl would cheat on me doesn't even enter my mind because I know I have so much value and love to offer that I am irreplaceable. She will never find a guy as great as me << that should be your inner frame. And you should make that actual, not just a mind game.

The problem is not that she will cheagt on me, the problem is that she will get so addicted to me that she could end up killing herself if I leave.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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2 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The idea that a girl would cheat on me doesn't even enter my mind because I know I have so much value and love to offer that I am irreplaceable.

I think there are more than just one reason people cheat... variety could be one for example, or a messed up childhood. What if she says "Leo is cool but I want another guy now, with a muscular body and a mane of hair"

Edited by Rilles

Dont look at me! Look inside!

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3 minutes ago, Rilles said:

I think there are more than just one reason people cheat... variety could be one for example, or a messed up childhood. 

To even care is already a character weakness within you.

You know how much time I have spent thinking about girls cheating on me?

Zero

I do not care. Let her fuck whoever she wants.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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Just now, Leo Gura said:

To even care is already a character weakness within you.

Care about what, her cheating? I mean, a relationship is a contract where you both agree to be faithful so... If you dont care then whats the point, you dont have to be neurotic about it though.


Dont look at me! Look inside!

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1 hour ago, Rilles said:

Care about what, her cheating? I mean, a relationship is a contract where you both agree to be faithful so... If you dont care then whats the point,

Yeah, well, maybe that is the wrong frame of mind to have when it comes to your gf.

A high value guy would not care.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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4 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, well, maybe that is the wrong frame of mind to have when it comes to your gf.

A high value guy would not care.

Seems youre more of the open relationship kind of guy then, which is fine. 


Dont look at me! Look inside!

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58 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Seems youre more of the open relationship kind of guy

It's not that, you missed the point


Been on the healing journey for 5 committed years: traumas, deep wounds, negative beliefs, emotional blockages, internal fragmentation, blocked chakras, tight muscles, deep tensions, dysfunctional relationship dynamics. --> Check out my posts for info on how to heal:

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82579-what-causes-anhedonia-how-can-it-be-cured/?page=2#comment-1167003

 

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15 minutes ago, Superfluo said:

It's not that, you missed the point

Probably.


Dont look at me! Look inside!

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Well I am always checking my wife's ...(add yourself)

Interesting game.

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47 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Probably.

You wouldn't care cause you have so many other cool girls to be in relationship to.


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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3 minutes ago, Shin said:

You wouldn't care cause you have so many other cool girls to be in relationship to.

Yeah but if youre in a serious relationship youre commited to one person, doesnt matter if you got game, its okay to feel devastated if ya girl cheats on you, I sense some spiritual bypassing in this thread.


Dont look at me! Look inside!

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3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's time for you to bite the bullet and accept that even if you get with one girl, it will not solve the deep underlying scarcity and fundamental weakness within you.

You must commit to a path of permanently resolving your scarcity, weakness, and lack of self-worth. In other words, this is a wake up call for you to evolve into a powerful man.

Do not ignore, distract, or delay this challenge any longer. This is not about the girl(s). This is about your very core as a man, or lack thereof. And this issue will not auto-correct without serious intentful effort from you.

If you put this off, you will lose you gf anyway and be in a world of hurt.

Wow Looks Like  I need to Be a Man now  and stop acting like a weak Girl ✊✊ Thanks ... 

just things that keeps me pulling back are my insecurities and Looks and confidence ... I doubt myself if I will get a Girl ? so psychological exhausting 


?IngitScooby ?

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2 minutes ago, Rilles said:

Yeah but if youre in a serious relationship youre commited to one person, doesnt matter if you got game, its okay to feel devastated if ya girl cheats on you, I sense some spiritual bypassing in this thread.

??


?IngitScooby ?

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If she cheats on you then break the relationship and let her go. What's the big deal? It wasn't meant to be. Be happy cause you dodged a bullet.

You're not a bad person because someone cheated on you.

 


“Many talk like philosophers yet live like fools.” — Proverb

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8 hours ago, Rilles said:

Seems youre more of the open relationship kind of guy then, which is fine. 

No, I just don't care because I know I am better than any guy she could ever sleep with. Anyone she sleeps with will be a downgrade from me.

I trust that her recognition of the strength of my love will make her never cheat.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's time for you to bite the bullet and accept that even if you get with one girl, it will not solve the deep underlying scarcity and fundamental weakness within you.

You must commit to a path of permanently resolving your scarcity, weakness, and lack of self-worth. In other words, this is a wake up call for you to evolve into a powerful man.

Do not ignore, distract, or delay this challenge any longer. This is not about the girl(s). This is about your very core as a man, or lack thereof. And this issue will not auto-correct without serious intentful effort from you.

If you put this off, you will lose you gf anyway and be in a world of hurt.

Is resolving scarcity means i have a mindset of if the girl cheat on me i can find a new girl better? Or there are more girls i can attract because i am more interesting than them

can you give me mindset of a powerful man or other than that about being a powerful man,, being a powerful man is what i want out of life, to be powerful.. power is like for me is spiritual 

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20 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The idea that a girl would cheat on me doesn't even enter my mind because I know I have so much value and love to offer that I am irreplaceable. She will never find a guy as great as me << that should be your inner frame. And you should make that actual, not just a mind game.

The problem is not that she will cheagt on me, the problem is that she will get so addicted to me that she could end up killing herself if I leave.

if she cheats on me

it is all to the good

i discovered and discarded an out of control liar

the sooner the better hopefully

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