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Javfly33

How is your behaviour in social settings ? ( "Social anxiety" question)

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When you are with a Group of people, do you regularly check your own thoughts to check if they are all right/Ok with the situation you are in, or do you let yourself lose almost completely and do not CONTROL What you are going to say?

How many times you find yourself having an idea of a thought of saying something, But Dont say It because you judge It in some way and remain silent?

Do you find yourself feeling you are not saying much  while other people seem to have no problem in speaking their mind chilled and relax with no apparent fear of "repercussion"?

 


A thought is never true

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22 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Do you find yourself feeling you are not saying much  while other people seem to have no problem in speaking their mind chilled and relax with no apparent fear of "repercussion"?

 

This is the big one for me and it's a horribly vicious cycle. You're too anxious to say things, then you become anxious about being too quiet because realise you haven't talked for 10 minutes and that it would be weird to suddenly jump in after that silence

That situation can also make you say weird things because you feel like you need to say something, so you force your way into the conversation with something kinda inauthentic or out of place

26 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

How many times you find yourself having an idea of a thought of saying something, But Dont say It because you judge It in some way and remain silent

What tends to happen is that I feel like I have more filters than someone without social anxiety, so it takes a few more seconds for me to judge a thought as being acceptable to speak or not, so even if I deem it acceptable the moment has passed

A few things that I've noticed help me 'flow' with conversation more: having an activity to do while talking, like playing pool with people or some kind of game etc. And fidgeting with something

Having an activity to do is kind of an obvious solution, it means the talking isn't the main focus. But there's another benefit that's similar to the fidgeting in that ironically these take up brainpower and focus that you would otherwise be dedicating to filtering your words

I'm not talking about nervous fidgeting, it has to be something relatively unnoticeable to others (because ofc you have social anxiety) so something like slowly running your thumb over your other fingers is a good one. Or even just slowly and intentionally fidgeting with a random object in front of you isn't seen as weird at all and has this effect of helping you speak without over-filtering

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Your mood is everything in these situations. If you're in a good mood and passionate about the conversation and interested in others' contributions, you'll automatically be deliberating less and thus more on autopilot and less in your own head. Say everything like it's worth saying and that will reflect in others and they're more likely to believe you're worth listening to.

Edited by The0Self

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I'm present and there are very few thoughts. Words just flow out of me in conversation. This is also where wit and humor is generated from. I enjoy socializing and think it's fascinating figuring out how to relate to others. 

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@kamwalker Wow how did you get there or you just have been like this always ? 


A thought is never true

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On 2021-10-17 at 8:30 PM, Javfly33 said:

When you are with a Group of people, do you regularly check your own thoughts to check if they are all right/Ok with the situation you are in, or do you let yourself lose almost completely and do not CONTROL What you are going to say?

How many times you find yourself having an idea of a thought of saying something, But Dont say It because you judge It in some way and remain silent?

Do you find yourself feeling you are not saying much  while other people seem to have no problem in speaking their mind chilled and relax with no apparent fear of "repercussion"?

 

@Javfly33 For me it depends on what sort of flow I am in and with who. Sometimes I can be really quiet but many times I talk a lot. My problem is more that I am afraid of sounding like I have anxiety. Also, the worst part for me is honestly not interacting with people.. it's passing by people and walking where a lot of people are. God I hate it so much.

I think the reason for this is that If I talk to them, I have more control over how they will percive me. I am pretty socially adept, and I am good at making people like me. If I am just passing by however, they are judging me and I can't do shit about it. I also notice that if I am in an environment where i can excell, I don't have that much anxiety at all. If I talk to spirtual people ( or about spirituality/ psychology), old people, and kids I am generally more comfortable. When they are my age and especially woman my brain basically believes I am about to die.


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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15 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

@kamwalker Wow how did you get there or you just have been like this always ? 

Nope. Was shy and afraid to speak up for most of my life. I had a fair amount of friends but I was the quiet one.  Then at 28 I started tripping and I got a job that forced me to come out of my shell. Conversation became effortless after that

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The more you release on fear and shame, and the more you embody courage and acceptance, the less filter you'll have in social situations. It's just a proces of emotional release and embodiment work. As part of my job (sales), I talk with 100+ people each day. A lot of the time it's a group setting of 2+ people and many more people listening in and sometimes partaking in the vibe. As you talk with that many people each day, of course you become more relaxed and flowing. A lot of the tension removes from the body as you start to enter into your flow state. You become more connected to your emotions, and from this relaxed space, your inspiration and spontaneity comes naturally. A mental filter is basically just obstructed energy in your body that pulls your energy up into your head into overthinking mode. The solution is getting into your body.

The longer you socialise everyday, the more relaxed you become each day, the more positive reactions you'll get from people, the more your self-image adapt, the more tension you release, the more emotions you release (fear and shame), and the more positive emotions you'll embody (acceptance) and this is a slow proces of adaptation of your subconscious mind through getting new experiences. The key is consistency and a lot of new experiences each day. You have to go out constantly to get new experiences so your subconscious adapts permanently and even then you have to keep doing it. But you'll naturally want to keep socialising as it is just a lot of fun when you aren't controlled by trauma energy.

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5 hours ago, kamwalker said:

Nope. Was shy and afraid to speak up for most of my life. I had a fair amount of friends but I was the quiet one.  Then at 28 I started tripping and I got a job that forced me to come out of my shell. Conversation became effortless after that

What job? I have also tripped sometimes, it has helped some what but generally I still am "blocked" and have social anxiety as always. Its just less intense now. 

 

12 hours ago, SamC said:

@Javfly33  If I talk to spirtual people ( or about spirituality/ psychology), old people, and kids I am generally more comfortable. When they are my age and especially woman my brain basically believes I am about to die.

I agree. 

LOL about the "I am about to die". 

3 hours ago, JonasVE12 said:

The more you release on fear and shame, and the more you embody courage and acceptance, the less filter you'll have in social situations. It's just a proces of emotional release and embodiment work. As part of my job (sales), I talk with 100+ people each day. A lot of the time it's a group setting of 2+ people and many more people listening in and sometimes partaking in the vibe. As you talk with that many people each day, of course you become more relaxed and flowing. A lot of the tension removes from the body as you start to enter into your flow state. You become more connected to your emotions, and from this relaxed space, your inspiration and spontaneity comes naturally. A mental filter is basically just obstructed energy in your body that pulls your energy up into your head into overthinking mode. The solution is getting into your body.

The longer you socialise everyday, the more relaxed you become each day, the more positive reactions you'll get from people, the more your self-image adapt, the more tension you release, the more emotions you release (fear and shame), and the more positive emotions you'll embody (acceptance) and this is a slow proces of adaptation of your subconscious mind through getting new experiences. The key is consistency and a lot of new experiences each day. You have to go out constantly to get new experiences so your subconscious adapts permanently and even then you have to keep doing it. But you'll naturally want to keep socialising as it is just a lot of fun when you aren't controlled by trauma energy.

Thanks for the advice and motivation buddy :)


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When you are with a Group of people, do you regularly check your own thoughts to check if they are all right/Ok with the situation you are in, or do you let yourself lose almost completely and do not CONTROL What you are going to say?

I don't try anything. I don't check my thoughts.

If something goes through my mind and I find it relevant, I say it

Next to some people, if I feel like talking I do and if I don't, I keep quiet

Sometimes I feel weird after speaking something but I just brush it off. If I don't then I'll feel anxious about feeling weird in an endless loop.

As an example, at work, I speak little. But I'm there to work, not to talk! My work is pretty physical and you can get by mostly based on short sentences. And most of the time it's so fking noisy it's pointless to try to have convos.

When going out and chatting with people, I ask questions and try to know them better. Maybe I'll speak for 5 minutes non-stop. But if I feel it's better to keep quiet, I keep quiet. I have a quirky sense of humor and use that to my advantage, in moderation. Reading the room is important.

Sometimes I'll go to a place and not feel quite right or vibing with people... So, then I leave. No problems. If they think I'm weird that's on them.

Quiet ≠ socially anxious

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How many times you find yourself having an idea of a thought of saying something, But Dont say It because you judge It in some way and remain silent?

Pretty rare

Quote

Do you find yourself feeling you are not saying much while other people seem to have no problem in speaking their mind chilled and relaxed with no apparent fear of "repercussion"?

Sometimes I don't say much but that's because nothing goes through my mind. I speak things mostly without fear of repercussion. Nevertheless, I am empathetic and rarely make obnoxious and idiotic comments.

That's my self-analysis for your information. I'd consider myself an introvert with little social anxiety.

Edited by Espaim

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