somegirl

Is a man not interested in me if he doesn't ask me any questions in return?

220 posts in this topic

I found this one guy good-looking and I decided to gather courage and risk being rejected, and make the first move.

I saw an opportunity and messaged him on social media, as a response to something he posted. Then our conversation continued and we started talking about different stuff.

Turns out he is a guy I already saw in real life, but many years ago. So he is not totally random.

However, I noticed that I'm mostly the one who asks questions. He does sometimes too, but it's mostly me. And when I think he has perfect opportunity to ask me about something, he just doesn't, but makes a polite comment about it, leaving me to ask something else, if I don't want a conversation to end.

He is very polite and pleasant though. It's just something I noticed.

I wonder if I'm just boring him and he's simply not interested. I assume it doesn't take much for a guy to decide if he likes a girl or not? He should be so interested in me by this point, asking me bunch of questions, if he truly liked me (my thoughts). But then again, maybe he's just polite and doesn't want to seem to intrusive? 

I don't know. What do you think?

P.S. If it matters, he is in his early 20's. Younger guys might be a bit more cautious not to come off as creepy, I would imagine? Correct me if I'm wrong. This is one of the reasons why I decided to make the first move. 

Edited by somegirl

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In my opinion if the other person is not interested he/she just don't invest in the conversation. 

When i text a girl and i see short replies or no questions back i just stop texting. 

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It depends on the guy. If you are the extroverted one he will let you take the lead.

3 minutes ago, kras said:

When i text a girl and i see short replies or no questions back i just stop texting. 

Some girls will not ask you questions because they are interested.

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2 minutes ago, Username said:

 

Some girls will not ask you questions because they are interested.

Where did you get that idea from?

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@kras My last message I sent didn't have any questions in it. I will see if convo dies down after that or he wants to keep going. 

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26 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I found this one guy good-looking and I decided to gather courage and risk being rejected, and make the first move.

I saw an opportunity and messaged him on social media, as a response to something he posted. Then our conversation continued and we started talking about different stuff.

Turns out he is a guy I already saw in real life, but many years ago. So he is not totally random.

However, I noticed that I'm mostly the one who asks questions. He does sometimes too, but it's mostly me. And when I think he has perfect opportunity to ask me about something, he just doesn't, but makes a polite comment about it, leaving me to ask something else, if I don't want a conversation to end.

He is very polite and pleasant though. It's just something I noticed.

I wonder if I'm just boring him and he's simply not interested. I assume it doesn't take much for a guy to decide if he likes a girl or not? He should be so interested in me by this point, asking me bunch of questions, if he truly liked me (my thoughts). But then again, maybe he's just polite and doesn't want to seem to intrusive? 

I don't know. What do you think?

Yeah, could be that he really isn't that interested, if he's so good looking maybe he's already got some female options right now in his life.

It could also be that he simply sucks with girls, doesn't know what to do, what to ask etc. and maybe he even thinks you should make a move (as in asking him out or so) because you started the chat, this would be weird, but is possible.

It also sounds like this is already taking way to long, just perpetuating on the platonic level with boring questions etc. You could have thrown in some flirtatious things like "haha you seem cute :)" and also asked if he might want to meet you some time soon. For me this would never take much longer than 5 texts back and forth...

"Hey...how do feel about having drinks (and flirty banter) with a charming, eloquent blonde girl? :)"

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He could be not interested. He could be just a boring person who doesn't know the game of socializing.  Regardless, there are more foreseeable losses in talking to a person like that with any romantic interests than there are positives. It's most likely just who he is, if I was to guess, and the main decision is if you are ok with talking to someone who will almost always be like that in the foreseeable future.

Edited by Nos7algiK

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5 minutes ago, somegirl said:

@kras My last message I sent didn't have any questions in it. I will see if convo dies down after that or he wants to keep going. 

What about he having a girlfriend and don't want to talk to other girls but he is just polite?

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2 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Yeah, could be that he really isn't that interested, if he's so good looking maybe he's already got some female options right now in his life.

It could also be that he simply sucks with girls, doesn't know what to do, what to ask etc. and maybe he even thinks you should make a move (as in asking him out or so) because you started the chat, this would be weird, but is possible.

It also sounds like this is already taking way to long, just perpetuating on the platonic level with boring questions etc. You could have thrown in some flirtatious things like "haha you seem cute :)" and also asked if he might want to meet you some time soon. For me this would never take much longer than 5 texts back and forth...

"Hey...how do feel about having drinks (and flirty banter) with a charming, eloquent blonde girl? :)"

He's average looking. 

I see. But I don't want to flirt like that yet. I mean, I'm the one who sent him a message, that should tell him I find him interesting, at the very least.

I think I will be flirty once I see him making a move next (by sending me message in the next few days), cause it's his turn now. The ball is on his court.

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@somegirl He is either not interested at all, or just like you, there might be other chicks that are trying to be with him which is why he is not paying much attention to you. 

46 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I assume it doesn't take much for a guy to decide if he likes a girl or not

It takes seconds, he might simply not be interested. 

 

Edited by Harlen Kelly

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12 minutes ago, Nos7algiK said:

He could be not interested. He could be just a boring person who doesn't know the game of socializing.  Regardless, there are more foreseeable losses in talking to a person like that with any romantic interests than there are positives. It's most likely just who he is, if I was to guess, and the main decision is if you are ok with talking to someone who will almost always be like that in the foreseeable future.

He's president of the student parliament here... I don't believe he is that dull... He gives me some long answers. He might be a bit shy/considerate. I don't know, that's what I feel at least.

Though it's on him to make the next move cause I ain't making them no more lol

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Don’t over analyze text message conversations. You’ll read into things and create a scenarios in your mind that are probably not even be real. Waste of time. Meet up with him in person and see how interested you really are in each other. If things go well your texting conversations will naturally smoothen out 

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9 minutes ago, kras said:

What about he having a girlfriend and don't want to talk to other girls but he is just polite?

I believe he wouldn't reply to my messages in the first place though?
Though maybe he's being just polite. I don't know.

However, I didn't see pictures of his girlfriend and him on social media. Or like him hugging a girl in a suspicious way for the photo.

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2 minutes ago, somegirl said:

He's average looking. 

Quote

I found this one guy good-looking

So just for my understanding: You found him good-looking but he is average looking?

 

Quote

I see. But I don't want to flirt like that yet. I mean, I'm the one who sent him a message, that should tell him I find him interesting, at the very least.

It should, but if it doesn't then he is either not interested or doesn't really understand girls.

I mean if you had told me that he is super hot and awesome, then I would still recommend you to flirt and ask him out (in a non-desperate way). Of course this comes with the possibility of being rejected for your advances, but rejection doesn't mean shit, we have to risk it if we want good dating options.

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I think I will be flirty once I see him making a move next (by sending me message in the next few days), cause it's his turn now. The ball is on his court.

Yes. Don't send another text if he doesn't respond. No need to be desperate ;)

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Might just be shy. It takes a level of comfort to even think of things you'd like to know let alone have the guts to ask them. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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Just now, Federico del pueblo said:

So just for my understanding: You found him good-looking but he is average looking?

He's good looking to me personally. For my taste. But objectively speaking, he's not type of guy who is popular solely because of his looks (like Liam Hemsworth, Chris Evans type of beauty etc). You know what I mean? 
 

6 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

It should, but if it doesn't then he is either not interested or doesn't really understand girls.

I mean if you had told me that he is super hot and awesome, then I would still recommend you to flirt and ask him out (in a non-desperate way). Of course this comes with the possibility of being rejected for your advances, but rejection doesn't mean shit, we have to risk it if we want good dating options.

I'm still getting to know him. I don't let myself attached just yet. I wanted casual conversation and see how he responds to my messages.
 

7 minutes ago, Federico del pueblo said:

Yes. Don't send another text if he doesn't respond. No need to be desperate ;)

Yep. I will move on if he doesn't show me a sign that he's interested in me, somehow. 
 

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11 minutes ago, kamwalker said:

Don’t over analyze text message conversations. You’ll read into things and create a scenarios in your mind that are probably not even be real. Waste of time. Meet up with him in person and see how interested you really are in each other. If things go well your texting conversations will naturally smoothen out 

I agree totally with you. Sure, but I think I shouldn't be the one who asks him out. I mean, even me making the first move is out of the ordinary and should indicate to him that I find him interesting (even though I'm not flirting). I'm waiting for him now.
 

11 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Might just be shy. It takes a level of comfort to even think of things you'd like to know let alone have the guts to ask them. 

You think that is the case? I'd like to think he is too shy and considerate not to say something stupid or to come off as creepy. He's around my age (22) so younger guys, I believe, are more cautious. I try to be very friendly though. 

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13 minutes ago, somegirl said:

He might be a bit shy/considerate. I don't know, that's what I feel at least.

Though it's on him to make the next move cause I ain't making them no more lol

Considerate could go both ways. Some may see it as those who inquire further into topics you are personally discussing. It's honestly really hard to say without having the direct experience of being you and talking to him. I'm personally quite a reserved person when it comes to talking with new people. Though, I do asks questions when people are talking. I'm not huge on starting new topics of conversations using questions. 

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21 minutes ago, kras said:

Where did you get that idea from?

My own life experience. Some girls act passive, they will always respond instantly but are afraid to initiate. There are others signs of interest.

8 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

Might just be shy. It takes a level of comfort to even think of things you'd like to know let alone have the guts to ask them. 

It happened to me to be approached by a girl few times. In this kind of situation I would go along with her. I don't think I asked any questions ^_^ I'm slow to decide if I like someone, so in this case traditional gender roles would be reversed.

7 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Yep. I will move on if he doesn't show me a sign that he's interested in me, somehow. 

If there are any signs of interest than he is interested. You should easily guess by quality of his answers.

There is also possibility that he is just playing. He finds you attractive but is not interested in nothing more. If there is an attractive girl I will use it as an opportunity to improve my game 9_9

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30 minutes ago, somegirl said:

I agree totally with you. Sure, but I think I shouldn't be the one who asks him out. I mean, even me making the first move is out of the ordinary and should indicate to him that I find him interesting (even though I'm not flirting). I'm waiting for him now.
 

I know it seems counter intuitive but try not to make decisions based on what you think “should” happen. You’ll drive yourself mad and be disappointed that someone didn’t live up to expectations  you set for someone when they weren’t even aware they existed at all. If you are interested enough just ask him out. You’ll find out right away whether all of this was worth it in the first place. The alternative is forget about him and if he starts taking the initiative then you’ll also have your answer. But just don’t spend too much time playing these games! You guys are young and this is normal for many but it’s better to grow out of it sooner rather than later 

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