Something Funny

Approached the first girl ever in my life!

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 As a newbe to the dating world, is it bad to have sex too soon? Or is that something you slowly work your way up too? 

Edited by PigeonPark
Trying to figure out how to @ people

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@Tudo It is quite eye opening and scary when a girl changes 180 just because you did not kiss her.

Each blow, a mistake never to be repeated.

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8 minutes ago, PigeonPark said:

 As a newbe to the dating world, is it bad to have sex too soon? Or is that something you slowly work your way up too? 

You have to identify what you think you struggle with.

Do you think you struggle with not putting your intentions out there and not being comfortable physically? Then you might want to look at pushing your comfort zone that way.

Or maybe you’re pushing for things way too fast. In which case you want to learn how to cool things down.

More than likely, you’re actually doing some of both. You probably flip between not putting yourself out there at all and then dropping all your intentions way too fast.

Learning calibration is the key.


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1 hour ago, PigeonPark said:

 As a newbe to the dating world, is it bad to have sex too soon? Or is that something you slowly work your way up too? 

A lot of things you have to "feel" out in dating. There are no rules per say, only guidelines. Don't get caught up in being too rigid or logical. Because your connection to others, or logistics will vary radically depending on how you meet them and what the situation/chemistry is. What may work in one situation with one girl will get you into boiling water in another.

However, if I were to give one piece of advice or "rule" to a newbie - it would be to definitely NOT have sex on the first date. It's just generally not a good idea. Just wait. Out of my experience it's only worked out and been a good idea a single time out of a bunch of first date sex.

It's so much better to just wait a few meetings, build up the tension. First time sex is 10x better when you both know you're ramping up to it. Get to know them, figure out each others intentions, make sure you fucking enjoy them and their company as a person lmao!

Ironically the most manly alpha thing you can do is refuse sex on the first date if they come onto you. It communicates you are principled, mature, strong, blah blah blah. It will drive them crazy. If they get angry it just means you dodged the wrong girl that wasn't serious about a relationship anyways.

Which is either a good or bad thing depending on what you want I guess.


"Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long.
A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong.
Devouring the very last invention man would ever need.
But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed.
"

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52 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

The less you say to her before the date the better. Use texts to arrange location. Keep it simple.

@Leo Gura I agree with most of the stuff you say about talking to girls other than this

If you are younger than like 25 and especially younger than like 22-23 and hitting on girls in the same age range, the rules of online communication change completely. For a start texting/phone numbers are not the way to go to begin with, at least here in the UK it's like 95% Snapchat and maybe some who use WhatsApp/insta. You'll probably get a few weird looks just for asking for a phone number at all and it would come across socially uncalibrated

And if you just set up a date and don't communicate with them after that it would also come across as uncalibrated. There's a really really high chance they will flake, or at least be confused when you message them out of the blue asking if you're still on for tomorrow

It's expected that you start building some rapport over socials up until you go on a date and learning to do this well is basically essential if you're in the above mentioned age range

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15 minutes ago, Roy said:

 

Ironically the most manly alpha thing you can do is refuse sex on the first date if they come onto you. It communicates you are principled, mature, strong, blah blah blah. It will drive them crazy. 

lol true

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29 minutes ago, Roy said:

If they get angry it just means you dodged a slut that wasn't serious about a relationship anyways.

Unnecessary language calling her a slut.


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39 minutes ago, aurum said:

Unnecessary language calling her a slut.

You're right I apologize it's way too abrasive, I'll correct that.


"Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long.
A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong.
Devouring the very last invention man would ever need.
But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed.
"

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4 hours ago, Something Funny said:

Ehh, I just really don't want to ruin it. But ok, I will try and see how it goes.

Not having balls, not kissing her is how you ruin a date.

Of course only kiss her if you feel she is in a good mood and digs you.

If she will hold eye contact with you, that's how you know you can kiss her. If you slowly move your face closer to her and she doesn't move away or flinch, then definitely you can kiss her.

3 hours ago, Tudo said:

@Leo Gura Leo, how do I forgive myself for being so clueless and screwing up with the dream girls that I met in the past?

The worst thing about all this is that these girls really liked me, but I was so pathetic and weak that I lost them. I have problems accepting it.

Yes, it stings like bitch. Nothing you can do but approach more girls and learn your lesson from every catastrophe.

3 hours ago, PigeonPark said:

 As a newbe to the dating world, is it bad to have sex too soon? Or is that something you slowly work your way up too? 

1 to 3 dates is the target to shoot for. If you aren't closing it by the end of date 3, you're fucking up. Some girls will not be comfortable on day 1. Although plenty will be if you run a solid date with plenty of bounces and locations and you physically escalate from the beginning and throughout. But by 2nd date 90% of girls should be down. So you should aim to close by the 2nd date. 3rd date is only really there in case of logistical problems. Sometimes she is too busy for it to happen on date 2. Do not drag is out beyond 3 dates. That's more than enough. If it takes you more than 3 then your date game is horrible and you are actually making her confused because by date 3 she wants you to take her. You will actually lose her if you don't take her. If she is going on dates with you she obviously wants you to fuck her.

3 hours ago, something_else said:

@Leo Gura I

If you are younger than like 25 and especially younger than like 22-23 and hitting on girls in the same age range, the rules of online communication change completely. For a start texting/phone numbers are not the way to go to begin with, at least here in the UK it's like 95% Snapchat and maybe some who use WhatsApp/insta. You'll probably get a few weird looks just for asking for a phone number at all and it would come across socially uncalibrated

And if you just set up a date and don't communicate with them after that it would also come across as uncalibrated. There's a really really high chance they will flake, or at least be confused when you message them out of the blue asking if you're still on for tomorrow

WhatsApp is text messaging. I don't distinguish between them.

Of course you can text a bit more than just date logistics, but keep it simple.

Of course on the day of date you must follow up and get her to verify that she is coming. They flake like crazy, so always verify.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

If it takes you more than 3 then your date game is horrible and you are actually making her confused because by date 3 she wants you to take her. You will actually lose her if you don't take her. If she is going on dates with you she obviously wants you to fuck her.

“take her” Just how are you supposed to escalate from date to sex? Why not simply ask her and let her know what your intentions are ahead of time? That way you have clear verbal consent instead of relying on ambiguous “cues” (I hate that word badly) that are very commonly misread. How do you avoid the risk of seeming weird and rapey during this process yet still get the job done? 

More importantly, how can you tell whether the girl is trustworthy or not? If she decides midway through the sex that she actually doesn’t want it, but fails to speak up for whatever reason, that constitutes rape even though you had no way of knowing.

Another thing that can happen is she might tell everyone you raped her in order to avoid the embarrassment of admitting to her one night stand decision. Which party will society believe in this situation, the sweet little lady or the fuckboy? These cases happen far more often than they should and they are legitimate threats that go unacknowledged in the pua community.

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4 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

“take her” Just how are you supposed to escalate from date to sex?

Easily. You have to end the date on your couch or her couch. Then makeout, rubbing, fingering, sex.

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Why not simply ask her and let her know what your intentions are ahead of time? That way you have clear verbal consent instead of relying on ambiguous “cues” (I hate that word badly) that are very commonly misread.

This is dumb.

You cannot tell a girl explicitly that you will have sex with her because she will feel like a slut and be forced to deny you sex.

It all has to be playful. It's a game. Nothing is going to be misread. When she is making out with you and you start rubbing her body, it will be clear that she is turned on and eager for sex.

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How do you avoid the risk of seeming weird and rapey during this process yet still get the job done? 

There is nothing weird or rapey about physical escalation and sex.

Google "kino escalation ladder" and practice it. There is a very clear and obvious set of physical escalations which lead up to sex. Nothing explicit needs to be said.

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More importantly, how can you tell whether the girl is trustworthy or not? If she decides midway through the sex that she actually doesn’t want it, but fails to speak up for whatever reason, that constitutes rape even though you had no way of knowing.

That will never happen if are dating her and escalate properly.

You will arouse her so much that she will be begging you to fuck her.

If you want to be extra clear, keep rubbing her body until she is so horny she is squirming in heat, and then make her beg for your dick inside her. She will gladly beg if she is that aroused.

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Another thing that can happen is she might tell everyone you raped her in order to avoid the embarrassment of admitting to her one night stand decision.

Dude, just stop. This is so dumb. That's not how girls work.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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@Emotionalmosquito It sounds like you have a serious fear of being caught up in sexual harassment stuff.... You hinted at it in another thread as well. The vast vast majority of women are not evil creatures who are looking for ways to catch you out with sexual harassment/assault charges at every turn, unless you actually do something to deserve them

Yea there's a risk you end up with a girl who will do something like that unwarranted, but there's also a risk you get a girl pregnant or catch an STD. Sex is inherently pretty risky in a few different ways, if you can't handle that risk then don't have sex

In practice you can tell if a girl isn't enjoying sex. It's pretty obvious even if you can't read social cues

You approach this by being a decent human being, learning to read social cues if it doesn't come naturally (instead of demonising them), and making sure as much as you can that the girls you sleep with are also decent human beings

Edited by something_else

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With that level of social cluelessness a girl will not even allow you to bring her into your house. She will blow you out within 10 minutes.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

With that level of social cluelessness a girl will not even allow you to bring her into your house. She will blow you out within 10 minutes.

Yea fair point

If I remember correctly you're quite proud of your social cluelessness as well @Emotionalmosquito :P

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12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Not having balls, not kissing her is how you ruin a date.

Of course only kiss her if you feel she is in a good mood and digs you.

If she will hold eye contact with you, that's how you know you can kiss her. If you slowly move your face closer to her and she doesn't move away or flinch, then definitely you can kiss her.

^^ This.

No need to be nervous about whether or not you should go through with the kiss. Just read that third line.

Don't wait too long to kiss. She will likely basically be expecting it for the majority of the date and if you wait until the very end (or don't do it at all) she will be like "sheesh..."

Hug her immediately as you see her and try to stay quite physical from the very first moment you're in contact.

Not that you shouldn't ever have sex on a first date with a girl, forget about it on your first date ever.

Awesome job!

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Also, if for whatever reason you go in for a kiss and she rejects it, just laugh it off, continue your conversation like nothing happened, and try again in 5 minutes.

When you go in for the kiss it should be at an emotional high point. Like she is smiling or laughing, then you stop her, look deep in her eyes, and go for the kiss.

Another great trick for flawless reading of whether she will accept the kiss is to look in her eyes, slowly take your finger and trace it down from the bottom of her ear, down her jawline, to her chin. If she lets you do that and doesn't flinch, she 100% wants to be kissed.

But this move is only necessary for newbies. As you get more advanced you shouldn't need any excuse or test at all to just kiss her. Kissing girls is so easy. All you need is like 5 minutes of comfort. Hell, not even that. You can grab girls in the club walking past you and just start making out with them. Kisses are cheap.

The most important trick is to not make a big deal out of kissing. Treat a kiss like a hand shake. It's no big deal. It's just going to happen every time half way into date 1. Make this your mindset and she will go along.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Good job and best of luck to you! No matter what happens, it's already a success for yourself because you stepped out of your comfort zone. :)

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13 hours ago, something_else said:

It sounds like you have a serious fear of being caught up in sexual harassment stuff

Big time. You can’t explain your way out of it when it happens unless you can afford good lawyers. Even then there’s no guarantee.

13 hours ago, something_else said:

Yea there's a risk you end up with a girl who will do something like that unwarranted

If there’s a way to tell which ones are most likely to I need to know. Would it be too much of a vibe kill to say something like, “If at any point you feel uncomfortable with anything, make sure you tell me.” ?

 

9 hours ago, something_else said:

If I remember correctly you're quite proud of your social cluelessness as well

Not really proud just not ashamed. Because shame is the most beta shit ever. Pride is un-resourceful too but not as bad as shame.

 

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You cannot tell a girl explicitly that you will have sex with her because she will feel like a slut and be forced to deny you sex.

It all has to be playful. It's a game. Nothing is going to be misread.

Apparently women will often pretend to be receptive to you out of fear of how you might react to rejection. I learned that in my last thread. Let’s say we’re in the initial flirting phase, the ice is being broken and the interaction is flowing nicely. I can laugh and joke around while getting positive reinforcement the whole time only to find out later they became disgusted at some point with zero indication. How am I supposed to go on dates and escalate without being debilitatingly paranoid something like this is going on? You say you like to joke with girls about how small your pp is because it signals to them that you are secure enough to make fun of yourself. When i so much as hint about anything sexual, (usually but not always because some of them are cool) playfully and light hearted as it is, things tend to go sour for me to say the least. 

I’ll take a look at that kino escalation ladder. Thanks for the tip.

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's not how girls work.

Sure hope not

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