Maddening, frightening levels of Infinity an consciousness

[Godishere]

@Jakuchu I'm not sure, but I was completely alone and conscious of my aloneness and I did NOT like it. I've had awakenings prior to this where I become infinite love and it was beautiful. I'm not sure why my ego reacted this way on this particular trip. It was like all awakenings were child's play compared to that level of consciousness. It really felt lie infinite aloneness. Not infinite love.. I'm scared of psychedelics now which is guttering. It's crazy when you are panicking that much but you know that no one can calm you down because everyone is imaginary.

[Jakuchu]

20 minutes ago, Godishere said:

@JakuchuIt really felt lie infinite aloneness. Not infinite love.. I'm scared of psychedelics now which is guttering. It's crazy when you are panicking that much but you know that no one can calm you down because everyone is imaginary.

Looks like we had the same bad trip. Fully get it, I call it absolute existential Loneliness haha

Yes, it's like you need help but no can help you. There is only you, so if you can not help yourself then no one can. That feeling is horrifying

I'd suggest stay away from psychedelics for a while and do ordinary stuff. Like going for walks, hiking, meditation, cooking etc. with a contemplative approach. Reflect and integrate the trip 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2021 by Jakuchu

[Breakingthewall]

On 23/10/2021 at 8:42 AM, Godishere said:

It's the alone part that gets me. It's too much my ego to handle. I don't know how others have dealt with it. I see alot of people of this forum playing hide and seek with themselves. Awakened. Asleep. Awakened. Asleep. It's just so backwards though. 

@Godisherei would say that you were on the threshold of the last door: to become absolute nothingness. without love, without god, without consolation. just nothing, no limit. I have been there several times, it is absolutely terrifying, to a level impossible to explain. but the reality is that you are that. If you are able to accept being nothing, nothingness will open and you will know what you are, without a doubt. 

it is a kind of change of point of view: you realize that you encompass everything, but everything is nothing. there are no others, nothing at all, it's horrible. cosmic loneliness on a level that goes beyond horror. sterile loneliness, dead. infinite death.

But wait....you are

if the change of perspective occurs, you see what it is you: infinite. the well opens and has no bottom, you are an infinite flowing, you are happiness flowing. everything and nothing are the same. But this is impossible to understand to me, only once happened and it's a mistery

The thing is, keep in mind the question: what am I? it does not matter the others, the emptiness, the cosmos and whatever. Look around, look inside you. Are you infinite death? you are. go deeper., But first, integration.

I'm talking to myself ehh, I'm in the same way , when I embody the absolute nothing it's a non escape void, and it's the bottom: nothing, nothing nothing. It's that we are, others are tales for kids. Not alone, not me, no- thing. But let's see! It's Soo challenge for me , last time I vomiting because be nothing. Only once the well got opened, glory. But next time I dissolve my ego again there was simply void 

 but for me it's an enigma. Embody the nothingness....there is the key. My respect for Leo and the others who dive in the absolute void of existence

Edited October 24, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[tlowedajuicemayne]

Its time to put down the psychedelics and pick up your spiritual practice. 

[Nahm]

6 hours ago, Godishere said:

I'm not sure why my ego reacted this way on this particular trip.

It’s because you resisted letting go of the conjecture. You haven’t realized the conjecture your’e holding / believing. You haven’t really realized what conjecture is yet. You gonna feel good when you do / the suffering leaves along side it, whenever you let it go. Seeing it = it’s let go. 

Right now there is a good chance thoughts are arising… Nahm hasn’t went deep enough, he doesn’t know this infinite horror yet. 

? 

Listen to @tlowedajuicemayne, stop listening to “teachers”, and for God’s sake make a dreamboard. Stop gaslighting yourself with psychedelics. It is hard to realize the conjecture of Christianity while seated in a pew, ears filled by a preacher. Empty the cup. ?

Read what you’ve written since that trip. Notice you are not the source of what you’re saying, as in, you are parroting and it is precisely everything you are parroting which is the discordant beliefs. You aren’t even talking like you anymore. Notice this, and notice this is liberation. 

“Maddening, frightening levels of Infinity an consciousness”.

? 

[Vincent S]

1 hour ago, Nahm said:

It’s because you resisted letting go of the conjecture. You haven’t realized the conjecture your’e holding / believing. You haven’t really realized what conjecture is yet. You gonna feel good when you do / the suffering leaves along side it, whenever you let it go. Seeing it = it’s let go. 

Right now there is a good chance thoughts are arising… Nahm hasn’t went deep enough, he doesn’t know this infinite horror yet. 

? 

Listen to @tlowedajuicemayne, stop listening to “teachers”, and for God’s sake make a dreamboard. Stop gaslighting yourself with psychedelics. It is hard to realize the conjecture of Christianity while seated in a pew, ears filled by a preacher. Empty the cup. ?

Read what you’ve written since that trip. Notice you are not the source of what you’re saying, as in, you are parroting and it is precisely everything you are parroting which is the discordant beliefs. You aren’t even talking like you anymore. Notice this, and notice this is liberation. 

“Maddening, frightening levels of Infinity an consciousness”.

 

Brilliant ???

[Inliytened1]

On 10/22/2021 at 11:39 PM, Godishere said:

So I just had what I would consider the most horrific experience of my entire life/construct. My first time having a "bad trip" I guess you could say. I'm left wanting absolutely nothing to do with enlightenment and spirituality. God Realization is fucking terrifying and I want my old life back. I'm feeling completely shook and terrified of psychedelics now. What to do?

All I know is that during this entire trip I was crying to myself "it's too much" and "I don't want enlightenment anymore" and I meant it.

I would seriously question your intentions with awakening and ask why you are doing it in the first place. Your life is already perfection in every sense of the word and I mean that. Awakening is not this glamorous thing as it's portrayed. It's actually the last thing you want.

The same experience can happen with meditation or a spontaneous awakening.  We say this all the time here but the you does not awaken.  The you is seen to be illusory and falls away leaving Infinity or total Oneness.  The realization that you are everything.  This can be shocking to the ego and thus it will want no part of awakening because it cannot be..., it literally cannot function when the duality of self vs other collapses- which is why you felt like you were losing your mind.  We tell you guys all the time that spirituality is serious business and to be aware of what you are getting into.  I'm not going to sit here and blow smoke up your ass and tell you it's all rainbows and butterflies.  

But this will pass in time and you will also have beautiful, amazing awakenings of Divine Bliss and Love.  This too shall pass.

[Breakingthewall]

14 minutes ago, Inliytened1 said:

The you is seen to be illusory and falls away leaving Infinity or total Oneness.  The realization that you are everything. 

And what happens when after realizing that you are everything, which is very beautiful, you realize that everything is absolutely nothing, that in the center of everything there is an absolute emptiness. that reality is empty. that there is nothing, that you are an empty hole that looks like something? at that moment being alone seems like easy to handle, compared to not being, or being nothing

[Inliytened1]

4 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

 that you are an empty hole that looks like something? at that moment being alone seems like easy to handle, compared to not being, or being nothing

Yes..i recall that realization for me distinctly because it was probably just as shocking for me if not more.

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

Yes..i recall that realization for me distinctly because it was probably just as shocking for me if not more.

1 hour ago, Inliytened1 said:

 

horrible and at the same time completely liberating. beyond what the mind can handle, at least mine  .id like to be able to be there (rather to be nothing) without the cosmic horror

 

Edited October 24, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Ry4n]

13 hours ago, Jakuchu said:

meditation,

this and general mindfulness is a fricking life saver in these moments I have to +1 this point

@Jakuchu To be honest saying "alone" feels weird since it is only alone in the sense of being all encompassing if that makes sense? As opposed to some solipsistic narcissistic aloneness where it's like being on an island by yourself far away from everything, a much more dissociating experience. This is at least my interpretation of that word, maybe I'm lacking a good dose of that cosmic horror lol. 

But perhaps this is why the dream exists at all? That if God is love which is a shared experience than its purpose is to split into dualities through creation in order to facilitate that sharing? That whilst waking from the dream can be liberating the purpose is not to stay there? 

Idk man I'm just trynna help, surely there's a more positive way of seeing this. When you've suffered a lot in life being alone with pure spirit/stillness is pretty liberating, it literally is life saving. Total resolution.

@Godishere Hopefully my perspective was of help to you but feel free to ignore if it wasn't, I feel for ya man I do.

[Godishere]

@Ry4n I obviously don't know where you're at in your journey but to be clear this was not my first awakening, I've had plenty of non dual states before and many insights into Love, bliss, oneness, God consciousness, nothingness etc but just not to this level. At this level, you feel insane because you're so conscious that nothing is real that everything loses all meaning. I'm not sure what would have happened if I faced this infinite horror but it was just too much for me. In my mind I thought that this life would be up. That if I became that conscious that nothing was real, life would become meaningless, so I distracted myself from going any further and as I said, begged for my life/the illusion back. People can say whatever they want about solipsism, but at that level, there is no other. Which means right now, there is no other, I'm just buying into the fact that you're me in "another lifetime". The bizzare thing to think is that whoever reads this, will experience this cosmic horror, as you are me. You are me.

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Godishere said:

The bizzare thing to think is that whoever reads this, will experience this cosmic horror, as you are me. You are me.

I was thinking ... both you with loneliness and I with emptiness, we have a simple and unremarkable ego reaction problem. where is the problem? just nonsense of the ego asserting itself and refusing to go. but the ego is powerful, nothing more

Edited October 25, 2021 by Breakingthewall

[Ry4n]

16 minutes ago, Godishere said:

so conscious that nothing is real that everything loses all meaning.

To be honest I feel like this aspect is almost guaranteed for most people and it was something I went through, albeit not so crushing a degree as you. Every single particular aspect of existence lost all meaning, including myself and my human life, but this wasn't the end (although I had been in some fucked life situations so letting it all go for the light was easier in that moment). This destruction of meaning towards any particular thing can result in an understanding that existence/God as an all-encompassing "whole" is infinitely valuable and deserves reverence in an almost religious sense, as opposed to any one thing being more "meaningful" than another. It really transcends that very notion of meaning in the first place because it is finite. For me peace is absolute, meaning is just a relative concept. Meaning for any particular thing is gone but the value of existence as a whole is not, and that value itself is infinite. 

If it's beyond concepts then of course it's beyond meaning, but to say as a whole existence is of no value I just don't see that. 

Remember that attaching a negative connotation to meaninglessness is itself just more meaning, albeit a very negative one. Meditation has helped me see that. It's usually better to sit in silence A LOT following such experiences as thinking about it too much will mean your ego co-opts the experience and forms its own belief system around it. In the end stillness is all there is, free of any egoic interpretation. 

Either you have absolute meaning or absolute freedom and peace, the latter means you as a human in a world can still decide what your purpose is whilst your essence is free, but to have absolute meaning would bind your human self to its ideal and you wouldn't have freedom. 

If God's dreaming was so utterly pointless why would it bother in the first place? 

[Ry4n]

God is completely and totally content within itself 100%, it dreams for the pure enjoyment of doing so, its value is inherent in and of itself. The idea that God is just dreaming for no other reason than to hide from itself out of fear is nothing more than a human projection. God does not need to hide from itself, it's people who hide from their essence. Illusion is God's mechanism, but that doesn't remove its beauty. 

[AlphaAbundance]

@Godishere Why would infinity be all sunshine and rainbows? Infinity goes both ways. Infinite enjoyment. Infinite suffering. Infinite paradise. Infinite hell. Infinite good. Infinite bad. 

[Breakingthewall]

I think I got it this time. It is something that has happened to me 2 times and it is very scary: ego death but without making you infinite. You have seen that there is only you, but that you is an infinite flow, infinite love. and no. it was simply only you, in the cosmos. people don't understand the horror of this if they haven't been through it. mine is: the ego disintegrates, there is nothing left, I am not there. but nothing else. that, nothing, sterile. othe times it has been: I become everything, I flow infinitely, etc. but when the ego leaves but just enough remains so that you do not realize that you are infinite, it is a very empty, very sad experience of absence. but nothing happens, it does not mean that this is reality, only that you have had that experience, let's take the opportunity to try to let go of the ego, the expectations

[Gili Trawangan]

In order to feel "alone", a sense of self must be present.

So you know, even if only by deduction, that there is deception happening there. Because you know that there isn't a self who can be alone. Infinity is selfless. Who is it that is alone?

[WelcometoReality]

@Godishere If you are alone, what are you running from and where will you hide?

[Ry4n]

5 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

@Godishere If you are alone, what are you running from and where will you hide?

oh bro don't say that ahahaha

7 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

Who is it that is alone?

Ikr