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March

My journey

7 posts in this topic

 

Name: my journey

 

Hey fellow self actualizers and people following / actualizing their lp,

this is my journey, gonna update about 2-3 times a week, maybe might miss a few days, but basically the purpose is to get some basic emotional support. im ina situation right now where im trying to go really strict and limit my influences to only lp people and role models and top mentors and people like leo (cuz lp course, but also to an extent his ordinary videos)

im scared of being vulnerable... omg there's so much guilt even associated with this course... my mom / parents somehow make me feel...no its not their fault they're literally, like they literally cant help it... like i say i dont feel safe then they sometimes tell me or not even adventently sometimes they just... idk make me feel like putting on a shell is the way to go... i dont see any purpose trying to expend energy to just "tough it out..." and have no emotional support... i mean im a fucking human being i need emotional support... so i guess this here (sorry for this short rant btw...) is a bit of emotional support, treating this as a support group... though im still wary of not being too vulnerable cuz im so FUCKING SCARED OF GETTING HURT

anyway...

i'll have a personal development section... just some basic pd stuff... an update on health and fitness and just ideas there - some good old workout stuff haha, and ill have a generic lp sections where i share generic, just lp insights... mayyyyyyybeeee i might get vulnerable and share some personal lp stuff but rn im just scared... so ill start with the generic ones

ok, so, 1:

lp:

small is new big... man that's a cool book... that purple cow thing... with the "Bluegrass and teh Cello Player" section i really like that... it describes how an orchestra incorporates visual films with music that are of different, varying genres... like ummm classical (20th centery in that case i think), with some modern pop / rock (beatles stuff i think?) yeah, anyway thats really fucking cool 

pd:

mindfuckery.... mann.... yeah... that's definetely a thing for sure (leo's video on the topic of mindfuckery)... man... im not getting techical here (guess this is just some good old entertainment / expressing my highs haha, i guess reading me's a bit better than cat videos on youtube??? ahhh im getting cocky arent i... maybe maybe this quality here might actually get to some world class level shit idk my god?)

yeah so mindfuckery... yeah... really man... whats that quote leo put in the start... truth must be much stranger than fiction, for fiction is created by the mind...? yeah some shit like that oh mannn oh mannn when you fucking realize that? yeah its a beautiful and mindFUCKING journey myfriend haha?

workout:

alright, workout... my goal, just gotta remember is 85kg front squat. im on a current speed push... why not enjoy this bro... jsut enjoy this... add in some good old culture motivation... the ones that are just "cool" like rocky u know good old conscious indulgence... that's really some pretty cool stuff... like just hanging out and having fun and chillin with friends kinda vibe... and then.. if i feel like it.. add in some of that "noble" vision haha... thats like adding in the volume... just like this whole journal is in a strange loopy kind of way... oh fuck i just let myself get kinda vulnerable... idk... ill let that stay...

anyway... i guess i can count piano as workout too, cuz its quite physical in a way... eating and sleeping too... so

we eating... alright.. let's eat a bit more aight...

then sleep... lets maintian that 8 hours from 930 to 530 thatll work

and training... lets keep doing this babyyy

some kinda ok healthy movies for workout: rocky... i guess... tho be kinda careful... ummm... watching just some good ol highlights from nba players... like that... and idk... lets add some more next time.. healthy enjoyable living...

❤️

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alright, update 2:

lp:

man, some really cool insights from leo's lp course, oh yeah can't mention them here, but ummm... let's just say this: having an inspiring person to ground yourself in that you listen to a lot of the time, and really prefereably more than 1 person, like i have seth godin in my head to, that can really help to inspire you

ummm...

what else? oh yeah... resistance that's a big one... resistance is so goddamn tricky man, (perhaps) this could be complete nonsense, but (perhaps) the hell i felt i went through by getting sucked into other shit, that was me really resisting my work, my lp...??? like making other shit that i don't really care about my "doneness" or my "that's my thing for the day" thing for the day... and then you get into hell...? man... yeah... the work is hard, but look at all the heroes around you... look at Goethe, look at emerson, man so many heroes man... pretty beautiful

pd:

umm... i just wanna say compassion. compassion for so many people all the people so much suffering ??it'll be ok... who really "deserves" this content? like magic...? idk. my heart goes out. and by the way im talking about personal development here... (yeah im being kinda vague and mysterious)

training:

ok, man motivation is huge. motivation for every movement. let's get shallow or surface here. some role models i like, ground myself into to integrate into daily life:
Strength Side

Rowan Row

Technical parts of Elliott Hulse

@rangeofstrength fitness guy

@theflexibull fitness guy

parts of just ordinary workers like Goggins - yeh i call him ordinary haha

and oh yes...

high visions like training the body for all of life, like training explosiveness for reactive situations, and really getting deeply integrated into personal devleopment.

like ken wilber

wim hof

man... let's continue

right now.. just gotta keep integrating my physical training. doing speed training. gonna do speed session circular speed today let's focus on this step first.

love <3

 

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update 3:

ok, keep going...

let's start with lp:

umm.. man... just in general... lp is about doing that unique thing you were born to do... your job is to faciliate that...

pd:

deliberate practice... mind always gonna. try to avoid it. keep going... remember how much devilry... and pain... happens when you don't align yourself

and finally... training:

alright.,.. remember. ken wilber. and parts of goggins. and strength people. all of the body... its personal development... imagine how much more powerful you could be by setting a goal like strength and speed like a cornerstone and achieving it

really getting the body really doing this controlled chaos... how beautiful of a human body could you develop... to use to help other people... man.. the current program is a speed strength program focus on that goal envision 85kg front squat... work on it... progressive overload... not for anyone else... remember the vision. no doubt. set clear boundaries about what kinda people to let in your life. envision all these people... and let go of the rest. your boundaries are your boundaries. you alone decide if today was a good day... let's get a good fucking session!

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4

Life Purpose

some cool insights, umm man, i think maybe one of the most important aspects is like purple cow... man everyone has like unique special abilities that'd be world class helpful to everyone if they developed em...

some people that were interesting?? umm... here's a new one... Hayao Miyazaki... man, love his anime, his art... there's so much mastery and just art in there -> looking at his work purely from the life purpose standpoint... just amazing... like there's beauty in almost every shot. Btw... credits here to a fellow forum member who posted some youtube video analyzing hayao miyazaki, that's how i got this...

Personal Development

Well, still gotta keep talking about mindfuckery... just seems like reality is literally mindfuckery after mindfuckery... like daily mindfuckery... (yeah... this is me venting a bit... coming a bit from anger...) but mindfuckery just like im alone, doing my shit... get completely MENTALLY RAPED by society and feel like im filled with literal shit... then i realize it was all a dream and the shit wasn't even shit... it wasn't even real... yet it was so reall..... like man... this is actually some kinda crazy shit...

And training

man... speed and strength. that's my goal. who do i love again / ground myself in again? ken wilber, ....

edit.... sorry im really in a horrible modd today... gonna finish this later

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5

Life Purpose

Some cool insights this week, more ideas on Seth Godin' Small is the New Big. There's a cool idea about christmas card spams. How meaningless christmas cards have become, so much they have become a "scam"

Imagine the quality of your work if every single part was hand made, mastery quality craft

Personal Development

Just gonna recommend an interesting video: (credits to another forum member... forgot who it was again... but it was in the mastery thread)

Physical Training

We're working hard towards speed and strength as a cornerstone. We're setting up and working hard to get our nutrition and sleep right... a lot of homeostasis from the environment we gotta work past... that's a problem... gotta try minimize those, build momentum so we become such a fast moving train we can just shoot straight past all those distractions and really, parts of myself holding me back.

Remember the why... we want to really master our body so that we can become such a developed person that we can love from our fullest. Our life purpose ultimately. Now, we're doing our speed and strength program... contextualize everything through this.

Some cool YouTUbers / models:

Omarlsuf strength videos

Bommarito Performance Program

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Update Six

Oh, life purpose. Something that really could ground you, ground you if you're not enlightened... for 'ordinary' people / human beings, at the stage that society is at right now, life purpose really could just help a self keep their head above water/

What's so beautiful is that niche, the idea of a niche, actaully getting tiny tastes of a niche you could fall into potentially, man, such a beautiful thing. Tim Burton, Sushi Saiko - the sushi master (man, i notice his like personality fits quite well with the job, creates such a unique blend of both traditional - that clear grounding in mastery and tradition and quality - infused with an ability to run in society, and just like work with people in general, like such a beautiful example of some territory that Sushi Saiko - the sushi master (man, i'm sorry for forgetting his like complete name :ph34r: faawkkk...uhhh)

has settled into

some more - this 'children' entertainer / youtuber - stampy - minecraft player - man, i used to watch him a lot in my youth, got me through a lot of shit... entertainers do truly provide value to society... makes this insanity bearable... though... of course... in a spiritual level with some.... stucknesses issues... still the core of it, the life purpose part, truly love it, appreciate it, just, love and thanks and appreciate you brother.

to give all your heart - after finding your niche (which in a way could be the "face"? or not? but it's definitely a pretty big cornerstone of life purpose) 

*buddha quote inserted <--

to align all my heart, all my external situations, no not situations, not really circumstances either, external world, yes, meaning my housing, my... (what leo calls infrastrucuture, essentially), to my purpose, so as to let go of unnessasary friction, and to align myself so as to make the biggest possible impact in my niche.

more masters of their craft to come, more ideas and insights to come...

*/*()&^%$

Personal development, development an "i", what an endeavor! well, always, pain is what drives us to consciousness. everytime you..... always, the mind will model reality, always it will be dropped back, onto the waterfalls of its own strange loop that it has and alwyas "has" been. what an endeavor...

deliberate practice... go meta on oneself, the work is deliberate practice. to surrender to yourself to it day and day again. and of course "surrender" itself, is also little thing that the mind will do, creating "solidity", at least a sense, then watching it collapse, what is surrender? surrender spins on its head 180, what you thought was tension becomes relaxation, what was thought to be relaxation tension. never will "you" truly come to terms will you? or maybe you will... maybe you will. or not. what an endeavor.

more meditation!

more sleeping on time

more visualizing "deeply" and "authentically"

more eating quick and cooking "consciously or 'well'"

more grounding and recentering

more "surrendering the ego"

more penetrating past fears and limitations

more learning. "learning"

more working out, more muscle building, more recovery, more grinding on speed and strength gains

more integrating hardcore discipline

more research...

.......

what an endeavor!

*(*!@#$^%

so, we seek to build strength. and speed. haha. more endeavors! :)

goddddd

so to keep this going, a little at a time, oh (those were some word of Leo wasn't it...)

well, you seek to grow yourself really, grow "yourself". personal development. yes. no. yes. and. no. such a paradox, just like music, just like bittersweet music or art of some tragic film of a master. makes you a "better" human, so much more, like to a crazy extent... in a way almost like music... like entertainment. yes. like entertainment. like that 'stampy' guy you watched when you were young, that minecraft gamer / youtuber stampy. yes. that guy. giving love and passion.

yeah, you know what? sometimes, your 'little bit everyday' will be tainted by society's nonsenses-sucking-you-in quick ramps. that's ok. surrender, realize you are nothing more than a student. still. you may have grown. but always, there is further to go. that's EXCITING. that's supposed to be exciting? what's going on man...? "you" can still be excited!>!>!>!>!>! 

!

yes, you!

"you"!

can still be excited!

!

that there may be more to see to learn, though "You" may not be excited... just watch this flower without ANY engagement in it whatsoever, observe and let it just be.

look at shawshank redemption! sure, you might get thrown in a cage, but if now is the time to build a library, then now is the time, so be it. have no yielding of your boundaries, but appreciate, be joyful, let joy be. permeate. and workout.

i know what it is i ought to do:

keep working on my ankle. (i got an injury / alternatively / consequently / on the other hand / however also an insight to fix this long-had problem i had), let's work on that. work on the ankle. work on the range of motion. then keep thinking and journaling along as you go, what workouts you need to do. i say a lower body one today. it wouldn't harm... plan as we go along... yeah... no need to overplan... but no need to denial planning either...

goal is 85kg front squat. we can. we can. we really can. let's build up some of that stability and get into the flow of achieving this goal. if we needa work / rework the speed programs so be it, that's a decision we can make later...

<- rant a bit about real specific technicals with training

cmon! what an endeavor! but so be it. what an endeavor! (**plunges headforth)

 

finishin up with a childhood memory in a different light:

<- insert youtube children entertainer -/(stampy) youtube minecraft video

 

❤️

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7

felt pretty bad today:

more grounding from life purpose - realizing that resistance is such a big thing, always more resistance ahead, always more resistance to face. that is the dragon you fight - relative of course. but that is realizing that all of this, all of these things you "do". Pursuit. Life Purpose. All of that is a game. That gives you detachment. Never forget that.

Never forget your death. Live every moment as if it were your last.

Here's some examples of hero's journeys and life purposes:

life purpose. george lucas' journey - *book: George Lucas - a Life. luke skywalker's journey. joseph campbell: hero with a thousand faces. elliott hulse's journey. stephen curry's journey. eragon: book. santiago. the alchemist. jesus? the buddha? shinzen young?

realize that there IS a lot more learn, a long way to go. even if you're awakened or enlightened. always there is further to go. 

 

Personal development

what is there to say

strange loops. i'm interested in that. for sure im interested in that. gotta read that.

so much to do. personal development. conscious folly. conscious controlled folly. that's a big one. what else is there. surrounding yourself with the right people. actualized.org. all your groundings increased. 

 

Physical Training

Remember your groundings. Work on building that speed and that strength. That is so important. An 85kg front squat. Speed. Just gradual work, and work, and work. Yeahh, that's it. 

 

Gonna add a "purging" section for this one, I'm sorry, being in a deeply unconscious environment really fucks with ya. 

(“When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.” - that's a quote straight from the Alchemist (the Alchemist - in the book)

Man, literally the more conscious you are, the less you cause a disturbance around you - literally you see everything for what it is (like I know i'm not at the highest levels of consciousness yet, but damn, I literally sense the desperateness and twistedness and insecurity and insanity and sheer DENIAL all around me) - yeah I'm creating a higher duality between "conscious" and "unconscious", but DAMN. Whenever I lose just a little bit of consciousness I actually realize I feel more pleasure - pleasure from "being conscious" or "being able to get girls cuz I'm conscious". really gotta isolate survival from truth. better to consciously basically scream with every word or action: I am surviving this environment here and erecting strong boundaries and getting outta here as soon as i can (cuz i'm in high school at the moment) then to even bring "truth" or "consciousness" into the equation.

also, realize that other people, guys or girls, will try to suck you in. set firm boundaries. derive NO pleasure at all from school. all the pleasure you derive is grounded in your life purpose. make your final cut and really just ground yourself totally in the things you consciously choose to ground yourself in.

screw the social hierarchies in school - i operate within the social hierarchy of society at large: what value do i provide to society. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut. cut.)

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