Jed Haldir

How to smoothly ask girl(s) out?

23 posts in this topic

In short, I was at my work place when my cousins and lots of girls with them came by. The day after my cousin texts me saying two girls asked if I was single. I told my cousin to let these girls know I am interested in "meeting another single too."

They were cute so I want to take the opportunity. Just want some light and easy meeting, and it could be either one girl.

But I feel I should do something proactive and not just sit and wait for my cousin to mediate. On the other hand, it feels like a needy signal from me to call them directly (I mean why haven’t they done so themselves I they are serious?), and also should I then call both in that case? "Hey yeah I could date either one of you I don’t mind". Wouldn’t that turn them off?…

Basically: two girls I don’t have the contacts to and won’t run into asked my cousin if I’m single, and I would like to ask either one out.

What should I do?

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Simple tell your cousin that your interested and would like their numbers, after you get their numbers introduce yourself with "Hey this Jed from work you seemed interesting so I wanted to get to know you more" text back and forth a little to build rapport then ask if she's free to do a quick facetime call or a phone call. After that schedule to meet up in person. The point of the call is to build more familiarity so its not so awkward when you first meet up. Do this with both girls you don't have to choose. Odds are one might flake 

2 hours ago, Jed Haldir said:

(I mean why haven’t they done so themselves I they are serious?),

Lose this mentality never expect a woman to initiate a date or romantic event especially in the beginning phases. You will lose so many good opportunities if you have this mindset be a man and lead.

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Thanks for your input. I know I have a way of overthinking but am so worried about the outcome that I can’t help but calibrate before making my move.

If it was just one girl, I wouldn’t think of it as much.  But because they are two, I assume one wouldn’t want to feel replaceable with the other and so I might end up alienate both automatically. Or would contacting both at the same time actually "make me more interesting"?

Alternatively I go with one first and let it run its course before moving on (should nothing develop). What do you think about this? Yeah I hear you say just fuck that but to me this seems like a real dilemma. I may end up having 0 depending on how I approach this, is my worry.

And again, is there a chance of coming across as needy by initiating a contact, or is it rather let’s say "ballsy/attractive"?

I’m afraid there could be a sense of me reaching out of nowhere that communicates to them "I can’t stop thinking about you why didn’t you come up ask me in the first place I would’ve asked you out then and there I know nothing about you yet wanna date you so what do you say?" …while they may have complete forgotten about it.

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11 hours ago, Jed Haldir said:

Basically: two girls I don’t have the contacts to and won’t run into asked my cousin if I’m single, and I would like to ask either one out.

It's odd to want to date someone you haven't even seen.

You need to see them and pick one target.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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The fundamental problem here is that you are way too focused on these particular girls when you should be focused on meeting dozens of new girls each week.

You cannot be successful with girls by hoping that one of them will like you. This is like waiting for lightning to strike your house.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

It's odd to want to date someone you haven't even seen.

Yes but it isn’t true, I didn’t mention that I did interact with them (I was working behind the bar and helped them with drinks). So I have interacted with them and know their faces, but nothing else,

(Context: I work at a bowling center with restaurant and a soccer team of 30 girls came to enjoy a Saturday night. The girls are mostly 18 years old, my cousins about the double, and then there were these two I’m talking about that are 21 (I’m 24). I served their tables and bar all night basically. I would recognize them and even remember what they were drinking. Then two days later one cousin who sat with these 21 years texts me: Several girls wonder if you’re single. I said that’s nice but they seemed young. Then she said two girls asking were the 21 years at her table. I replied they were hot, tell them I’m interested in meeting another single. Now it’s been almost a week since.)

6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The fundamental problem here is that you are way too focused on these particular girls

Well in general I want to be more abundant with girls, that’s for sure. But this doesn’t really help me right now with these particular ones. Here is an opportunity I want to capitalize on. Isn’t it a good thing if I do that? And here I sit with the above concerns.

So how do I make the most out of this?

Edited by Jed Haldir

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If they think that you are cute, probably many other girls would. Maybe this is not about you being supposed to date one of them, maybe this is just God telling you that you are cute and should know it and go out and meet other girls, maybe even girls you have something in common with and could gain friendships with, besides just having sex. 

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6 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You cannot be successful with girls by hoping that one of them will like you. This is like waiting for lightning to strike your house.

I don’t see how this refers to what I’ve said. They wondered if I’m single, that’s the best indicator of interest I could get.

If they want to meet up now a week later, I want to find that out. I simply wonder how to….. :

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You need to see them and pick one target.

Well?

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2 hours ago, Jed Haldir said:

Well in general I want to be more abundant with girls, that’s for sure. But this doesn’t really help me right now with these particular ones. Here is an opportunity I want to capitalize on. Isn’t it a good thing if I do that? And here I sit with the above concerns.

So how do I make the most out of this?

Given how weak and pathetic this opportunity is, you'd be best off just going out and meeting new girls.

Of course you can try to ask one of them out. It's just so obviously thin on attraction. You're basically hoping for a freebie lay. Even if you get it it won't teach you anything because you didn't really create it, just fell in your lap.

Focus your mental energy on building your skills and creating serious attraction, not licking up crumbs you find on the side of the road.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Leo Gura Truth is I don't know how to meet lots of girls. And this fell in my lap. Why let it slide and do nothing? I think I have little to lose here, only thing I ask is how do I seize this (potential) chance?

That I need to learn more game and dating skills I am painfully aware of, thank you very much. But that's anohter issue.

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12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Of course you can try to ask one of them out. It's just so obviously thin on attraction.

How will they react do you think? ("What a needy loser / He's cool")

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@Leo Gura The more I practice pickup techniques (push-pulls, qualifications/disqualifications, etc.) the more I find those methods boring, ripetitive, like there is no creativity and I feel like I always resort to the same stuff over and over again. The context changes, so the topics and the stuff I tease girls about change, but the structure is the same. they get me results, but I feel dull inside, too planned. Am I doing them wrong?


Been on the healing journey for 5 committed years: traumas, deep wounds, negative beliefs, emotional blockages, internal fragmentation, blocked chakras, tight muscles, deep tensions, dysfunctional relationship dynamics. --> Check out my posts for info on how to heal:

https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82579-what-causes-anhedonia-how-can-it-be-cured/?page=2#comment-1165661

 

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8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

way too focused on these particular girls when you should be focused on meeting dozens of new girls each week.

Why is focusing on a few girls a problem?

Leo do you agree with rsd owen cooks "halo effect theory"? I.e-you should not always be Too available(show that you are too interested) otherwise the girl starts to loose attraction.he says if the girl seems uninterested the worst thing you can do is give her more attention as this will lessen her interest further.instead if she doesnt give you attention,you too should not give her attention.my problem is,im afraid if i stop giving her attention,she wont care or even notice.

Edited by Ineedanswers

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7 hours ago, Jed Haldir said:

Truth is I don't know how to meet lots of girls.

The where is: Clubbing, Tinder, social media, perhaps cafés, bars, taking courses of all kinds, the street, mutual friends, the mall, the grocery store, university or school.

The how is: You are always free to talk to them if you want to. If you want to talk to them, it doesn't matter if you don't know what to say, because it's not important what you say, but that you say something in the first place. And then comes how you deliver what you wanna say, and how you say it will only be learned by actually talking to people.

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HOLY SHIY YOU GUYS!

I am at work now and THE GIRLS just came! With one guy!

Haha they are in a room playing shuffleboard, I’m in the bar. What should I do?

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10 hours ago, Jed Haldir said:

What should I do?

Did you talk to them? Could you take action?

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