Thrown out of bar for being myself, again

[something_else]

Stop thinking of this as a logical argument or debate. Your mind will generate a million excuses about how you were not in the wrong. You were interpreted by many people as being a creepy fuckhead. There's all the evidence you need

If you want the benefits of playing the social game, like sex, get over yourself and learn the social game. Stop viewing yourself as some pariah of independent thought who's above all these plebeians playing the social game

You don't need to sacrifice your authenticity if that's what you're scared of, you're learning how to express it more effectively

[OneHandClap]

2 hours ago, something_else said:

Stop thinking of this as a logical argument or debate. Your mind will generate a million excuses about how you were not in the wrong. You were interpreted by many people as being a creepy fuckhead. There's all the evidence you need

If you want the benefits of playing the social game, like sex, get over yourself and learn the social game. Stop viewing yourself as some pariah of independent thought who's above all these plebeians playing the social game

You don't need to sacrifice your authenticity if that's what you're scared of, you're learning how to express it more effectively

This, lol. Honestly, OP, talking about period blood and semen unprompted in a casual social gathering is a surefire sign that you are either socially unaware or don't understand conventional boundaries of conversation. Women (and often men) will do many things to avoid a scene and keep things kosher in public. They are used to creepy men going ballistic when they offend them. 

So, in short, try to keep the "open-minded" stuff off the table until you A. know your audience more intimately, or B. have been invited to talk about those things by the people you approached. 

[RareGodzilla]

@TK2021 just chill. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

6 hours ago, somegirl said:

You can get out of your comfort zone in some other way. There are millions of other topics. 

I’ve tried tons of other ways for several years and nothing works. Out of those millions of other topics most people are only willing or capable of talking about less than 0.001% of them if you’re lucky. Leo said if you’re good enough at game you can get away with telling a girl you just met you’re going to rape her. If that’s true it really must not be about the words. I’m not stupid enough to try something that extreme so don’t worry.

 

6 hours ago, somegirl said:

when you're a little bit closer to a girl (like in a relationship or something)

At this rate that’s about as likely as an overweight 60 year old chain smoker with a bad case of covid climbing Mt Everest 

 

6 hours ago, somegirl said:

Otherwise don't talk about sperm and other disgusting stuff that most people don't like to talk about

The way things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s made taboo to talk about mushroom spores or bees pollenating flowers because the process is too similar to something else. It’s far beyond erroneous.

 

 

Edited October 8, 2021 by Emotionalmosquito

[Average Investor]

This is just some good experience. It takes some time to learn and adjust. Just make sure that you don't overlook areas for improvement. 

[aurum]

12 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

The first one happened almost a year ago today. It was Halloween night and I was wearing a scary costume.

 

When I hear someone say fuck head I think total belligerent, boundary disrespecting, non self aware, obnoxious asshole. But if instead you mean simply lacking social skills, the term loses all meaning due to the overwhelming and rapidly increasing amount of people who fit that description. That’s a shit load of fuck heads.

So you were booted for lacking social skills? Who’s in the wrong if that’s the case? If you say it’s you, I fundamentally disagree.

Completely agree

First sentence yes. Second sentence not really.

Im describing what happened exactly as it happened. I do feel victimized but I’m not trying to paint a special picture of it.

I was being myself as much as I possibly could have been given the circumstances. Besides, how is it even possible to be anyone other than myself? I mean who else could I have been, Belle Delphine? Apparently all it takes is one person to dislike the self you present and boom, you’re gone.

 

And yet you’ve only been booted from one joint? Please teach me your Jedi mind tricks.

 

Correct. In their mind they’ve justified demonizing me so they don’t have to challenge their tiny paradigm locked  reality bubbles. At least that’s how I see it.

 

 

Why the hell would they be giving me flat out compliments if they were disgusted? Wouldn’t that just add fuel to the fire they’re trying to extinguish? “Dude, you are so weird. Get tf away from us! You do have a cute face though.”    WTF Who does that? They clearly were not drunk. It’s not hard to tell.

Imagine a world where it is forbidden to speak of the literal building blocks of all human life. That is hilariously absurd.

It isn’t just that. I open with a wide variety of topics and more often than not it fails. Do I explicitly ask her what topics are and aren’t acceptable to talk about and bend the direction of the dialogue around that or should I have telepathic abilities so I can just automatically tell? I have nothing in common with most people.

 

LOL! Maybe when we all get neuralinked that will be possible.

 

It pisses me off that I have to learn to flawlessly execute my sets at the risk of being permanently labeled creepy if even the slightest error is made. Where is the open mindedness? Where is the goodness of the human spirit in this case? Incel culture is packed with delusion no doubt but they are right on some things. Most of the guys I see with girlfriends are tall and handsome, with a few exceptions of course. Connor Murphy the six foot four male model body builder gets tons of girls effortlessly even when he acts like a total nut case. 

 

This is you, still defending your fuck headedness.

I’m not going to validate your victim narrative.

[Emotionalmosquito]

5 hours ago, something_else said:

You were interpreted by many people as being a creepy fuckhead. There's all the evidence you need

Because the court of public opinion has never been wrong in the past. 

 

5 hours ago, something_else said:

You don't need to sacrifice your authenticity if that's what you're scared of, you're learning how to express it more effectively

It most definitely appears that way. Give me an example of how I could self express authenticity in an acceptable way. I thought the essence of confidence was being free to act and  speak your mind regardless of what people think. If that’s true, isn’t it a contradiction to then say, oh well it has to be in a way the normies find appropriate?

3 hours ago, OneHandClap said:

have been invited to talk about those things by the people you approached. 

I was invited to it. I warned them I was about to go into uncharted territories before proceeding and they said it was fine and they were intrigued.

 

Let me make sure I understand the advice I’ve been given so far:

• Don’t talk about anything until you have thoroughly probed the person’s mind to understand what they find acceptable or not
• Do boring small talk at first and see if the person is willing to communicate or not
• Accurately read body language (which I now know is ineffective because people will put on very convincing acts out of fear I might get mad)
• Feel good emotions in your body before you talk to someone because they can sense your vibe and they’ll be more open to interact
• Understand all the social taboos so I’ll know to never speak of them.

In what way shape or form could it be  any amount of fun to have to restrict yourself to such a tyrannical set of CULTural standards?

[Kshantivadin]

Eavesdropping and people watching until you pop in can give off creep vibes to a bartender and to the approachees. For anybody in tune with the environment, this is really easy to see and spot.

I don't know why you're using this as a method to socialise. This shouldn't be your main means of human interaction. Commending you for doing it though, you will be getting massive social gains from it.

 

@something_else phrased it amazingly. I would ask you to try and put reactions aside for a minute and feel what they tried to communicate.

 

Edited October 8, 2021 by Kshantivadin

[OneHandClap]

21 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

Because the court of public opinion has never been wrong in the past. 

 

It most definitely appears that way. Give me an example of how I could self express authenticity in an acceptable way. I thought the essence of confidence was being free to act and  speak your mind regardless of what people think. If that’s true, isn’t it a contradiction to then say, oh well it has to be in a way the normies find appropriate?

I was invited to it. I warned them I was about to go into uncharted territories before proceeding and they said it was fine and they were intrigued.

 

Let me make sure I understand the advice I’ve been given so far:

• Don’t talk about anything until you have thoroughly probed the person’s mind to understand what they find acceptable or not
• Do boring small talk at first and see if the person is willing to communicate or not
• Accurately read body language (which I now know is ineffective because people will put on very convincing acts out of fear I might get mad)
• Feel good emotions in your body before you talk to someone because they can sense your vibe and they’ll be more open to interact
• Understand all the social taboos so I’ll know to never speak of them.

In what way shape or form could it be  any amount of fun to have to restrict yourself to such a tyrannical set of CULTural standards?

All I'm saying is that the vast majority of us males here have not been kicked out of bars, especially for being perceived as creepy. So this constant attempt to push it back and say "I'm not the problem, it's them!" doesn't hold much weight. If you want to make progress here, be open to the criticism. If not, it's just a complaint-fest with no actual goal, IMO. 

[Gregory1]

On 7.10.2021 at 9:55 PM, TK2021 said:

Learn to read vibes and concentrate on listening more. They prolly weren't liking what you were communicating at all, and just being nice to avoid a scene. Cause chances are that people who talk weird shit do dumb weird shit. Don't make autistic monologues about period blood infused with jizz, unless you are very good at reading the room. Yes, we all hate small talk....but it's supposed to be a precursor to vibe and find the real conversation that you can have between each other. In a convo, all participants have to compromise and meet in the middle to find a subject they can all relate with, not go on autistic rants about some weird shit only they care about. If the conversation stays stale and on the surface or you veer it into unrelatable weird shit, you gotta ask yourself what you did wrong. 

This is where the gold is. 

[Gregory1]

@Emotionalmosquito you're playing victim here and refusing to self reflect.

If you do that don't be upset to be thrown out of the next bar as well. 

Stop labeling other people as "closed minded" and start to see the world from their POV. Then you might finally understand why you've been (rightfully) thrown out of that bar. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

 

11 hours ago, OneHandClap said:

So this constant attempt to push it back and say "I'm not the problem, it's them!" doesn't hold much weight.

I was never given any warnings, I didn’t even do anything at all to kicked out this most recent time, they just assumed I would based on previous actions, other people do objectively worse and only get sent home for the night. I could have rapped Eminem’s Fack on the karaoke, the song that closes with, “shove a gerbil in your ass through a tube” and had everyone jamming out to it. Hypocrites much? I mean you can’t even do a handstand in a wide open area at this place for fuck sake.

5 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

Stop labeling other people as "closed minded" and start to see the world from their POV. Then you might finally understand why you've been (rightfully) thrown out of that bar. 

Let’s take it from this angle. If I’m sitting there with some bros and I invite a girl over to come chill with us and she opens by asking if we’re open enough to hear something a little wacky and we say yes, then she says something that weirds us out, What’s the kinder thing to do: A. wait for her to leave then say “wow that was one crazy chick” and move on or B. Report her to management trying to screw her over as much as possible? (Assuming the complaint would be at all effective)

It’s a typical case of the classic, “Your personality gives me the heebie jeebies therefore there is something wrong with you” 

People get so shaken up over the dumbest shit you can’t even go apologize because they’re so locked in self defense mode at the near sight of you it’s hopeless to even try.

I’m not trying to be mister perfect here, perhaps I didn’t take enough cold showers or meditate enough that day so my energy wasn’t quite right. But I know for a fact I was treated unfairly, the fact that they gave me no warnings says it all. Take this forum for example. Mods will issue you warning points for misbehavior, you get to 20 and you’re banned. That is infinitely more reasonable.

Edited October 9, 2021 by Emotionalmosquito

[EternalForest]

Let's be honest, you start talking about weird shit like that, someone is going to report you. Save that kind of stuff for close friends.

[something_else]

Dude, look at how much horseshit your mind is generating to avoid accepting the fact you might have been even slightly in the wrong

I'm almost impressed

5 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

But I know for a fact I was treated unfairly, the fact that they gave me no warnings says it all.

You were labelled as a dangerous individual purely based on your own behaviour. If these places give creepy dudes second chances girls get spiked, abused, raped and murdered. It's not about being rational and fair, these people are acting to protect others and maintain the quality vibe of their bar. You have to play by their rules

This is the last thing I'm going to say because you're mind is superglued clamshell level of closed and anything anyone says to you, you'll have a million logical reasons why they're wrong and you don't need to change your behaviour

Which means you'll continue to get the same results you've been getting. But hey, at least you destroyed some people using your cold hard facts and logic on the internet, right?

[mandyjw]

On 10/7/2021 at 3:29 PM, Emotionalmosquito said:

Part of the reason I selected this topic to present with is because I’ve been seeing people around this forum and other sources say women love it when a man is able to be bold and talk about whatever is on his mind because it means he’s confident, and it makes them feel more comfortable opening up about the weird thoughts they have. Furthermore, I figured this specific topic would show them I am capable of accepting women for everything that they are, complete with all their functions including the ones 99% of other guys find repulsive. I couldn’t have been more wrong. How is unconditional love not a turn on?

While this all sounds great, you're trying to act out unconditional love, own unconditional love and use it for your benefit, and it's unconditional. You conditioned it. See the problem? It will backfire every time. You are free to express yourself, free to push the boundaries in conversation of what people are comfortable with. When you expect a certain result and are surprised for getting kicked out of a bar that shows that you were doing it for an outcome. The unconditional love but not caring part is not genuine if it cares about the outcome. 

Does this establishment serve food? Generally when an establishment is selling food and/or drinks, they don't want people talking about disgusting subjects. If you owned a restaurant and someone started talking about their cats bowel movements loudly, for a long period of time, you'd throw them out. You might not be thinking about it from the perspective of the business owner. Forget about what the girls thought and consider how they might feel about it. 

[Thought Art]

1 hour ago, EternalForest said:

Let's be honest, you start talking about weird shit like that, someone is going to report you. Save that kind of stuff for close friends.

True, or like... stage green feminist hippies tantricas with a sense of humour

I would not want to meet you at a bar from the sounds of it and you don't seem able to be sympathetic for these peoples perspectives either so Idk

It just sounds like you chose topics inappropriate for the context. I don't really know you either, but from the sounds of it you can do a lot of work in your emotional and social intelligence.

Edited October 9, 2021 by Thought Art

[SgtPepper]

Bro, you sound kind of crazy and off the wall. Even as I guy, I would be like, wtf is this guy talking about and I may even assume you are drugs or drank too much. Most people I know would respond to your choice in conversation with distrust and hesitancy because its weird and about genitals and sex, which shows where your mind is.

You are already a stranger to these people and then instead of being harmonious to the group, you are likely interrupting a friendly conversation with some weird occult theories.

You have to build trust and even then, build up to such a weird & gross topic lol. You really need to see these responses as you being unlikable, so what you are talking about is not reeling people in as much as you think it is.

Edited October 9, 2021 by SgtPepper

[Thought Art]

8 minutes ago, SgtPepper said:

Bro, you sound kind of crazy and off the wall. Most people I know would respond to your choice in conversation with distrust and hesitancy because its weird and about genitals and sex, which shows your mind is.

You have to build trust and even then, build up to such a weird & gross topic lol. You really need to see these responses as you being unlikable, so what you are talking about is not reeling people in as much as you think it is.

Not even just sex but excrement and bodily fluids and rituals as an opener ahaha

Don't blame the people

Take responsibility and self reflect. 

Also, you say they didn't even give you a warning in some of your posts, but also you say you were warned in the past... so idk.

Also you brought up Connor Murphy

Connor uses sex appeal very skillfully actually. He talks shows off his muscles, uses good pick up principles and playing into sex appeal. Not disgusting taboo sexual fluids, shit, period juice etc...

Also yea, he got a little ungrounded recently but he is seeming to be feeling better now days. He made a mistake and will learn from it. We all do.

Clearly if you were at all doing what Connor was doing for attracting women it would work. But, you aren't really in the same ballpark by the sounds of it at the moment.

Edited October 9, 2021 by Thought Art

[SgtPepper]

@Thought Art I agree!

@Emotionalmosquito I think if you want to an impact on a group, you have to bring up a topic, the majority of the people can relate to. Like after introductions, maybe complimenting someone's style, maybe make a respectful & thoughtful observation about someone based on their appearance.

Then you could possibly bring up like a crazy/funny story about work and then have everyone share something wild that happened to them at work or in the city. That would be more appropriate and it would get people to like you because they would be able to see themselves in you.

you gotta talk about *real* shit and relatable ideas otherwise people are not going to want engage, that would be more authentic. Get to the commonality of human life in 21st century. Read the room and follow up with feelings too. Tell short stories that are interesting, but definitely do not go on a tangent. Ask questions.

I've been to gatherings where a person will talk for like 20 minutes straight about how much they like Eminem the rapper while not realizing people were slowly tuning out because he was not engaging other in the conversation, diversifying it, or asking questions. Just kept going on and on, not even allowing breaks for someone to pop in with an idea.  Didn't even get self aware and say, "Oh man, I could talk about Eminem forever, ya'll probably a little bored, hey x, what kind of music do you like?" 

Socialization is truly an art and I am not perfect at it, but if you stay conscious you'll know how to construct it like an orchestra. 

[EternalForest]

@Thought Art Wait, you wouldn't want to meet me at a bar?

I never said I was gonna report anyone.