Gregory1

First time Psychedelics: Incredible beauty and perfection

17 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

Hey guys,

yesterday I had the first psychedelic experience in my life. I took 100ug of LSD.

I would consider this experience the most radical and beautiful experience I've ever had in my life. I am 22 years old.

In the following I will try to describe my experience although no words can do it justice. You have to experience it yourself. The experience was so radical that I can't even remember it because my everyday state of conciousness cannot imagine such beauty and perfection. I would love to hear your thoughts on my trip report. Where should I go from here? How should I go about answering the questions that I now have? How can I integrate such deep and radical experiences into my everyday existence? Thanks so much for reading and I would really appreciate your responses if you think you could help me. Thanks and enjoy...

 

Brainstorming
    - During the trip: no more imagination of my "normal life." After the trip: No imagination/conceptualization/memory of the trip possible because it is such a radically different state of consciousness in comparison to my everyday consciousness.
    - Logic, conceptualization no longer make sense/are no longer accessible. Everything is of meaning, beauty and perfection and there are no goals. Time no longer exists/makes no sense
    - Simple logic can still be used but is no longer a "reality in itself" but only a superficial structure without real meaning. Logic can be used in a limited way, but without "understanding" it in the everyday sense.
    - Everything vibrates, is alive, wonderful, perfect, has its meaning. Every perception, every feeling is recognized and completely accepted as it is. There is no more judgment, everything is equally beautiful, equally wonderful, of equal importance, important and everything is "together", in each other, part, a whole, holism.
    - It is very clear in the trip what I "know" and what I "don't know". I recognize that any statement can only take place in the here and now and is only a relative statement. Relativity makes every statement meaningless, because a statement can only "point" to reality, but is not reality itself.
    - In the trip I realize that I do not know what is good or bad. That I do not know what "death" is or what "I am".
    - In the Trip I ask myself how I deserve so much beauty and perfection. Everything is so wonderful that I can only cry with beauty and perfection, it feels in the moment as if the now is so great, so beautiful that it could never be put into words and it is a much more beautiful and intense experience than I could have imagined.
    - Identity no longer makes sense because there are no more concepts. There exists only the here and now, there are no problems in the here and now, problems are concepts, problems exist only when thinking of past and future (which are concepts), not in the Now . A problem is always a "what if..."
    - Within the trip I am in a certain state of consciousness. In my everyday consciousness I am also in a certain state of consciousness. Both states of consciousness seem equally real. In this sense, my "everyday consciousness" is also a trip. In both states of consciousness everything somehow makes sense and seems to be clearly recognizable. In both states I have the feeling to perceive objectively. However, both states are radically different from eachother although I see and hear the same things as usual. What does this say about "reality"? What is "real"? What is "reality"? 
    - I did not derive any absolute knowledge from the trip
    - During the trip I asked the question of who I am and could clearly see that I can't really tell. The toilet paper seemed to me to be just as much a part of everything as my body. The only thing I could say for sure is that I have different feelings in my hands than when I look at the toilet paper

Things that seemed meaningful to me within the trip that I wanted to tell my "normal/everyday self":
    - Everything is wonderful, perfect, beautiful, part of the whole, complete
    - Nothing is forbidden, everything is okay, in order, there are no rules, I can be me and should only do what feels good to me and does me good and brings me joy. I do not have to do anything
    - It is not helpful to judge myself for anything I am/feel/perceive. Judgments are contrary to the beauty and perfection that is in everything
    - It is good to take care of myself and love myself. This means putting on warm clothes, washing my face, buying good food, being myself without judging myself, cleaning my room, having a soft blanket, brushing my teeth, doing things that are good for me.
    - Every problem I have in my "normal life" is solvable. But even without changing / solving anything everything is good and perfect the way it is. I don't have to change anything to be perfect, I am already perfect the way I am.

Questions arising from my trip/unanswered questions:
    - Is it possible to reach states of consciousness that give you unquestionable/absolute insights?
    - Who am I?
    - Does my life have a meaning? Which one?
    - Why am I here?
    - What is death?
    - How can I take advantage in my everyday consciousness of such unimaginably beautiful but on the other hand so strangely "different" (in comparison to everyday conciousness) experiences?
    - What is reality? What is illusion?

Interpretation of the Trip/Conclusion
    - The trip made it very clear to me how little I know. Before the trip I had the idea to know the "objective" world. Now I know that the "objective" world can change unimaginably radically with the snap of a finger

- I realize now that my everyday consciousness and "logic/mind/interpretation" are merely a state of consciousness. Logic is nothing absolute, it can cease to exist by taking a psychedelic/changing my state of conciousness
    - In everyday life we use logic and almost worship it because it is so practical for survival. Seeing as much beauty as I do on LSD in everyday life would not be pragmatic and would result in my life being very short. I wouldn't care about surviving because everything is perfection and I don't know what happens "after" death, especially since "after" and "before" are just concepts that don't exist on LSD
    - What I see in everyday life as beautiful/not beautiful, good/bad, wrong/correct are relative concepts. What I see as wrong now can be seen as right in the next moment. What I perceive as ugly now can be beautiful in the next moment.
    - Life and the world is much bigger and more complex than I would have thought. It will be an exciting and very fun journey to explore this world further. Let's see if I can find some answers.

 

Edited by Gregory1

If you love music, check out my singing!:)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHVr8C4eH7d73qNOsbDa1A/videos

I'd be very happy about your feedback!

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Congratulations and welcome to the fun part of reality. ;)

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Great. A nice intro trip.

The best is yet ahead.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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great report, I had a good time reading it. the brilliant perfection of the present moment is perfect, right?

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Posted (edited)

32 minutes ago, Breakingthewall said:

great report, I had a good time reading it. the brilliant perfection of the present moment is perfect, right?

 Happy to hear that:)

Yes, the present moment felt utterly perfect, beautiful and complete 

Edited by Gregory1

If you love music, check out my singing!:)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHVr8C4eH7d73qNOsbDa1A/videos

I'd be very happy about your feedback!

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14 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

Everything is of meaning

Meaning is inherent in reality or do you rather project meaning on the canvas of reality?


"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

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Nice. Now you know what you put your feet into ! The best is still ahead indeed. Gradually increase doses while working on how deep you can surrender to your conceptual self being gone, and you won't believe in a million year what you will find.

 

About your questions on how you might want to go from there: it seems from your report that you have realized that everything is consciousness, at a primary level, before you conceptually add atoms, molecules and other ideas on it. This is extremely important, now you should be aware that your mind is constructing fantasy over fantasy to rationnalize / explain what is before your eyes. Didn't fully got it ? Maybe contemplate this more in another trip. That is crucial.

 

Next step will be even more radical than that, and you might need to up the dose a bit. It would be to a realization that actually, the substance everything you experience is nothing, which is the substance of God's imagination. It will come with a first recognition that God indeed exists, and that is already quite shocking in itself, because there might be a duality between you and God, and you might not know how to relate with it. That phase will take a bunch of deep experience, of course don't rush it. You don't want your ego to draw the wrong conclusions. The "God exists" realization will take surrender. 

 

Next step is by far the most beautiful and epic. It will not only take surrender, but skills you will want to develop outside your trips, such as a faculties to deeply concentrate, to still the mind, and frankly courage. This is the awakening to your true nature as God / Infinity. What Leo reffers to as levels of wakefulness that your own mind can't even fathom, that will even scare your own self, this is it. If you're using LSD, you will be so awake, your visual field won't even be distorded by the chemical. This is awakening to life, literally conquering the illusion of death. This is the realization that you were in a dream all along, as God, on purpose. If you're awake enough, you will even assist in real time to how you are creating your own body, the room around you. This phase is quite difficult for a lot of people, because you will instantly realize the Oneness of consciousness (you), which means that all people you though as others will be revealed as your own imagination. It is not a big deal on the moment, because as God you are so complete, no illusions are needed. But beware when you come back, existential crisis is awaiting. But you will get past it, and then, lucid dreaming begins.

 

Congrats for your trip, and you seem willing to use the compound responsibly with a thirst for Thruth. I can only encourage you. Good luck !


Check out my project's new music video about climate change issues: Day Of Change - Earth Failure (Official music video)

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10 hours ago, Loving Radiance said:

Meaning is inherent in reality or do you rather project meaning on the canvas of reality?

@Loving Radiance it felt as though meaning is inherent in reality. Reality was not just the "outside" world to speak from my everyday state of consciousness. Reality included my body and my thoughts. 


If you love music, check out my singing!:)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHVr8C4eH7d73qNOsbDa1A/videos

I'd be very happy about your feedback!

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, flyingwhalee said:

Nice. Now you know what you put your feet into ! The best is still ahead indeed. Gradually increase doses while working on how deep you can surrender to your conceptual self being gone, and you won't believe in a million year what you will find.

 

About your questions on how you might want to go from there: it seems from your report that you have realized that everything is consciousness, at a primary level, before you conceptually add atoms, molecules and other ideas on it. This is extremely important, now you should be aware that your mind is constructing fantasy over fantasy to rationnalize / explain what is before your eyes. Didn't fully got it ? Maybe contemplate this more in another trip. That is crucial.

 

Next step will be even more radical than that, and you might need to up the dose a bit. It would be to a realization that actually, the substance everything you experience is nothing, which is the substance of God's imagination. It will come with a first recognition that God indeed exists, and that is already quite shocking in itself, because there might be a duality between you and God, and you might not know how to relate with it. That phase will take a bunch of deep experience, of course don't rush it. You don't want your ego to draw the wrong conclusions. The "God exists" realization will take surrender. 

 

Next step is by far the most beautiful and epic. It will not only take surrender, but skills you will want to develop outside your trips, such as a faculties to deeply concentrate, to still the mind, and frankly courage. This is the awakening to your true nature as God / Infinity. What Leo reffers to as levels of wakefulness that your own mind can't even fathom, that will even scare your own self, this is it. If you're using LSD, you will be so awake, your visual field won't even be distorded by the chemical. This is awakening to life, literally conquering the illusion of death. This is the realization that you were in a dream all along, as God, on purpose. If you're awake enough, you will even assist in real time to how you are creating your own body, the room around you. This phase is quite difficult for a lot of people, because you will instantly realize the Oneness of consciousness (you), which means that all people you though as others will be revealed as your own imagination. It is not a big deal on the moment, because as God you are so complete, no illusions are needed. But beware when you come back, existential crisis is awaiting. But you will get past it, and then, lucid dreaming begins.

 

Congrats for your trip, and you seem willing to use the compound responsibly with a thirst for Thruth. I can only encourage you. Good luck !

@flyingwhalee thank you sooo much for your really helpful comments and instructions. For my first trip I used your comment on my other post as guidence and I think it really helped my trip to become a good one. Especially the "loving intent" helped me to just open up and let myself fall into the experience.

The steps you layed out here to continue my journey look like very good advice to me. 

For my next trip I will definitely take these as guidence. 

I will contemplate in my next trip what reality is made of (consciousness?) as you said. I think that there might still have been subtle concepts and rationalizations that I added on top of my direct experience in the first trip. 

One deep problem that I have with the trip is that I can literally NOT REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE. Is this normal? It is due to the fact that the state of consciousness that I'm in right now is not capable of imagining the radically different state of consciousness I was in on LSD. Don't know how to explain it differently. Am I making sense? Is it normal to not be able to remember the experience? Isn't this a problem? I am even doubting weather or not I even HAD the experience simply because I can't remember it (although I obviously had it).

It would be awesome if somebody could help me with this. 

Edited by Gregory1

If you love music, check out my singing!:)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHVr8C4eH7d73qNOsbDa1A/videos

I'd be very happy about your feedback!

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1 minute ago, Gregory1 said:

Is it normal to not be able to remember the experience?

Yes.

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11 minutes ago, Gregory1 said:

it felt as though meaning is inherent in reality. Reality was not just the "outside" world to speak from my everyday state of consciousness. Reality included my body and my thoughts.

So just reality existing already has meaning? Because it exists?


"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

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@Gregory1 Yes, very good. ?

Such a beautiful trip report. Thanks for the share :x


"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, flyingwhalee said:

If you're using LSD, you will be so awake, your visual field won't even be distorded by the chemical.

LSD didn't distort any of my sensual perseptions. Vision was as it always looks like, sound sounded like it always sounds like, smell / taste was as usual, there where no hallucinations. 

But still, everything was so different.. Just the same stuff seen from another perspective.

Edited by Gregory1

If you love music, check out my singing!:)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHVr8C4eH7d73qNOsbDa1A/videos

I'd be very happy about your feedback!

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@Gregory1 My pleasure.

5 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

Especially the "loving intent" helped me to just open up and let myself fall into the experience.

Excellent. You get it !

 

5 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

I will contemplate in my next trip what reality is made of (consciousness?) as you said. I think that there might still have been subtle concepts and rationalizations that I added on top of my direct experience in the first trip.

Definitely do that. Super important. That alone is quite the discovery. When you'll get it, it will feel so obvious you will laugh. 

 

5 hours ago, Gregory1 said:

One deep problem that I have with the trip is that I can literally NOT REMEMBER THE EXPERIENCE. Is this normal? It is due to the fact that the state of consciousness that I'm in right now is not capable of imagining the radically different state of consciousness I was in on LSD. Don't know how to explain it differently. Am I making sense? Is it normal to not be able to remember the experience? Isn't this a problem? I am even doubting weather or not I even HAD the experience simply because I can't remember it (although I obviously had it).

It would be awesome if somebody could help me with this. 

Let's see if I can help on that. I think I get what you mean. You might even feel a hint of self-denial when you recall the few flashes of memory you hold, like "Was it THAT good / beautiful, or is my mind just making it up / embellishing the memory ?". Or maybe it's even more pronounced, like you literally can't recall anything because of the switch in perspective. In any case, 2 things:

1) The obvious: you need more experience with psychedelics. And don't believe some who say it's impossible to bring back anything from those states, that is bs. Just build more familiarity with altered states of consciousness.

2) Second was a game changer for me: Martin Ball said in an interview that one of the ways one can work / make progress with psychedelics for a non-dual purpose was to especially pay attention to the phase when the sens of self / patterns of the ego comes back, how it does that so you can learn to deconstruct it later. You don't need to go that far in your case, but simply pay attention during the phase when you come back to baseline state, like you would build a mental bridge over time. It's more challenging with compounds such as LSD, because a trip can last up to 12-13h. I personally do the trip strong determination sitting-style all along. It's challenging at first, but the fact you don't distract yourself at any point really pays off. It's a matter of getting your state of consciousness as high as possible, and grounding yourself in it as much as you can.

Over time, I bet you will go from not remembering a thing to seeing infinite beauty wherever you look. 


Check out my project's new music video about climate change issues: Day Of Change - Earth Failure (Official music video)

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On 5.10.2021 at 7:49 AM, flyingwhalee said:

Let's see if I can help on that. I think I get what you mean. You might even feel a hint of self-denial when you recall the few flashes of memory you hold, like "Was it THAT good / beautiful, or is my mind just making it up / embellishing the memory ?". Or maybe it's even more pronounced, like you literally can't recall anything because of the switch in perspective

@flyingwhalee

It's a mixed bag of both the things you described. But yeah, your description hits the core of it.

On 5.10.2021 at 7:49 AM, flyingwhalee said:

1) The obvious: you need more experience with psychedelics. And don't believe some who say it's impossible to bring back anything from those states, that is bs. Just build more familiarity with altered states of consciousness.

Yeah, that makes sense.

 

On 5.10.2021 at 7:49 AM, flyingwhalee said:

2) Second was a game changer for me: Martin Ball said in an interview that one of the ways one can work / make progress with psychedelics for a non-dual purpose was to especially pay attention to the phase when the sens of self / patterns of the ego comes back, how it does that so you can learn to deconstruct it later. You don't need to go that far in your case, but simply pay attention during the phase when you come back to baseline state, like you would build a mental bridge over time. It's more challenging with compounds such as LSD, because a trip can last up to 12-13h. I personally do the trip strong determination sitting-style all along. It's challenging at first, but the fact you don't distract yourself at any point really pays off. It's a matter of getting your state of consciousness as high as possible, and grounding yourself in it as much as you can.

Thanks for that tip, I'll try to pay attention to the "coming-back phase" more in my next trip. Honestly it felt kind of sudden in my first trip. Like suddenly the realization hit my that "I am back" so to speak. Time made sense again, I could think logically again, less beauty around me. Trip lastet a bit less than 6 hours for me.


If you love music, check out my singing!:)

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrHVr8C4eH7d73qNOsbDa1A/videos

I'd be very happy about your feedback!

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Nice!! Congratulations! I took 210 micro LSD first time and it was too overwhelming, went in the wrong way and I just wanted to stop tripping. You had a good starter dose for sure

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