I'm in Hell. AMA (Ask me anything)

[Rilles]

1 minute ago, Blackhawk said:

I saw the posts, but I don't know what to answer.

Fair enough.

[Eph75]

@Blackhawk

This is life serving you a slapping to get you to straighten out your flawed sense-making, and it amping-up your suffering successively until you reach the breaking-point where you realize your flawed sense-making, reject your current dogmatic stance, and get "slapped right". Essentially developmental growth, "growing up". Not at all uncommon. Some get permanently stuck, due to stubborn resistence, others get spat out on the other side after surrendering. 

The question: What do you think is true about this statement? 

Edited October 21, 2021 by Eph75

[Blackhawk]

3 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

@Blackhawk

This is life serving you a slapping to get you to straighten out your flawed sense-making, and it amping-up your suffering successively until you reach the breaking-point where you realize your flawed sense-making, reject your current dogmatic stance, and get "slapped right". Essentially developmental growth, "growing up". Not at all uncommon. Some get permanently stuck, due to resistence, others get spat out on the other side after surrendering. 

The question: What do you think is true about this statement? 

That's a nice idea but I'm not sure it's true.

[Eph75]

Ah yes, the day you get that realization, remember this day ?? until then, contemplate what dropping the resistence would look like. 

[Proserpina]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

Unfortunately no. I feel that reality is mind-boggling, mysterious, fascinating, etc, but it doesn't alleviate my pain.

Maybe you don't need your pain to alleviate. Maybe that fascination is enough.

Its a deeper bliss that goes beyond the emotions. 

Edited October 21, 2021 by Proserpina

[Loba]

1 hour ago, Blackhawk said:

But it has got worse. It keeps getting worse all the time.

Thanks, that's kind of you You are all kind.

What steps have you taken so far so we don't offer the same advice again and again?

Yeah dude, you're cool.  Feel free to message me anytime if you're feeling down.

I've been through some pretty tough shit so I get it, hell is not easy to escape.

[snowyowl]

"The whole problem is that I don't have anyone to talk (or write) with."

Can you contemplate on this, what are the obstacles you face with talking and making friends, what actually happens when you try talking in real life? If you're about 32 now, you will have tried many times, have you noticed any patterns going on? Here's a few thoughts off the top of my head: 

You can't find any compatible people who like to talk about the same things you do?

Do you have some emotional resistance like shyness, introversion, self-doubt etc? 

Do you have some character traits which seem to put others off from maintaining a conversation with you? 

Do you have a mental illness or condition like social anxiety, depression, autism spectrum or aspergers? 

Something else? Can you describe a real example of what happens and how it feels?

Edited October 21, 2021 by snowyowl

[Proserpina]

@Blackhawk I had that realization when I was 15. I was being excluded and bullied at school.  Abused at home. Things didn't really improve after the realization, in fact they got worse (physical illness, abusive relationships, isolation) but a part of me was always in heaven after that. And the divine started channeling through me

Not trying to make the thread about me but trying to point to something.  MAYBE you don't need success,  you don't need happiness.

Edited October 21, 2021 by Proserpina

[Loba]

What is your favorite animal, I would like to draw something for you to cheer you up and it will take me a few weeks to complete.

I'm at a standstill with my other projects until I can bring the rest of my equipment over from my old home (moving), but that will be in less than 2 weeks and I have enough supplies here to start a new project but I don't have any inspiration right now and don't know what to draw.  I prefer drawing things for other people.

[Tudo]

Bro, 32 is still super young, don't worry,  you still have a lot of time to get out of hell.

[Blackhawk]

5 hours ago, Loba said:

What steps have you taken so far so we don't offer the same advice again and again?

Yeah dude, you're cool.  Feel free to message me anytime if you're feeling down.

I've been through some pretty tough shit so I get it, hell is not easy to escape.

I have tried medication, therapy, etc..

Good that you're out of it now.

4 hours ago, snowyowl said:

"The whole problem is that I don't have anyone to talk (or write) with."

Can you contemplate on this, what are the obstacles you face with talking and making friends, what actually happens when you try talking in real life? If you're about 32 now, you will have tried many times, have you noticed any patterns going on? Here's a few thoughts off the top of my head: 

You can't find any compatible people who like to talk about the same things you do?

Do you have some emotional resistance like shyness, introversion, self-doubt etc? 

Do you have some character traits which seem to put others off from maintaining a conversation with you? 

Do you have a mental illness or condition like social anxiety, depression, autism spectrum or aspergers? 

Something else? Can you describe a real example of what happens and how it feels?

I have shyness, introversion, and self-doubt. And I don't know what to say.

4 hours ago, Proserpina said:

@Blackhawk I had that realization when I was 15. I was being excluded and bullied at school.  Abused at home. Things didn't really improve after the realization, in fact they got worse (physical illness, abusive relationships, isolation) but a part of me was always in heaven after that. And the divine started channeling through me

Not trying to make the thread about me but trying to point to something.  MAYBE you don't need success,  you don't need happiness.

I see.

30 minutes ago, Loba said:

What is your favorite animal, I would like to draw something for you to cheer you up and it will take me a few weeks to complete.

I'm at a standstill with my other projects until I can bring the rest of my equipment over from my old home (moving), but that will be in less than 2 weeks and I have enough supplies here to start a new project but I don't have any inspiration right now and don't know what to draw.  I prefer drawing things for other people.

Oh  My favorite animal is cats. What is yours?

Edited October 21, 2021 by Blackhawk

[Blackhawk]

11 minutes ago, Tudo said:

Bro, 32 is still super young, don't worry,  you still have a lot of time to get out of hell.

Thanks..

[Loba]

5 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I have tried medication, therapy, etc..

Good that you're out of it now.

None of it helped?

Thanks!

5 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Oh  My favorite animal is cats. What is yours?

Mine is the wolf, with cats and bats both taking second place, I will get started on it tonight!

[Proserpina]

15 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

I see.

Okay. I gave it my best shot to try to help you lol

[Blackhawk]

15 minutes ago, Loba said:

None of it helped?

Yeah none of it helped.

5 minutes ago, Proserpina said:

Okay. I gave it my best shot to try to help you lol

Hehe, well, thanks for trying.

[Loba]

56 minutes ago, Blackhawk said:

Yeah none of it helped.

? I'm so sorry to hear that.  Meds seemed to work well for me, as well as moving out of my old place, maybe you need a new fresh start?

[Ilan]

God made a very bold move incarnating as a Blackhawk

[Blackhawk]

4 hours ago, Loba said:

? I'm so sorry to hear that.  Meds seemed to work well for me, as well as moving out of my old place, maybe you need a new fresh start?

I don't think that a new fresh start would help.

[kag101]

loneliness is hell. people who have never experienced it in high degress have no idea how much suffering it can bring.

i hope you make some good friends you can hang out with and have relaxing moments together. you seem like a nice person.

btw - do you have a cat? they can help

Edited October 22, 2021 by kag101

[snowyowl]

12 hours ago, Blackhawk said:

I have shyness, introversion, and self-doubt. And I don't know what to say.

These are all issues which can be worked on, if you seriously want to, there's a lot of resources out there. Why are you so convinced that nothing works? There's other introverted people in the forum, another thread about it at the moment. There is help, it just needs consistent effort, discipline over a long time. Don't give up on yourself so easy. 

I used to be stubborn, I had depression for over 20 years until I finally got a suitable treatment. Anxiety too, which I'm still working on although it's less severe now. 

But it's entirely up to you, lecture over and good luck 

Edited October 22, 2021 by snowyowl