Can someone explain the fear - love ambivalence that woman feel towards men?

[Surfingthewave]

@SamC Reading your posts I'm  getting  the impression you've been hurt by women in the past? 

Getting to the crux of your issue sounds like you fear your authentic self (whether that's more masculinity or femininity doesn't matter). 

Women don't fear men. Not quite sure where you've got this from. Both men and women can exert a level of power and control in relationships, physically, emotionally, sexually. In some relationships this level is imbalanced. Entering into a relationship means you can become vulnerable to this, particularly if the relationship is unhealthy. Think about why you need to ask these questions around fear and what ultimately you may need to work on going forward. 

Edited October 27, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[Tudo]

2 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Women don't fear men. Not quite sure where you've got this from.

Well, maybe you don't fear men, but many women do.  Looks like you are really out of touch with what most women feel and have to go through in their daily lives then. Especially in some third-world countries.

 

2 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

@SamC Reading your posts I'm  getting  the impression you've been hurt by women in the past? 

And you sound like some resented and hurt feminists that I met in the past. And I'm being honest, I'm not saying this just to attack you or something.

 

Edited October 28, 2021 by Tudo

[SamC]

8 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

@SamC Reading your posts I'm  getting  the impression you've been hurt by women in the past? 

@Surfingthewave Well obviosly I do but I am trying to heal. That's why I try to understand, because I want to heal and grow. It's my whole point. If you read my posts you will notice that aswell

8 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Getting to the crux of your issue sounds like you fear your authentic self (whether that's more masculinity or femininity doesn't matter). 

Trust me, I know. This is my whole work.

8 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

Women don't fear men. Not quite sure where you've got this from. Both men and women can exert a level of power and control in relationships, physically, emotionally, sexually. In some relationships this level is imbalanced. Entering into a relationship means you can become vulnerable to this, particularly if the relationship is unhealthy. Think about why you need to ask these questions around fear and what ultimately you may need to work on going forward. 

Please let me grow my own way. I ask these questions because it's a part of my journey to understand and heal. It's not weird or strange that I beliive what I belive and it's not so simple to say that I don't have a point either. Woman are afraid of toxic masculinity/ shadow feminity in men, but if it's healthy masculinity then the fear may or may not be there, depending on the context. Besides this, woman often have a love hate relationship to their masculinity which gets projected outwards, just like a lot of men have shadow feminine aspects so my beliefs are understanable, yet at the same time gross generalizations. ( see the term animus posseion). 

I am trying to understand you ( the feminine), please try to understand me aswell. Eventhough it's based on fear - I am trying to connect to the femenine, I do my best. Please try to see that.

[Surfingthewave]

49 minutes ago, SamC said:

@Surfingthewave Well obviosly I do but I am trying to heal. That's why I try to understand, because I want to heal and grow. It's my whole point. If you read my posts you will notice that aswell

Trust me, I know. This is my whole work.

Please let me grow my own way. I ask these questions because it's a part of my journey to understand and heal. It's not weird or strange that I beliive what I belive and it's not so simple to say that I don't have a point either. Woman are afraid of toxic masculinity/ shadow feminity in men, but if it's healthy masculinity then the fear may or may not be there, depending on the context. Besides this, woman often have a love hate relationship to their masculinity which gets projected outwards, just like a lot of men have shadow feminine aspects so my beliefs are understanable, yet at the same time gross generalizations. ( see the term animus posseion). 

I am trying to understand you ( the feminine), please try to understand me aswell. Eventhough it's based on fear - I am trying to connect to the femenine, I do my best. Please try to see that.

@SamC 

There are a lot of statements in your post about how you think women feel. Try and let go of all the assumptions you have of women including all the stuff from your past relationships. I get a sense you're over analysing this. Just making a point from the female perspective and yes I do understand your view . It's tough to get over rejection, I had to myself, but it made me  realise what I really wanted. 

@Tudo I've reported you before, don't get personal. Moderators are aware. 

Edited October 28, 2021 by Surfingthewave

[zazen]

It is natural to fear that which has control over you and your emotions. The pain of getting pleasure (from a partner) is in trying to maintain that pleasure, keep it, and the pain that would come after losing that pleasure. Pain and pleasure go hand in hand, the rose comes with thorns. 

That is why, after a few relationships people become distrusting and harder to open up / become vulnerable to another partner because the previous times they did, they got hurt in the process of losing that person. Relationships and heartbreak work in a similar manner to addictions, the other person becomes a source of pleasure for you, and once that source goes away you can have withdrawl, and so need to seek those good emotions / pleasurable feelings elsewhere. You have to self generate it through exercise, meditation, laughter, good diet, friends etc. 

To let yourself get emotionally invested in someone and give your heart to them, there has to be a high level of trust that they will have your best intentions in mind or else they could cause a lot of pain. It is natural to fear that which can cause pain. This fear can be managed, and in relationships with high trust mitigated although never entirely. Even in deep relationships between man and woman, the fear may not be in that the person will hurt them intentionally, but the fear of death taking that person away always exists, consciously or subconsciously. 

Edited October 28, 2021 by zazen

[Harlen Kelly]

10 hours ago, Surfingthewave said:

@SamC Reading your posts I'm  getting  the impression you've been hurt by women in the past? 

Most people both men and women have once experienced hurt or negative emotions within a romantic relationship. 

Jubilee uploaded a video not too long ago about women issues in today' society and the majority of women stated they sometimes experience fear when being with men. There are university polls with extensive sample sizes that confirm this as well.

Edited October 28, 2021 by Harlen Kelly

[PepperBlossoms]

Some women fear toxic masculinity.  Some are annoyed by it.  Some are attracted to it.  Some don't even recognize it. Some think it is normal, some don't.  And others will have other opinions that are something else.

All women do not think the same.  Also, as people develop/experience new things, they tend to change opinions of things. 

People will also have different definitions for what is considered toxic masculinity.

It will also vary from situation to situation as how someone reacts.  Someone may fear person A's toxic masculinity and may be annoyed by person B's toxic masculinity.

Edited November 3, 2021 by PepperBlossoms

[Galyna]

On 10/25/2021 at 0:38 PM, SamC said:

Women are afraid of men... yet at the same time LOVE men.  This is something I am still trying to wrap my head around, and while I do understand it - I want to understand it deeper. Preferably from the female perspective, but also very much from all the other perspectives as well.

 Here are some specific questions that highlight the essence of what I don´t yet understand. Thank you for your help!

Note that these questions are only there to help assist a deep metaphysical inquiry about the meta dynamics of the female mind.

1:  What exactly does a man provide for you? Why are men so " Awesome"?   ( for women)

2: What does make a man a creep/ scary? ( what invokes fear in woman)

3:  What is the most important thing a man can do to not make women feel afraid but safe? ( if you have to go down to one word, to the essence). 

Any other thoughts, explanations, or comments about this paradox are not only welcome - but highly appreciated.

@Leo Gura Thoughts?

 

 

You will get a lot of different answers about this one.

Each person has a different background and preferences.

Women are NOT afraid of men, they have various issues that evokes different fears that pertain the  relationships with men. 

1:  What exactly does a man provide for you? Why are men so " Awesome"?   It is a polarity that I am attracted to, masculine nature. I can provide for myself, so can you.

2: What does make a man a creep/ scary? Inconsistency with words and actions, lack of integrity. 

3:  What is the most important thing a man can do to not make women feel afraid but safe? ( if you have to go down to one word, to the essence).

He should truly love her, with all his heart.